So I just quit the band I started six years ago...

[Sibob]

Eugh, no way would I be pursuing the name, way too much time, effort and likely massive fallout.

Move on, bigger and better things

Si

(And yes I have been in this position)

[discreet]

2 minutes ago, Sibob said:

...way too much time, effort and likely massive fallout.

Mmm, yes. Could also get expensive if things didn't go according to plan...

[TimR]

It’s looking like the band I co-founded 20 years ago, and which has only my co-founder left still playing, could be trying to oust him. I left it 8 years ago, mainly due to the immense amount of unappreciated work I was doing and getting nowhere. 

I think some musicians just think you can sit back and wait for gig enquiries, and if you’re not getting enquiries it’s because of the band’s name, or the colour of the shirts they’re wearing. Websites are free and just appear out of nowhere, as does the PA. 

There sometimes seems to be a lack of empathy as well, some bands are run like a hardline business. If you can’t make a gig for personal reasons, we’ll get someone who can and use them in future.

[dlloyd]

I left my band in the Summer. There had been a number of niggling issues, but the worst of it was the self-appointed band leader was putting political posts and conspiracy theories on our band's facebook page, posting as the band... The last was some dumb conspiracy theory about the BBC covering up the actual death toll from Grenfell Tower.

[discreet]

6 minutes ago, dlloyd said:

The last was some dumb conspiracy theory about the BBC covering up the actual death toll from Grenfell Tower.

I know people who think the BBC is full of lefties and others who think they're a channel for Tory propaganda, so I'm guessing they're actually quite impartial.

[Monkey Steve]

59 minutes ago, TimR said:

It’s looking like the band I co-founded 20 years ago, and which has only my co-founder left still playing, could be trying to oust him. I left it 8 years ago, mainly due to the immense amount of unappreciated work I was doing and getting nowhere. 

I think some musicians just think you can sit back and wait for gig enquiries, and if you’re not getting enquiries it’s because of the band’s name, or the colour of the shirts they’re wearing. Websites are free and just appear out of nowhere, as does the PA. 

There sometimes seems to be a lack of empathy as well, some bands are run like a hardline business. If you can’t make a gig for personal reasons, we’ll get someone who can and use them in future.

I think it's a difficult balance - what if the founder is the weak link (and no suggestion that Paul from the OP is in WKNJ so this is more of a philosophical question)?  Should band members who have put years of work into the band put up with them, or split the band up just because they want to pack it in?  Though it does feel odd when a band like Tank are still touring and recording with nobody that was on the first two albums still in the band

I was once in a similar-ish position, last to join (although for practical purposes always regarded as a founding member - they were a band who had been practising and writing a few songs without any bass player for a few months, and didn't start playing live until I arrived) and a few years of gigging down the line it was apparent that we needed to shed one of the guitarists.  So we all got together, invited him to the pub and sacked him, in the nicest "it's not you, it's us" way possible.

I always found him to be a bit of an odd bloke  and we were never close friends, but we did move in the same circles at that time, although I've rarely seen him since.  But when I did there was a very chilly air that didn't extend to the rest of the band.  It became apparent that he'd been slagging me off to all and sundry as being the one who had ousted him from his band - it had all been fine before I arrived, and i was the last one in so it wasn't my place to get rid of him, etc. 

Didn't actually bother me in the slightest and I've never suffered because of it, but it was very noticeable that I was thought not to be a full member of the band despite having written or co-written almost all of the songs.  In fact the only thing I hadn't had any input into was the band name (which I always hated)

[TimR]

I think you just have to accept that bands are all like ‘Triggers broom’.

Come to think of it, practically all the bands I’ve been in, have also had name changes over the years. The name changes haven’t even been around players moving on either. 

The band I’m talking about are also rumoured to be thinking of changing their name. I’m really not sure why. Why not just start again with the musicians you want to be in the band? I’m guessing there must be some band owned equipment to consider. Nowt as queer as musicians. 

[police squad]

you've done the right thing Paul.

It doesn't matter how good the singing or the playing, if you're a tw@t no one will want to play with you.

I still have issues with my band but the main issue (drummer) is gone now. I was so close to leaving too.

Glad you have a new project to wave those Thunderbirds at

[dmccombe7]

Nice one. Good to see you move on with your life.

I recently left a band because the main guitarist said he had enough and it wasn't for him. They asked me to stay but i didn't fancy starting from scratch with a new guitarist as it was a fair distance to travel to rehearsals so i said i was gonna let it go. The difference for me was i offered them the rights to the Facebook page i set up and the various VID clips my wife took of our gigs. They said they wanted to start from scratch so i closed the FB page and locked the youtube clips. 

