Funny things that people say to you at gigs

[ubit]

Can you put on sex is on fire? Like we are not playing live!

[SpaceChick]

Punter, plays bass, massive pink Floyd fan, says "I've seen Brit Floyd a few times and you are a better bassist than they've got"

it's not true, I have seen Ian Cattell several times and he's great, but a lovely compliment none the less

I just think he was shocked at seeing a fretless bass in a social club

Edited February 15, 2015 by SpaceChick

[EliasMooseblaster]

[quote name='anaxcrosswords' timestamp='1423921509' post='2690384']
That has to be one of the universal pet hates of musicians, when someone comes up to you (often while you’re playing – even worse) to ask if you can play a particular song. As if you have the world's entire back catalogue of music to pick from, unrehearsed.

The ‘people coming up to you onstage’ thing just reminded me of a cracker from late last year when we did a 70s theme night. We included an ABBA number – at the end of it a woman came up to our vocalist and shouted “I hate ABBA!!”
[/quote]

What can you say to that, apart from "Good for you."?

[Dr.Dave]

William ( loudly in front of his knuckle dragging mates) - Does somebody pay you to dress like that ..Hur , hur , hur etc etc Moi - Yes , you do you soft twat.

[rogerstodge]

[quote name='Dr.Dave' timestamp='1424369590' post='2695635']
William ( loudly in front of his knuckle dragging mates) - Does somebody pay you to dress like that ..Hur , hur , hur etc etc Moi - Yes , you do you soft twat.
[/quote]ha ha. Love your posts mate.

[rOB]

A woman once walked onto the stage mid song to tell our guitarist to turn around.

Later my girlfriend went to the toilet and saw the same woman sitting in a cubicle with the door open.

[chaypup]

Someone walked onto the stage tonight to demand lessons from our sax player while he was mid solo. Not really what you expect at a jazz gig.

[gelfin]

At a wedding gig a little old lady came up to me with a tea tray, tea pot cup n saucer etc. and asked if I would like a cuppa.
She then poured the tea, pulled over a chair and left the tea on it for me.

[funkgod]

[quote name='paul_5' timestamp='1422905638' post='2678220']
Play something we know. Hilarious.:/
[/quote]

this reminded me of a night someone shouted that at alexanders in chester watching a jaw dropping brill band.
now for some reason i have it in my head as the hellcasters ! could be wrong.
anyway someone shouted "Play something we know"
and then some witty git shouted "or even just a chord we know"

[Weststarx]

[quote name='gelfin' timestamp='1424385548' post='2695904']
At a wedding gig a little old lady came up to me with a tea tray, tea pot cup n saucer etc. and asked if I would like a cuppa.
She then poured the tea, pulled over a chair and left the tea on it for me.
[/quote]

I'd love that!!!

[KingBollock]

[quote name='Weststarx' timestamp='1424449242' post='2696466']


I'd love that!!!
[/quote]
This was a disco gig back in the early 90s. While setting up mid afternoon in a very, very posh hotel, for the night's do, a waiter turned up to ask if we would like some tea. I had never seen anything like him before, outside of the telly. He was immaculately dressed, he almost looked unreal. When he came back with the tea, it was a proper, full silver service, I dread to think how much it must have been worth. It was surreal.

What was even more odd was that the do was the annual "Travellers" Christmas party. That evening over 300 men, women and children, descended on the place from all over the country, wherever their caravans happened to be parked. It would probably have gone OK if it wasn't for the damned kids. They destroyed everything they got their hands on and I was constantly being threatened with physical violence if the DJ didn't play the song they wanted NOW! My job was normally to do the lights, but the boss decided he wanted to do it that night, so he could hide behind the console, and he made me sit up front to take requests. Gawd he was a tosser.
The adults weren't so bad, there were only a few full on fist fights.

[neepheid]

[quote name='gelfin' timestamp='1424385548' post='2695904']
At a wedding gig a little old lady came up to me with a tea tray, tea pot cup n saucer etc. and asked if I would like a cuppa.
She then poured the tea, pulled over a chair and left the tea on it for me.
[/quote]

Brilliant, I'd love to play a gig as civilised as that. We do like a cuppa, there's at least 10 cups consumed between us at every rehearsal.

[taunton-hobbit]

Had an amazing hotel in deepest Oxfordshire (s'probably retirement flats by now) that my agent used to throw at me when they were up sh*t creek - we demanded food as part of the gig (been doing a local carnival all day, had to drop everything to get to the hotel)-got there and their faces fell (the dislike was mutual) - anyways they grudgingly supplied us with tea and fingers of toast with something fishy on them........about ten minutes in we were asked to turn it down, because of complaints from an elderly guest that some idiot had put in directly above the function room - said complaints continued until we were playing lower than lift music, so after about an hour, we extracted our money and left...never saw the place again, thank goodness....

[Cameronj279]

[quote name='neepheid' timestamp='1424455051' post='2696569']

there's at least 10 cups consumed between us at every rehearsal.
[/quote]

Not at a gig and not an audience member but at a rehearsal a few weeks back I went for a coffee as we had a quick break. Drummer asked me to get him a coffee.. Turns out he takes 6 sugars in it if he's using a small cup (maybe 150/200ml tops). I tried it and instantly felt sick. Waste of good coffee!

[TheRev]

OK, I've got another one. It's a bit long winded so bear with me.....

