keefbaker Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 [quote name='CamdenRob' timestamp='1456492765' post='2989585'] oh the non-toll bit... I don't want to be elitist about it [/quote] I was thinking if you did it on the Toll then your rotting corpse would be more likely to upset posh bankers trying to get to their next meeting quickly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keefbaker Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 [quote name='discreet' timestamp='1456492687' post='2989584'] If they are wearing a hat, have a bushy beard and turn out to be bald, dial 999 and ask for the Coastguard. [/quote] Coastguart anti-hipster division specifically (says the bald bloke with a small beard who wears a hat in the winter because BEING BALD IS COLD, OK?!?) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discreet Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 I want to be cremated and have my ashes sprinkled on David Cameron's porridge. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discreet Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 (edited) [quote name='keefbaker' timestamp='1456493036' post='2989590'] Coastguart anti-hipster division specifically (says the bald bloke with a small beard who wears a hat in the winter because BEING BALD IS COLD, OK?!?) [/quote] I already knew from your belligerent posts that you were bald. I actually meant that if you meet a bald bearded bloke wearing a hat you've probably got a sailor on your hands and should alert the authorities... Edited February 26, 2016 by discreet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RockfordStone Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 i look through joinmyband a lot and there are several things that would put me off if i'm honest 1 - [color=#282828][font=helvetica, arial, sans-serif]"very childish 40 year old" generally, i want people just to say they are 40, not trying make them look younger by saying childish or a "young 40", it's a real turn off for me, just be honest[/font][/color] [color=#282828][font=helvetica, arial, sans-serif]2 - [/font][/color][font="helvetica, arial, sans-serif"][color="#282828"]"zany singing drummer" - this combined with point one makes your band sound amateur and childish to me, which i doubt is the case but that's the vibe i get. people are put off by people being zany or people trying to be younger than they are.[/color][/font] [color=#282828][font=helvetica, arial, sans-serif]3 - You want to do floor fillers for wedding gigs but may do originals. I'd want you to be specific, do you want to play wedding gigs or originals gigs, because the pay and commitments are totally different[/font][/color] [color=#282828][font=helvetica, arial, sans-serif]4 - its not clear if its maternity cover or a full time gig, id want to know that its a full time slot and not 6-12 month cover where by i'd be just an add on and not have a say in decisions etc.[/font][/color] [color=#282828][font=helvetica, arial, sans-serif]it might be harsh criticism, but a lot of people will make a judgement on any advert others put up and can form an opinion, especially musicians who have been there and seen this all before. having looked at your response, i probably wouldn't respond.[/font][/color] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discreet Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 [quote name='RockfordStone' timestamp='1456493549' post='2989598'] ...[color=#282828][font=helvetica, arial, sans-serif]I probably wouldn't respond.[/font][/color] [/quote] I might respond, but first I'd ask if any band members were zany, voluptuous, bubbly, bald, bearded or wore a hat. Then I'd decide. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dlloyd Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 [quote name='Stylon Pilson' timestamp='1456488836' post='2989512'] My notes:[list=1] [*]Things like grammar, punctuation, capitalisation etc. Every single mistake, no matter how small, seems sloppy. [*]Make it clear up front whether it's a permanent replacement or temporary. You also witter on a bit much in the opening paragraph - "and as she should with a little one on the way." is totally unnecessary. [*]"zany singing drummer" - remove "zany" [*]"very childish 40 year old" - I know that this seems endearing, but for many people a 40 year old who behaves like a kid is a huge red flag [*]Rather than say "it's not going to be a major source of income", just say how many gigs you do, and clarify that you have no plans to increase or decrease that number. They'll be able to do the sums. [*]"would not be against doing originals" - try to express this in a way that sounds a bit more self-confident. [/list] S.P. [/quote] This exactly. I read the advert before reading the thread and I think I would have declined the audition, unless I was absolutely desperate to get out of the house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
