Went to Denmark st. To buy a guitar lead

[Dingus]

[quote name='cheddatom' timestamp='1395313658' post='2400938']
I am basically married. My girlfriend (8 years) makes me a sandwich for work most days, and she is an excellent sandwich maker



You are so wrong. My local butchers do chilli and leek sausages. If you don't like them you probably need a taste bud transplant.
[/quote]


Oh, how much you have to learn about women, my friend!

That is how they ensnare you, with tasty sandwiches to take to work and the promise that if you make their dream come true by putting that ring from the Argos catalogue on her finger and make an honest woman of her then life will always be like this. It won't, and before you know it you will be getting up early so you can scrape some vegan paste onto a couple of slices of stale bread before heading out for a hard day of toil, whlist in the meantime she stays in bed until mid- morning and then spends the rest of the day buying shoes off the internet with your money and talking to her friends on the phone about how she could do better than you . The eight year tasty sandwich stage in your relationship can very easily turn into the twelve year " f*** off and get your own lunch" stage. That is why you need to lay off the sausages, keep yourself lean and trim , and make sure she knows that if she doesn't keep on her toes that you will be snapped up by some brazen hussy who will be happy to cater to your most intimate needs in the sandwich department.


Chilli and leek sausages? That sounds like an unholy union of South America and Wales in a tube of encased meat. I will not be tempted by that , or any other sausage for that matter . They are revolting , made up as they usually are of the bits of left over animal that they can't do anything else with. All you sausage munchers need to think less about how good they taste and more about what is in them.

Edited March 20, 2014 by Dingus

[UglyDog]

[quote name='Dingus' timestamp='1395323090' post='2401093']
That is how they ensnare you, with tasty sandwiches to take to work and the promise that if you make their dream come true by putting that ring from the Argos catalogue on her finger and make an honest woman of her then life will always be like this. It won't, and before you know it you will be getting up early so you can scrape some vegan paste onto a couple of slices of stale bread before heading out for a hard day of toil, whist in the meantime she stays in bed until mid- morning and then spends the rest of the day buying shoes off the internet with your money and talking to her friends on the phone about how she could do better than you . The eight year tasty sandwich stage in your relationship can very easily turn into the twelve year " f*** off and get your own lunch" stage. That is why you need to lay off the sausages, keep yourself lean and trim , and make sure she knows that if she doesn't keep on her toes that you will be snapped up by some brazen hussy who will be happy to cater to your most intimate needs in the sandwich department.
[/quote]Oh, how right you are.
Think of it as a Bass Player subscription, with your 8-year packed lunch nirvana as the Introductory Offer. Once you subscribe, it's gone forever and all that's left are the frequent demands for cash with ever diminishing returns.
[size=2]The pages and pages of adverts are probably representative of something too, but I haven't worked out what just yet. Leave it with me.[/size]

[quote]Chilli and leek sausages? That sounds like an unholy union of South America and Wales in a tube of encased meat. I will not be tempted by that , or any other sausage for that matter . They are revolting , made up as they usually are of the bits of left over animal that they can't do anything else with. All you sausage munchers need to think less about how good they taste and more about what is in them.
[/quote]Oh, how wrong you are. A good sausage is a thing of beauty.

Edited March 20, 2014 by UglyDog

[cheddatom]

If you get a good sausage, you'll notice they're made from prime meat. Many scare stories about the contents of sausages put me off my favorite food for years. I actually looked in to it and spoke to a couple of butchers. I'm pretty confident I'm not just eating the tripe and sawdust off the abatoir floor

Anyway, thanks for the advice, I'll make sure to never get married!

It reminds me of another related event. I once opened my sandwich bag at work only to find an extra foil packet. Inside was cake! I got the cake for nothing, no extra compliments or shoe funds required.

[Dingus]

[quote name='Zenitram' timestamp='1395314836' post='2400953']
Sounds like she fancies you.
[/quote]

Sounds to me like she is [i]obsessed [/i]with him.

I am a bit worried where all this will end , to be honest with you . If WoT acknowledges her two teabag attention-grabbing stunt then that will encourage her fantasies, and if he ignores her attempts to make contact then she may well go even further in a desperate attempt to establish a relationship. As an extremely attractive man myself, I have encountered this kind if situation before, and quite often the only satisfactory resolution can involve some powdered rhino horn and a daytime trip to a budget hotel .

[UglyDog]

[quote name='cheddatom' timestamp='1395323671' post='2401109']
It reminds me of another related event. I once opened my sandwich bag at work only to find an extra foil packet. Inside was cake! [b]I got the cake for nothing[/b], no extra compliments or shoe funds required.
[/quote]
No.
No no no no no no NO.
THAT is what she WANTED you to think. You will have paid for it in other ways, in fact the likelihood is that you probably still are, and without realising.

