Your reasons for quitting bands

[chrisanthony1211]

Never quit a band, been with the same guys on and off for twenty years, drummers have come and gone, but that's to be expected due to their gene pool issue.

[blue]

[quote name='gazzatriumph' timestamp='1493637450' post='3289547']
I've been in three bands over the last six years and there always seems to be one person that pee's me off , I try and do get on with most people but in the end I take so much and leave. I've not been in a band now for six months and to be honest I've not missed it, I thought I would, I just seemed to have lost any drive or enthusiasm to be in another band. Has anyone else gone through this and did the urge to join a band again come back. I'm seriously considering selling my gear but just holding back just in case. I'm 54 by the way.
[/quote]

Depends on what your looking for in a band and what your focus is.

Our band members have very little to do with each other. I think it's way we get along so well

Blue

[blue]

For those of us that do this for a living, we usually say;

"Never quit your band unless you have found a an opportunity that's better for you're

Blue

[Monkey Steve]

Only ever actually quit two bands. Most usually whither for some reason.

#1 was a sneaky/cowardly way of not sacking the guitarist (who's band it was). Genuine musical differences more than anything else - we didn't hate the guitarist, although we did get to the point where it felt like we didn't like him very much as he was continually being obstructive and controlling. The rest of the band wanted to do one thing and the guitarist just flat refused to go in that direction. So I quit ahead the last gig we had booked, played that and said goodbye...the guitarist was apparently very keen to replace me with someone he knew and a little surprised to find that the singer and drummer told him not to bother as they were off too, and oh, look, the singer knows a new guitarist who wants to do something with the rest of us...

#2 - the lead guitarist. Just a massive *word that will be objected to by the swear filter* Standard lead guitarist passive/aggressive monstrous ego behaviour for some months peaked when we'd recorded a demo, paid extra for the engineer to mix it to our liking, and then he wouldn't agree to get it copied up so that we could send it out and get some gigs, on the basis that he'd got the Pro Tools tracks and had been re-recording some parts and we should have the decency to wait for him to finish his remix which had already taken about a month. Replying to a group e-mail I told him what I thought of his plan, and got an abusive reply on a Friday afternoon about how nobody appreciated everything he did for the band and we all took him for granted. Brilliant stuff, just a prolonged whine showing how completely unaware he was that we were all fed up with him and his behaviour and didn't really rate him very highly as a lead guitarist (he was OK for a covers band playing pubs, as long as we stuck to songs that he could manage). Fortunately I was in another band that I much preferred playing originals with far better guitarists so i sent a very short reply on the Monday morning telling him to look for another bass player because I wouldn't ever be playing with him again as had long since ceased to be any fun whatsoever (and despite it being mine and the drummer's band).

When I hit Send I was unaware that he'd played a gig that weekend with another band he was in with the same drummer, where he'd tried to blame the drummer for a mistake that he (the guitarist) had made in missing an intro queue. The drummer then told him very forcefully how he would never be playing in any band with him ever again because he was such a *word that will be objected to by the swear filter* so by the time I quit the guitarist had already been sacked from both bands. Probably. The sacking/quitting sort of overlapped and there was no point resolving exactly what came first. My band never played again and the other one fulfilled the last two bookings they had with a dep and then they gave up too.

[Monkey Steve]

[quote name='gazzatriumph' timestamp='1493637450' post='3289547']
I've been in three bands over the last six years and there always seems to be one person that pee's me off , I try and do get on with most people but in the end I take so much and leave. I've not been in a band now for six months and to be honest I've not missed it, I thought I would, I just seemed to have lost any drive or enthusiasm to be in another band. Has anyone else gone through this and did the urge to join a band again come back. I'm seriously considering selling my gear but just holding back just in case. I'm 54 by the way.
[/quote]

I know what you mean, and a drummer mate of mine is going through exactly the same thing at the moment - had to quit a band he loved because of a move for work, thought he would want to get back into something reasonably quickly but is actually enjoying not rehearsing and not playing gigs a couple of times every weekend and instead being able to spend time with the family and go to the pub on a Friday night, so five months later he has no desire to pick up his sticks any time soon.