synthaside Posted February 26, 2016 Author Share Posted February 26, 2016 I guess my problem is that I'm 30 and bearded with long hair , while the lead guitarist is also 30 but rapidly losing his . Perhaps i just shouldn't be trusted with a crayon let alone a keyboard . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discreet Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 (edited) [quote name='synthaside' timestamp='1456494318' post='2989612'] I guess my problem is that I'm 30 and bearded with long hair, while the lead guitarist is also 30 but rapidly losing his . Perhaps I just shouldn't be trusted with a crayon let alone a keyboard . [/quote] Give the crayon to your guitarist, he can use it to draw some hair on his head until you've selected your band member. By the time they realise he's bald, it will be too late. Get everyone else to have a bit of a shave and a haircut, avoid being too zany and childish and you'll be golden. Edited February 26, 2016 by discreet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrtcat Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 [quote name='blue' timestamp='1456488280' post='2989496'] The one thing that I find common in the type of ad your posting. It sounds like a band that rehearses more than they gig. [/quote] This. It would put me off. Also the fact that it's only a temporary position. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jazzneck Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 [quote name='discreet' timestamp='1456493337' post='2989595'] I already knew from your belligerent posts that you were bald. I actually meant that if you meet a bald bearded bloke wearing a hat you've probably got a sailor in your hands and should alert the authorities... [/quote] Fixed it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jazzneck Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 My cremation song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nrZrBPg3f50 then all off to the pub with my ashes . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keefbaker Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 [quote name='Jazzneck' timestamp='1456495507' post='2989638'] then all off to the pub with my ashes . [/quote] I'm absolutely up with your idea. If it were me I'd make sure they bring out a big cake at the pub and spread my ashes on top of the cake and nobody is allowed to leave until they eat a piece of cake. Also: Make sure they don't grind me up too hard when they cremate me so I can still be a pain in the arse after I'm gone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jazzneck Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 Now, THAT is a great idea. Thank you for the suggestion! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keefbaker Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 [quote name='Jazzneck' timestamp='1456495982' post='2989646'] Now, THAT is a great idea. Thank you for the suggestion! [/quote] Here to help! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blue Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 (edited) [quote name='discreet' timestamp='1456492687' post='2989584'] And beware of any candidates who are wearing a hat. They are doing so to focus attention away from some defect or other. They could even be bald, which is a no-no, obviously. Bushy beards are the same. There is no good reason for [i]anyone [/i]to have a bushy beard. Avoid. If they are wearing a hat, have a bushy beard and turn out to be bald, dial 999 and ask for the Coastguard. [/quote] Never got the whole bushy beard thing. Why do these young guys go out of their way to look old. Your only young once. Blue Edited February 26, 2016 by blue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discreet Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 [quote name='blue' timestamp='1456499999' post='2989702'] Never got the whole bushy beard thing. Why do these young guys go out of their way to look old.[/quote] It's merely a trend, like any other. It will pass. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
taunton-hobbit Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 I know I'm old, but I needed a bloody magnifying glass to work out the I was totally unsuitable.............. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mykesbass Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 [size=3]Sorry Synthaside, but another reason why you should stick to writing code - what on earth is an upcoming pregnancy?[/size] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keefbaker Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 [quote name='Mykesbass' timestamp='1456501964' post='2989737'] [size=3]Sorry Synthaside, but another reason why you should stick to writing code - what on earth is an upcoming pregnancy?[/size] [/quote] A statement of intent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul S Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 No time for the band as she is busy trying to get pregnant? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discreet Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 [quote name='Paul S' timestamp='1456502528' post='2989752'] No time for the band as she is busy trying to get pregnant? [/quote] Yes... thanks for that image. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigman Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 (edited) [quote name='CamdenRob' timestamp='1456492437' post='2989577'] I don't want a funeral... I want to be fly tipped in a hedge down the side of the M6... [/quote] I want to be pickled in a jar of formaldehyde and stood in the corner, surveying my universe. Edited February 26, 2016 by Twigman Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigman Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 [quote name='Mykesbass' timestamp='1456501964' post='2989737'] [size=3]Sorry Synthaside, but another reason why you should stick to writing code - what on earth is an upcoming pregnancy?[/size] [/quote] Does she need any help with that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JapanAxe Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 [quote name='Paul S' timestamp='1456502528' post='2989752'] No time for the band as she is busy trying to get pregnant? [/quote] Maybe the band could all help in that regard? Obviously I mean by giving her time to be with her other half. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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