Is it time to leave my band?

[Beer of the Bass]

[quote name='JTUK' timestamp='1411656283' post='2561621']
I'd be first in the queue to maon about unpaid gigs, but have I got all this right..?
They want to 'make' it but will consider doing a festival date ( which I presume is to impress and advance the band etc etc )
without a bass player and not advise the promoter/booker.. ? I can't see the promoter/booker being impressed by that and that is not
giving said gig much respect. And if the gig doesn't warrant it...why are you doing it anyway?

I'd be asking for more deatils on the London gig.... I'd be doing that on everything else the guy put up as well, as it happens, but
if I wasn't convinced the London gig had a LOT going for it.. I'd be saying I was unavailable for that...on the basis that time off work, loss of leave, monies etc etc ...all on the back on the fact that you weren't asked. I might even be washing my hair that evening, as that seems to
be as much respect that is forthcoming from one or two in the band coming your way.

The way things seems to be presented and organised is just one big disaster gig waiting to happen, IMO
[/quote]

Yes, it's one long stream of "what the hell are we playing at" sentiments at the moment. The gig for the festival organiser ended up being cancelled at the last minute BTW, as without their only driver available (me), the band realised they couldn't get themselves there. I'm sure they made a great impression!
I'm meeting up with the band in half an hour, I'm fairly definite at this point that I'm done, but I'll post back later just to report how it went...

[Beer of the Bass]

OK, I've had the conversation and I've left the band. Singer seemed sad, one of the other two was surprised but understanding, the other one I'm fairly certain had seen it coming. I've not burned my boats with anyone though, as I was quite determined not to do that. As I result I held back a little about some of the aspects that were annoying me, but I think I got the message across well enough. I'm kind of sad about it as it has been a fun band in a lot of ways and I've put a lot into it, but I think I needed to do it.
I'm doing one more gig next weekend which I'd agreed to weeks ago, but after that it's done.
Things are a bit weird as now I don't have an electric bass gig at all, just an acoustic project with the double bass and a band where I play guitar. I'll probably seek out another project to play bass guitar with, but possibly not right away.

Edited September 25, 2014 by Beer of the Bass

[TimR]

That should be entertaining advert.

Wanted - Bass Player: must be willing to travel and have own 5 seater mini van.

Edited September 25, 2014 by TimR

[cameltoe]

You don't 'make it' by saying yes to every gig.

This can damage your reputation if you're not careful. A band I was in a few years ago said yes to every gig offered, and ended up overexposing themselves to the point they once played in the same (small) town for 3 weeks on the spin, and after that continued to play there at least once a every couple of weeks, albeit at different venues. The crowd got less and less. They've now split up.

Choose gigs wisely, spread the areas out, once you've generated a buzz it's more likely people will turn out to see you in their hometown when you only play there every few months, rather than every week or two. The majority of the general public don't go out every week to see a band, even if it's a band they like.

If Justin Timberlake was playing in the pub down the road every week, how many weeks would it be till my Missus stopped going to see him?

Actually don't answer that......

[JTUK]

Sounds like you are happy with the decision you have made...
I wouldn't worry about gigs...they turn up if you wnat them.

As for over-exposure in towns...this is a funny thing.
A band I know pretty much play the same town every week...
they even joke about it themselves and FB ribs them over it...
but it doesn't stop them and I assume they don't suffer ..as they continue
to get booked.
We limit pubs...certainly in the summer, and wouldn't want to play the same town
within 3 weeks and then not the same venue..but then have never really worked them
anyway... By that, I mean, we never tried to get any pub gig at anytime and basically wear
the local audience down... It used to be the time honoured way, IMO, but our emphasis
is selling tickets so you need to keep pub gigs down anyway. People aren't going to pay
a ticket price if you give them the same gig in a pub for free too often and they aren't going to look to pay
double/triple/quadruple your pub fee for their event/party. I've always found the dynamic of popularity, fee
and who goes to see who play what, fascinating.

