Why are music stands not acceptable in guitar bands?

[skankdelvar]

Certain things which are not acceptable in guitar bands:

* [b]Headstock tuners[/b]: Popular with airy-fairy, pinko folkies* and sensitive singer-songwriter types. If you can't tune by ear use a pedal tuner. Or grow a pair.

* [b]Hats[/b]: If you're a slap-head, don't hide it - embrace it. Think exotic headwear makes you look interesting? That's too heavy a lift for one little hat.

* [b]Onstage[/b] [b]Banter[/b]: Unless your frontman is naturally funny (as opposed to laughable) tell him to zip it. No one laughs. And [i]you[/i]? You're not as funny as he is.

* [b]Medleys[/b]: Unless you're playing a supper club ... just ... no.

* [b]Reggae / Country / Metal versions of current pop hits[/b]: See above

* [b]Encores[/b]: Only permissible if you actually [i]leave[/i] the corner of the pub into which you are shoe-horned. Otherwise it's not an encore - it's just another song.

* [b]Encores[/b] [b](having left the stage)[/b]: See medleys

* [b]Playing for free[/b]: only (i) talent-less amateurs and (ii) the charitably inclined play for free. If you are (i) go dig a basement then drag the earth back over you

* [b]Playing for money[/b]: Only play for money if you are a total bread-head. Otherwise the money will blister your fragile soul like holy water on a vampire.

* [b]Bringing spare kit to a gig[/b]: WTF! We are [i]free spirits[/i]! We are rock'n'roll [i]outlaws[/i]. We don't carry spares and don't wear badgers.

* [b]Lending gear[/b]: No one ever lends gear. Unless you're supporting Wilko Johnson; Norman will ask for a loan of your amp. You may not refuse; it's the law.

* [b]Asking to borrow gear[/b]: Just ... [i]get out[/i]. But you had a last-minute equipment failure and didn't bring a spare? That's [i]your[/i] fault, you stupid rock'n'roll outlaw.

* [b]Stacking multiple 2x10's vertically[/b]: Hubert! Hubert? Are you [i]trying[/i] to kill someone, Hubert? Learn to live with comb filtering, you homicidal m****rf**ker.

* [b]Music Stands[/b]: Advisable in all circumstances. Only a ninny would gig without a music stand. Ask the Geoff Love Orchestra (but expect a savage leathering).
[color=#f0fff0].[/color]

Edited July 8, 2016 by skankdelvar

[Dood]

[quote name='skankdelvar' timestamp='1468000609' post='3088013']
Certain things which are not acceptable in guitar bands:

* [b]Headstock tuners[/b]: Popular with airy-fairy, pinko folkies* and sensitive singer-songwriter types. If you can't tune by ear use a pedal tuner. Or grow a pair.

* [b]Hats[/b]: If you're a slap-head, don't hide it - embrace it. Think exotic headwear makes you look interesting? That's too heavy a lift for one little hat.

* [b]Onstage[/b] [b]Banter[/b]: Unless your frontman is naturally funny (as opposed to laughable) tell him to zip it. No one laughs. And [i]you[/i]? You're not as funny as he is.

* [b]Medleys[/b]: Unless you're playing a supper club ... just ... no.

* [b]Reggae / Country / Metal versions of current pop hits[/b]: See above

* [b]Encores[/b]: Only permissible if you actually [i]leave[/i] the corner of the pub into which you are shoe-horned. Otherwise it's not an encore - it's just another song.

* [b]Encores[/b] [b](having left the stage)[/b]: See medleys

* [b]Playing for free[/b]: only (i) talent-less amateurs and (ii) the charitably inclined play for free. If you are (i) go dig a basement then drag the earth back over you

* [b]Playing for money[/b]: Only play for money if you are a total bread-head. Otherwise the money will blister your fragile soul like holy water on a vampire.

* [b]Bringing spare kit to a gig[/b]: WTF! We are [i]free spirits[/i]! We are rock'n'roll [i]outlaws[/i]. We don't carry spares and don't wear badgers.