The band were booked for a weekend at a cider farm during apple pressing season. We'd done the gig for two years in a row, so we knew the organisers well and were all happily looking forward to a weekend of playing and getting squiffy on scrumpy cider.
We arrived at 10am on the Saturday and got busy unloading the van, setting up and chatting to the organisers, exhibitors and friends that were in and out of the barn we were to play in. In the middle of all this we hear a cheery 'Owright laaads?' and turn around to see the owner of the farm - a 70-something proper Dorset farmer with an accent you could shovel with a pitchfork.

'Good to 'ave you baack boys' he says, 'really lookin' forward to you playin'

We say thanks, cheers etc.

'Can you play a request for me lads?' he asks, 'Will you play that song you do about the nig**rs?'

Silence

We look at each other..... more silence.

'Sorry, what??' splutters our singer.

'You know, the song you do about the nig**rs, I like that one'

More silence... Our singer is looking horrified, his mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. I should point out that our singer is a full-on, hardcore, left-wing, trade unionist, anti-fascist, so the idea that he would even say the word nig**r, never mind write a song using that word is just unthinkable.

'Sorry mate' says our singer 'I really don't know which song you mean - do you know the title?'

'You know,' says the farmer, that song about the nig**rs, you sings it all the time'

Our singer really wants to tell the farmer to feck off, but he owns the farm (i.e. he's paying us) and he is 70 odd, so he thinks that maybe the old boy doesn't know that it's really no OK to keep saying nig**rs... anyway, he has one more try.

'I'm really sorry, but I just can't work out what song you mean - are you sure it's one of ours? It doesn't sound like one of ours.'

'Arr, go on, you know, like Tom Jones' says the old boy.

Now we're really lost.

'Like Tom Jones' says the old boy, 'with the girls throwing their nig**rs'

The penny drops - we have a song with the opening line 'The girls throw their knickers at the Skimmity Hitchers' (Skimmity Hitchers is the name of our band) and the farmers' thick Dorsetshire accent makes 'knickers' sound like 'nig**rs'

I have never seen someone look so relieved - even more than when our guitarist thought his £3k Martin Johnny Cash signature guitar had been stolen from backstage and we told him we'd put it in the dressing room for safekeeping.

So, all was well and we had a great weekend playing music and getting squiffy on the farmhouse cider which the farmer supplied in never ending quantities.

Only problem was, every time we played that song (playing 4 sets per day across two days,so it cropped up on a couple of occasions) all I could hear in the opening line was 'Girls throw their nig**rs at the Skimmity Hitchers' along with a mental image of our singer's totally horrified face, resulting in a fit of the giggles for the rest of the song. I still chuckle now, 4 months later.

[Norm]

Brilliant!

[Dad3353]

[quote name='TheRev' timestamp='1424466763' post='2696763']... I still chuckle now, 4 months later.
[/quote]

That's Dorset cider for you..!

[ArcherBass]

We played a super crap evening a working mans club, won't name it, but basically they expected a Madness covers band. We're not a Madness covers band. We never said we were, just a Ska band with a couple of Madness tunes in there. We had to play for 3 hours, there was hardly a ripple of applause anywhere.

At the end of the gig, rather spitefully our front man said 'Thanks you very much, see you next time'

From the darkest recess of the furthest corner, some cretin croaked 'I 'ope note'...

[taunton-hobbit]

Many years ago, I used to get landed with Thame Social Club (it's ok, it's long gone) - was a sort of alleyway converted into a club with a bar & a small stage, never got above 20 or 30 punters.
On said stage was a Marshall double bass stack, so I hooked an amp out into that, along with the 4x12 cols that I was using.
I took a break after an hour or so and the bloke on the door informed me that they'd had several phone calls about the noise travelling through the neighbourhood, and that unless I was careful we wouldn't get another booking. I replied something on the lines of 'thanks, I wondered what it would take' - his face was an absolute picture......

Edited March 26, 2015 by taunton-hobbit

[lojo]

When I played in a Classic Rock band , people seemed like shouting

"freeeeeebird"

[lonestar]

I remember back in the days when one swapped the flares for skinny jeans and dms, hid all the Yes albums and started listening to the Clash, going to a local gig featuring the slits, probably in 1977. A long haired 15 year old guitarist Frampton/Hendrix/ Kossoff wannabe mate of mine, who hadn't quite caught up,stood in the middle of the joyous pogoing,gobbing mayhem, made the devils horn sign thingy and yelled "Sabbath".
My initial though was should I smack him in the mouth ? It may save his life, but I think we got away with it anyway.
Happy days

Edited March 26, 2015 by lonestar

[tauzero]

I almost always use a Sei Original headless fretless 5-string. I've had about half a dozen people so far come up to me and say "Lovely bass. What is it, an xxx?" where xxx was most recently Lakland (I must say, he got the pronunciation right) and I think has included Rickenbacker in the past. Funnily enough, neither Status nor Hohner has ever featured as xxx.

[colleya]

Playing in a classic rock covers band a few years ago at a full on rock pub. It should have been a perfect fit but for whatever reason the crowd weren't warming to us. Towards the end of the second set, a massively drunken bloke stumbles across the dance floor between songs and yells:

"You're better than this!"

We weren't.

Andy

[Japhet]

Pissed up bloke came up to me once in the middle of a song and yelled in my ear "I've written a song. I'll give you the words and chords in the break and you can play it in the second set".

[BILL POSTERS]

Donkeys years ago, at a pub or workie club in Tamworth, playing with a band of old fogies doing Dave Edmunds and Shadows type rock n roll covers to a disinterested dozen or so people, 2 of who were playing pool in front of what passed for a stage.

One of them walked up to me between numbers and asked me to turn my amp down as I was moving the balls on the pool table and it was affecting his game.

By the way, I was using an HH IC100 guitar amp and a 4 X 12.