FinnDave Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 [quote name='steantval' timestamp='1506467756' post='3379012'] Gee man, that second statement is strong. I'm married, but if I made the same statement, I would certainly be alone [/quote] I'm married but my wife understands that the band has first priority on my time. The only time I have failed to turn up at a gig was because I was unconscious in the local A&E after an accident (and a follow up when I was in a wheelchair with my arm in a cast). The band understood the situation, visited me, and arranged a dep as I didn't want us (that is, the band) to miss a gig. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stingrayPete1977 Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 [quote name='FinnDave' timestamp='1506501077' post='3379113'] I'm married but my wife understands that the band has first priority on my time. The only time I have failed to turn up at a gig was because I was unconscious in the local A&E after an accident (and a follow up when I was in a wheelchair with my arm in a cast). The band understood the situation, visited me, and arranged a dep as I didn't want us (that is, the band) to miss a gig. [/quote] The only fair way is first come first served, I don't think my wife would be happy if I overruled a friend's wedding or a weekend away with a gig booked after. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Jack Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 Agreed - easy to understand, easy to implement, easy to defend (if attacked). Until someone offers you £2000 to play a corporate gig on a night when you'd already agreed to support your old mate at a jam night ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FinnDave Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 [quote name='stingrayPete1977' timestamp='1506503064' post='3379139'] The only fair way is first come first served, I don't think my wife would be happy if I overruled a friend's wedding or a weekend away with a gig booked after. [/quote] I book all the gigs, so if we had a family event arranged, I simply wouldn't be looking to book that date. Though I honestly can't remember the last time we had a family event to attend, we have only my two daughters, who are both adults, no older relatives left. Can't remember the last time I was invited to a friend's (or relative's) wedding, these things simply don't happen in my life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discreet Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 (edited) Either you want to be in a band and do gigs, or you don't. Plenty of people like the idea of being in a band but just aren't prepared to put the time, effort and commitment in, for whatever stupid bloody reasons they come up with - and I've heard plenty. In a band where everyone is up for it, gigs, and communications about them, are never a problem. Having said that, where a drummer is concerned the situation is slightly different as it's so bloody hard to get a decent one. Edited September 27, 2017 by discreet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stylon Pilson Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 [quote name='discreet' timestamp='1506507567' post='3379184'] Either you want to be in a band and do gigs, or you don't. Plenty of people like the idea of being in a band but just aren't prepared to put the time, effort and commitment in, for whatever stupid bloody reasons they come up with - and I've heard plenty. [/quote] I think that you can't really generalise on this. Some bands are about gigging multiple nights per week, travelling all over the country if necessary. Some are about just chilling in a rehearsal room, drinking beer, and making noise. And there's a whole spectrum in between. The only problem is if your band contains a mix of some people who want to do it full time, and some people who want it to be priority #3 in their life, below work and family. That's one situation that isn't going to end happily. S.P. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discreet Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 [quote name='Stylon Pilson' timestamp='1506508196' post='3379189'] ...if your band contains a mix of some people who want to do it full time, and some people who want it to be priority #3 in their life, below work and family. That's one situation that isn't going to end happily. [/quote] Agreed, and that's why it's essential to make sure everyone's on the same page before you commit. Having said that, it isn't always possible to find out people's true feelings on the subject and circumstances can change! Aye, there's the rub... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigRedX Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 [quote name='Stylon Pilson' timestamp='1506508196' post='3379189'] The only problem is if your band contains a mix of some people who want to do it full time, and some people who want it to be priority #3 in their life, below work and family. That's one situation that isn't going to end happily. [/quote] I don't think that's the problem (unless your band is wanting to be out gigging or rehearsing almost every night of the week). It's the people for whom the band is priority #5 or #6 somewhere after going to watch the football each weekend and a busy social calendar. Those are the ones who like the idea of being in a band but really haven't got the time or inclination to commit to any but the most relaxed of combos. