So I just quit the band I started six years ago...

[Happy Jack]

In my experience, getting sacked is way more fun than quitting, and leads to better stories too.

 

[discreet]

4 hours ago, nightsun said:

God damn, I hadn't noticed that.  Well spotted.....life as a lysdexic is a bugger

And I immediately made a joke of it. Apologies if offence taken!

[stingrayPete1977]

I'm not sure I'd delete my bass tracks, as long as you get the credit does it matter? 

 

[NancyJohnson]

3 hours ago, Monkey Steve said:

I'm interested to know how long it had been building up for.

I've only ever quit two bands, and on both occasions it followed a long period of really not looking forward to rehearsals or gigs because of the guitarist's behaviour (different guitarists, similar behaviour),  And both times it was with the same drummer who quit with me, after a long period of us complaining to each other about how unhappy we were with the guitarist.

I'd compare it quite closely to dumping as girlfriend - a long period of unhappiness and wanting to split up but not really wanting to actually do it, and then regardless of how uncomfortable the actual quitting/dumping was, immense relief that you don't have another unhappy weekend ahead of you and you can move on

YMMV

Let me put a bit of meat on the bone.  It's a long one, sorry.

I started Nancy Johnson early 2011...much like any band, it has been a little like Trigger's Broom, the line up has ebbed and flowed but I have been the common thread throughout.  I was writing everything up until around a year ago.  A couple of years back we took on a new singer and quite soon after, I really felt that I was losing my band...this guy was pursuing gigs and booking rehearsals, taking over.  The last year has been busy; maybe 60-70 gigs, radio, television, studio and rehearsing pretty much every week, I'd say 80% of it driven by him.  Personally, I think it was too much, sometimes I'd be out three or four nights a week (keeping it spaced, keeps the fires burning).

Around midyear, and this is important, my father-in-law's health deteriorated (and he has subsequently passed away) and my mother who has lived with bladder cancer for three years, got ill again (she's still with us, crazy as ever).  This seemed to have little effect on the singer though, who was pouncing on every gig opportunity, irrespective of whether it was a mile away or a midweek 200 mile round trip playing to 5 people (yes, that happened more than once), and whether or not the band had their full quota available on our band calendar.  It got to the point where he'd say, 'I've got a gig on such and such a day,' and I'd say, 'Look, my father-in-law is very ill, I really need to help support my wife and mother-in-law,' to which he just suggested using a dep; something I have never adhered to and requested we didn't on several occasions.  If it were me, I'd prefer that if we were a man down, that we politely decline the booking, giving reasons why, and see whether a promoter was prepared to reschedule.  His drive was fairly insatiable and almost driven by the fact that I'd already said I couldn't gig.  Eventually he didn't even bother asking whether I wanted to cancel what I was doing, it was pretty much, 'We've got a gig, Paul's not available, we'll get Tom.'  He also remarked that using a dep doesn't have any effect on me personally (duh?).

We locked horns a few times about things and I think everyone in the band would agree that he was difficult, but the guitarist and him were tight and the drummer just sat on the fence, so it was pretty much two versus one and the majority are always right, eh?. 

The dep issue came up again a few days ago, this time with vengeance.  I had some long-standing stuff booked for December; Albert Hall twice, works Christmas bash, family dinners, working away, seeing my mum, and finally on 16/17th December a weekend away with wife and mother-in-law; the 17th being my late father-in-laws birthday, so we felt it was best to be around MiL that weekend.  Despite these days being in the band calendar, gigs were still accepted and my commitment was questioned; laughable considering what I'd done this year - I felt the remarks made about not gigging on the 16th were just hurtful and below the belt, so I decided that if they loved using a dep so much, they could find one permanently and I quit.

I just felt a huge wave of relief when I hit the send button.  Like I've said, a huge weight off my shoulders.

Amazingly, they posted a statement on the band Facebook page.  Paragraph 2 was pretty telling.  Amazingly, and unprompted, a load of my mates have just piled in against them, which is pretty hilarious.  My messenger services have been pinging most of the day with people who are amazed and I've had six video calls over Skype and Messenger.  I've also noticed the bands likes have gone down by a few as well.