For me there's a line between what starts out as "I'm in a band and isn't it nice to have a break from rehearsals and watch TV on a Thursday night for a change" and rapidly becomes "I now watch TV on a Thursday night, I used to play in a band". But there's a third stage I've never got to which is "I have no interest whatsoever in being in a band"

I can only speak personally, in that I've never particularly chased being in a band, which isn't the way everybody's wired. I love doing it and given the choice between watching TV or playing bass in a rehearsal studio I'll take the bass every time. But I don't lose sleep if I'm not in a band. Something turns up eventually, somebody will ask me to play bass in their band, or a chat with some mates will turn into a new band forming. Sometimes it's weeks or months of only playing my bass on the sofa at home, sometimes that might become a couple of years. I do go through periods of thinking "well, what's the point of having all that gear if I'm never going to play it" but that does seem to me to be the last admission that I'm someone who used to play in bands and doesn't want to do it any more.

So I'd suggest enjoying your time off, keeping hold of your gear, and keeping an eye out for something that comes up which does interest you enough to get off the sofa, maybe dip your toe into a jam night or something. But that's me, and if you really can't see yourself wanting to play ever again, well, maybe it is time to clear out the spare room

[IainS]

When you're in a three piece band and both the drummer and singer/guitarist consistently turn up late because they're both so stoned they don't know what time of day it is, it's probably time to leave. So I did.

[Guest gazzatriumph]

[quote name='Monkey Steve' timestamp='1493739279' post='3290319']
I know what you mean, and a drummer mate of mine is going through exactly the same thing at the moment - had to quit a band he loved because of a move for work, thought he would want to get back into something reasonably quickly but is actually enjoying not rehearsing and not playing gigs a couple of times every weekend and instead being able to spend time with the family and go to the pub on a Friday night, so five months later he has no desire to pick up his sticks any time soon.

For me there's a line between what starts out as "I'm in a band and isn't it nice to have a break from rehearsals and watch TV on a Thursday night for a change" and rapidly becomes "I now watch TV on a Thursday night, I used to play in a band". But there's a third stage I've never got to which is "I have no interest whatsoever in being in a band"

I can only speak personally, in that I've never particularly chased being in a band, which isn't the way everybody's wired. I love doing it and given the choice between watching TV or playing bass in a rehearsal studio I'll take the bass every time. But I don't lose sleep if I'm not in a band. Something turns up eventually, somebody will ask me to play bass in their band, or a chat with some mates will turn into a new band forming. Sometimes it's weeks or months of only playing my bass on the sofa at home, sometimes that might become a couple of years. I do go through periods of thinking "well, what's the point of having all that gear if I'm never going to play it" but that does seem to me to be the last admission that I'm someone who used to play in bands and doesn't want to do it any more.

So I'd suggest enjoying your time off, keeping hold of your gear, and keeping an eye out for something that comes up which does interest you enough to get off the sofa, maybe dip your toe into a jam night or something. But that's me, and if you really can't see yourself wanting to play ever again, well, maybe it is time to clear out the spare room
[/quote]

You've spoken a lot of sense, pretty much sums everything up and what I was thinking, cheers.

[blue]

[quote name='IainS' timestamp='1493742390' post='3290365']
When you're in a three piece band and both the drummer and singer/guitarist consistently turn up late because they're both so stoned they don't know what time of day it is, it's probably time to leave. So I did.
[/quote]

Controlled Substance use at gigs or rehearsal is a deal breaker for me.

Blue

[Kevin Dean]

My last band I just got fed up with supplying the PA , Transport & booking Gigs , & they would show no interest in setting the PA up & breaking it down but would talk to me as though I was a stage monitor guy ... I did think about turning up to my last gig with them & ask the singer if he had a bass I could borrow as He never bothered even getting a mic ,lol .

[tinyd]

I think all my reasons are ultimately caused by other band members who like the idea of being in a band, but are not interested in doing the work to play the music as well as they can. This is either laziness or an example of the [url="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect"]Dunning-Kruger Effect[/url] where they believe themselves to be much better musicians than they actually are.