2 weks later the guitarist that left told me he went back with them but wasn't happy with the new bassist who is a bit of a jam bassist and doesn't learn the parts properly. That was one of the main reasons he left in the first place cause others weren't putting the effort in for rehearsals

I was already in a new band and wasn't interested in going back now.

Think its annoying when people leave a band and can't make up their minds like that.

I start rehearsals on 30th Nov with new classic rock band so back to doing what i love in a band. Rainbow, Deep Purple and Sabbath can't be too bad. LOL

Dave

 

[Al Krow]

Hey Paul - really sorry to hear that things ended up the way they did: it's stating the obvious that this band has been a big part of your life for the past decade. You end up spending so much time with bandmates that they become like a second family though more often than not marmite ones - you end up lovin' them  and / or coming to blows.  Kinda feels like you did exactly the right thing to walk away here: when it's no longer fun and starts becoming the opposite, it's time to move on. Well done for having the guts to do exactly that and f*** 'em; treat yourself to a new bass or that new amp you've been putting off getting to celebrate a new day! All the very best with the new project, mate.

[DJpullchord]

Seems you’re fortunate to be gone. Good luck with the new project!

[stingrayPete1977]

Have they got someone lined up for the live shows already? I see you were meant to be doing the yellow bus gig in a couple of weeks. 

[Lozz196]

Reading this thread makes me really appreciate my current band. We rarely have any disagreements about anything, and those that we do aren`t so much disagreements as a pooling of ideas, raising other suggestions to see which direction to take. Having been in bands with difficult band members before I`m so glad I don`t have to deal with that now.

[TimR]

I think the more people you play with you tend to recognise these behaviours and avoid them early on. Normally they’re evident when you’re starting a band or joining one, or have a new member that’s doesn’t seem to fit. 

[PaulWarning]

also the more muso's you've dealt with and the older you get you learn more diplomatic skills as well, me and our singer can have shouting match about something and a couple of hours later it's forgotten, do that with the guitarist and he'll threaten to quit the band, on the whole though we try and stay calm during 'debates' about something and usually manage to reach a concensus that doesn't upset someone too much, I've also learnt face to face is a lot lot better than emails or texts

[cheddatom]

9 minutes ago, PaulWarning said:

...face to face is a lot lot better than emails or texts

Hah, A LOT better, yes. I'm in a band with a guy who is very nice. If there's ever any sort of debate or confrontation in person he can generally deal with it calmly, but he'll often bring up his own gripes in massive emails to the whole band. It's led to big arguments in the past as his email tone is so obnoxious and thoughtless. After a while we learned, so now when he sends them the rest of us either refuse to reply, or just say "OK". It's working so far

[burno70]

1 hour ago, Lozz196 said:

Reading this thread makes me really appreciate my current band. We rarely have any disagreements about anything, and those that we do aren`t so much disagreements as a pooling of ideas, raising other suggestions to see which direction to take. Having been in bands with difficult band members before I`m so glad I don`t have to deal with that now.

This is where I'm at. Reading this thread has brought back some crap memories. But I've been in my current band with two other  lads for almost 7 years - we just get on and we're friends. It's just so much better that way. No arguments, some minor disagreements that we talk through, no bullying and no ego's. 

[NancyJohnson]

2 hours ago, stingrayPete1977 said:

Have they got someone lined up for the live shows already? I see you were meant to be doing the yellow bus gig in a couple of weeks. 

In answer to your first question, they're using the dep who they pulled in without my consent earlier in the year.  This is/was the root cause of me leaving; the whole insensitivity surrounding that furore was just another issue that ultimately broke the camel's back.

Gigwise, I use the colloquial 'we' here as yes, we were doing Reading on the 25th, the Yellow Bus gig on 2/12, a radio thing on the 3rd.  He booked two toilet gigs mid-December (Maidenhead/Southampton) on dates he knew full well I was unavailable...these places are shitholes, especially the Southampton one, but well, he booked them anyway and didn't even bother asking whether I was OK with a dep.  'We' also had a load of gigs in for 2018.

You know, on the subject of deps, one thing that the singer said as well over WhatsApp was this (this is a direct copy and paste):
"Also, it's not like there is a finite number of gigs. If we turn down six and play six with you, we've played six gigs. If we say yes to 12 and play six with you, you've still played six gigs."