* [b]Lending gear[/b]: No one ever lends gear. Unless you're supporting Wilko Johnson; Norman will ask for a loan of your amp. You may not refuse; it's the law.

* [b]Asking to borrow gear[/b]: Just ... [i]get out[/i]. But you had a last-minute equipment failure and didn't bring a spare? That's [i]your[/i] fault, you stupid rock'n'roll outlaw.

* [b]Stacking multiple 2x10's vertically[/b]: Hubert! Hubert? Are you [i]trying[/i] to kill someone, Hubert? Learn to live with comb filtering, you homicidal m****rf**ker.

* [b]Music Stands[/b]: Advisable in all circumstances. Only a ninny would gig without a music stand. Ask the Geoff Love Orchestra (but expect a savage leathering).
&--#62;
[/quote]

I'm quoting the whole post, because I will probably re-read it again later and laugh just the same

[zbd1960]

[quote name='PaulWarning' timestamp='1467987131' post='3087864']
I guess that's why we have a drummer seriously, I don't see much difference between learning a a 40 song 2 hour set than a long classical piece, but hey, I've never been anywhere near an orchestra so I probably don't know what I'm talking about
[/quote] Because you get very little repeatition of notes, rhythm, or structure that you get in rock/pop.

I play in orchestras and in large wind bands. Some of the easier pieces, the music is an aide-memoire since you get to know it after a few rehearsals. But you don't develop that level of familiarity with more complex works, plus as already noted, there are a vast number of articulation, dynamic and performance instructions, as well as notes and rhythm to worry about, plus other performance guidance notes, cuts etc. Typically you get maybe 4 or 5 rehearsals, do concert, start rehearsing new set of music...

I don't yet play bass in any group. When I get round to that, it is likely to be jazz-ish probably. Since I don't currently know any bass music, I'm anticipating using a stand, which I do not see as a problem. Maybe over time, if I end up developing a core repertoire that is aired regularly, that requirement will fade. Don't know. I don't see it as a big deal.

One orchestra I play in has a partially sighted player. He has an A4 sized tablet. He gets his music scanned and then video reversed so that white is black and vice versa - he can see this better. He has a pedal to control scrolling.

The main point is surely that what matters is the end result - if it's a decent performance, what's the issue?

Edited July 8, 2016 by zbd1960

[skankdelvar]

And another thing:

[b]Guitar pedal-boards the size of an aircraft carrier[/b]: If you can't do it with just a Telecaster and a Blues Junior then go somewhere else, you talentless c**k.

[b]100w Marshall guitar stacks[/b]: Small amps don't give you the 'tone'. Only effeminate losers gig with 15w valve combos

[b]Compressors for Bass[/b]: You fool. [i]You complete fool[/i]. Everyone knows it's all in the fingers

[b]Stage Banners[/b]: You [i]want[/i] the audience to know who you are? And where to find you? So those inbred mutants can come round and eat you with their pointy teeth?

[b]Smoke Machines[/b]: Only if you play Smoke On The Water. Or a Smokie medley (see medleys above)

[b]Playing 'Happy Birthday'[/b]: Yeah. And why not jump out of a f**king cake wearing a bikini while you're at it?

[b]Playing requests[/b]: Don't grovel to the bastards. Ask them if they own the CD. Then tell them to sod off home and listen to it, then

[b]Being nice to the soundman[/b]: F**k 'em if they never learned to play an instrument. That makes them your servant. And - no - they don't get access to 'band pussy'.

[b]Being nice to pub landlords[/b]: Essential. Without them you wouldn't have the benefit of all that 'exposure'

[b]Being nice to the audience[/b]: What is this? Group therapy or something? Treat 'em mean, keeps 'em keen. Just like women, really.