[mikel]

Lots of reasons on here to do with vocalists. What is it with singers, is it compulsory to be a flake if you want to sing? The last band I left spent 18 months in startup due to problems getting a singer. We tried 7 over that time. Pick one or more reasons from.... not learning the words, where to come in, no sense of timing, health issues, my partner is not keen on me being in a band, changed my mind, to the one that finally made me pack it in....being a big headed control freak who wasnt really very good. Argggghhhh.

[KevB]

[quote name='mikel' timestamp='1493810641' post='3290809']
my partner is not keen on me being in a band
[/quote]

Reverse for me in last band. Lack of technical ability and stage presence of vocalist convinced me the band wasn't going to really push on beyond cheap pub gigs but she is the partner of the guitard band leader so is never going to be sacked. I began to lose confidence in any progression, they picked up on it and wanted me out before I could quit.

[LewisK1975]

Mainly due to ambivalence from other band members for me. I've quit 2 bands in the past because of other band members not wanting to learn new songs, albeit one of them was also due to gig clashes with my other (originals) band at the time becoming a problem.

My particular favourite being when the band members agreed on 3 new songs to learn, and so I booked a rehearsal room for a week's time. Turned up for rehearsal the following week and it became obvious that the drummer hadn't even listened to them. I just asked him outright if he'd learned them, and he replied 'I've had a quick listen'. Spent the entire 3 hour rehearsal on one song. I put up with it for ages as he was a reliable guy and not a tw@t, but in the end enough was enough..the band didn't continue without me. Says it all really.

[Guest gazzatriumph]

[quote name='mikel' timestamp='1493810641' post='3290809']
Lots of reasons on here to do with vocalists. What is it with singers, is it compulsory to be a flake if you want to sing? The last band I left spent 18 months in startup due to problems getting a singer. We tried 7 over that time. Pick one or more reasons from.... not learning the words, where to come in, no sense of timing, health issues, my partner is not keen on me being in a band, changed my mind, to the one that finally made me pack it in....being a big headed control freak who wasnt really very good. Argggghhhh.
[/quote]

[FinnDave]

[quote name='mikel' timestamp='1493810641' post='3290809']
Lots of reasons on here to do with vocalists. What is it with singers, is it compulsory to be a flake if you want to sing? The last band I left spent 18 months in startup due to problems getting a singer. We tried 7 over that time. Pick one or more reasons from.... not learning the words, where to come in, no sense of timing, health issues, my partner is not keen on me being in a band, changed my mind, to the one that finally made me pack it in....being a big headed control freak who wasnt really very good. Argggghhhh.
[/quote]

Had all that in one singer. (apart from the partner bit)

[blue]

[quote name='mikel' timestamp='1493810641' post='3290809']
Lots of reasons on here to do with vocalists. What is it with singers, is it compulsory to be a flake if you want to sing? The last band I left spent 18 months in startup due to problems getting a singer. We tried 7 over that time. Pick one or more reasons from.... not learning the words, where to come in, no sense of timing, health issues, my partner is not keen on me being in a band, changed my mind, to the one that finally made me pack it in....being a big headed control freak who wasnt really very good. Argggghhhh.
[/quote]

A good example of what happens in one way or the other to 99% of start ups and why I personally never recommend them.

The thing that really bothers me about failed start ups is leaving an overall bad and wrong impression of what being in a band is all about.

Blue

Edited May 3, 2017 by blue

[blue]

[quote name='LewisK1975' timestamp='1493824888' post='3291015']
Mainly due to ambivalence from other band members for me. I've quit 2 bands in the past because of other band members not wanting to learn new songs, albeit one of them was also due to gig clashes with my other (originals) band at the time becoming a problem.

My particular favourite being when the band members agreed on 3 new songs to learn, and so I booked a rehearsal room for a week's time. Turned up for rehearsal the following week and it became obvious that the drummer hadn't even listened to them. I just asked him outright if he'd learned them, and he replied 'I've had a quick listen'. Spent the entire 3 hour rehearsal on one song. I put up with it for ages as he was a reliable guy and not a tw@t, but in the end enough was enough..the band didn't continue without me. Says it all really.
[/quote]

How long did it take before you realized it wasn't for you?

The reason I ask, once it took me 4 rehearsals when it should have taken 1.