There are loads of quite irrational comments like this peppered through our final exchanges and even reading this now, I'm shaking my head trying to understand the logic behind it.  So much for putting in the hours writing, rehearsing every week.  I'd still have played six gigs.  That's all that matters, eh?

[stingrayPete1977]

I suppose it will be interesting to see how it pans out now, is the new guy a bass chatter?! 

[NancyJohnson]

22 minutes ago, stingrayPete1977 said:

I suppose it will be interesting to see how it pans out now, is the new guy a bass chatter?! 

Oooh.  Wouldn't that be a thing? 

 

[Monkey Steve]

6 minutes ago, NancyJohnson said:

Oooh.  Wouldn't that be a thing? 

 

well, we know there's a band with a vacancy...where's my last demo...

Edited November 17, 2017 by Monkey Steve

[Bridgehouse]

Nobody here would bother joining if the singer "wasn't interested in what the bass was doing"

In fact, why is he bothering to recruit at all?

[Monkey Steve]

reminds me of a band I quit some years ago. I left because I'd had enough of the guitarist - nice enough feller and an OK guitarist, but the band were pulling in one direction and he dug his heels in and refused to come with us.  Lots of talk between the rest of us about him being the problem, should we sack him, round and round for months, trying to explain to him that we were running out of patience with him and that he should start doing the stuff the rest of us all wanted to do, etc.

Eventually I'd had enough and told everybody before a gig (the last one we had booked) that I was done and this would be my last appearance with the band.  Shook hands with the guitarist, no hard feelings (although he was minorly miffed as he was playing through an amp of mine which I took home with me, but didn't make a thing of it). 

He then calls a band meeting with everybody else and sets out the post-Steve plans: he knows they can get the bass player from another band that we all knew, so they'll be up and running soon...

...everybody else finally gathers the testicular fortitude to tell him that actually they all feel the same as me, so they're off too and he needs to look for a drummer and singer too,.  Good luck!

Mind you, we then formed a band with a guitarist that the singer knew...who sacked me after about six months (we did not see eye to eye).  karma, eh?  

[Gareth Hughes]

As others have said, it’s clearly best for you that you’re out, however frustrating the circumstances are. Life is too short, etc.

On the flip side, I’ve managed to dodge a similiarly shaped bullet. There was an ad for a bassist for a Black Sabbath tribute local enough to me. Sabbath would always be appealing but it’s not something I’d want to commit to. Somebody then recommended the singer get in touch with me, which he did via Facebook. I’d read his message but hadn’t replied as I was giving it a second thought. I deliberately didn’t write back straight away as I didn’t want to be sitting on the fence and mess this guy around. And also - life carries on, so other things take priority in ones life over writing to a complete stranger. 

I didn’t think this was rude in any way, but a few days later, last night, the guy writes back with “we’ve found a bass player, thanks for getting in touch” - clearly being sarky as I hadn’t gotten in touch. Cue a few messages back and forth along the lines of “WTF?” From me and “rudeness will get you nowhere” from him and then him blocking me. I’ve never met this guy!!!

So, the moral of the story is - go with your gut. If your Spidey-Senses tell you something’s up, then there really is.

Good luck with your new ventures NJ.

Edited November 17, 2017 by Gareth Hughes

[PaulWarning]

1 minute ago, Gareth Hughes said:

As others have said, it’s clearly best for you that you’re out, however frustrating the circumstances are. Life is too short, etc.

On the flip side, I’ve managed to dodge a similiarly shaped bullet. There was an ad for a bassist for a Black Sabbath tribute local enough to me. Sabbath would always be appealing but it’s not something I’d want to commit to. Somebody then recommended the singer get in touch with me, which he did via Facebook. I’d read his message but hadn’t replied as I was giving it a second thought. I deliberately didn’t write back straight away as I didn’t want to be sitting on the fence and mess this guy around. And also - life carries on, so other things take priority in ones life over writing to a complete stranger. 

I didn’t think this was rude in any way, but a few days later the guy writes back with “we’ve found a bass player, thanks for getting in touch” - clearly being sarky as I hadn’t gotten in touch. Cue a few messages back and forth along the lines of “WTF?” From me and “rudeness will get you nowhere” from him and then him blocking me. I’ve never met this guy!!!

So, the moral of the story is - go with your guy. If your Spidey-Senses tell you something’s up, then there really is.

Good luck with your new ventures NJ.

must admit I find it annoying when people don't reply, even if it's a "thanks for getting in touch" etc