Top tip

[Norris]

Through experimentation see how much weight a swallow can carry. Then simply see how many swallows it takes to fly off with your bass

[SH73]

3 hours ago, FinnDave said:

I prefer the tone of a traditional Christmas pudding, these modern light weight sponges will be the ruination of bass playing.

I agree, the tone  is more natural and richer. Does not need to be processed or refined. 

[ahpook]

18 minutes ago, stewblack said:

Best thread ever. Even my mum is laughing aloud as I read it to her.

Mrs. Pook also had a good laugh and has asked me to point out that she's not available to hold anybody else's basses whilst they weigh her

[3below]

3 hours ago, FinnDave said:

I prefer the tone of a traditional Christmas pudding, these modern light weight sponges will be the ruination of bass playing.

 

15 minutes ago, SH73 said:

I agree, the tone  is more natural and richer. Does not need to be processed or refined. 

 

The sauce needs to be thin and use vintage Brandy, this allows the pudding to breathe better resulting in a fuller tone.  Modern thicker sauces inhibit the pudding's response.

[Painy]

28 minutes ago, tonyquipment said:

I take the bass apart and weigh all the parts individually then add it all up at the end  

itemised. 

This may not be an entirely accurate method.

It has been postulated that the soul has it's own small but measurable mass which has been observed on occasion to manifest itself in a slight weight loss at the instant of an individual passing away.

Based on the principle that most people would be likely to cease to live should their neck become detached from the rest of their body, it seems reasonable to extrapolate from this that a bass with the neck removed would at that point have no soul and would therefore weigh slightly less than when it was a complete instrument.

Now I know what you're thinking - once the bass is reassembled you will have an accurate measurement of the weight of the bass - albeit as it is now sans soul rather than its original weight. However, as it is demonstrably perfectly possible to play James Brown songs on a bass that has had it's neck removed and reattached, I would speculate that the soul of the bass is able to reenter the instrument upon reassembly thereby returning to its pre-measurement weight and rendering this method marginally inaccurate.

Of course I may be over thinking it.....

[ahpook]

3 minutes ago, Painy said:

Of course I may be over thinking it.....

Not for this thread All valid points.

[Creeper]

1 hour ago, Norris said:

If your bass weighs less than a duck then it's a witch and you should burn it

#MontyPython

Or if you can build a bridge from your bass........

[ahpook]

Now, I may have a way of doing this by only weighing one part...much simpler.

OK, get your kitchen scales and weigh the heaviest bit, the body....

Now, we need a region of really flat space-time, and I mean flat...let say centre of the Boötes Supervoid, about 700million light years away, somewhere nice and empty.

OK, carefully, one at a time, put each part of the bass in orbit around the body - far enough away to treat the body and part as a point masses.

Note the angular velocity of each orbiting piece, and so derive their masses, tot them up and there you go.

 

It's the elegant simplicity of the solution that appeals to me

 

Edited January 27, 2018 by ahpook

[Painy]

Or indeed if it weighs the same as other objects that can float on water such as very small rocks.....

[Creeper]

37 minutes ago, Norris said:

Through experimentation see how much weight a swallow can carry. Then simply see how many swallows it takes to fly off with your bass

This would obviously be dependant on the swallow, be It African or European....

[3below]

1 hour ago, tonyquipment said:

I take the bass apart and weigh all the parts individually then add it all up at the end  

itemised. 

To ensure an accurate answer we need to know the binding energy of the bass and the constituent parts.  The energy release from splitting the bass, E = MC² will cause a mass defect. 

[FinnDave]

29 minutes ago, 3below said:

 

 

The sauce needs to be thin and use vintage Brandy, this allows the pudding to breathe better resulting in a fuller tone.  Modern thicker sauces inhibit the pudding's response.

It is obviously essential to then eat the pudding and sauce combination using the correct type of spoon. I am of the belief that only a rosewood spoon can bring out the full richness of the pudding/sauce combination; the use of a maple spoon would introduce a harsh brittleness to the taste. I accept that the existence of 'taste woods' has been debated among pudding aficionados for generations, but I remain convinced that a traditional pudding would be ruined by the use of a maple spoon (unless the pudding dates back to the 1950s, when maple spoons were in widespread use, and therefore the use of one would recreate that much sought-after vintage taste).

