Musician wanted ads - the kiss of death!

[JapanAxe]

As a born-again freelancer, I am always scanning the online ads. There are certain things that immediately put me off, e.g.:
- 'I am 15...'
- 'Stoner sludge doom death metalcore' (in any combination)
- Any female singer who refers to Alanis Morrissette.

What about you?

[phil.c60]

Anything that says "must have all-valve amplifier, 15" speakers a minimum and a at least a 5 string bass, as I know the sound I want" - well, you play it then.
And the Alanis Morrissette thing too.

Edited August 29, 2014 by phil.c60

[thisnameistaken]

Anything that mentions playing weddings, corporate events or Butlins.

[discreet]

"18-23, beginner to intermediate skill level..."

[Mykesbass]

Management and label interest brings the cynic out in me!

[arthurhenry]

"Available to practice: 4 times a week, available to gig: Once a month."

[jezzaboy]

A real advert from The Gumtree.

Drummer available

I`m at Glasgow uni and thought it would be cool to have a hard rock cover band to have some fun. I do not have my own drum kit.


A drummer with no kit? I think I see a small problem....

Edited August 29, 2014 by jezzaboy

[jezzaboy]

And what the heck is a "shoegaze band?"

And why do lots of people want to form one?

Edited August 29, 2014 by jezzaboy

[bumnote]

No time wasters or winos

[JapanAxe]

[quote name='jezzaboy' timestamp='1409342348' post='2538926']
And what the heck is a "shoegaze band?"

And why do lots of people want to form one?
[/quote]
Yes I did think about including 'shoegaze' along with 'stoner...' etc, but I think I'd made my point by then!

In 2002 Mrs Axe and I went to see Suede (again). Second on the bill were Razorlight, in whom the star quality was clearly evident. Bottom of the bill were a band whose name I don't recall (surprise!) - they never engaged with the audience, and sank without trace. And that is the problem with shoegazing...

[martin8708]

When people say " I have the best singer / guitarist / drummer in town ( or in my case , the Island ) and we need a top level bass player to complete our line - up "

Like wise , the " we have record label interest ".

[discreet]

[quote name='bumnote' timestamp='1409342480' post='2538930']
No time wasters or winos
[/quote]

Yes, as a time waster and wino myself, I'd find that offensive...

[KevB]

[quote name='JapanAxe' timestamp='1409342724' post='2538934']
Yes I did think about including 'shoegaze' along with 'stoner...' etc, but I think I'd made my point by then!

In 2002 Mrs Axe and I went to see Suede (again). Second on the bill were Razorlight, in whom the star quality was clearly evident. Bottom of the bill were a band whose name I don't recall (surprise!) - they never engaged with the audience, and sank without trace. And that is the problem with shoegazing...
[/quote]

Worst band I've seen in recent memory for lack of engagement live was Athlete. Coincidentally they were supporting Alanis Morissette.

[phil.c60]

They were her athletic support then.... now there's a job I'm not sure I'd want.

[discreet]

[quote name='phil.c60' timestamp='1409347845' post='2538996']
They were her athletic support then.... now there's a job I'm not sure I'd want.
[/quote]

Truss-t you.

[Lozz196]

[quote name='discreet' timestamp='1409339860' post='2538876']
"18-23, beginner to intermediate skill level..."
[/quote]

Add to that image essential and it`s the full deal.

[thisnameistaken]

[quote name='jezzaboy' timestamp='1409342348' post='2538926']
And what the heck is a "shoegaze band?"
[/quote]

That label came long after the scene was gone, I think it was applied by American listeners.

It was bands who were signed to the Creation label in the early '90s. Ride, Slowdive, My Bloody Valentine, Swervedriver, etc.

[ambient]

[quote name='thisnameistaken' timestamp='1409356399' post='2539058']

That label came long after the scene was gone, I think it was applied by American listeners.

It was bands who were signed to the Creation label in the early '90s. Ride, Slowdive, My Bloody Valentine, Swervedriver, etc.
[/quote]

Still going, check out Engineers for example - [url="http://www.kscopemusic.com/artists/engineers/"]http://www.kscopemusic.com/artists/engineers/[/url]

[BILL POSTERS]

Age immaterial always puts me off, smacks of desperate. Of course it matters. I wouldnt want to gig with 18 year olds any more than they would want me cramping their style.

Gigs waiting... Yeah sure, as long as you help sell 50 tickets.

Best ad I saw was for a one armed drummer for a Def Leppard trib band. ( must have own kit and stick) [size=4] [/size]

[bartelby]

anything mentioning:
funk, jazz, pop, classic rock, covers band, tribute band, glam rock, Rush, Jaco, Beatles

I'll add as I think of more

Edited August 30, 2014 by bartelby

[rogerstodge]

[quote name='BILL POSTERS' timestamp='1409360056' post='2539082']
Age immaterial always puts me off, smacks of desperate. Of course it matters. I wouldnt want to gig with 18 year olds any more than they would want me cramping their style.

Gigs waiting... Yeah sure, as long as you help sell 50 tickets.

Best ad I saw was for a one armed drummer for a Def Leppard trib band. ( must have own kit and stick) [size=4] [/size]
[/quote]ha ha, love it

[JapanAxe]

[quote name='Lozz196' timestamp='1409355867' post='2539053']
Add to that image essential and it`s the full deal.
[/quote]
I have an image, but it's 'middle-aged man who dresses down' rather than 'rock god' or 'One Direction Wannabe', or whatever it is that people have in mind when they make these stipulations.

Edited August 30, 2014 by JapanAxe

[ricksterphil]

"Interested? Hit us up"

Made me want to hit them, still I am an old fart

[paul_5]

[quote name='KevB' timestamp='1409347319' post='2538991']
Worst band I've seen in recent memory for lack of engagement live was Athlete. Coincidentally they were supporting Alanis Morissette.
[/quote]

Bloody Hell!

[paul_5]

"…wanted for jams/rehearsals" = "what I actually want is an accompanist to fill in the gaps that are left whilst I go widdlywiddlywiddly for 20 minutes in a setting [i]outside[/i] of my bedroom

"own rehearsal space" = "Mum lets me use the garage to get back at Dad for running off with an attractive young thing, instead of staying round here listening to my guitar sounds interrupting his TV viewing morning, noon and night because I can't be arsed to find a job"

"own transport essential" I'm too much of a flake to learn to drive, and I can't bum lifts off my parents or bandmates anymore because they're sick of me doing it, so you'll need to schlep me and my kit around too…"