Time to move on methinks.

[dazza14]

[i][i]I started a band with my oldest, best, most trusted friend and because he couldn't commit more time (and buy a better - by that I mean something more than a 35w - amp!) he left. I didn't mind because our friendship was deteriorating and we rarely spoke at practice, although we'd been friends for over 30 years. When he asked to return I asked the other band members and we all agreed unless he had a better set up and could show commitment and learn the songs we were going to play, there was little point in him returning. He took this as me being controlling and, behind my back, starting whispering to the other members saying I was slagging them off etc etc. I fought like a dog trying to replace him, keeping the band moving, setting up gigs and all this time he'd brought in another bass player and convinced the guitarist and drummer to join him. I found out on Facebook when I saw the new band page, I then got an email telling me what a w**ker I was, what a terrible father I was and how they always wanted me out of the band. I was gutted, it took about two years to get over it and it still affects how I behave/act in a band now. Since then the two members have both been in touch to apologise, they saw the side of my mate that I saw, they understood he'd lied and the new band was very short lived.... due to his commitment and setup (their first gig money bought him a new amp - which he still has!!). I understand he's in a wedding band playing maybe three gigs a year. Needless to say he's never been in touch. I can't help but think if we were more open and honest from the start it would have been different, but there is a sense of 'victory' in the fact the band lasted a short time and the whole "grass is greener" thing is true... be patient and talk.[/i][/i]

[karlfer]

That's a real tough one dazza, sorry to hear about that.
Seems I'm not alone but as I have said from the start, there are issues for me.
1. Found out by accident on Faecesbook.
2. Already gone from 1 x 30 minute gig to several "to get up to stage ready".
3. They will need to rehearse. A lot.
It will impact, good luck to them, tomorrow night could be interesting.

[TimR]

[quote name='PaulWarning' timestamp='1396946317' post='2418902']
there's seems a common thread here, communication, I always try and reply to emails unless it's obvious one is not needed,after all it doesn't cost anything, our guitarist is terrible at replying, but if he occasionally sends one out and nobody replies straight away we get 'is my email not worthy of a reply then?' I just don't understand how people can be so hypocritical.
[/quote]

I think Karlifer's posts and the replies show exactly how people can seem hypocritical. We all view things from different perspectives.

What is obvious to you isn't always obvious to anyone else. We all lead busy lives. Sometimes I can reply to an email straightaway on the iPhone, other times it needs a carefully considered reply or I need to get more information. Then I can easily forget to reply.

It's not necesarily the lack of communication it's the way that the communication is carried out and followed up.

Send out an email wait two or three days then either follow it up with another email if non urgent or phone call.

Too much communication is also a bad thing because people then just start ignoring stuff or missing stuff.

[Damonjames]

I'm a late comer to this, but Karl, I struggle to relate to why you are so annoyed about this other band. Granted, they could have approached you and spoken before it went on FB but that's just how the world is now. I've been sacked from a band I had been working on for a year by text message!
Personally, I'd be more pissed these other two clowns have just let you do all the pa monkey work without offering to help, nothing kills fun quicker than resentment.
Have a good old fashioned truth session with your band, IF all of you are brave to enough listen to what comes out without throwing punches, it's not everyone's cup of tea!

[PaulWarning]

[quote name='TimR' timestamp='1396955163' post='2419018'] I think Karlifer's posts and the replies show exactly how people can seem hypocritical. We all view things from different perspectives. What is obvious to you isn't always obvious to anyone else. We all lead busy lives. Sometimes I can reply to an email straightaway on the iPhone, other times it needs a carefully considered reply or I need to get more information. Then I can easily forget to reply. It's not necesarily the lack of communication it's the way that the communication is carried out and followed up. Send out an email wait two or three days then either follow it up with another email if non urgent or phone call. Too much communication is also a bad thing because people then just start ignoring stuff or missing stuff. [/quote]
It's hypocritical when people don't treat you how they expect you to treat them

[uncle psychosis]

[quote name='Damonjames' timestamp='1396956616' post='2419037']
I'm a late comer to this, but Karl, I struggle to relate to why you are so annoyed about this other band. Granted, they could have approached you and spoken before it went on FB but that's just how the world is now. I've been sacked from a band I had been working on for a year by text message!
Personally, I'd be more pissed these other two clowns have just let you do all the pa monkey work without offering to help, nothing kills fun quicker than resentment.
Have a good old fashioned truth session with your band, IF all of you are brave to enough listen to what comes out without throwing punches, it's not everyone's cup of tea!
[/quote]

+1, I think the OP is more annoyed than he should be about this other band. Until it actually starts to interfere whats the problem?

