Help to motivate to play when depressed

[Guest oZZma]

I'm quite happy of the job we did today, we came out with a couple of solutions that give me goosebumps

Writing is such a work of patience and  perseverance..  Sometimes weeks can pass without finding any good idea, but after a while inspiration come all of sudden and I can solve lots of sections that I didn't like in one day! It's rewarding when the moment comes. 

[Guest oZZma]

I started working for a new client today, my company does mostly body rental* so I happen to work here and there... This new place has terribile working hours (I used to go early so I could finish early, which is not possibile here), moreover, I used to listen to music a lot at work, which Is forbidden here.. This day seemed like 18 hours long. And It was only 8. I finished late and we had a reharsal planned for tonight, although I felt spent I did the effort to get to our space in time but my drummer cancelled last minute 😠😓 I'm so disappointed and descouraged... I think it's likely I'll stay in this place at least for one year and I don't know how to find the energy and the enthusiasm to reharse and write stuff and deal with my bandmate's unreliability. I'm so FED UP with everything. My job, my life... Everything

 

*Not sure how you call It in English, maybe "service provider"

Edited February 4, 2019 by oZZma

[Guest oZZma]

Even playing is worthless. 

[ubit]

14 hours ago, oZZma said:

Even playing is worthless. 

Hang in there mate. As I said, I have been down this road with the dark passenger. Things can and do get better, but sometimes you have to make that happen yourself. It takes a strong mindset but give yourself goals and try to meet them. If all else fails , remember there are doctors trained in this area who can help. Above all, don’t  give up!

Edited February 22, 2019 by ubit

[Guest oZZma]

Sorry if I keep poking in this thread  😓
I haven't been reharsing for three weeks now, only playing alone... The band distracted me from bad thoughts and feelings, and this short hiatus was enough for me to fall apart again... 
Music was a therapy for me but in the last days I had the feeling that this band is worthless. I'm not good at songwriting, not as much as I hoped. I listen back to everything I wrote. Weeks ago I was really happy with that, now it feels just lame. And this band was the only thing that kept me getting out of my bed in the last 2 years. Because everything else sucks. I don't say these thing to my bandmate, I would ruin everything for him too, and probably lose him for good. But I feel so demotivated, and helpless.  😓

[dmccombe7]

You gotta keep trying if you want a band to succeed. Never give up on a dream. Do what it takes even if its not great all the time focus on the good points.

All songwriters go thru phases where they think their material isn't up to scratch. That's just how it is and once you realise that you are on the way to succeeding as a songwriter and within a band.

I've been thru so many bands in past 9 yrs since getting back into playing in bands at age 50. Some were great bands but personality clashes with each other caused the band to fail, others just lacked drive and commitment but my current band i'm really enjoying.

My point is that you just need to keep focused on what you want and keep the dream alive.

Not sure what age you are so its a bit difficult to make comparisons as i certainly have had different views on bands thru my life from being like you around age 20yrs old where bass was my mainstay in life and its what kept me going thru to couldn't be bothered with bands or people up to present day again where its my main focus again (i'm now retired so that helps)

My advice is to never give up the dream. We all need a dream.

Dave 

[SpondonBassed]

10 minutes ago, oZZma said:

Sorry if I keep poking in this thread  😓
I haven't been reharsing for three weeks now, only playing alone... The band distracted me from bad thoughts and feelings, and this short hiatus was enough for me to fall apart again... 
Music was a therapy for me but in the last days I had the feeling that this band is worthless. I'm not good at songwriting, not as much as I hoped. I listen back to everything I wrote. Weeks ago I was really happy with that, now it feels just lame. And this band was the only thing that kept me getting out of my bed in the last 2 years. Because everything else sucks. I don't say these thing to my bandmate, I would ruin everything for him too, and probably lose him for good. But I feel so demotivated, and helpless.  😓

Have you spoken to your GP about the feelings you get when you're isolated?

It's easy to be self critical when there is no-one else there with you to give you a reality check.  It is not uncommon for creative people to suffer with dark thoughts.  Help is available in many forms to help you cope.