Fast forward less than 90 minutes after I quit and I've had two offers from bands, so project #1 kicks off on 7/12/17.

I would concur that this is like being in a relationship with a bully, or someone you don't particularly like or trust.  A few people here know me pretty well and would vouch for my character; I don't really do confrontation, I just want an easy, peaceful, fun life.  My band, deteriorated to such a point that I hated it, or hated what it had turned into.  Everything that guy did just built up until I reached a point where I didn't want to do it any more.  I wish they guy had never responded to our vocalist wanted ad.

 

[NancyJohnson]

27 minutes ago, stingrayPete1977 said:

I'm not sure I'd delete my bass tracks, as long as you get the credit does it matter? 

 

It's just a nice touch on my part.  I want those asshats to turn up to mix on Sunday and my stuff is all gone.

[Happy Jack]

Yes, but the guitarist will be able to lay down better versions of your bass lines, no problem ...

[DaytonaRik]

Is it band-quitting season then?  I've had to leave Think Lizzy due to to work commitments but the rest of the guys took it well - they've converted 7 of next years gigs to a new classic rock (read dad rock!) project leaving me with 5 gigs to play over the course of 9 months.  It'll leave me room for my new rock covers project which will only gig once a month at most due to members work/band/personal commitments.

[PaulWarning]

11 hours ago, NancyJohnson said:

Let me put a bit of meat on the bone.  It's a long one, sorry.

I started Nancy Johnson early 2011...much like any band, it has been a little like Trigger's Broom, the line up has ebbed and flowed but I have been the common thread throughout.  I was writing everything up until around a year ago.  A couple of years back we took on a new singer and quite soon after, I really felt that I was losing my band...this guy was pursuing gigs and booking rehearsals, taking over.  The last year has been busy; maybe 60-70 gigs, radio, television, studio and rehearsing pretty much every week, I'd say 80% of it driven by him.  Personally, I think it was too much, sometimes I'd be out three or four nights a week (keeping it spaced, keeps the fires burning).

Around midyear, and this is important, my father-in-law's health deteriorated (and he has subsequently passed away) and my mother who has lived with bladder cancer for three years, got ill again (she's still with us, crazy as ever).  This seemed to have little effect on the singer though, who was pouncing on every gig opportunity, irrespective of whether it was a mile away or a midweek 200 mile round trip playing to 5 people (yes, that happened more than once), and whether or not the band had their full quota available on our band calendar.  It got to the point where he'd say, 'I've got a gig on such and such a day,' and I'd say, 'Look, my father-in-law is very ill, I really need to help support my wife and mother-in-law,' to which he just suggested using a dep; something I have never adhered to and requested we didn't on several occasions.  If it were me, I'd prefer that if we were a man down, that we politely decline the booking, giving reasons why, and see whether a promoter was prepared to reschedule.  His drive was fairly insatiable and almost driven by the fact that I'd already said I couldn't gig.  Eventually he didn't even bother asking whether I wanted to cancel what I was doing, it was pretty much, 'We've got a gig, Paul's not available, we'll get Tom.'  He also remarked that using a dep doesn't have any effect on me personally (duh?).

We locked horns a few times about things and I think everyone in the band would agree that he was difficult, but the guitarist and him were tight and the drummer just sat on the fence, so it was pretty much two versus one and the majority are always right, eh?. 

The dep issue came up again a few days ago, this time with vengeance.  I had some long-standing stuff booked for December; Albert Hall twice, works Christmas bash, family dinners, working away, seeing my mum, and finally on 16/17th December a weekend away with wife and mother-in-law; the 17th being my late father-in-laws birthday, so we felt it was best to be around MiL that weekend.  Despite these days being in the band calendar, gigs were still accepted and my commitment was questioned; laughable considering what I'd done this year - I felt the remarks made about not gigging on the 16th were just hurtful and below the belt, so I decided that if they loved using a dep so much, they could find one permanently and I quit.

I just felt a huge wave of relief when I hit the send button.  Like I've said, a huge weight off my shoulders.

