OK, this is a possibly weird question about gigging...

[Telebass]

How many of you have suffered a tension (or worse...) in your relationships due to other people, including but not limited to relatives, asking your wife/girlfriend/partner/whatever if they accompany you to every gig?

If they don't go with you, why?

If they do, why?

EDIT: I'll add that I play up to 8 times a month, so possibly above average numbers for a covers band.
EDIT 2: Remember that part of the question is that people seem to EXPECT my wife to attend every gig, regardless, for whatever reason...that's what neither of us understand! I don't go to her work...and she works on the beach with hunky young surfer dudes...

These may be very obvious to you, but if possible, I'd appreciate some feedback.

My situation: my wife can't imagine why anyone would think she went to work with me each time...or why anyone would be stupid enough to ask the question in the first place. I agree with her. However, she does often come to watch the bigger shows at the local 400-seater.

And you?

Edited March 27, 2017 by Telebass

[MoonBassAlpha]

The style of music my band plays isn't what my wife listens to out of choice, so she very rarely comes to our gigs. Also, as we aren't prolific songwriters, she has heard all the tunes enough already.

[RhysP]

I've never had any tensions because of the reason you give, but I have been in relationships where my partner didn't much care for the amount of my time rehearsals & gigging took up.

When I was gigging a lot my girlfriend used to come to the gigs, but that was largely because she was friends with the girlfriends of other band members so it would be a social thing for them as much as anything.

My current partner, who I have been with for 19 years, has no interest whatsoever in anything I do musically & has only seen me play once, and that was because it was at a friends birthday party.

[skankdelvar]

* My missus has come to maybe three gigs in 32 years, mainly because upon occasion one of her little friends followed us and she felt she had to come along to hold their hand.

* I never expected or encouraged her to attend any of my 'performances' mainly because she doesn't drink, dislikes loud noise and abhors crowds

* The only people who ever asked if she was coming to gigs were other band members who incorrectly believed it was incumbent upon her to demonstrate support

* I've always preferred she didn't come to gigs because it's one less thing to fuss about and - frankly - some of the toilets I've played I'd rather she wasn't there

[Telebass]

Excellent replies, keep 'em coming!

[gjones]

Well the reason why wives/girlfriends/boyfriends/partners go to every gig, is not because they are huge fans of their other half's band, it's because they don't trust them to be away from them and having fun, in the 'dens of iniquity', that are most music venues.

My sister never went to any of my brother-in-law's gigs (she was never a big fan of music) until he ended up having an affair with a regular punter. After that 'incident' she became his bands biggest fan (she didn't let him out of her sight for about 5 years after that).

[Paul S]

Mrs S comes along to as many gigs of my small band as she can. She loves the music and reckons we are brilliant. I can't argue with that!

As far as the new Bon Jovi tribute is concerned she went to our first small gig but doesn't really like Bon Jovi so probably won't come to many unless they are at big venues and local!

[chris_b]

My wife doesn't come to many gigs; she's heard it all before, we're boring, too many guitar solo's, too loud, I have to get there too early, I stay too late and I don't talk to her enough in the interval.

On the other hand, I don't usually go to her theatre nights, quilting group, Yoga classes or exhibitions.

We still ask each other, though, and will go to the things that interest us. After 40 years there's no tension anywhere, except when I'm behind on the DIY.

[skankdelvar]

And another thing:

One time I went along to see a band-mate in his other outfit and found myself very reluctantly babysitting his wife. Some local herberts drunkenly barracked the band. Idiotically, she gave out verbal to them and they consequentially made menacing moves on [i]me [/i]because they assumed I was her spouse.

[Telebass]

Yup, that's not a good situation to be in!

[RhysP]

[quote name='skankdelvar' timestamp='1490539990' post='3265788']
And another thing:

One time I went along to see a band-mate in his other outfit and found myself very reluctantly babysitting his wife. Some local herberts drunkenly barracked the band. Idiotically, she gave out verbal to them and they consequentially made menacing moves on [i]me [/i]because they assumed I was her spouse.
[/quote]

I had the sh*t kicked out of me in Cardiff city centre many years ago for a very similar reason. Drummers sister mouths off at a bunch of pissed up blokes who proceed to give both me & her brother a severe shoeing.