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrtcat Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 [quote name='steantval' timestamp='1506467756' post='3379012'] Gee man, that second statement is strong. I'm married, but if I made the same statement, I would certainly be alone 😢😢😢 [/quote] You see, I'm with Blue on this one. My wife is absolutely fine with it and we have small children. If i commit to a band then I take that seriously. If we have a night out planned and a gig offer comes in then the night out gets moved. If i don't take the gig or at least get a dep to cover it it means that 5 other people can't earn. My wife knows that the money I earn from gigging pays for holidays, her car and other family expenses. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Number6 Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 Once someone thinks they can speak to me like sh*t i go to war with them.....it will only end badly. I speak to people how i like to be spoken too in a band situation whether i am upset or not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uk_lefty Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 I don't think your message to the drummer was entirely unreasonable but could see why some take more offence than others. Because contractual pedantry pays my mortgage I would say there's a difference between "are you available on x date?" With no follow up and "are you available on x date?" Followed up with "great news guys, gig is confirmed" so everyone knows it is now set in stone. I know sometimes you shouldn't have to confirm everything twice over, but it does help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimR Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 (edited) I think confusion can arise in communications if you don't word it right. "We have a gig on x at y is everyone available?" Thumbs up from drummer (assume that's a yes). The next stage is you confirming. Don't assume that everyone is going to count the thumbs ups or read all the replies. A lot of people tend to need to be spoon fed information. If you can't work with people who need to be spoon fed information, don't be on a band. If you're the kind of person who needs to be spoon fed information and gets upset when someone gets angry at you for being disorganised or 'uncommitted', don't be in a band. I agree, the big issues I've had in bands are when I've cancelled a personal event to do a gig and then someone else has bowed out at the last minute to attend a personal event. Eventually I'm now at a point where I just don't cancel events planned in advance unless it's a really worthwhile gig and my personal event isn't a major commitment. These things are never black and white there's always shades of grey. It's unusual to have a clash that can't be resolved. What was the drummer doing that was so important? I guess we will never know... . Edited September 27, 2017 by TimR Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pete.young Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 We use www.wheresthegig.com to try and avoid situations like this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stingrayPete1977 Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 I think as said earlier the main thing is that everyone is on the same page, I don't think it's black and white as to whether you're committed or not though, I've been in bands where I could comfortably dep the whole gig without any practice yet the other members saw anything less than going over the same songs every week at a rehearsal as not being committed. My current band practices infrequently but is better than many I've been in with a weekly practice even though the set list is more demanding, that's because we're all on the same page, no charity gigs and no one needs to gig to eat or pay bills so a monthly gig on average maybe two a month suits us all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gapiro Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 [quote name='stingrayPete1977' timestamp='1506440731' post='3378767'] I've got an issue with the "dates you can't do" thing too, our guitarist wanted us to give him all the dates we can't do rather than him check for each gig but he's not my dad, if I've got no gig next weekend and I book a weekend away that's my lookout, I'm not going to update my personal free time diary with him on a daily basis as things come up, booked holidays of course no problem and times you already know are out to save checking every time but not my personal free dates for him to book what he likes. Ah bands [/quote] I'm with this. I have a calendar. I put things of my own schedule in my calendar Ask me if i'm free, i'll respond within minutes unless I'm physically unable to, I am far more connected to the world via technology than I'd care to admit. I almost never say no to a gig that I can make - hell I'm doing a dep gig for a musical where I'm coming back from a weeks work conference and on the night I get back the Mrs is driving to meet me at the train station (with gear) and take me to the theatre. (I have arranged for her to get a ticket too!) I do not fill my calendar by sending every event/thing in my calendar with the band. Quite frankly I don't want them knowing when i'm having a dirty weekend away, or if i'm having a doctors appointment. This means I either have to create two events (one with info and one just "busy") (= space for mistake) in the calendar, so my calendar also looks sh*te and unreadable (as well as the potential for mistake). I had one band insist they were an invited person on the calendar items. I also don't like other people feeling like they have a say over what a priority is in my life - I have had arguments with a band because I had a cricket match on a Sunday a month in advance (cup match) and they decided that the gig was more important than my cricket match. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