Amazingly, they posted a statement on the band Facebook page.  Paragraph 2 was pretty telling.  Amazingly, and unprompted, a load of my mates have just piled in against them, which is pretty hilarious.  My messenger services have been pinging most of the day with people who are amazed and I've had six video calls over Skype and Messenger.  I've also noticed the bands likes have gone down by a few as well.

Fast forward less than 90 minutes after I quit and I've had two offers from bands, so project #1 kicks off on 7/12/17.

I would concur that this is like being in a relationship with a bully, or someone you don't particularly like or trust.  A few people here know me pretty well and would vouch for my character; I don't really do confrontation, I just want an easy, peaceful, fun life.  My band, deteriorated to such a point that I hated it, or hated what it had turned into.  Everything that guy did just built up until I reached a point where I didn't want to do it any more.  I wish they guy had never responded to our vocalist wanted ad.

 

sounds like the classic situation where some of the band want to gig more than others for whatever reason, I've been there, it's never going to end well, shame you couldn't depart on better terms, in our situation the guys who were leaving agreed to do the gigs they'd committed too and we agreed not to do any more until a new line up was in place

[nightsun]

15 hours ago, discreet said:

And I immediately made a joke of it. Apologies if offence taken!

You'd have to do a damn site more than that to offend me :-)

[Happy Jack]

11 minutes ago, nightsun said:

You'd have to do a damn site more than that to offend me :-)

Give him time, mate, give him time ...

 

[NancyJohnson]

1 minute ago, PaulWarning said:

sounds like the classic situation where some of the band want to gig more than others for whatever reason, I've been there, it's never going to end well, shame you couldn't depart on better terms, in our situation the guys who were leaving agreed to do the gigs they'd committed too and we agreed not to do any more until a new line up was in place

Isn't it generally like this though?  Bands I've played in have folded and it's simple to keep it civil and friendly, but here it's just different; there is no way I wanted to commit to doing the rest of the gigs, especially as it's so easy to find a dep 

The singer was overbearing, controlling, brutish and thought everything he said was right.  Even at rehearsals he used to go on about where we all stood, because he, 'wasn't interested in what the bass was doing.'  There was no denying he was a decent frontman or that he helped to lift the band to the level it's at now, but he didn't care who he trod on to achieve that and the total lack of empathy towards my half of the rhythm section over the last few months was just appalling.  He just broke my spirit, so much so that I just walked away.

 

[Paul S]

10 minutes ago, PaulWarning said:

sounds like the classic situation where some of the band want to gig more than others for whatever reason, I've been there, it's never going to end well, shame you couldn't depart on better terms,

I was in this situation, too, with a classic rock covers band.  Despite everyone being clear to start with regarding availability a year down the line, just as we were getting some good gigs locally, the singer/ rhythm guitarist started getting in everyones' faces about 'lack of commitment' and effectively split the band apart.  I migrated with the guitarist to another band a few months later which has now morphed into a Bon Jovi tribute band.  Although we are struggling to gain any momentum.

[Krysbass]

To the OP; well done - and pleased it seems to be working out for you.

I had to do the same about 3 years back and it was hard to move on from a project I had started and put so much time and effort into.

But 1 year into a new project now that's going well, so no regrets. 

[Happy Jack]

36 minutes ago, NancyJohnson said:

The singer was overbearing, controlling, brutish and thought everything he said was right. 

And your point is?

[bassjim]

14 hours ago, NancyJohnson said:

Let me put a bit of meat on the bone.  It's a long one, sorry.

I started Nancy Johnson early 2011...much like any band, it has been a little like Trigger's Broom, the line up has ebbed and flowed but I have been the common thread throughout.  I was writing everything up until around a year ago.  A couple of years back we took on a new singer and quite soon after, I really felt that I was losing my band...this guy was pursuing gigs and booking rehearsals, taking over.  The last year has been busy; maybe 60-70 gigs, radio, television, studio and rehearsing pretty much every week, I'd say 80% of it driven by him.  Personally, I think it was too much, sometimes I'd be out three or four nights a week (keeping it spaced, keeps the fires burning).