[Dingus]

[quote name='cheddatom' timestamp='1395323671' post='2401109']
If you get a good sausage, you'll notice they're made from prime meat. Many scare stories about the contents of sausages put me off my favorite food for years. I actually looked in to it and spoke to a couple of butchers. I'm pretty confident I'm not just eating the tripe and sawdust off the abatoir floor

Anyway, thanks for the advice, I'll make sure to never get married!

It reminds me of another related event. I once opened my sandwich bag at work only to find an extra foil packet. Inside was cake! I got the cake for nothing, no extra compliments or shoe funds required.
[/quote]

Spoke to a couple of butchers? Have you never heard the phrase "that's like asking a butcher if meat is good for you" , ? Ask Paul McCartney , Chrissie Hynde or Morrissey ( or a pig, for that matter) if sausages are O.K and you will get a very different answer.

And if you are getting unsolicited cake in your lunchbox then it is time to start wondering exactly what it is she is feeling guilty about.

[EliasMooseblaster]

[quote name='wateroftyne' timestamp='1395314779' post='2400952'] Jeez, what an insane morning I've had! I just have to share.... I went to the works canteen this morning and bought a cup of tea - like I do every morning - and there were TWO tea bags in it. I can only think the lassie who works there picked two up by accident, instead of one. [/quote]

You plonker, that was your cue to pass the briefcase to her under the counter and then tell the cleaner that "Red Squirrel has opened the giraffe enclosure."

[cheddatom]

[quote name='Dingus' timestamp='1395324284' post='2401122']
Spoke to a couple of butchers? Have you never heard the phrase "that's like asking a butcher if meat is good for you" , ? Ask Paul McCartney , Chrissie Hynde or Morrissey ( or a pig, for that matter) if sausages are O.K and you will get a very different answer.

And if you are getting unsolicited cake in your lunchbox then it is time to start wondering exactly what it is she is feeling guilty about.
[/quote]

She is a veggie. Perhaps she's been adding extra pig penis to my sausage sandwiches and started feeling guilty about it?

[UglyDog]

[quote name='Dingus' timestamp='1395324284' post='2401122']
Spoke to a couple of butchers? Have you never heard the phrase "that's like asking a butcher if meat is good for you" , ? Ask Paul McCartney , Chrissie Hynde or Morrissey ( or a pig, for that matter) if sausages are O.K and you will get a very different answer.
[/quote]Although in fairness, Macca and Chrissie Pretenderperson and that miserable git with the flowers up his jacksy have got just as much of a vested interest as the butcher. Only in the other direction, of course, because bangers are made out of bits of cuddly animal.

[Grangur]

[quote name='molan' timestamp='1395231064' post='2399933']
Under good old 'invitation to treat' legal rulings I don't think a shop has to sell at a price that's displayed so, if I'm correct, he could have refused your 'offer to buy' at the displayed price
[/quote]
I used to own a shop and the advice we got was a price on something in the window is "an invitation to treat". Once you're inside the shop price marking IS the contract offer price. Its also illegal to mark up the aale prices of goods if the buy-in price goes up. This is the reason why all the supermarket sellers don't price mark the goods anymore.

[Dingus]

[quote name='cheddatom' timestamp='1395324686' post='2401134']
She is a veggie. Perhaps she's been adding extra pig penis to my sausage sandwiches and started feeling guilty about it?
[/quote]

You are forcing vegetarian to get out of bed on a morning and stick half a pig's arse between two bits of bread to satisfy your animal appetite and you wonder why she isn't happy? Oh , this relationship needs to get to Relate at the first possible juncture, or you are looking at years of sullen and resentful sandwich- making misery!

[Dingus]

[quote name='UglyDog' timestamp='1395324689' post='2401135']
Although in fairness, Macca and Chrissie Pretenderperson and that miserable git with the flowers up his jacksy have got just as much of a vested interest as the butcher. Only in the other direction, of course, because bangers are made out of bits of cuddly animal.
[/quote]

I was going to say that none of those people are making money out of being vegetarians, but when I think about it, two of them are , because Morrissey made cash in various ways from the whole "Meat Is Murder" thing , and Macca and Linda had the whole Linda McCartney veggie food business thing going. But none of that changes the fact that a butcher is not the most unbiased person to ask about the merits of sausages.

[FinnDave]

Just find out what kind of sausages the butcher eats

[discreet]

[quote name='FinnDave' timestamp='1395325825' post='2401152']
Just find out what kind of sausages the butcher eats
[/quote]

Better still, the butcher's wife.