Edited July 8, 2016 by skankdelvar

[steve-bbb]

[quote name='skankdelvar' timestamp='1468003582' post='3088045']
And another thing:

[b]Guitar pedal-boards the size of an aircraft carrier[/b]: If you can't do it with just a Telecaster and a Blues Junior then go somewhere else, you talentless c**k.

[b]100w Marshall guitar stacks[/b]: Small amps don't give you the 'tone'. Only effeminate losers gig with 15w combos

[b]Compressors for Bass[/b]: You fool. [i]You complete fool[/i]. Everyone knows it's all in the fingers

[b]Stage Banners[/b]: You [i]want[/i] the audience to know who you are? And where to find you? So those inbred mutants can come round and eat you with their pointy teeth?

[b]Smoke Machines[/b]: Only if you play Smoke On The Water. Or a Smokie medley (see medleys above)

[b]Playing 'Happy Birthday'[/b]: Yeah. And why not jump out of a f**king cake wearing a bikini while you're at it?

[b]Playing requests[/b]: Don't grovel to the bastards. Ask them if they own the CD. Then tell them to sod off home and listen to it, then

[b]Being nice to the soundman[/b]: F**k 'em if they never learned to play an instrument. That makes them your servant. And - no - they don't get access to 'band pussy'.

[b]Being nice to pub landlords[/b]: Essential. Without them you wouldn't have the benefit of all that 'exposure'

[b]Being nice to the audience[/b]: What is this? Group therapy or something? Treat 'em mean, keeps 'em keen. Just like women, really.
[/quote]

[jezzaboy]

Re the classical players. How do they turn the pages when holding a bow and violin.

Is it some mad Jedi / Kung Fu mind trick???

[zbd1960]

[quote name='jezzaboy' timestamp='1468008370' post='3088088']
Re the classical players. How do they turn the pages when holding a bow and violin.

Is it some mad Jedi / Kung Fu mind trick???
[/quote]Yep. As a cellist, the switch from pizzicato to arco in a nano-second between quavers is a rare Jedi secret... [url=http://www.emoticonsfree.net/][/url]

[PaulWarning]

[quote name='zbd1960' timestamp='1468002265' post='3088032']
Because you get very little repeatition of notes, rhythm, or structure that you get in rock/pop.

I play in orchestras and in large wind bands. Some of the easier pieces, the music is an aide-memoire since you get to know it after a few rehearsals. But you don't develop that level of familiarity with more complex works, plus as already noted, there are a vast number of articulation, dynamic and performance instructions, as well as notes and rhythm to worry about, plus other performance guidance notes, cuts etc. Typically you get maybe 4 or 5 rehearsals, do concert, start rehearsing new set of music...

I don't yet play bass in any group. When I get round to that, it is likely to be jazz-ish probably. Since I don't currently know any bass music, I'm anticipating using a stand, which I do not see as a problem. Maybe over time, if I end up developing a core repertoire that is aired regularly, that requirement will fade. Don't know. I don't see it as a big deal.

One orchestra I play in has a partially sighted player. He has an A4 sized tablet. He gets his music scanned and then video reversed so that white is black and vice versa - he can see this better. He has a pedal to control scrolling.

The main point is surely that what matters is the end result - if it's a decent performance, what's the issue?
[/quote]no issue, just wondering whether classical trained muso's have a music stand in front of them to make them look more professional whereas rock bands don't, to make them look more professional, perverse of what? and how do they turn the pages?

Edited July 8, 2016 by PaulWarning

[stingrayPete1977]

You can get a machine that you load the pages into that flips them with a foot pedal.

[stingrayPete1977]

http://www.pageflip.com/pageflipLite.html

[zbd1960]

[quote name='PaulWarning' timestamp='1468010070' post='3088112']
no issue, just wondering whether classical trained muso's have a music stand in front of them to make them look more professional whereas rock bands don't, to make them look more professional, perverse of what? and how do they turn the pages?
[/quote]Planning....

[Beer of the Bass]

Three pages and no mention of white power cables yet?