[3below]

8 minutes ago, FinnDave said:

It is obviously essential to then eat the pudding and sauce combination using the correct type of spoon. I am of the belief that only a rosewood spoon can bring out the full richness of the pudding/sauce combination; the use of a maple spoon would introduce a harsh brittleness to the taste. I accept that the existence of 'taste woods' has been debated among pudding aficionados for generations, but I remain convinced that a traditional pudding would be ruined by the use of a maple spoon (unless the pudding dates back to the 1950s, when maple spoons were in widespread use, and therefore the use of one would recreate that much sought-after vintage taste).

Mahogany spoons are also considered desirable, puddingistas state that they give a softer more focused flavour.  The sought after 1950s flame maple cap spoon might be the way forward.  Great care must be taken not to drop your mahogany spoon, headstock breakages are not unknown (little known fact,the bowl is called the head).

On a different matter we must now evaluate the construction of the pudding metalwork.  Do  pre decimal coinage threppeny bits (brass) coins sustain the flavour longer than later cupro nickel coins ?

[Geek99]

2 hours ago, Norris said:

If your bass weighs less than a duck then it's a witch and you should burn it

#MontyPython

It’s a fair cop

[Geek99]

48 minutes ago, Creeper said:

This would obviously be dependant on the swallow, be It African or European....

Can’t use African as it’s non migratory 

[FinnDave]

23 minutes ago, 3below said:

Mahogany spoons are also considered desirable, puddingistas state that they give a softer more focused flavour.  The sought after 1950s flame maple cap spoon might be the way forward.  Great care must be taken not to drop your mahogany spoon, headstock breakages are not unknown (little known fact,the bowl is called the head).

On a different matter we must now evaluate the construction of the pudding metalwork.  Do  pre decimal coinage threppeny bits (brass) coins sustain the flavour longer than later cupro nickel coins ?

In those parts of the country which the term 'head' for 'bowl' is not used, they of course refer to the point at which the bowl and handle join as the 'bowl stock'. Which in itself is an interesting co-incidence, as I think I have a booking to play there this year.

On to the more serious part of your post, as a (tie) dyed in the wool traditionalist, I will always argue the case for silver sixpences as being the more authentic metalwork for a pudding.

[Painy]

8 minutes ago, FinnDave said:

I will always argue the case for silver sixpences as being the more authentic metalwork for a pudding.

Brian May would undoubtedly concur.

[Geek99]

Surely the spoon should be made from ash if it’s a 70s spoon in natural finish ?

[FinnDave]

7 minutes ago, Geek99 said:

Surely the spoon should be made from ash if it’s a 70s spoon in natural finish ?

The 70s was responsible for spoons of very varied quality, and even today some real lemons are still being passed off as peaches. 

[FinnDave]

15 minutes ago, Painy said:

Brian May would undoubtedly concur.

Obviously a man of good taste!

[3below]

18 minutes ago, FinnDave said:

The 70s was responsible for spoons of very varied quality, and even today some real lemons are still being passed off as peaches. 

Then we get to the 80s, an era of excess and pointy spoons.  

[FinnDave]

3 minutes ago, 3below said:

Then we get to the 80s, an era of excess and pointy spoons.  

And more recently, there has been such a resurgence in interest in vintage spoons that most major spoon makers are now making replicas of their earlier wares, in some cases charging more to add signs of wear and tear, even going to such lengths as to introduce fake tooth damage, and scorching from use of excessively hot sauce.

[Dad3353]

Whatever method is used, the answer will be forty-two. 

[FinnDave]

1 minute ago, Dad3353 said:

Whatever method is used, the answer will be forty-two. 

Just need to find the right system of weights, they are all 42 somethings...

[Bobthedog]

1 hour ago, Geek99 said:

Surely the spoon should be made from ash if it’s a 70s spoon in natural finish ?

If it is for a Christmas Pudding. it should be the burnt remnants of the turkey. Otherwise known as Wishbone Ash. No don’t thank me, feel free to use that a a band name if it hasn not been done before. 

 

Going back to the OP, I suggest filling the bath to the brim and then putting the bass into the bath. The weight of the displaced water will equal the weight of the water previously in the bath. I am not sure what that means but it must help.