Time to move on methinks.

[ubit]

Thing is, maybe they didn't think it was that important to mention it and now it's grown so it's awkward. You have to speak to them and clear the air before doing anything rash

[PaulWarning]

this happened to me, the other 3 members of our band went of and joined up with another songwriter/ guitarist and bass player, our singer told me what was happening but not the other 2, I was really pissed off, very nearly quit, but stuck with it because when we were actually playing I was still enjoying it, but it's ruined any friendship we had

[Conan]

[quote name='ubit' timestamp='1396440613' post='2413623']
Thing is, maybe they didn't think it was that important to mention it and now it's grown so it's awkward. You have to speak to them and clear the air before doing anything rash
[/quote]

This.

Some people are just really bad at communicating. They may not have meant any harm.

On the other hand, I think that good bands usually have a genuine rapport between the members. That usually aids meaningful communication. Did you have good comms with your band mates before this situation arose, or was it always a bit crap?

[karlfer]

[quote name='Conan' timestamp='1396441859' post='2413645']
This.

Some people are just really bad at communicating. They may not have meant any harm.

On the other hand, I think that good bands usually have a genuine rapport between the members. That usually aids meaningful communication. Did you have good comms with your band mates before this situation arose, or was it always a bit crap?
[/quote]

Usually good , although one of the guitarists has moments of being a tad unthinking and forthright with comments on Faecesbook. Which as probably most of us know, can come back and bite you.
One of his little FB escapades got us banned from a big North West venue for 3 years

[spacey]

Never give up the punt for the pole.
Use the spare time to find another working unit to get on board with.

[Musicman20]

I think friendship, IMO, is part of being in a band. I've tried joining bands where everyone else already knows each other, and you kind of feel like the outsider.

Whatever I do next, and get time for, it will be with like minded similar aged people.

I know a lot of people might session or just play with whoever, but it isn't 'work' for me, so it HAS to be fun and part of a social part of my life.

[PaulWarning]

[quote name='Musicman20' timestamp='1396444238' post='2413693']
I think friendship, IMO, is part of being in a band. I've tried joining bands where everyone else already knows each other, and you kind of feel like the outsider.

Whatever I do next, and get time for, it will be with like minded similar aged people.

I know a lot of people might session or just play with whoever, but it isn't 'work' for me, so it HAS to be fun and part of a social part of my life.
[/quote]
In my limited experience, you generally start off as friends but the longer you're together the more likely it is to have fall out, doesn't mean you can't carry on just means you don't see each other outside the band. Depends what your definition of friends is I suppose

[mrtcat]

I understand your upset at being last to know and that would certainly grate on me a little but don't be too hasty. At the end of the day these guys are free to do what they want. If the rise of the reunion project starts to affect your current band then spit the dummy but I'd be inclined to let it pan out a bit as these things tend to just peter out a bit and disappear. Yes you now know where you stand communication and trust wise but do you need to be best pals with the people you play with?
With regards the PA situation if it continues I suggest that you talk about a bit of Financial recompense for your efforts.

Edited April 2, 2014 by mrtcat

[6v6]

[quote name='Musicman20' timestamp='1396444238' post='2413693']
Whatever I do next, and get time for, it will be with like minded similar aged people.
[/quote]

I feel quite sad that you had to bring age into it, I've always felt like music transcends all that

I play with (and as a result socialize with ) people who are a wide range of ages, and always have done, "like minded" is the only requirement IMO, combined with a bit of commitment and musical ability obviously.

Anyway, karlfer I hope you get it worked out.

[Thurbs]

I'm with Tim.

A simular thing has just happened to me and I have wished them the best of luck.

Life is too short...

[karlfer]

Thanks guys. As ever some agree, some don't, that's life.
None the less, I can only react with my instincts and how I would have done it.
Rehearsals, by the way, are used for working out new stuff, or changing current songs arrangements.

[Musicman20]

[quote name='6v6' timestamp='1396510924' post='2414379']
I feel quite sad that you had to bring age into it, I've always felt like music transcends all that

I play with (and as a result socialize with ) people who are a wide range of ages, and always have done, "like minded" is the only requirement IMO, combined with a bit of commitment and musical ability obviously.

Anyway, karlfer I hope you get it worked out.
[/quote]

I'm 33. I am probably too old for the young student bands (eg those of 18-21) but too young at heart for what many in this country class as 'normal' for a 33 year old. Mr career has to be number one to me, and takes precedence over my music time. Personally, I prefer playing music all day, but I can't! Hence, its a great way to relax and I never find it boring. In fact, it de-stresses me.

Age isn't a problem, but I can't see myself hanging out with 18 year old students who have far too much time on their hands (and I envy them after being like that at Uni), or, what I personally see as 'settling' for a old rock band playing local pubs just doing cover sets to earn. No more poor renditions of AC/DC or Kings of Leon...please...I can't handle it!

But, if I found a younger group or older group of people who were like minded, had fantastic energy, wanted to break some boundaries of music, and wanted to actually write music and take time over it, then I'd be happy.

Covers can be ok, but for me, half of the fun is putting your own material out.

[Weststarx]

[quote name='Musicman20' timestamp='1396527600' post='2414647']
I'm 33. I am probably too old for the young student bands (eg those of 18-21) but too young at heart for what many in this country class as 'normal' for a 33 year old. Mr career has to be number one to me, and takes precedence over my music time. Personally, I prefer playing music all day, but I can't! Hence, its a great way to relax and I never find it boring. In fact, it de-stresses me.

Age isn't a problem, but I can't see myself hanging out with 18 year old students who have far too much time on their hands (and I envy them after being like that at Uni), or, what I personally see as 'settling' for a old rock band playing local pubs just doing cover sets to earn. No more poor renditions of AC/DC or Kings of Leon...please...I can't handle it!