Blue

Edited May 3, 2017 by blue

[kodiakblair]

Guitar player flitted between being "born again" and white rasta. Drummer went for Satan or Nergal depending what phase the guitar player was in
The stoned 6 stringer's endless "It's Babylon Maaan !! " started getting on my wick,even through the alcohol shield. Me and the drummer quit and hooked up with an old jazz sax player,very hip old guy who heard voices

[radiophonic]

The last one was a self esteem issue in the end. The band were making me a worse player and I was really depressed about it. I'd not been in a good originals band in about 10 years and to some extent was content to slum it a bit and allow things to find their own level. I was also aware that my own chops had atrophied playing with a iffy drummer for a few years (really nice guy though and that band wasn't serious in any way). Anyway, I decided to join on the grounds that the material was interesting enough and the threat of a gig usually focuses everyone's attention pretty effectively. 8 months later, no gigs. Every practice was like pulling teeth. Singer/writer/leader considered himself cool and detached but definitely in charge. I just saw a guy with no sense of purpose or clearly defined musical goals. Also, 50 year old guys who still have the same musical straight-jacket they wore in the 80s is just depressing. If I ever tried anything novel he just stamped on it before I'd even had the chance to decide if it worked or not. Control freak. In the end though, it was the drummer - he was clearly used to his high professional status and just couldn't leave it at the door. He demanded respect. I demanded someone who could keep time and play the same beat every time he payed a song. Everything had to be turned into some complex intellectual problem to be solved, when all he needed to do was hit the drums evenly and consistently. If he'd just laughed and admitted he wasn't very good, we probably could have worked it out with simpler parts. My playing was suffering badly - having to react to his inconsistency - and I was learning nothing, so I bailed. We recorded a demo just before I left, but recording it was such a dispiriting experience, I've never played it. I wasn't there for the mixing and have no interest in hearing it. Looking back, I think the issue was that he and the singer were so used to being perceived as highly competent successful people, that they were scared to get up on stage and give over control to the randomness of playing live music. The piano player and the lead guitarist were really nice guys though and I feel a bit bad about it on their account. I'm not sure if they continued without me, but I've not seen any gigs advertised.

[LewisK1975]

[quote name='LewisK1975' timestamp='1493824888' post='3291015']
Mainly due to ambivalence from other band members for me. I've quit 2 bands in the past because of other band members not wanting to learn new songs, albeit one of them was also due to gig clashes with my other (originals) band at the time becoming a problem.

My particular favourite being when the band members agreed on 3 new songs to learn, and so I booked a rehearsal room for a week's time. Turned up for rehearsal the following week and it became obvious that the drummer hadn't even listened to them. I just asked him outright if he'd learned them, and he replied 'I've had a quick listen'. Spent the entire 3 hour rehearsal on one song. I put up with it for ages as he was a reliable guy and not a tw@t, but in the end enough was enough..the band didn't continue without me. Says it all really.
[/quote]
[quote name='blue' timestamp='1493847903' post='3291326']
How long did it take before you realized it wasn't for you?

The reason I ask, once it took me 4 rehearsals when it should have taken 1.

Blue
[/quote]

It was a bit different to that really, we were a gigging band that had been going for a few years, and to a certain extent we'd all settled into playing the same stuff every gig. The odd new tune getting added here and there.

I really wanted to revamp the set as I felt that we were becoming bored and sooner or later audiences will definitely pick up on that. We all got on as friends too so I didn't want the band to stop.

This is when we agreed to learn some new stuff and we agreed on the 3 songs as a start...

We did continue for some time after, but after our New Years Eve gig for '14 into '15 I took some time and made my decision to quit.

