Funny things that people say to you at gigs

[mrtcat]

Played a 21st bday gig last Fri. There was also a DJ who was a friend of the bday girl's dad. He came up to us before we started and gave us a lecture about not swearing as there were kids present. Towards end of our set we played Happy Birthday with the audience singing. By this point DJ was well oiled and grabbed our singers mic and shouted at the crowd "for f***s sake you miserable bunch of c***s f***ing well sing you b***ards". Made us all chuckle.

[Bloodaxe]

[quote name='Tom Brookes Music' timestamp='1422905514' post='2678219']
A few weeks back some guy told me that I am better than the bassist in Parliament (I'm sh*t!)
[/quote]

Maybe he meant [url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MP4_%28band%29]Ian Cawsey, ex-MP for Brigg & Goole[/url]

[redbandit599]

Our old drummer was once approached by a middle aged lady in the break who proudly said:-

"I have the nipples of a 14 year old!"

She then proceeded to show him.

What was really funny was just how shocked the drummer was afterwards, especially considering he was a tattooist and piercer and had pretty much 'seen it all.'

[toneknob]

[quote name='redbandit599' timestamp='1422957450' post='2678722']
"I have the nipples of a 14 year old!"

She then proceeded to show him.
[/quote]

next time tell him to ask "Does the 14-year old want them back?"

[TheRev]

[quote name='SpaceChick' timestamp='1422909600' post='2678318']


PMSL at scrumpy 'n western
[/quote]

Yep, we play both kinds of music.

[DaytonaRik]

[quote name='NoRhino' timestamp='1422893074' post='2677971']
At a StatusNo gig, the clue's in the name , dulcet Glaswegian tones from he back of he hall "Gie's The Killers!"
[/quote]

In a similar vein, on Saturday a guy a little worse for wears wanders up to me playing in Think Lizzy and asks if we can play some Led Zep!

[lonestar]

[quote name='toneknob' timestamp='1422958146' post='2678734']
next time tell him to ask "Does the 14-year old want them back?"
[/quote]

..."because you're getting them all wrinkly".

[lonestar]

Some Brylcreemed, blazer clad old geezer, with a regimental badge and military bearing, at a rugby club do I was depping at a few years ago f[u]ought his way through a packed dance floor[/u] to tell me mid-song that nobody would dance to any of this modern stuff, ( standard function band fodder) and that we should play some Beatles songs or something. I pointed him to my drummer friend Bob who was manning the mixer out front and told him to discuss the shortcomings of the setlist with our "manager".

[EliasMooseblaster]

[quote name='EssentialTension' timestamp='1422860111' post='2677540']
'You aren't tall enough to play bass.'
[/quote]

It wasn't at a gig, but a similar one I once had was
[b]"You can't be the bassist, you aren't fat."[/b]

(I seem to remember that this was during that brief period when "Nu" Metal was popular, and the bassists in many such bands seemed to be the more corpulent ones with terrible neckbeards...)

[ubit]

[quote name='lonestar' timestamp='1422970860' post='2678975']


..."because you're getting them all wrinkly".
[/quote]

That made me larf that did!

[UglyDog]

[quote name='redbandit599' timestamp='1422957450' post='2678722']
Our old drummer was once approached by a middle aged lady in the break who proudly said:-

"I have the nipples of a 14 year old!"

She then proceeded to show him.

What was really funny was just how shocked the drummer was afterwards, especially considering he was a tattooist and piercer and had pretty much 'seen it all.'
[/quote]
I have the body of a 20 year old.





I keep it in the freezer.

[Geek99]

[quote name='MarkW' timestamp='1422829984' post='2677381']
We played in the Black Sheep Brewery tent for the three days of the Great Yorkshire Show the year before last. Complete carnage as you'd expect. At one point a paralytic Irish woman staggered up to the stage, looked straight at me and said "Jeez, but you've got nice tits. Can I have a feel?"
[/quote]
Should have said it back to her

[Oopsdabassist]

My guess is that is what she was hoping for!

Edited February 3, 2015 by Oopsdabassist

[timmo]

[quote name='seashell' timestamp='1422879772' post='2677768']
'You remind me of Suzi Quatro'

Nothing wrong with that, mind you! And to be fair, I do look more like her than I do any other female bass player. (Not that the punters will have heard of any other female bass players. Probably couldn't name any male bass players either, lol )
[/quote]If you insist on wearing the tight leather jump suit, what do you expect?

[Weststarx]

''Are you always this sh*t?''

[Marillionred]

Our lead singer to audience: "This next one's by the late Brittney Spears"
Guitarist, looking surprised: " Why? Has something terrible happened to her?"
Singer, looking pointedly at watch: "No. She's just late!"
Band: launches into rocking version of Toxic.

All spontaneous! I love those moments

[Painy]

When my band were all about 17 years old, a short, dumpy, late middle aged lady with a slight moustache came up to our drummer and told him that, after she'd seen us the last time we'd played at that venue, she'd then gone home and fantasized about him whilst having sex with her husband.
There wasn't a lot he could say to that to be fair.

[seashell]

[quote name='timmo' timestamp='1422977679' post='2679074']
If you insist on wearing the tight leather jump suit, what do you expect?
[/quote]

Well I will admit to a pair of leather trousers, but my inspiration was xilldx (Nigel) rather than Suze! :-)

[Twincam]

I will admit that when ive been rather too drunk for my own good i have probably said some stupid things to bands.

Last time i must of annoyed sh*t out the bassist, although he was canny enough with me. I got a go of his bass and even his backup one, chatted about his amp etc.

Lol one time i was listening to a band they were good, the guitarist swapped guitars and i immediately yelled out "P90 pickups!" which were indeed the pickups on the guitar. Everyone turns and looks at me, the guitarist gave me a thumbs up and a nod before launching into a solo.
A Slightly strange thing to yell out. Oh well.

[mcnach]

[quote name='DaytonaRik' timestamp='1422970043' post='2678958']
In a similar vein, on Saturday a guy a little worse for wears wanders up to me playing in Think Lizzy and asks if we can play some Led Zep!
[/quote]

I have been asked for Nirvana and Metallica... while playing in a Red Hot Chili Peppers tribute band. Some people are just a little thick

[gjones]

I had a drunk woman come up to me once and ask if her husband could sing the song 'Cocaine' with the band.
I said no.
She then said that here husband was the head of London Weekend Television and that we would never appear on his channel if I wouldn't let him sing with the band.
I still said no.
And guess what? We never did appear on London Weekend Television.

[planer]

[quote name='Twincam' timestamp='1422989481' post='2679245']
I immediately yelled out "P90 pickups!" which were indeed the pickups on the guitar. Everyone turns and looks at me, the guitarist gave me a thumbs up and a nod before launching into a solo.
A Slightly strange thing to yell out. Oh well.
[/quote]

Brilliant! Guitar Tourette's :-)

[thumbo]

Are you taking requests?

No.

Can you play Hotel California?

[LayDownThaFunk]

"Good evening, we are a Jimi Hendrix tribute band."

"Stairway!"

[ras52]

[quote name='Painy' timestamp='1422987445' post='2679215']
When my band were all about 17 years old, a short, dumpy, late middle aged lady with a slight moustache came up to our drummer and told him that, after she'd seen us the last time we'd played at that venue, she'd then gone home and fantasized about him whilst having sex with her husband.
There wasn't a lot he could say to that to be fair.
[/quote]
He could have asked her if he was any good...