blue Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 (edited) I would like to hear a few comments on the pros and cons of being friends with your band members. I can think of a few. I expect there will be more friendships in bands with younger members in their teen and early 20s. You have more things in common with each other at that age and are in similar stages of life in general. That changes as we get older. Blue Edited October 23, 2014 by blue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dad3353 Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 At 64, going on 65, it's about time it changed for me, then..! Our bassist is our youngest son, 1st guitar is the eldest. 2nd guitar a long-time buddy of our eldest, the singster a long-time friend of us all. Age range from me (drums, 65...) to the bassist, 28, with all points in between. Yes, we're all close friends in our band. Decades ago I did 'dep' work with many different formations, from duets to full Caribbean bands. Many (not all, but many...) of the colleagues I met therein I'd call friends. Time has eroded our contacts, and I no longer 'play out' as I did, but whilst I was out there, I met very few disagreeable folks. Just lucky, I suppose. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cameronj279 Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 I'll start off by saying that I am 20 years old so do fit in the younger category you speak of. I am friends with others in my band but we don't necessarily 'hang out' all the time. We'll occasionally have a few pints after a rehearsal/gig and on the odd occasion go to guitarists house to work on songs in a more relaxed casual environment. So in short, yes. I wouldn't be in a band (certainly an originals band) with people who I wasn't friends with and to clarify. I didn't know these people before we started a band together so we've mainly bonded over music despite having seriously different tastes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blue Posted October 23, 2014 Author Share Posted October 23, 2014 (edited) I'll throw this out there. When I was young, a teenager, my band mates were the neighborhood guys I grew up with. It was easier to be honest with them, meaning praise as well as brutal criticism. It's hard to be critical of someone who's not really a friend. For those who don't know I'm 61. definitely in the older category. Blue Edited October 23, 2014 by blue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blue Posted October 23, 2014 Author Share Posted October 23, 2014 [quote name='Cameronj279' timestamp='1414107648' post='2586076'] I'll start off by saying that I am 20 years old so do fit in the younger category you speak of. I am friends with others in my band but we don't necessarily 'hang out' all the time. We'll occasionally have a few pints after a rehearsal/gig and on the odd occasion go to guitarists house to work on songs in a more relaxed casual environment. So in short, yes. I wouldn't be in a band (certainly an originals band) with people who I wasn't friends with and to clarify. I didn't know these people before we started a band together so we've mainly bonded over music despite having seriously different tastes. [/quote] But what would you say are the pro & cons of the relationship you described? Blue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cameronj279 Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 [quote name='blue' timestamp='1414108287' post='2586081'] But what would you say are the pro & cons of the relationship you described? Blue [/quote] Pro's - Rehearsal is fun. I feel it makes us "gel" together musically better as well as when it comes to critiquing each others parts of the songs we are all less likely to take offence. Cons...can't think of any in all honesty. If I'm being overly picky I would say that maybe on occasion we piss around in the studio a bit too much but to be honest, it's resulted in one of our best songs so even that's a pro! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discreet Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 (edited) Our current line-up is unusual in that we were all in the same class together at school - but we're in our mid-fifties - not quite sure how this came to pass, but we're enjoying ourselves hugely in an originals band. The last time we all played together before this was in 1978, so work that one out! Pros: We all get on really well after all this time and share a lot of musical (and other) history... a lot of what we do is almost telepathic. Cons: Perhaps we don't take it as seriously as we could, and piss around in the studio a bit too much... And oh yeah, I expect one of us will probably die quite soon. Edited October 24, 2014 by discreet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blue Posted October 24, 2014 Author Share Posted October 24, 2014 Ok, how many of you can say to a member,[list] [*][i]Why did you sell all your good gear [/i] [*][i]Why are you still struggling with that vocal part, [/i] [*][i]Why are you drinking so much at gigs, [/i] [*][i]You don't seem involved or as interested as you use to.[/i] [/list] I contend these sensitive issues are easier if a member is a true friend. Agree? Blue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discreet Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 (edited) [quote name='blue' timestamp='1414111077' post='2586088'] Ok, how many of you can say to a member,[list] [*][i]Why did you sell all your good gear [/i] [*][i]Why are you still struggling with that vocal part, [/i] [*][i]Why are you drinking so much at gigs, [/i] [*][i]You don't seem involved or as interested as you use to.[/i] [/list] I contend these sensitive issues are easier if a member is a true friend. Agree? [/quote] Yes, any of us could easily say any of those things to each other... if they were true. It may be more difficult to do if you weren't friends. Though to be honest I tend to say what I think, regardless. That may be difficult for Basschatters to believe, but it's true... Edited October 24, 2014 by discreet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dad3353 Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 [quote name='blue' timestamp='1414111077' post='2586088'] Ok, how many of you can say to a member,[list] [*][i]Why did you sell all your good gear [/i] [*][i]Why are you still struggling with that vocal part, [/i] [*][i]Why are you drinking so much at gigs, [/i] [*][i]You don't seem involved or as interested as you use to.[/i] [/list] I contend these sensitive issues are easier if a member is a true friend. Agree? Blue [/quote] I've worked with band leaders who'd have no qualms whatever in posing any or all of those questions, and more besides. Sometimes long-term friends, with the best intentions, will hesitate in coming out with straight-up, personal questions. One could say that, if the friendship is true, it would survive such indiscretions, and that may be true, but not everyone would want to take the risk. There are far more indirect ways to communicate with complicity rather than being blunt. Depends on character, I suspect, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EBS_freak Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 My best advice I have for anybody is this - Most musicians are self serving ass hats. Beware who you befriend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