[mcnach]

[quote name='Beer of the Bass' timestamp='1411670835' post='2561814']
OK, I've had the conversation and I've left the band. Singer seemed sad, one of the other two was surprised but understanding, the other one I'm fairly certain had seen it coming. I've not burned my boats with anyone though, as I was quite determined not to do that. As I result I held back a little about some of the aspects that were annoying me, but I think I got the message across well enough. I'm kind of sad about it as it has been a fun band in a lot of ways and I've put a lot into it, but I think I needed to do it.
I'm doing one more gig next weekend which I'd agreed to weeks ago, but after that it's done.
Things are a bit weird as now I don't have an electric bass gig at all, just an acoustic project with the double bass and a band where I play guitar. I'll probably seek out another project to play bass guitar with, but possibly not right away.
[/quote]


Pity that things got that way... but if it's not fun anymore, what's the point?
Where are you playing this weekend? I'm reasonably free and would love to see you guys play one more time

[Beer of the Bass]

[quote name='mcnach' timestamp='1411722910' post='2562218']


Pity that things got that way... but if it's not fun anymore, what's the point?
Where are you playing this weekend? I'm reasonably free and would love to see you guys play one more time
[/quote]

It's next weekend, Saturday 4th at the Blind Poet. It's a low-key gig and usually fairly early in the evening.

[neepheid]

[quote name='Beer of the Bass' timestamp='1411670835' post='2561814']
Things are a bit weird as now I don't have an electric bass gig at all, just an acoustic project with the double bass and a band where I play guitar. I'll probably seek out another project to play bass guitar with, [i]but possibly not right away[/i].
[/quote]

Having been in this position before, I would agree with the sentiment at the end there - take your time and be picky. Don't rush into stuff and don't join the first band that comes along if it isn't right for you, just for the sake of being in a band again.

[mcnach]

[quote name='Beer of the Bass' timestamp='1411723023' post='2562220']
It's next weekend, Saturday 4th at the Blind Poet. It's a low-key gig and usually fairly early in the evening.
[/quote]

Ah, NEXT weekend, I missed that.
I still think I'm free if it's early. I'll check it out.

[discreet]

[quote name='mcnach' timestamp='1411722910' post='2562218']
...if it's not fun anymore, what's the point?
[/quote]

+1. This should be applied to everything, not just bass playing...

[IzzyT2807]

at least you've got some honour and are willing to do the gig that's already been booked... our ex singer just walked out (with 5 gigs booked) and refused to play any of them

[hubrad]

If they are real friends you'll still be friends after the dust settles.
I left a band quite a few years back, in which it was one of those 'natural click' lineups - all really good friends, frontman was my best man, that kind of thing - but they at the time wanted to go further afield and I was settling down both job-and home-wise. Rather than letting it get to a let-down and/or fall-out, we got it so they had a new regular bass player with seamless changeover. Years later they have another regular guy (excellent bassist, btw) and once or twice a year I still get to dep for him if circumstances happen that way. Still all best of mates! :-)
I am also a happy 'optional extra' in a band I just started with this year.. first saw them without a bass, and the keys player does a fine job, but he really prefers it with a decent bass doing the 'real' job. They've tried a few other bassists but never found the right one, then I came along and while they will still play without bass if I can't make it they do make a nice fuss of me when I can!
BOTB.. things will settle out again, and I feel sure that you'll find the gig(s) you want when the stars align. You've got to look after family and self so you can give the right energies to a band situation. All the best!

[Krysbass]

As has been said – if you’ve stopped enjoying it and there’s no likelihood of that situation improving, then it’s time to move on.

I’ve just left the covers band I started 3 years ago. We averaged a couple of gigs a month but by the end of 2013 I’d noticed that (maybe because I’m my own fiercest critic and push myself quite hard), my own playing was improving but no-one else’s seemed to be.

The guitarist had a poor sense of rhythm/timing and the drummer had become a bassist’s nightmare. The more techniques the drummer (thought he had) mastered, the more fancy stuff he would try to drop into songs; invariably half-baked, over-played, at odds with the feel of the song or if played as a fill; resulting in him coming back in off the beat.

Another challenge was the drummer’s poor memory – so the more songs we added to our repertoire, the more he seemed to forget. Just to illustrate how bad this was; at several gigs I had to come to his rescue when he sat like a rabbit in the headlights having had a mental block on the simple drum intro to ZZ Top’s “Gimme All Your Lovin”.

Frustration joined my despair when on “Alright Now” he got into the unbreakable habit of replacing the correct drum pattern during the instrumental break (that iconic Andy Fraser bass-line) with something that sounded like it belonged with “Fire Starter” by The Prodigy – in so doing drowning out much of what I was playing and making what little bass could be heard sound wrong.