[/quote]

I'm 21 and I cant see myself playing with people my own age. Without painting them all with the same brush the following problems usually occur:


- Some don't drive
- Unreliable
- Can't afford reahearsal space because they work part time
- Can't be bothered to practice
- Immature attitude towards everything
- No communication

Its because of the above I generally avoid playing with people the same age or younger than me.

For me if the music is there and good, I couldnt care less how old someone was as long as I got on with them.

I mean who would turn Billy Sheehan away because of his age?

(Apologies for moving slightly off topic there)

Edited April 3, 2014 by Weststarx

[TimR]

[quote name='Weststarx' timestamp='1396531215' post='2414723']
...
- Some don't drive
- Unreliable
- Can't afford reahearsal space because they work part time
- Can't be bothered to practice
- Immature attitude towards everything
- No communication

...
[/quote]

Believe me that's not an age thing.

I play with guys in their mid forties who fit all of the above including throwing their toys out of the pram and not answering texts.

[karlfer]

[quote name='TimR' timestamp='1396533206' post='2414765']
Believe me that's not an age thing.

I play with guys in their mid forties who fit all of the above including throwing their toys out of the pram and not answering texts.
[/quote]

You ain't a drummer called Jeff are you

[lou24d53]

Find a new drummer and form a Royal Blood tribute act.
I'd be fairly confident of you being the first on the circuit!

[TimR]

[quote name='karlfer' timestamp='1396538678' post='2414851']


You ain't a drummer called Jeff are you
[/quote]

Ha. Sorry. No. IME It's usually the singer or the drummer.

[Bassman Steve]

I would expect you have mentally left anyway by now (from the tone of your posts - which is not a criticism, just an observation).

Generally, I would have been a little disappointed I wasn't told but would have been more concerned had it impacted on gigs/rehearsals etc. I would suspect the enterprise wouldn't last long as they are either different people to the ones they knew back then and that will become apparent or the old issues that split up the band will resurface.

That's just what I'd do but once the 'trust' (poor word really) is gone then that's it, there's no much fun in it.

Odd that the drummer stores but doesn't transport the PA. That's annoy me far more!!

[karlfer]

Normally it's the guitarist with the broken foot that stores/transports the PA. Since he has been off the road, I have nowhere to keep it at home (translation, small bungalow, violent wife ) so the drummer has temporarily stored it in his very long garage.

[TimR]

PAs are a constant bone of contention too. I also used to pick up a PA and lights, set it all up, sound check the band, pack down and return it.

I didn't mind doing it but it became expected and was getting less and less help at the gig and more moaning about 'not sounding like it does on a recording' and 'we need more lights' that it became a real bugbear. Constant digs that I was getting more for it didn't help. I would has asked for double if I'd known I was expected to absolutely everything.

I left in the end and now the person who complained the most is lumbered with it. Maybe they appreciate it a bit more now...

[karlfer]

[quote name='TimR' timestamp='1396611606' post='2415653']
PAs are a constant bone of contention too. I also used to pick up a PA and lights, set it all up, sound check the band, pack down and return it.

I didn't mind doing it but it became expected and was getting less and less help at the gig and more moaning about 'not sounding like it does on a recording' and 'we need more lights' that it became a real bugbear. Constant digs that I was getting more for it didn't help. I would has asked for double if I'd known I was expected to absolutely everything.

I left in the end and now the person who complained the most is lumbered with it. Maybe they appreciate it a bit more now...
[/quote]

Taken for granted. It's a pisser isn't it. The more you do, the more that is expected.

[dmccombe7]

Sad news Karlfer. Sorry mate.
I'm a one band bassist too and don't wish to play in more than one for various reasons, time, loyalty and commitment to what I'm doing at that time.
I think they should have asked you if you minded them reforming for the Uni gig and kept you up to speed. Even an email or FB txt would have done the job if it was only going to be a one off. You could then have raised your own issues of rehearsal time and subsequent gigging.
A little common courtesy goes a long way.
Hope it works out one way or another.
All else fails you'll find another band easily enough.

All the best mate.
Dave

PS band I'm with just sent me a txt today cancelling the rehearsal as I was walking out the door (1hr drive each way) because the guitarist has thrown the dummy out because he doesn't want to play the songs he agreed to do ???
My response was "See Ya I'm outa here"
Not gonna waste my time with guys like that and you shouldn't either.

Edited April 6, 2014 by dmccombe7

[PaulWarning]

there's seems a common thread here, communication, I always try and reply to emails unless it's obvious one is not needed,after all it doesn't cost anything, our guitarist is terrible at replying, but if he occasionally sends one out and nobody replies straight away we get 'is my email not worthy of a reply then?' I just don't understand how people can be so hypocritical.

[Weststarx]

[quote name='PaulWarning' timestamp='1396946317' post='2418902']
there's seems a common thread here, communication, I always try and reply to emails unless it's obvious one is not needed,after all it doesn't cost anything, our guitarist is terrible at replying, but if he occasionally sends one out and nobody replies straight away we get 'is my email not worthy of a reply then?' I just don't understand how people can be so hypocritical.
[/quote]

Yeah I must admit the communication is awful in my band too.

Often I've turned up to practice having learnt a few new songs only to get there and the singer had apparently decided that they didnt like it after agreeing to it the week before - doesnt tell anyone.

[Prime_BASS]

Been in my band forever and we are all best mates.
I used to live next door to the guitarist and the drummer is his brother.

There has been ups and downs and times where we have all felt like we wanted to leave at some point or another but we work through it and we've never had a big fall out.