Your Reasons For Quitting A Band

[kevvo66]

I left my last band as the guitarist was a control freak and no one had any kind of say in the songs being played, been offered a couple of jobs recently, buts it was groundhog day allover again, not working as a unit isn't for me. So my search goes on, these are covers bands,reality check to them bands get your head from up your own arses, or is it just around these parts, a very nasty taste in my mouth I'm feeling at the moment

Edited May 29, 2017 by kevvo66

[jazzyvee]

I've quit about 3 bands in the past 8 years or so.
The first was a mainly original band with a couple of covers. I thought the songs were fine but the band leader who was also the song writer was so bad at rehearsing the band that the music never progressed on a week by week basis. The one afternoon I decided to approach the band leader about this and she wasn't really interested in any constructive idea's I had for getting some progress on the band. Anyway I did the three we had in the diary and straight after the last gig finished I took her to one side and told her I was leaving and why and that even though I thought she was doing things wrong I made it clear that I liked her songs but had decided to leave a while back but wanted to honour the gigs before leaving. A few days later the drummer rang me to tell me he'd, then the guitarist, then the keyboard player left a few weeks later. I saw her play with a new band about 6 months or so later and it was painful to watch.
The other band was a funk disco soul band who had a string of hits in the late 70's and early 80's and I left that one because the two guitarists who were also the singers and band leaders never learnt their parts and spent so much of the rehearsal time arguing over the chords and messing around with their effects boards. It was becoming a waste of my time.
The last one was another original music band who were musicially really a great band to work with but again the band leader/songwriter was so disorganised about how the songs were to be played that it became a chore going to rehearsals and gigs were difficult because she was scared of the audience. I left that one too after about 18 months but let her know that I would work with her as a session player if she needed but would not stay a member of the band.

[NewDad]

I usually quit because there's an unbearably fussy bloke in the band who expects everyone to learn material before rehearsals, communicate with each other, play with gusto and dynamics rather than phoning it in etc., etc.

[NancyJohnson]

Prior to my current squeeze, I quit a band, went back to them and then quit again.

I just couldn't stand the way the inter-band relationships worked within the lineup; it was much like the Clarkson, Hammond and May version of Top Gear, with me being Mr Sensible (May), the frontman/guitarist (Clarkson) and drummer (Hammond). When I'd spend time with the drummer or the frontman, they'd be your best mate, but as soon as the other arrived, they'd be a ****. It was always 2 vs 1. I'd say conservatively that I did about 3/4 of the writing - these were decent songs, some of which I've pulled forward into the new band - but most of the time this material was met with frontman derision, with the drummer gurning away in the background. After I left. they made tepid approaches for me to come back, and stupidly I did for a little while and it just reverted back to how things were.

None of them are playing now. #happywiththat

[blue]

If the band doesn't have paid gigs, I'd have to quit.

Blue

[amnesia]

It was the band I put together. I spoke to all the members initially to sound them out.

Over time the guitarist turned into a control freak.

Both myself and the singer (who was the real talent in the band in my opinion) both left on the same day independently of each other

I'll not go into details on a public forum, but its cost a 20+year friendship.

Edited May 29, 2017 by amnesia

[blue]

Divas?

Here's a pic. I'll test your diva-ometer

Who's the d-bag?

Blue

Edited May 30, 2017 by blue

[Tonteee]

I'd say the one with the eyeliner and forgotten his shirt.

[blue]

[quote name='Tonteee' timestamp='1496108521' post='3308845']
I'd say the one with the eyeliner and forgotten his shirt.
[/quote]

Ding Ding,Ding We have a winner.

You got it Tonteee.

Dude was a complete "tool" and a real "wannabe"

Blue

[jazzyvee]

[quote name='blue' timestamp='1496080742' post='3308640']
If the band doesn't have paid gigs, I'd have to quit.

Blue
[/quote]
I'd love to find a band/musicians that would rehearse till the music is really propertly rehearsed and tight and then look for gigs.

[blue]

[quote name='jazzyvee' timestamp='1496128150' post='3308885']

I'd love to find a band/musicians that would rehearse till the music is really propertly rehearsed and tight and then look for gigs.
[/quote]

That could work. However it would be a good idea to define what type of gigs, figure out what your fee will be and last but not least are there gigs available in your location?