Everyone in the band recognised that we were not getting repeat bookings at the best venues, when some other bands were playing these venues 3-4 times per year. So - since I’d started the band and could see where the problems lay, I tried to put matters right.

At the start of 2014 everyone in the band agreed we were each going to spend much more time on home practice, working with the original recordings to improve our knowledge of the songs and collectively raise our game.

Roll on several months to a major gig we played on 20th September and it’s still the same old mistakes from the drummer and guitarist. I finally had to accept that these guys have found their level and are unlikely to ever rise above that. So I decided to go through with what I’d been wrestling with for months and resigned from the band next morning – but of fering to cover gig bookings up to New Year’s Eve.

On the upside; I feel liberated as I can now devote more of my time to another band I play in, where everyone takes responsibility for their own playing. Yet at the same time I’m gutted that, to preserve my own sanity, I’ve had to walk away from a project that I started and worked very hard at and was paying me around £100 per month gig money. Then again – I did feel bad taking payment for some of our worst performances.

Just goes to show that the decision to leave a band is not always clear-cut and can end up bitter/sweet.

[TimR]

Ha. The wrong drummer can kill the gig. I lasted over ten years with one believing it was my playing that was poor. Then I depped with four bands and realised what the real problem was. Time to leave the band...

[Beer of the Bass]

[quote name='neepheid' timestamp='1411724573' post='2562237']
Having been in this position before, I would agree with the sentiment at the end there - take your time and be picky. Don't rush into stuff and don't join the first band that comes along if it isn't right for you, just for the sake of being in a band again.
[/quote]

In between my other two projects (one very quiet acoustic quartet with double bass, one livelier band where I play guitar) I'll still get my being-in-a-band jollies, but what I don't do in either is play bass in a full band with drummer. That's probably something I'll miss at some point, but I think I'm happy enough right now.
As well as the stuff I've already talked about, one of the things that got me thinking about leaving this band was that a few weeks ago I had some very enjoyable gigs both with the Forgotten Works ( the other link in my sig) and a one-off reunion of a free-improv collective which I used to play with 10 years ago. When I played those gigs I felt really good both while playing and afterwards, and that reminded me what it feels like when something is working musically. A couple of pub sessions with a guitarist friend who visits for the Edinburgh Festival each year did the same thing too. It's been some time since I felt like that playing with the band I've just left and I don't think I would have got that back, whatever it is.

Edited September 27, 2014 by Beer of the Bass

[AM1]

[quote name='Beer of the Bass' timestamp='1410775836' post='2552868']
Cheers guys. There are more responses here than I expected, almost too many to respond to individually but there are some good points there.
We had a solid couple of years where the gigs were really fun and we seemed to gather a bit of a following. I don't think that we're still at that point, as the gigs are drying up a little (one of the reasons the singer is keen to take every offer) and we're not rehearsing very often.
The singer gives the impression that she wants the band to be the main thing in her life, and I don't feel that I'm in a position to do that or that the band is actually ready for that. Had we jumped on it and gigged more widely a year or two back when things seemed to click a little better perhaps we might have been able to take it to that next stage, but we didn't. I do wonder if there's an element of denial over whether we've missed the boat there.
I'm about 6-8 years older than the rest of the band and I've watched friends get signed to labels, slog round rubbish venues staying in travelodges or on floors and end up in the same position they started in except distinctly jaded and frazzled round the edges. It seems like the ones who are happier have just continued to do their own idiosyncratic thing on the local scene to whatever niche following is around whilst carrying on with a relatively normal life. So that's the model I want to pursue, and happily that's more or less how my other projects operate.
It's difficult as the singer and the guitarist (who are a couple) are people I knew before we put the band together so whatever I do I need to keep it amicable. They got together at about the same time I met my wife and we've spent a lot of time together. I think I might suggest that they look for a new bassist, but agree to play out the remaining gigs we have booked and see how that goes down...
[/quote]
Sorry to hear of your family issues. Given that two of them are supposedly your friends, that makes the way they are treating you even worse. Why you feel you need to be amicable to accommodate their poor behaviour I can't work out. Sometimes people will do what you let them get away with, a hard lesson to learn. I look at it this way. If someone who calls themselves a friend(s) could not be understanding and supportive given the circumstances, at what is one of the worst times in life, when WILL they be? This is serious stuff, compounded by them accepting and playing gigs without you. By their conduct, you are not really part of the band as you don't seem to have a voice in anything.