franzbassist Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 I've known the guys (and girl) in my main band since 1987, and played in a band with them since 1990. I would class them all as good friends, but funnily enough we don't socialise much outside a band context, but I guess we don't need to since we see each other at rehearsals and gigs anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CamdenRob Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 I have absolutely no interest in making friends with anyone and have a general dislike of most people I meet... Unfortunately Mrs C disagrees and keeps trying to organise BBQs with the neighbours... great fun... sitting there all evening pretending to be interested in football... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Telebass Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 [quote name='EBS_freak' timestamp='1414128542' post='2586125'] My best advice I have for anybody is this - Most musicians are self serving ass hats. Beware who you befriend. [/quote] This is certainly my recent experience. Was pretty reasonable up to then. But see CamdenRob ^^^ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Telebass Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 [quote name='CamdenRob' timestamp='1414132904' post='2586139'] I have absolutely no interest in making friends with anyone and have a general dislike of most people I meet... Unfortunately Mrs C disagrees and keeps trying to organise BBQs with the neighbours... great fun... sitting there all evening pretending to be interested in football... [/quote] I empathise completely. Even though you don't want me to and I don't want to! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RhysP Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 (edited) [quote name='blue' timestamp='1414111077' post='2586088'] Ok, how many of you can say to a member,[list] [*][i]Why did you sell all your good gear [/i] [*][i]Why are you still struggling with that vocal part, [/i] [*][i]Why are you drinking so much at gigs, [/i] [*][i]You don't seem involved or as interested as you use to.[/i] [/list] I contend these sensitive issues are easier if a member is a true friend. Agree? Blue [/quote] I absolutely & totally disagree with this. I think it's much easier to say these sort of things to people who aren't friends, which is why I would far rather be in a band where the relationships are more business-like & with people I never see apart from when rehearsing or gigging. Unfortunately, in my experience anyway, even if bands start out like this the people in them always seem to end up wanting to be your friend & start going out for a drink & stuff, which is the point I usually leave the band. Edited October 24, 2014 by RhysP Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RhysP Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 [quote name='EBS_freak' timestamp='1414128542' post='2586125'] My best advice I have for anybody is this - Most musicians are self serving ass hats. Beware who you befriend. [/quote] Absolutely this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
allighatt0r Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 I lodge at the drummers house, so I would say we're pretty good friends I'm 25, he's 40 something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discreet Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 [quote name='RhysP' timestamp='1414133598' post='2586149'] Unfortunately, in my experience anyway, even if bands start out like this the people in them always seem to end up wanting to be your friend & start going out for a drink & stuff, which is the point I usually leave the band. [/quote] Yes but you're an antisocial Welsh shut-in, so no surprises there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaytonaRik Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 Relationships with members in both of my current bands are on a strictly professional level i.e. we play and rehearse together and that's about it. Sure, we may be 'friends' on social media but that's where the connection starts and ends although I will offer moral support for personal issues. I have absolutely no problem in being utterly blunt about musical or personal issues with either band. In the covers band, I'm much more of a father figure - I'm 21 years older than the next eldest member and have considerably more gigging experience so perhaps I'm looked to for guidance/advice anyway. In the tribute act, as I'm newer to the material I've actually taken the time to learn it properly, including both guitar parts and bass lines rather than having grown up as a fan of the material thinking I already know it! If something isn't right then I'll tell it like it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ead Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 Yes, in short. We have been together for around 7 years now. The drummer and singer both had a short time out of the band for personal reasons, but are now back in the fold. We enjoy what we do; we like each others company and are tollerant of things like schedules sometimes being difficult to sort out. It probably helps that the average age of the band is late 30s / early 40s. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cat Burrito Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 I'd say so, yes, although it is different from school days where we used to hang out all the time as work / families / life gets in the way. You have to be able to at least get on as a minimum (even if you don't socialise much outside of the band) and I'd add a true friend would be able to take constructive criticism. Somebody who only speaks when you play badly isn't cool and I find if you mix the balance between "nice solo" and "not sure about that middle eight" it goes down a lot better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ticktock Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 Some, not all. Local 70s inspired band, friends with drummer, his son on guitar- nice fella...and the singer? Nah. The experimental spacerock outfit though? Old mates, one was best man at my wedding and the other I started a band with in 1991. Like discreet said, telepathic. CamdenRob- do tell about this pretending to like football. I'm 45 and still can't bluff that one! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KevB Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 Not really, we may have 'band evenings' a couple of times a year but generally I keep a social circle which is separate from the band members just as I keep it separate from work collegues. That way I get to talk about stuff removed from both the band and work when I go out with mates. Works for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JamesBass Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 I've been in quite a few bands where the personel dynamic just hasn't worked and that includes being in a band with my best mate, he and I on a work level just don't work together, he just didn't work hard enough which is fine by me, he took and gave criticsm perfectly well, it never caused issues between us and never would. I've also been in bands where no one knew each other but we became friends, and hung out at least once a month away from the music but the relationship was still absolutely professional, the cristicsms, if deserved, were always spot on and taken extremely well! For what it's worth I'm 21. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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