[FuNkShUi]

[quote name='LewisK1975' timestamp='1493824888' post='3291015']
My particular favourite being when the band members agreed on 3 new songs to learn, and so I booked a rehearsal room for a week's time. Turned up for rehearsal the following week and it became obvious that the drummer hadn't even listened to them. I just asked him outright if he'd learned them, and he replied 'I've had a quick listen'. Spent the entire 3 hour rehearsal on one song. I put up with it for ages as he was a reliable guy and not a tw@t, but in the end enough was enough..the band didn't continue without me. Says it all really.
[/quote]

This is so similar to our situation at the minute Lew, i had to look to see if i had written it!! Our drummers exact words when i asked if he'd learnt them was "i had a quick listen" too!!
Its the same apart from him being reliable actually He has forgotten about a couple of practices and is often late.
But it's like you say we are all mates after playing together for as long as we have.
Worst/most annoying part for me is our drummer thought it was ok, and not an issue, because it "all comes together in the end"

[LewisK1975]

[quote name='FuNkShUi' timestamp='1493902280' post='3291663']
This is so similar to our situation at the minute Lew, i had to look to see if i had written it!! Our drummers exact words when i asked if he'd learnt them was "i had a quick listen" too!!
Its the same apart from him being reliable actually He has forgotten about a couple of practices and is often late.
But it's like you say we are all mates after playing together for as long as we have.
Worst/most annoying part for me is our drummer thought it was ok, and not an issue, because it "all comes together in the end"
[/quote]

Haha!!

[BrunoBass]

The covers band that I'm in plays pubs and bars, with the occasional festival in the summer. I'm of the opinion that as a covers band every single song we play should be a crowdpleaser, even if it's not necessarily a song you'd choose to listen to at home. Because ultimately crowdpleasers are landlord  pleasers, which means more gigs. Simple.

However, the de facto bandleader is set on us playing songs that he likes, which tend to be album tracks by obscure American rock bands. Don't get me wrong, I like some of the stuff he wants to play but it's not Saturday pub material. Over time quite a few of these songs have made it into the set but receive at best a muted response, or are the cue for people to go out for a fag. However when we play a big, anthemic indie or alternative rock classic the place erupts. I'm coming up for two years in this band and I've kind of kept quiet for a while but as I've become established I have asserted my opinion more often.

Two recent events have made me question my involvement.

Firstly, I worked bloody hard to get us a gig at a popular, busy venue that I really wanted to get us into. We played a two hour set on a Friday night which went well but they didn't want to rebook us. Why? The landlord said our stuff was too obscure.

Secondly, in our last 'new song selection' meeting I suggested two big, well known songs that would've gone down an absolute storm. They've both been rejected as being 'too obvious' (which I thought was the whole point) and in favour of a stoner rock track by a band I've never heard of. The tone of the subsequent discussion on the band WhatsApp was basically 'like it or lump it'.

So I'm considering if I want to continue in this band. I like them as people but I'm getting frustrated with the lack of understanding of how to build a set list which works on a Saturday night in a pub, that keeps punters in buying beer, that in turn makes landlords keen to get you back again.

I'm disappointed that there isn't the flexibility to accommodate the individual band members input, which I believe would make us a better, busier band.

[Woodinblack]

[quote name='PaulGibsonBass' timestamp='1497259398' post='3316790']
Two recent events have made me question my involvement.

Secondly, in our last 'new song selection' meeting I suggested two big, well known songs that would've gone down an absolute storm. They've both been rejected as being 'too obvious' (which I thought was the whole point) and in favour of a stoner rock track by a band I've never heard of. The tone of the subsequent discussion on the band WhatsApp was basically 'like it or lump it'.
[/quote]

So you are not a band member, you are just the hired bass player for a band? I assume so, that is what that says.
If my band said that to me, I would pick 'lump it' and walk.

I am a bit wary of having all of the cliches and have fought against a few as I don't want a race to mediocracy and being like every other band, but there really are a lot of songs that are good and well known that dont get played a lot that are good in public.

[BrunoBass]

[quote name='Woodinblack' timestamp='1497261179' post='3316811']


So you are not a band member, you are just the hired bass player for a band? I assume so, that is what that says.
If my band said that to me, I would pick 'lump it' and walk.

I am a bit wary of having all of the cliches and have fought against a few as I don't want a race to mediocracy and being like every other band, but there really are a lot of songs that are good and well known that dont get played a lot that are good in public.
[/quote]

I'm not suggesting we play Sex On Fire or Wonderwall, but I am suggesting we play songs that people know and like.

Yes I am a member of the band and yes I do feel like a hired hand at times. As you say, my walking away is probably inevitable.