The PA issue is far more worthy of annoyance IMO.

[karlfer]

Jeezo, the OP is annoyed because the drummer and guitarist did not do it the way OP would have done it.
IE, the courteous way, from the OP's perspective.
Me being the OP, it wasn't done the way I would have done it.
As Tim has said, we all have different perspective's and MY perspective is that it wasn't even done, I found out by accident. So I'm narked!
They may fire me, I may quit, both bands may fold. Plenty of thousands of bands to fill that gap.
Didn't expect a Spanish Inquisition................

[Damonjames]

One thing is almost certain Karl, this won't be the only band situation to nark you! And just to be clear, I never said that your feelings weren't justified, just I personally don't get it. Having been burned in similar fashion and lived on, maybe I'm just less sensitive about it. My post at that time probably read similarly to yours my friend!!

I do hope you can move on one way or another, if they havnt sacked you, it's probably down to the fact that they like you and your playing ability (hopefully not just your ability to move a PA) so take some comfort in that. Were they a touch insensitive with what they did? Hell's yes, but don't let it eat you up and ruin the music for you. Maybe it's time you all took a break and let them
Crack on with this other thing for a bit? If it's still worth doing, you will all want to come back.

Good luck mate whichever way you go!

[karlfer]

No prob Mr james sir.
Although the current pub covers band is only weekend warrior stuff, I've just checked our NWB site and we currently have 28 (Edit, scratch that, 29 ) confirmed gigs on the books for the rest of this year.
Probably a few more than the originals band will end up getting.
So, if a break is taken, that's a good number of cancelled gigs and once you start doing that up here, it can be hard to get back on the circuit.
I am starting to feel very guilty about possibly dropping them in it.
But I'm still narked

Edited April 9, 2014 by karlfer

[PaulWarning]

[quote name='karlfer' timestamp='1396962241' post='2419130'] No prob Mr james sir. Although the current pub covers band is only weekend warrior stuff, I've just checked our NWB site and we currently have 28 confirmed gigs on the books for the rest of this year. Probably a few more than the originals band will end up getting. So, if a break is taken, that's a good number of cancelled gigs and once you start doing that up here, it can be hard to get back on the circuit. I am starting to feel very guilty about possibly dropping them in it. But I'm still narked [/quote]
It's good idea to get an agreement between all band members that if one of you decides to leave you honour all the gigs you've agreed too, that way you don't let anybody down and sour future relations with venues.
Make sure you're leaving because that's what you want and it's not just to spite the others, as I said earlier I've been in a very similar situation, and felt how you do, but I stuck it out and I'm glad I did, but trust and genuine friendship has gone forever I'm afraid, but we have some great gigs together

Edited April 8, 2014 by PaulWarning

[Damonjames]

Sounds like a good old fashioned truth session is required then!!
Sounds like your intentions are sound bud, and I'm sure the others are with regards to your band, just have a chat and crack on, hopefully you can get passed it.

[dazza14]

[quote name='karlfer' timestamp='1396955046' post='2419015']
That's a real tough one dazza, sorry to hear about that.
Seems I'm not alone but as I have said from the start, there are issues for me.
1. Found out by accident on Faecesbook.
2. Already gone from 1 x 30 minute gig to several "to get up to stage ready".
3. They will need to rehearse. A lot.
It will impact, good luck to them, tomorrow night could be interesting.
[/quote] I found out by accident too on Facebook, it was a right kick in the guts! If it's impacting you, which it is, then you need to do what you think is the best thing for you. I really hope you airing your feelings to the other members will bring some resolution, it may well do. Hopefully this is all simply bigger than it needs to be, and by that I mean hopefully the others are feeling a little stupid for 'forgetting' to tell you purely because they didn't think it would annoy you as much as it has. You're right by everything you say though, they will need practices if they are going on some ego-feeding trip down memory lane and it's a proper sh*tter that you weren't informed of what they were intending to do, but i'm really hoping that after a chat things will seem clearer to why they didn't tell you in the first place.

[karlfer]

Difficult, I've just had a look on their Facebook page and the Troyen thing is gathering momentum.
They appear to have had their first rehearsal at the weekend, funny we had no gig weekend gone.
God, I'm turning into an old woman.
Right, work to do.