Blue

[joyce49]

i had a major falling out with the singer in my first band. guy thought he was Bono. sung even worse than the real thing.... ;-)
last gig i did, i asked if he would mind rigging his PA, (i dealt with mixing the vocals including foldbacks)
he just ignored me and got on with untangling a 60 foot, 20 year old orange extension cable. this was so tangled and twisted you would have needed a PHd in astro physics just to have sorted the first few feet.
he gave up after 25 minutes and i left after that gig
one other funny was playing at a MAG gig (bike show). we were "background entertainment"..if that makes sense.
after the 3rd song i think he was expecting the 1200 bikers who were milling about to stop what they were doing and bow down in wonder to us.
when this didnt happen he announced through the PA that "you can clap if you want to"
i told him to shut the f**k up.....
he didnt speak to me for the rest of the day

[Monkey Steve]

I've only ever properly quit two bands (like Blue, most just fall apart at some point, usually after some period of inactivity for one reason or another).

In order, the reasons for quitting were:

Band 1 (originals): the lead guitarist;
Band 2 (covers): the lead guitarist.

Both nice enough blokes when not the lead guitarist in a band, talented enough (not massively talented per se, but fine for the levels we were playing at) who both decided that they were the only ones who could choose the direction of the band, even if the rest of the band were united in wanting to try other things or slightly realign the direction. Both would just flat refuse to learn the songs they didn't approve of, insisted on playing only the songs that they liked best, etc. A very passive/aggressive showing of the monstrous ego that all lead guitarists have, but without the talent or leadership to pull it off. A salient lesson to them that behaving like an @rse because you think that the sun revolves around you sometimes proves that you aren't as well regarded as you might think you are.

In both cases my quitting followed months of the whole band moaning about how unhappy we all were with the guitarists in question, but we never got any closer to sacking them so I bit the bullet and quit to save myself from any more miserable rehearsals. It's very freeing. Neither band continued after I'd gone.

Edited May 30, 2017 by Monkey Steve

[ahpook]

[quote name='jazzyvee' timestamp='1496128150' post='3308885']
I'd love to find a band/musicians that would rehearse till the music is really propertly rehearsed and tight and then look for gigs.
[/quote]

Aaaah, but that takes patience....

[mcnach]

Let me see, I've quit a few...

one I quit reluctantly... I just didn't have time to commit to it as it deserved and I felt I wasn't doing a good job of it (this was NUF, in case Beer of the Bass reads this... it was a lovely bunch of a band)

mostly I've quite due to a mix of idiots + another factor, as I can tolerate a certain degree of idiocy as long as there are sufficient redeeming qualities.

I quit a black metal band who loved drinking beer and talk about touring with Slayer more than actually learn to play their instruments well or writing decent songs. Our rehearsal slots were half wasted through beer and talking about touring with slayer. Oh, and about buying new effects pedals. Later I learnt the drummer was a bit of a racist too, so the whole thing was doomed from the start.

I quit an indie/rock metal who had pretty good songs because the new rhythm guitarist (who was their previous bassist) was pretty hopeless and unable to take any constructive suggestions. He made a point of talking down at me from the start since I was *just* the bassist (clearly he felt moving to guitar was an 'upgrade'). At the time I was also in a RHCP tribute band so one day I talked about it and played a bit of a couple of the songs with the drummer, and main guitarist/singer joined... we had fun while the other guy looked on unamused. That only made me feel more amused about it all. For a minute. The guy never spoke to me again about anything. I was also frustrated about the need to play extremely loud to the point that it was impossible to make out the different parts clearly, which defeated the object of practicing... I brought it up a few times, the drummer agreed... but next practice it was the same. Then I made myself unavailable for the following 3 weeks. During that time I decided I was going to quit. However, I received an email before I sent mine "we had a chat and felt you are not a good fit for our band". I was a bit annoyed I didn't get to send my email first

Both of those bands I should have known I would not last from the first or second practice. But there was another I just had to play in. It was a mix of hiphop/funk and I loved it. However the main guy was too intense and a bit of a control freak. He also dismissed sound checks... but then he'd spend part of the first and second songs telling the sound guy "a bit more guitar here, please" etc... One day the sound on stage was terrible and the female vocalist could not hear well and got lost... however the drummer, guitarist and myself realised what was going on and kept playing without missing a beat and it worked fine. The main dude, rapper, was visibly upset and at next rehearsal he spent the first half an hour ranting about the mistake we made etc etc, and attacking the female vocalist... That day I left early. Then he brought a piano teacher who clearly was unable to play in a band context. Lovely woman, but she would have to play full chords on everything all the time and killed the feel of a bunch of songs. Then we played our first gig with her... she was extremely nervous and took some kind of sedative. She was very happy. But she was playing the wrong chords all the time and she just could not hear it. Rapper dude kept giving evil looks to the guitarist, thinking he was out of tune... There was a guy in the audience I had met before whom I was keen to impress as I was hoping to work with him... and he left after the second song with a face that didn't neeed words. I was so embarrased.
I quit the next day.
The rapper dude continued with the band with an ever changing lineup and eventually he went solo using the name of the band as his artistic name. Nice guy outside the band and I love what he does... but never again in a band with him.