I hope you get back to playing with your band soon.

[Guest oZZma]

2 minutes ago, dmccombe7 said:

 

Not sure what age you are so its a bit difficult to make comparisons as i certainly have had different views on bands thru my life from being like you around age 20yrs old where bass was my mainstay in life and its what kept me going thru to couldn't be bothered with bands or people up to present day again where its my main focus again (i'm now retired so that helps)

I'm almost 42. This is pathetic, isn't it?

[Stub Mandrel]

Don't force things, but don'y get too hung up on what you play.

I signed up for a 'weekend warrior' sort of thing where I've been thrown together with a random bunch of guys of varying experience from 'I used to sing but I've taken up guitar eighteen months ago' to 'I'm in two bands'), two about my age (mid-late 50s) two a bit older. We have had seven practice sessions (OK we booked the rehearsal room for an extra last night). the gig, with four other similar bands, is on Sunday.

I was nervous we would end up playing either old rock'n'roll numbers or lowest common denominator stuff.

In the end we are playing songs we all really like and having a storming time. One thing is we are all putting in the effort and the amazing thing is when we listen back to recordings we are surprisingly good!

The point is, I used to be in bands up until 23(!) years ago and have been really miserable about my music going nowhere, so my brothers (who both play) really told me to get some targets like learning some new stuff right through rather than just noodling riffs. This thing has given me a combination of the comradeship of being thrown together with four other random but surprisingly like-minded guys and the reason to get my act together. I was impressed by how fast and how many songs I learnt (we changed the list a fair bit in the first week or two) and how my playing has come on. I found some of the songs really hard to learn and technically challenging - now I can't see what the problem was!

The only downside is wondering what life will be like when it ends - except the one guitar player and me both love the same sort of music and could end up starting a band.

So my suggestion is consider something similar. The best thing is that once other people are relying on you, motivation isn't an issue but teh payback is just how rewarding it is.

[SpondonBassed]

1 minute ago, oZZma said:

I'm almost 42. This is pathetic, isn't it?

Not at all.

Everyone goes through crises at various times in their lives.

[Geek99]

5 minutes ago, oZZma said:

I'm almost 42. This is pathetic, isn't it?

No, that’s exactly what it isn’t. Hiding is easy, having the courage to ask for help is what’s hard 

[Stub Mandrel]

8 minutes ago, oZZma said:

I'm almost 42. This is pathetic, isn't it?

No.

It's bloody fantastic that you can share these feelings.  

My advice is, don't get to hung up on what you have to achieve, just treat music as an end in itself.

If there's someone you get a chance to play with, but they are a bit over-confident or like different music, don't worry about it. Don't treat it as a chore, playing what they like is an opportunity for you to make THEIR life better.

Edited May 17, 2019 by Stub Mandrel

[DoubleOhStephan]

7 minutes ago, oZZma said:

I'm almost 42. This is pathetic, isn't it?

No it isn't pathetic. Seriously, you really seem to be suffering with acute depression. That's no joke and nothing to be ashamed of. I've been there, it's dark af. I got help from my doctors with antidepressants which helped pull me out of the hole.

Get to the docs mate, they're there to help.

[Geek99]

5 minutes ago, StevieE said:

No it isn't pathetic. Seriously, you really seem to be suffering with acute depression. That's no joke and nothing to be ashamed of. I've been there, it's dark af. I got help from my doctors with antidepressants which helped pull me out of the hole.

Get to the docs mate, they're there to help.

True, you don’t have to be on them forever 

even a few weeks might help you see a way out

[DoubleOhStephan]

3 minutes ago, Geek99 said:

True, you don’t have to be on them forever 

even a few weeks might help you see a way out

Exactly. I think I took them for a few months, but I was in a bad place. As soon as I felt level I binned them. 

Exercise, good diet and zero alcohol all help now days as did facing and dealing with the issues that got me down in the first place. Stuff goes deep, it takes time (10 years now) and every day is an unknown. But you learn to understand your moods and see a crash coming so can learn to deal with it. 