Around midyear, and this is important, my father-in-law's health deteriorated (and he has subsequently passed away) and my mother who has lived with bladder cancer for three years, got ill again (she's still with us, crazy as ever).  This seemed to have little effect on the singer though, who was pouncing on every gig opportunity, irrespective of whether it was a mile away or a midweek 200 mile round trip playing to 5 people (yes, that happened more than once), and whether or not the band had their full quota available on our band calendar.  It got to the point where he'd say, 'I've got a gig on such and such a day,' and I'd say, 'Look, my father-in-law is very ill, I really need to help support my wife and mother-in-law,' to which he just suggested using a dep; something I have never adhered to and requested we didn't on several occasions.  If it were me, I'd prefer that if we were a man down, that we politely decline the booking, giving reasons why, and see whether a promoter was prepared to reschedule.  His drive was fairly insatiable and almost driven by the fact that I'd already said I couldn't gig.  Eventually he didn't even bother asking whether I wanted to cancel what I was doing, it was pretty much, 'We've got a gig, Paul's not available, we'll get Tom.'  He also remarked that using a dep doesn't have any effect on me personally (duh?).

We locked horns a few times about things and I think everyone in the band would agree that he was difficult, but the guitarist and him were tight and the drummer just sat on the fence, so it was pretty much two versus one and the majority are always right, eh?. 

The dep issue came up again a few days ago, this time with vengeance.  I had some long-standing stuff booked for December; Albert Hall twice, works Christmas bash, family dinners, working away, seeing my mum, and finally on 16/17th December a weekend away with wife and mother-in-law; the 17th being my late father-in-laws birthday, so we felt it was best to be around MiL that weekend.  Despite these days being in the band calendar, gigs were still accepted and my commitment was questioned; laughable considering what I'd done this year - I felt the remarks made about not gigging on the 16th were just hurtful and below the belt, so I decided that if they loved using a dep so much, they could find one permanently and I quit.

I just felt a huge wave of relief when I hit the send button.  Like I've said, a huge weight off my shoulders.

Amazingly, they posted a statement on the band Facebook page.  Paragraph 2 was pretty telling.  Amazingly, and unprompted, a load of my mates have just piled in against them, which is pretty hilarious.  My messenger services have been pinging most of the day with people who are amazed and I've had six video calls over Skype and Messenger.  I've also noticed the bands likes have gone down by a few as well.

Fast forward less than 90 minutes after I quit and I've had two offers from bands, so project #1 kicks off on 7/12/17.

I would concur that this is like being in a relationship with a bully, or someone you don't particularly like or trust.  A few people here know me pretty well and would vouch for my character; I don't really do confrontation, I just want an easy, peaceful, fun life.  My band, deteriorated to such a point that I hated it, or hated what it had turned into.  Everything that guy did just built up until I reached a point where I didn't want to do it any more.  I wish they guy had never responded to our vocalist wanted ad.

 

The guy was definitely bullying you. I've been here and know that feeling well. When its a band thing , for what ever reason, this ,(bullying in bands) gets an easy ride. I've been where you are now . Good for you for walking away. From what you say the guy was a ****.  I was in a band once that I loved so much and didn't want to leave  but the stronger personality waded in and took over, influencing the others. Completely ruined it.  Emotionally it really hurt as I had put everything into it. I remember feeling bereaved and angry at the same time. Like someone had died. That build up to the point before you finally quit....not pleasant at all. Its so much more personal when its original material that you have either written or been part or writing. 

 Personally, although right now perhaps your angry side of it wants to be destructive, I'd leave anything you have done with the band on tape. Leave it all behind and take the higher ground. Dont sink to that level. 

I have received over the years royalties for material I had written or played on with that old band of mine and now its very much in the distant past.  I wouldn't have pissed on one of them if he was on fire at the time but its very much water under the bridge now. (20 years ago now!)

Good luck with your new ventures and hope they work out for you. No matter what age, and I dont mean to be patronising, its all still experience which you take to the next thing.  What doesn't kill you and all that. The old band will probably fizzle out now all by itself and most likely because you're not in it anymore. 