And more... basically, life is too short to waste time with the wrong band. It's hard enough to spend enough time with the bands that are right, and sometimes you even have to pass on really nice opportunities (like NUF above) so the minute you realise a band is not a good match, walk.

[mcnach]

[quote name='M@23' timestamp='1495876103' post='3307197']
I'm just about to quit a wedding/function band, because:
1) The guitarist.I HATE the way the guitarist plays. His attitude is terrible too. I can go into details on his playing - but in an effort to keep this post shortish, I won't!

[/quote]

No, please, open a new thread and tell us! We like stuff like that

[blue]

Lots quitting do to personality and musical ability.

Are these working bands, bands consistently making making money?

From vids I've seen there are a lot of you guys that are in bands that seem almost pro level.

For guys who depend on bread from gigs, I doubt they quit. Not until they find something better.

Blue

Edited May 31, 2017 by blue

[bazzbass]

[quote name='joyce49' timestamp='1496161214' post='3309235']
i had a major falling out with the singer in my first band. guy thought he was Bono.
[/quote]

at least he could admit he can't sing for sh!t

[ArgyEll]

I'm picking this up a bit late, two years late, but thought it worth mentioning a couple of reasons I have not seen expressed in this list, not in the same words anyway. I'm curious, because I'm about to leave my current band for these reasons, and want to check that it's not me being the control freak a-hole others have mentioned as their reason for leaving...

1) The band has clearly demonstrated its level of ambition, and it's too low for my liking

Over the years I've come to believe that "commitment is as commitment does", by which I mean, if the guys are all dead keen after a gig and talking about the big things we can achieve, but don't answer your communications trying to organise the next rehearsal, you can write off the keen chat as just adrenalin rush BS. We played an error-filled gig in front of a very supportive "home crowd" in their local pub, and they were strutting about like they'd just won an Emmy. Nobody's exactly saying we've arrived and don't need to do any more hard work, but there's a clear lack of urgency about rehearsals, fixing errors and new material.

2) The band have fallen into the role of children, with one member acting as the parent

One of the things I felt I could bring to the band over and above my playing was a bit of professionalism and organisation. I hoped it would raise individuals' standards a bit, but it has had the opposite effect: People don't bother taking notes, because they know I will (for which reason I've now stopped printing out extra copies in anticipation); Coming up to our biggest and longest gig ever, I was the only person able to do the simple sum that says "we need five more songs"; Same gig, two of them announce - when I double-check the day before - that they don't have working amps; Gig in their local pub (I live 50 miles away), but I'm the one figuring out what kit they have in the pub and what we'll need; Trying to confirm a gig booking, in that anxious time between the offer of the gig and confirmation back that we can all do it, nobody answers emails or texts, and when I complain, I'm told "if I don't reply it means I can do it".

The last straw was in our most recent gig, two songs to go and building up to a nice climax, not one but two of them announce that they need to go to the toilet. It was when I was adding to my mental gig checklist "make sure everyone goes to the toilet during the break" that I realised things had gone a bit too far.

Seeking solace from family and friends, I've been advised "They've got too used to you rescuing them. Just let them fall next time", but it's hard to find a way of letting them fall that won't result in me being embarrassed as least as much as them.

I'm curious as to whether anyone has experienced 1 or 2 above. I put them both in the Incurable category.

A word on substance abuse: In my own experience with bands, the sense of raised awareness and being right in the groove is limited to the person who's taken the drugs. Everyone else realises they're playing the wrong song.

[tauzero]

Your 1 looks more like a combination of lack of commitment and lack of self-awareness, like a group mind Dunning-Kruger effect. Lack of ambition would be typified by a band that I left after about three years, when the set list remained identical for all that time. I came back and depped for them a few times over the next five years or so - still the same set list. Not just the same songs but the same order too. You have a more fundamental issue if nobody but you recognises that there is an issue.