[uncle psychosis]

[quote name='karlfer' timestamp='1396960532' post='2419100']
Didn't expect a Spanish Inquisition................
[/quote]

A few people saying "I think you're overreacting" is about as far from Spanish Inquisition as it gets.

If you didn't expect people to give you their opinion then why did you post on a discussion forum about it?

[KevB]

Thought I'd better look them up as I hadn't heard of them. Not surprised - active for 2 years early 80's, got a record deal but split up before even finishing the single. Not exactly a major act were they? There used to be NWOBHM cmpilation albums that came out at the time with dozens of these sorts of band on them that never made it despite being popular in their home towns. I'm sure they are all more than decent players but it's hardly Diamond Head is it?

Edited April 8, 2014 by KevB

[PaulWarning]

[quote name='karlfer' timestamp='1396963620' post='2419152'] Difficult, I've just had a look on their Facebook page and the Troyen thing is gathering momentum. They appear to have had their first rehearsal at the weekend, funny we had no gig weekend gone. God, I'm turning into an old woman. Right, work to do. [/quote]
Most of the stuff on FB is lies and exaggeration, pinch of salt required, I went on FB after the 'other' band in my case had a gig and they'd posted 'that's the (name of pub) well and truly rocked' there were 8 people there, and that included the band members partners and friends

[karlfer]

[quote name='uncle psychosis' timestamp='1396963966' post='2419164']
A few people saying "I think you're overreacting" is about as far from Spanish Inquisition as it gets.

If you didn't expect people to give you their opinion then why did you post on a discussion forum about it?
[/quote]

See the row of ..................... following the statement? It was an open invitation for somebody to post a link to Python's Spanish Inquisition. Well, it was in my head. T'interweb eh

Edited April 8, 2014 by karlfer

[karlfer]

[quote name='KevB' timestamp='1396964399' post='2419175']
Thought I'd better look them up as I hadn't heard of them. Not surprised - active for 2 years early 80's, got a record deal but split up before even finishing the single. Not exactly a major act were they? There used to be NWOBHM cmpilation albums that came out at the time with dozens of these sorts of band on them that never made it despite being popular in their home towns. I'm sure they are all more than decent players but it's hardly Diamond Head is it?
[/quote]

Jeff, our drummer in BBGM and also in Troyen, actually auditioned for Diamond Head. He was offered the job and declined it. Fabulous bloke and fabulous drummer. Going to be hard having the conversation tomorrow night. Whichever way it pans

[uncle psychosis]

[quote name='karlfer' timestamp='1396966187' post='2419197']
See the row of ..................... following the statement? It was an open invitation for somebody to post a link to Python's Spanish Inquisition. Well, it was in my head. T'interweb eh
[/quote]

I see. Smilies are always better than ellipsis for signalling intent

[karlfer]

[quote name='uncle psychosis' timestamp='1396966574' post='2419208']
I see. Smilies are always better than ellipsis for signalling intent
[/quote]

I'm from Darlington originally, you will need to make allowances I'm afraid

[uncle psychosis]

[quote name='karlfer' timestamp='1396966695' post='2419211']
I'm from Darlington originally, you will need to make allowances I'm afraid
[/quote]

I had a girlfriend from Darlington. Nice girl.

...and thats the best thing I can say about Darlington

[karlfer]

[quote name='uncle psychosis' timestamp='1396967386' post='2419220']
I had a girlfriend from Darlington. Nice girl.

...and thats the best thing I can say about Darlington
[/quote]

Oh, YOU were the one .
I've heard about you!

[uncle psychosis]

[quote name='karlfer' timestamp='1396967938' post='2419228']
Oh, YOU were the one .
I've heard about you!
[/quote]

Once went to the Yates' in Darlington, needless to say it didn't strike me as the wisest place to be Scottish in public

[karlfer]

[quote name='uncle psychosis' timestamp='1396969190' post='2419251']
Once went to the Yates' in Darlington, needless to say it didn't strike me as the wisest place to be Scottish in public
[/quote]

Oh yeah?
I lived in Bannockburn for 13 years.
Often had a barrel of laughs going to the jam nights in the William Wallace in Stirling.
Yup, English Unpopular Front

To be honest Uncle, it's been really good to get ALL opinions in a place where the rest of the band can't follow, so thanks to all for their input.

[Les]

Bloody hell Karl, only just seen this. Sorry to hear about it bud.