12stringbassist Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 (edited) My band put in our not available dates as they come up. We assume that if everyone is available we are out gigging. We have a private Facebook group which we use to talk to each other, rather than texting. The pinned post in there is for all forward dates with shows and fees and the not available dates. Works a treat. I also do the website and keep our dates up to date on there as i take the gig dates. http://www.TheThree.org.uk Edited September 27, 2017 by 12stringbassist Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Les Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 I don't think a little diary discipline is too much to ask, you don't have to put anything other than N/A on it, no one needs to know what you're doing just that you're not available. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dave_bass5 Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 [quote name='stingrayPete1977' timestamp='1506440731' post='3378767'] Tbh I think I'm with the drummer, "you mentioned" the gig in April, nothing else since and it's not on the band's website. [/quote] Batting from the other side, i would question why the drummer never followed it up after it was first mentioned. We know know he is disorganised, but i also believe it was mentioned he is also an adult ;-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fretmeister Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 [quote name='dave_bass5' timestamp='1506520540' post='3379308'] Batting from the other side, i would question why the drummer never followed it up after it was first mentioned. We know know he is disorganised, but i also believe it was mentioned he is also an adult ;-) [/quote] No one said he was an adult. They said he was a drummer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
police squad Posted September 27, 2017 Author Share Posted September 27, 2017 [quote name='dave_bass5' timestamp='1506520540' post='3379308'] Batting from the other side, i would question why the drummer never followed it up after it was first mentioned. We know know he is disorganised, but i also believe it was mentioned he is also an adult ;-) [/quote] it was not mentioned, it was confirmed. What part of ' hey guys, new gig, Railway Bell september 30th' is mentioning it. It was confirmed or I would have asked, 'are you all available etc etc Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimR Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 [quote name='fretmeister' timestamp='1506520671' post='3379310'] No one said he was an adult. They said he was a drummer. [/quote] And a teacher in his 30s. A right mixed bag. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dave_bass5 Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 [quote name='fretmeister' timestamp='1506520671' post='3379310'] No one said he was an adult. They said he was a drummer. [/quote] i was going to say grown up drummer but again, ill end up getting corrected :-) [quote name='police squad' timestamp='1506521962' post='3379321'] it was not mentioned, it was confirmed. What part of ' hey guys, new gig, Railway Bell september 30th' is mentioning it. It was confirmed or I would have asked, 'are you all available etc etc [/quote] Yep, my point is if he recalled it being mentioned then he really should have followed it up, even though you did tell him it was confirmed. Ive been through exactly the same. i would be asked if we were free, text everyone to make sure we were, and then text everyone back if and when its confirmed. quite often i would get the idiots texting or calling me to see what happened about 'that inquiry', and i would have to remind them i confirmed it. It does get very, very frustrating and i used to feel i was the only one that was actually bothered about the gigs. Had a few blow outs with the band a few times but we got over it. I think your drummer leaving was the right thing, for your peace of mind if nothing else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
petebassist Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 Tricky one, everybody messes up at some point. In my bands, the modus operandi is, if it's not in the diary, then it doesn't exist. Emails and texts are just noise and easily forgotten. Google shared calendars are great for polling band members & nailing dates, and I couldn't work without them. Providing the drummer has a professional attitude, I think I'd eat a bit of humble pie. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
police squad Posted September 27, 2017 Author Share Posted September 27, 2017 [quote name='petebassist' timestamp='1506523169' post='3379329'] Tricky one, everybody messes up at some point. In my bands, the modus operandi is, if it's not in the diary, then it doesn't exist. Emails and texts are just noise and easily forgotten. Google shared calendars are great for polling band members & nailing dates, and I couldn't work without them. Providing the drummer has a professional attitude, I think I'd eat a bit of humble pie. Good luck! [/quote] But it WAS in the diary, that's my point. He should have put it in HIS diary, like it's in mine. It's how we all used to do it before. But frankly, I don't want him back, he's a PITA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Les Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 [quote name='petebassist' timestamp='1506523169' post='3379329'] Providing the drummer has a professional attitude, I think I'd eat a bit of humble pie. Good luck! [/quote] He doesn't Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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