[bassace]

In fifty years my wife has been to a gig probably twice. I was looking forward to playing at the Stables at Wavendon a few years ago and so invited my wife along to hear the band. She stayed until the interval and said all very nice but I'll go home now.

[Woodinblack]

My wife almost always came to see me gigging, until she got upset that some members of the band had had a discussion about her behind her back, and now doesn't come at all. I must admit, I do miss her coming, and also miss her wanting to organise gigs, we have hardly any coming up now and could do with the help in it :/

Edited March 26, 2017 by Woodinblack

[dmccombe7]

My wife goes to all gigs. She historically has played a part doing the lighting desk and effects etc in rock or Prog bands.
She enjoys the same music as me and altho she has had to sit on her own during the gig she doesn't seem to mind.

We do tend to do everything together even outside the band, cycling, hill walking, gardening, motorbikes and even shopping so its kind of expected from both of us and after 28yrs together we must be doing something right.

Edit to add that if i was playing twice a week she might decide it was too much for her and i wouldn't object if she wanted to stay at home more.

Dave

Edited March 26, 2017 by dmccombe7

[Happy Jack]

Answer #1 - I'm a very, very lucky man.

Answer #2 - Luck has nothing to do with it. We wouldn't be an item if we didn't like doing all this stuff together.

[ezbass]

Mrs Ez comes along to my gigs if they're local (she doesn't want to sit around for hours while we set up and sound check, or hang around whilst we pack up, I'd avoid it too if I could) and she has someone to go with as she doesn't like being Billy Nomates.

[arthurhenry]

Having children puts a stop to the attendance of one's partner.

[JimBobTTD]

[quote name='arthurhenry' timestamp='1490544124' post='3265843']
Having children puts a stop to the attendance of one's partner.
[/quote]

Yup. Last gig of mine that my missus attended, she was 7 months pregnant. It was a really good gig, though, so I'm ok with that.

[Number6]

Used too and got bored with it so only now and again nowadays.

[NJE]

My wife encourages what I do but has little interest in coming out to hear It. To be honest if I am out or at a wedding I usually walk out of the room when a band starts up so I can't blame her. She does come to the big gigs if she has friends to come with her or other band member partners are there.

In honesty I like it that way, music is something I do to socialise with pals and earn some money, and as I work from home it is my 'out of the house time'.

Each to their own but I never understood musician friends of mine who's wives/girlfriends sat at a table in a pub at every gig. It might be the trust issue that was mentioned earlier.

[Roger2611]

Mrs2611 comes to most gigs in her capacity of photographer, roadie, gear babysitter and official wine taster!

With the old covers band the girls used to use it as a social occasion.

[Wylie]

[quote name='MoonBassAlpha' timestamp='1490538469' post='3265767']
The style of music my band plays isn't what my wife listens to out of choice, so she very rarely comes to our gigs. Also, as we aren't prolific songwriters, she has heard all the tunes enough already.
[/quote]

Our trio's keyboard player said the same thing: she's heard them all and doesn't wanna hear any more. I don't think any of us especially want the wives to come.

[Telebass]

Really appreciating the answers, everyone. Not heard yet from any of the lady players - similar problems?

Re the trust issue: my wife is quite often asked, "Don't you mind him being out doing this?", with the obvious nod to the, in my case, female element of the audience. These days, her answer (not yet deployed, but ready) is, "He doesn't know what [i]I'm[/i] doing while he's out..."

So the trust issue has to work both ways.

[Norris]

My wife might come to one every couple of months. It's usually arranged amongst the WAGS themselves and only in the nicer venues we play. She knows she's always welcome to come along but doesn't feel like she has to.

I was playing for years before I met her and she knows it's a big part of my life. There have been occasions where she would rather I wasn't out but understands that I've made a commitment when I accept a gig. It's never been a problem. Plus my band earnings have at times made up a significant part of our disposable income.

She doesn't get jealous, especially now I'm an old git that has zero chance of pulling even if I was that way inclined

[Woodinblack]

I do feel sorry for the relationships of people who assume that if someones partner comes to a gig with them it is because they don't trust them. That would have never occurred to me, I would just assume if they didn't it was because they didn't want to come or they were bored being there!