 

 

Edited November 16, 2017 by wateroftyne
Asterisked c-word

[discreet]

Hey, is there no profanity filter now? Woo hoo! (Thinks of a rude sailor word).

[bassjim]

Ahh....sorry if any swear words offended anyone. I was relying on the profanity filter!

[PaulWarning]

26 minutes ago, bassjim said:

The guy was definitely bullying you. I've been here and know that feeling well. When its a band thing , for what ever reason, this ,(bullying in bands) gets an easy ride. I've been where you are now . Good for you for walking away. From what you say the guy was a cunt.  I was in a band once that I loved so much and didn't want to leave  but the stronger personality waded in and took over, influencing the others. Completely ruined it.  Emotionally it really hurt as I had put everything into it. I remember feeling bereaved and angry at the same time. Like someone had died. That build up to the point before you finally quit....not pleasant at all. Its so much more personal when its original material that you have either written or been part or writing. 

 Personally, although right now perhaps your angry side of it wants to be destructive, I'd leave anything you have done with the band on tape. Leave it all behind and take the higher ground. Dont sink to that level. 

I have received over the years royalties for material I had written or played on with that old band of mine and now its very much in the distant past.  I wouldn't have pissed on one of them if he was on fire at the time but its very much water under the bridge now. (20 years ago now!)

Good luck with your new ventures and hope they work out for you. No matter what age, and I dont mean to be patronising, its all still experience which you take to the next thing.  What doesn't kill you and all that. The old band will probably fizzle out now all by itself and most likely because you're not in it anymore. 

 

 

this makes perfect sense, try not to fall out you never know what the future holds, and what good does it do really? the two members who left the band I'm in really pissed me off by joining another band behind my back, I bit my tongue and they've both depped for us on two occasions since

[Monkey Steve]

12 hours ago, NancyJohnson said:

Let me put a bit of meat on the bone.  It's a long one, sorry.

shame. 

I'm usually on the side of those who want to play more and accept every gig (and one of my bugbears is those band members who claim to be really dedicated when the band forms...and then you find that their definition of "really dedicated" is playing whenever the football isn't on or the garden needs weeding, etc) but that's not the case here, it's clearly that life is currently throwing some of the brown smelly stuff at you.  If they can't allow for that then they're not really very good human beings

Good luck with your future project - hope it takes off any they're begging you for a support slot before too long.

 

 

[SpondonBassed]

1 hour ago, discreet said:

Hey, is there no profanity filter now? Woo hoo! (Thinks of a rude sailor word).

Testing...

Wankel rotary engine

[SpondonBassed]

Cool

[SpondonBassed]

Sorry NJ.  I am being flippant.

OT:  I think you might need to assert your rights with this one.  As already mentioned, the name of the band is likely to be your property.  I'd seek proper advice about your intellectual rights.

Edited November 16, 2017 by SpondonBassed

[discreet]

1 hour ago, bassjim said:

Ahh....sorry if any swear words offended anyone. I was relying on the profanity filter!

I'm certainly not offended, you *&%$£!

Swanky hotel in Scunthorpe.

Edited November 16, 2017 by discreet

[Rich]

2 hours ago, NancyJohnson said:

The singer was overbearing, controlling, brutish and thought everything he said was right. 

he, 'wasn't interested in what the bass was doing.' 

he didn't care who he trod on to achieve that and the total lack of empathy towards my half of the rhythm section over the last few months was just appalling.  He just broke my spirit, so much so that I just walked away.

What a bell end. He sounds like a prime candidate for a 'frank exchange of views' in the pub car park. The bold bit alone is reason enough to bin him or the band. I don't blame you one jot for walking, but it's a real shame when it's something you've obviously poured so much into over the years.

I see what you mean re: them getting some stick on their Farcebook page.  

[discreet]

12 hours ago, hiram.k.hackenbacker said:

I would be looking at taking the name away from them if at all possible.

This, particularly if the OP came up with it himself. He might consider registering it, before the band do.