Merton Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 A bit of a weird situation, I'm interested in people's opinions. Last summer I auditioned for a new band. I didn't get the gig because they decided I lived too far away for rehearsals and my "complicated" family situation (where I have my son every other weekend) meant that it made it difficult for me to commit to potential gigs. They liked my playing and wanted to use me as a dep if the situation occurred. Fair enough. Fast forward to early 2018, I get a call asking if I'm free in August as their bassist can't do a gig. Sure, I say, that's cool. Last week I had a call asking if I could do two more gigs with them. The bassist they chose last year decided he couldn't commit any longer, so they wondered if I'd be happy being number 1 choice and he number 2 choice on any new enquiries? Sure, I say, that's cool. Yesterday on Facebook I see them announce three more gigs this year, none of which I’ve been told about, saying that I will do the first and then they're pleased to announce their new bassist who'll do all the rest of the gigs. That includes the August gig which I'd already agreed to months ago. Now I'll be honest, the band isn't one which I was desperate to be a part of but it would have been nice out gigging a bit since my band imploded two years ago and it certainly would have been nicer to have a conversation with someone rather than find out via Facebook. It’s left a sour taste in my mouth to be honest. Is this a bit stinky poo and I’m right to feel aggrieved, or a fair response from them given their original reservations about my personal situation? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EBS_freak Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 Their situation changed. They should have at least asked you if your situation had changed... imho. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve Browning Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 I would feel aggrieved in your situation. They had booked you for the gig and it isn't on to give it to someone else without saying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paddy515 Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 I would tell them you will do the one-off gig for 2x what you usually get from a gig and then walk away - or just advise them you're not available any more for that one-off. Bloody cheek!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaulWarning Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 announcing stuff on Facebook without clearing it with everybody first is bad form and leads to difficulties all round, but some people don't seem to have any idea about good manners, if you want to do the gig they want you to do, do it if it fits in well with you, if not or you feel badly let down tell them to flip off 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merton Posted March 8, 2018 Author Share Posted March 8, 2018 10 minutes ago, EBS_freak said: Their situation changed. They should have at least asked you if your situation had changed... imho. Yep that is my take on it, it’s a bit crap that they didn’t. I’ve suggested to them to let their new bassist do the one gig they want me on as it makes no sense for me to do it when he starts a week later! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Muppet Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 I would have thought that, having agreed a position with you, they would have discussed any changes with you beforehand rather than just going ahead with them. That's the fair thing to do. Sounds to me like you've being very (over?) accommodating to them and they're taking you for granted as a result. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merton Posted March 8, 2018 Author Share Posted March 8, 2018 I think you might be right! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fleabag Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 You can't trust them. They'll obviously do this again at some point, as they've shown what their philosophy regarding band etiquette is Announce on Farcebook a week before the gig that you forgot you were having your eyebrows plucked on that date 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ambient Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 Are you sure you’re not the new bassist? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Conan Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 This form of "communication" seems to be very common these days... (says he writing a comment on an online forum... ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Linus27 Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 I would just assume you are doing the only gig you have been asked about and play dumb to the other gigs and when they get mentioned, let them know that you know nothing about it and why were you not told. Let the penny drop for them that they've been a bit crap at communicating. They won't do it again after that .... hopefully. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stingrayPete1977 Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 26 minutes ago, ambient said: Are you sure you’re not the new bassist? I did wonder that too? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merton Posted March 8, 2018 Author Share Posted March 8, 2018 Definitely not my name they announced as the new bassist! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluewine Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 These guys seem imature. If you don't need the money, I'd diplomatically decline the gigs you have committed to and explain why. Blue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cat Burrito Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 It's a poor effort on their part. I always try to rise above it and not get a bad reputation but I'd feel a little aggrieved privately. I appreciate some people would give it to them both barrels but I would rather have an untarnished reputation personally. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chris_b Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 (edited) This sort of mismanagement isn't confined to younger bands. Some of the oldies I play with are as poor in their organisational and communication skills as this. I find throwing the toys out even when perfectly entitled to do so rarely get any results, never makes a good impression and never makes me feel any better. I usually put it down to experience, moan like hell to the wife and move on. IMO never leave on bad terms, always be the professional one and leave a positive vibe behind you. Sometimes people will remember this and it could be you who gets the phone call when an ex band member is looking for a bass player. Edit. . .. hey Cat, we're on the same page. Edited March 8, 2018 by chris_b 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
casapete Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 The facebook culture does seem to have bred a new wave of bad manners IMO. I don't do FB, just don't get it etc. Couple of years ago I nearly missed a local fellow musician's funeral as they only announced the details on FB. Of course, up to me to maybe get involved if I want to stay in the loop, but some things require a more personal approach I feel. Your band situation is one of these. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merton Posted March 8, 2018 Author Share Posted March 8, 2018 Cheers all, I agree I’m keeping polite and calm about it towards them and moaning about it to Mrs Mert and on here 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaulWarning Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 5 minutes ago, Merton said: Cheers all, I agree I’m keeping polite and calm about it towards them and moaning about it to Mrs Mert and on here Good man, if you can't come on here and have a good moan what's the world coming too? Incidentally, we kept things on good terms when the our Drummer and Guitarist left, we've used them both as deps since, so you're right, never fall out with someone unless it's unavoidable you never know what the future holds Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
casapete Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 32 minutes ago, PaulWarning said: Good man, if you can't come on here and have a good moan what's the world coming too? Incidentally, we kept things on good terms when the our Drummer and Guitarist left, we've used them both as deps since, so you're right, never fall out with someone unless it's unavoidable you never know what the future holds Absolutely, karma and all that. Never understand why people want to fall out when it's avoidable. My last band (8 pc function) went through a succession of singers at one point. Many of them, rather than decide to give notice and leave when they'd had enough, insisted on 'falling out' with us over something trivial and then leaving in a strop with no notice and then slagging the band off for being unprofessional! Of course us bassists are always far more decent about these things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpondonBassed Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 21 hours ago, Merton said: ...Is this a bit stinky poo and I’m right to feel aggrieved, or a fair response from them given their original reservations about my personal situation? Yes. All of those things and perhaps a couple you haven't listed too. It's happened to me and I dare say to many others reading as well. You're best moving on. You have no way of knowing what the future holds and you need to be able to hold your head up the next time you meet any of them. Poor communication still exists despite the always connected movement. I think you are a victim of that more than anything else. Who knows? The next meeting might be your dream opportunity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yank Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 Do the gig. Come dressed like Bootsy Collins. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pbasspecial Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 Hey Martin, they're amateurs for good reason. They don't know how to behave like professionals. Lick your wounds, then move on and move up. Best of luck to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ahpook Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 (edited) I doubt there's any malice behind the situation and you've not played in a while, so why not see it as a quick blast round the block to shake the dust off ? Edited March 9, 2018 by ahpook 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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