[fretmeister]

[quote name='zbd1960' timestamp='1468002265' post='3088032']
Because you get very little repeatition of notes, rhythm, or structure that you get in rock/pop.

I play in orchestras and in large wind bands. Some of the easier pieces, the music is an aide-memoire since you get to know it after a few rehearsals. But you don't develop that level of familiarity with more complex works, plus as already noted, there are a vast number of articulation, dynamic and performance instructions, as well as notes and rhythm to worry about, plus other performance guidance notes, cuts etc. Typically you get maybe 4 or 5 rehearsals, do concert, start rehearsing new set of music...

I don't yet play bass in any group. When I get round to that, it is likely to be jazz-ish probably. Since I don't currently know any bass music, I'm anticipating using a stand, which I do not see as a problem. Maybe over time, if I end up developing a core repertoire that is aired regularly, that requirement will fade. Don't know. I don't see it as a big deal.

One orchestra I play in has a partially sighted player. He has an A4 sized tablet. He gets his music scanned and then video reversed so that white is black and vice versa - he can see this better. He has a pedal to control scrolling.

The main point is surely that what matters is the end result - if it's a decent performance, what's the issue?
[/quote]

Orchestra: fine

Imagine Muse or Metallica with music stands.

No.

[KevB]

Re auto page turner imagine a few dozen of those whirring away at intervals during a quiet classical piece...

Edited July 8, 2016 by KevB

[Dood]

[quote name='stingrayPete1977' timestamp='1468011173' post='3088125']
You can get a machine that you load the pages into that flips them with a foot pedal.
[/quote]

Classical musicians have slaves by their feet. The stand hides them from the delicate public.

[Dood]

[quote name='fretmeister' timestamp='1468012340' post='3088143']
Orchestra: fine

Imagine Muse or Metallica with music stands.

No.
[/quote]

Is that just because what we have been led to believe as 'the norm'?

[Dood]

[quote name='zbd1960' timestamp='1468002265' post='3088032']


The main point is surely that what matters is the end result - if it's a decent performance, what's the issue?
[/quote]

I never thought this post was gonna come ha ha ha!!! The issue is that the discussion has been done to death by a bunch of people who aren't out gigging tonight whilst a whole bunch are, and getting paid for it - and they're probably using a stand, for their music, their tablet or their pint.

[Rich]

[quote name='discreet' timestamp='1467981335' post='3087777']
Total cack. Like [i]The Archers[/i].
[/quote]
[quote name='wateroftyne' timestamp='1467981694' post='3087782']
Absolutely.
[/quote]
OldGit would be challenging you two to a duel right about now.

[lowdown]

I am not sure where all this leaves Anthony Jackson.
He uses a chair AND a music stand.

On Big Band Charts, you don't need to turn pages.
It's all so fast that you end before the page turn.
Look here, AJ proves it from his chair.
http://youtu.be/tZOCdrwGch4

[Dad3353]

[quote name='lowdown' timestamp='1468014143' post='3088168']...
It's all so fast that you end before the page turn.
Look here, AJ proves it from his chair.
[media]http://youtu.be/tZOCdrwGch4[/media]
[/quote]

Thanks for posting that; a piece of [i]really [/i]good music played by [i]really [/i]good musicians. About time, I say; my thumb is up.

[luckydog]

Oh my, that's good

LD

[gjones]

it's not music stands anymore it's tablets, clamped to a mic stand these days.

[fretmeister]

[quote name='dood' timestamp='1468013527' post='3088162']


Is that just because what we have been led to believe as 'the norm'?
[/quote]

I don't think so. A rock show has movement of the players, running round huge stages. Can't do that with a stand.

[skankdelvar]

Available now from musicalperformanceaccessoriesforthelethargic.com

[Dad3353]

[quote name='skankdelvar' timestamp='1468019907' post='3088194']
Available now from musicalperformanceaccessoriesforthelethargic.com
[/quote]

I note that you've taken the PC shilling and omitted the pouf as a foot-rest.