There was a young man with a sticker
put 99p on a Ritter
So then a young lass
Slapped him on the ass, saying
"... ..."

[cheddatom]

[quote name='Dingus' timestamp='1395325498' post='2401145']
You are forcing vegetarian to get out of bed on a morning and stick half a pig's arse between two bits of bread to satisfy your animal appetite and you wonder why she isn't happy? Oh , this relationship needs to get to Relate at the first possible juncture, or you are looking at years of sullen and resentful sandwich- making misery!
[/quote]

You've got it all wrong! A sausage sandwich is my weekend treat, I have to make it myself. My main complaint was about the horrible sh*te sausages that sandwich shops use, because if they used good ones, I could stop in for a cheeky breakfast on the way to work. However, now I realise how important my physique is to the longevity of my "sandwich of love" I'll think myself lucky that I'm spared such a calorific indulgence.

[cheddatom]

[quote name='discreet' timestamp='1395326683' post='2401167']
There was a young man with a sticker
put 99p on a Ritter
So then a young lass
Slapped him on the ass, saying
"... ..."
[/quote]

"make us a sarnie love"

[discreet]

[quote name='cheddatom' timestamp='1395327066' post='2401174']
"make us a sarnie love"
[/quote]

That doesn't rhyme!

[discreet]

[quote name='Dingus' timestamp='1395325498' post='2401145']
...you are looking at years of sullen and resentful sandwich-making misery!
[/quote]

We all are mate, regardless of circumstances.

[Dingus]

[quote name='FinnDave' timestamp='1395325825' post='2401152']
Just find out what kind of sausages the butcher eats
[/quote]

I used to live with a girl whose family owned, among other things, a chain of butchers shops. I never saw them eat a sausage , and they refused to have Corned Beef in the house. To be fair though, they weren't that keen on me either.

[Dingus]

[quote name='cheddatom' timestamp='1395326981' post='2401173']
You've got it all wrong! A sausage sandwich is my weekend treat, I have to make it myself. My main complaint was about the horrible sh*te sausages that sandwich shops use, because if they used good ones, I could stop in for a cheeky breakfast on the way to work. However, now I realise how important my physique is to the longevity of my "sandwich of love" I'll think myself lucky that I'm spared such a calorific indulgence.
[/quote]

I'm sure you are sincere in what you are telling me here, but is that how your [i]partne[/i]r is seeing things?

To you, your sausage habit is a weekend recreational thing that you are confident you can keep under control, the old "I can handle it, I know what I am doing " stance that so many men with a problem take to justify and rationalize their unreasonable behaviour, both to themselves and others . All the while, your girlfriend is struggling to keep up with your constant need for sausage-orientated titillation and meat-based thrill - seeking. She sees first-hand how you are spinning out of control , or at least she would do if it were not for the fact that she is no doubt too busy with her head down and tears in her eyes , chopping onions and peeling spuds to make the bangers and mash with onion gravy that no doubt you expect to be sitting ion the table the moment you get home from work. It's men like you that give the rest of us a bad name. I personally have done so much to try and further the cause of feminism on Basschat, but your casual sausage chauvinism undermines all my efforts at one fell swoop.

Edited March 20, 2014 by Dingus

[Dingus]

[quote name='discreet' timestamp='1395327195' post='2401179']
We all are mate, regardless of circumstances.
[/quote]

Yes, "a face like a burglar's dog" is the phrase that springs to mind.

[UglyDog]

[quote name='discreet' timestamp='1395326683' post='2401167']
Better still, the butcher's wife.


There was a young man with a sticker
put 99p on a Ritter
So then a young lass
Slapped him on the ass, saying
"... ..."
[/quote]
"Give me it right up th "

[cheddatom]

[quote name='Dingus' timestamp='1395329022' post='2401206']
"I can handle it, I know what I am doing"
[/quote]

When it comes to sausages mate, no-one handles them better

[Dingus]

[quote name='cheddatom' timestamp='1395333079' post='2401281']
When it comes to sausages mate, no-one handles them better
[/quote]

Is it [i]your[/i] webcam that Mrs Dingus has been running those huge credit card bills to ? If so then please stop encouraging her. Then maybe she would have enough energy to make me a sausage sandwich, and I would actually have enough money left to buy the sausages.

[Billy Apple]

[quote name='discreet' timestamp='1395326683' post='2401167']
Better still, the butcher's wife.


There was a young man with a sticker
put 99p on a Ritter
So then a young lass
Slapped him on the ass, saying
"... ..."
[/quote]

It'll cost you that for a look at my Ric-ers

Edited March 20, 2014 by Billy Apple