Cantdosleepy Posted October 27, 2008 Share Posted October 27, 2008 So if you decided to tell the rest of your band that you want to leave, but are happy to keep playing until the currently-booked-gigs are all played & help them look for a new guy, what do you reckon the best time to tell them is? Telling at the beginning of a practice allows for discussion, but perhaps wastes the session and might devolve into cajoling and unpleasantness. Telling at the end of a practice means ledss discussion, but it means you have to stay silent all evening when members talk about future recording plans etc, which feels a little duplicitous. e-mail before hopefully gives the others a chance to digest then talk at practice, but everyone knows what's coming. e-mail after doesn't seem to have any benefits from where i'm sitting. Any opinions/stories of your own 'breaking it to them'? Don't want to do it by phone because you can only talk to one person and I don't like talking on phones. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tait Posted October 27, 2008 Share Posted October 27, 2008 none, i'd just ask to meet up with them and tell them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cantdosleepy Posted October 27, 2008 Author Share Posted October 27, 2008 Problem is that we live kinda scattered, and we never meet up unless we're practicing or gigging, and the guitarist is always busy working at a pub far away from the rest of us, so if I said let's meet up everyone would know something was afoot. Thanks for the suggestion, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OldGit Posted October 27, 2008 Share Posted October 27, 2008 At the start of a practice, then you take a walk for half an hour whilst they call you names or have a swift talk through the immediate options then you come back and find out how you fit in to the band's future. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tait Posted October 27, 2008 Share Posted October 27, 2008 (edited) [quote name='Cantdosleepy' post='315607' date='Oct 27 2008, 10:16 AM']Problem is that we live kinda scattered, and we never meet up unless we're practicing or gigging, and the guitarist is always busy working at a pub far away from the rest of us, so if I said let's meet up everyone would know something was afoot. Thanks for the suggestion, though.[/quote] in this case im gonna go for via email before next pratice. let them talk it over at next pratice, and it seems a waste of your time and theirs for you to show up to rehersal to tell them either at the start or after that you're leaving EDIT: morning before practice isnt great though. id go for ASAP. Edited October 27, 2008 by lwtait Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thedontcarebear Posted October 27, 2008 Share Posted October 27, 2008 I would probably call them sometime. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnnylager Posted October 27, 2008 Share Posted October 27, 2008 (edited) Call them individually, tell them how you feel and how long they've got to find a replacement, email is too impersonal and they may perceive it as a bit rude - I certainly would. Ask them if they still want you to practice / play with them and if so, offer to come an hour late so they can talk about it together. After you have called them, they may well decide to get together with or without you anyway. I've both left a band and sacked drummers before and have no issues with any of them, we're all still mates One of the drummers had a sex change mind, but I don't think if was anything to do with being sacked and I'd still sack him now - he's crap as bird too, his falsies get in the way. EDIT: And had people leave, one by not turning up ever again and one phoned us up as above. Edited October 27, 2008 by johnnylager Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cheddatom Posted October 27, 2008 Share Posted October 27, 2008 I think it should be as soon as you are all together in person. If they ask why you didn't tell them sooner, just say you wanted to do it in person and this was the first opportunity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cantdosleepy Posted October 27, 2008 Author Share Posted October 27, 2008 Seems to be a range of opininos of when's the best time. Complicated..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adrenochrome Posted October 27, 2008 Share Posted October 27, 2008 There is no perfect time. Letting them know asap is best for giving them time to sort stuff. Waiting for the right moment to speak to all in person is 'nicer' but a slower way of doing it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neepheid Posted October 27, 2008 Share Posted October 27, 2008 +1 for the individual phone calls. Agreed that email/text appears to be a cheap and impersonal "easy option". Start of a practice will just ruin it for everyone who has made the effort to get there - it'll be a flat, deflated, lethargic practice no matter how gently you break the news, if anyone can be arsed practising at all. You might chicken out of telling them after a practice. Phone them up and arrange to meet down the pub or something. They can come together for practice, so they can surely come together for a beer and a chat. Band meeting! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BassMunkee Posted October 27, 2008 Share Posted October 27, 2008 Don't tell them. Don't answer their calls or mails or texts. Join another band and make sure it's more successful than them, then when the time is right, invite them to support you at a gig where all the audience are there to see you and not them, have a chuckle in the wings as they play to a half-empty room, then at the end of your gig after the third encore, sarcastically thank them for warming the crowd up. Oh yeah and make sure that you get some of your T-Shirts and CDs sent to their dressing room, but make them pay half-price for them, "just for old time's sake". And if you can, cop off with the lead singer's closest relative/significant other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Funk Posted October 27, 2008 Share Posted October 27, 2008 [quote name='Adrenochrome' post='315689' date='Oct 27 2008, 11:59 AM']There is no perfect time.