As for your 2, I am sometimes the adult supervision and sometimes the supervised. I've never been in a band that required more that a gentle hand on the tiller (and a couple of spare leads in the bag) - that level of mollycoddling and direction points to either deep-rooted psychological problems or them all being about ten years old. Although, come to think of it, you haven't said how old they actually are. If they're pre-pubescent, or even teenagers, their behaviour is understandable. Anything older than that and they have issues.

[ArgyEll]

 

2 minutes ago, tauzero said:

Your 1 looks more like a combination of lack of commitment and lack of self-awareness, like a group mind Dunning-Kruger effect. Lack of ambition would be typified by a band that I left after about three years, when the set list remained identical for all that time. I came back and depped for them a few times over the next five years or so - still the same set list. Not just the same songs but the same order too. You have a more fundamental issue if nobody but you recognises that there is an issue.

As for your 2, I am sometimes the adult supervision and sometimes the supervised. I've never been in a band that required more that a gentle hand on the tiller (and a couple of spare leads in the bag) - that level of mollycoddling and direction points to either deep-rooted psychological problems or them all being about ten years old. Although, come to think of it, you haven't said how old they actually are. If they're pre-pubescent, or even teenagers, their behaviour is understandable. Anything older than that and they have issues.

They're a good deal older than that, and certainly old enough to know better.The frustrating thing is that they all hold down day jobs, buy houses and cars, organise holidays etc. The helplessness seems to be limited to occasions when someone else is around to be the grown-up.

[super al]

14 hours ago, ArgyEll said:

 

They're a good deal older than that, and certainly old enough to know better.The frustrating thing is that they all hold down day jobs, buy houses and cars, organise holidays etc. The helplessness seems to be limited to occasions when someone else is around to be the grown-up.

Perhaps they see the band as an escape from all of that, a chance to be carefree and teenage like for a couple of hours a week!

[Monkey Steve]

I have huge sympathy for both, and I think there's a link...or at least the worst offenders that I've encountered are offenders in both categories.

I've ranted about it on other threads, but assuming that the talent is there, the biggest frustration I've seen in various bands, and various mates' bands is the differing interpretation of what "really committed" means. For some it's being ready to quit their jobs at the drop of a hat to go on tour, and for others it's playing with the band as long as they don;t have anything better to do.  And they haven't got an early start tomorrow.  And Arsenal don't have a home game.  And the wife doesn't want to go shopping. 

The lesson it's taught me over the years is to have a chat with the whole band, quite early on, about what "commitment" means to them.  No point wasting time getting a band up and running if most of the band want to be out playing every weekend but one member only wants to play once or twice a year (and likes the idea of being in a band more than he actually wants to play music).  In my experience it's always ended in a quitting or a sacking.

On the second point...I'm afraid that's how all musicians behave given the option of letting somebody else sort out all their problems for them.  Like petulant toddlers.  I'd suggest that the only way to solve it is to let them fail - not good seeing that you would also suffer, and also not good because the thing with this type is that they all like to complain about everything being somebody else's fault if it goes wrong.  They will never learn, and will never get better.

So before you chuck it all in, sit down with everybody, have a very honest discussion about how they want the band to progress, and what they are actually going to do about it rather than just assuming that you will take care of everything.  And agree some timescales.

And then once they have failed to do any of the things they agreed to do, quit.

Edited July 23, 2019 by Monkey Steve

[martthebass]

Your 2 I can empathise with.  Due to the nature of the 'day job' I've occasionally found myself falling into the role of organiser and fixer.  I've generally found that quickly runs into difficulties with personal frustration and disappointment (the phrase 'herding cats' comes to mind).  In my current 'adventure' I've intentionally taken a more back seat role and I feel much happier for it, the band relationships and so forth are the best I've experienced. Don't get me wrong, I don't expect to be looked after, but just looking after my own travel, equipment, level of preparedness is a breath of fresh air to me.  Fortunately the other band members are just as diligent so the whole dynamic works.

[odysseus]

1 - 12 hour work shifts got in the way.

2 - Guitarist wanted to control everything, and no input was allowed.

3 - Drummer wouldn't even listen to tracks outside of rehearsal, let alone practice etc.

4 - a couple of members wanted to be rock stars... in their 40s... good luck with that....

 

Apart from #1, the other 3 bands were in the very early stages. Over the years I've developed a quite accurate pillock-meter.... if I think it's going to be a pain in the derriere, I walk.