[/quote] Agreed. I'd call them up and tell them you'd like to meet up to discuss the future of the band and your place in it. I voted for the beginning of a rehearsal 'cos that's probably the easiest time to get them all in a room together but really, just tell them you want to get them all in a room together to discuss something important. They might have an idea of what the conversation will be about but what's wrong with that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rich Posted October 27, 2008 Share Posted October 27, 2008 [quote name='The Funk' post='315735' date='Oct 27 2008, 12:54 PM']Agreed. I'd call them up and tell them you'd like to meet up to discuss the future of the band and your place in it. I voted for the beginning of a rehearsal 'cos that's probably the easiest time to get them all in a room together but really, just tell them you want to get them all in a room together to discuss something important. They might have an idea of what the conversation will be about but what's wrong with that?[/quote]+1. Don't do it via email, it's really impersonal. One step up from being dumped via text. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr.Dave Posted October 27, 2008 Share Posted October 27, 2008 All go for a pint - say you're leaving - promise to do all the work currently booked unless they can replace you before that. Be fair and it's less likely you'll upset the remaining band members , some of which you may wish to poach for your new project!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waynepunkdude Posted October 27, 2008 Share Posted October 27, 2008 [quote name='Cantdosleepy' post='315684' date='Oct 27 2008, 11:53 AM']Seems to be a range of opininos of when's the best time. Complicated.....[/quote] How about don't do it before Friday as your band is bringing the drum kit and I really don't wanna get ours out of the basement Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peted Posted October 28, 2008 Share Posted October 28, 2008 None of the options. You can't quit via email (it's almost like sending a Dear John via email, which is just wrong). I wouldn't wait until a rehearsal to announce that you are leaving as that's not really what you are there for. You'll need to call them all on the phone and tell them your intentions. Should they wish to discuss it futher then you can do that at the next rehearsal. The initial announcement should be done in person over the phone. My 2p (and it's worked for me in the past). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cantdosleepy Posted October 28, 2008 Author Share Posted October 28, 2008 [quote name='waynepunkdude' post='316209' date='Oct 27 2008, 09:52 PM']How about don't do it before Friday as your band is bringing the drum kit and I really don't wanna get ours out of the basement [/quote] Ha! I don't think we're headlining, actually - we're slated to be on at 20:45. My singer's sorting this one out - I'll have a word with him later and see what the chat is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bremen Posted October 28, 2008 Share Posted October 28, 2008 [quote name='Dr.Dave' post='315897' date='Oct 27 2008, 03:33 PM']All go for a pint - say you're leaving - promise to do all the work currently booked unless they can replace you before that. Be fair and it's less likely you'll upset the remaining band members , some of which you may wish to poach for your new project!!![/quote] That's definitely the gentlemanly way to do it. I'm contemplating doing it myself, sorry to say. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OldGit Posted October 28, 2008 Share Posted October 28, 2008 This isn't like a Dear John unless you habitually have a relationship with 4 partners at the the same time, in the same room, in public, and they all know about each other ... The problem with calling them all individually is that you have to do it 4 or 5 times and remember what you said to each ... Telling them all in a meeting in a pub will mean you can buy them all a drink and just say it all once. Also everyone in the band hears it at the same time and they all hear the same reasons. You can also then put a severance package, terminal bonus, and plan for replacement together in one swift single movement, young Jedi. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Funk Posted October 28, 2008 Share Posted October 28, 2008 (edited) [quote name='OldGit' post='316449' date='Oct 28 2008, 09:34 AM']This isn't like a Dear John unless you habitually have a relationship with 4 partners at the the same time, in the same room, in public, and they all know about each other ...[/quote] EDIT: Actually, I've been saying for the last few weeks that being in a band is a bit like being in a serious long-term relationship with four other men. Edited October 28, 2008 by The Funk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bremen Posted October 28, 2008 Share Posted October 28, 2008 [quote name='The Funk' post='316454' date='Oct 28 2008, 09:39 AM'] EDIT: Actually, I've been saying for the last few weeks that being in a band is a bit like being in a serious long-term relationship with four other men.[/quote] Or in my case: a gay man, a straight man and a woman. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cantdosleepy Posted October 28, 2008 Author Share Posted October 28, 2008 Pub meeting would be ideal, but sadly not possible. We're all busy and scattered - we haven't actually ever met up when it wasn't a practice or a gig. And now the guitarist is not going to be there this evening. Thanks for all the advice, guys. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Funk Posted October 28, 2008 Share Posted October 28, 2008 Worst time to tell them: at the venue on Friday just before you take to the stage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waynepunkdude Posted October 28, 2008 Share Posted October 28, 2008 [quote name='Cantdosleepy' post='316473' date='Oct 28 2008, 09:58 AM']Pub meeting would be ideal, but sadly not possible. We're all busy and scattered - we haven't actually ever met up when it wasn't a practice or a gig. And now the guitarist is not going to be there this evening. Thanks for all the advice, guys.[/quote] Would you like me to announce it on stage for you? Save you some hassle and it would be novel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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