[Guest oZZma]

10 minutes ago, StevieE said:

No it isn't pathetic. Seriously, you really seem to be suffering with acute depression. That's no joke and nothing to be ashamed of. I've been there, it's dark af. I got help from my doctors with antidepressants which helped pull me out of the hole.

Get to the docs mate, they're there to help.

I'm really wary of antidepressants... I have seen friends ruined by them in the past. Heavily.

But I probably should seek help Maybe even just a therapist would be of help, because there's really nobody I can talk to.

16 minutes ago, Stub Mandrel said:

No.

It's bloody fantastic that you can share these feelings.  

My advice is, don't get to hung up on what you have to achieve, just treat music as an end in itself.

I try to. Actually that's what it is. I have no ambitions whatsoever. There is no one I care to impress anymore. Maybe that's not much a positive thing tho.

[SpondonBassed]

4 minutes ago, oZZma said:

Maybe even just a therapist would be of help, because there's really nobody I can talk to.

I'd say that is a good place to start.  Counselling can help you find your focus in life again.  You've got to have people in your life to hear your ideas otherwise you are just living inside your own head.  It can get gnarly in there sometimes.

[roblpm]

13 minutes ago, oZZma said:

I'm really wary of antidepressants... I have seen friends ruined by them in the past. Heavily.

But I probably should seek help Maybe even just a therapist would be of help, because there's really nobody I can talk to.

I try to. Actually that's what it is. I have no ambitions whatsoever. There is no one I care to impress anymore. Maybe that's not much a positive thing tho.

Only after:

No alcohol, not much caffeine, exercise (walking if nothing else), meditation. 

Have you meditated?

[Lozz196]

Reading your first post of today @oZZma, the thing that I notice is you seem fairly down on yourself. Having had bouts of depression myself, and recently having had some therapy, negative thoughts in general seem to be more final and definite in their conclusion. Without going into a load of therapy type spiel revisit your songs when you’re in a lighter mood and I’m sure you’ll view them in a different way. Remember, when you wrote them you had the highs associated with the creation, of piecing them all together, of the overall achievement. Now you have the familiarity of them which understandably doesn’t have the same spark. Not everyone can write songs, the fact that you can and have done is something to hold onto. And if one or two can do with some further work, well nothing says a song in its first format needs to stay that way.

[Geek99]

So was I - Citalopram at just 10mg helped - there were no noticeable adverse side effects.i took it for a month or so. Just ask for a low dose and see if you need more 

Edited May 18, 2019 by Geek99

[DoubleOhStephan]

9 hours ago, oZZma said:

I'm really wary of antidepressants... I have seen friends ruined by them in the past. Heavily.

But I probably should seek help Maybe even just a therapist would be of help, because there's really nobody I can talk to.

You're right to be wary, they do have negative side effects. They also have very positive effects and can help with leveling out your emotions. 

Being absolutely straight, they're not the solution, they're the start of a recovery from a very serious illness which can take months, years or a lifetime to overcome.

Honestly, my depression is always with me. Now, 10 years after diagnosis, it's pretty rare that I'll have a bout of depression and I can usually identify it happening pretty quickly and deal with it. That's taken time though. I needed to work through all the issues from my past as well as in my present.

But I now see it as a real positive. I can now be brutality honest with myself and challenge my thinking on pretty much anything now. My mind is clear. Most importantly, I learned how to forgive because I found holding a grudge is a monstrous weight that takes you down. 

8 hours ago, roblpm said:

No alcohol, not much caffeine, exercise (walking if nothing else), meditation. 

^^^More important than you can imagine. Especially alcohol! 

Good luck dude. As you can see, there are people on this forum who have been there and can offer help. There are lots of mental health charities, some specifically for men who want to help. 

My advice, get to the docs, get a diagnosis to know exactly what you're up against and start from there. 

[Guest oZZma]

9 hours ago, Lozz196 said:

Reading your first post of today @oZZma, the thing that I notice is you seem fairly down on yourself. Having had bouts of depression myself, and recently having had some therapy, negative thoughts in general seem to be more final and definite in their conclusion. Without going into a load of therapy type spiel revisit your songs when you’re in a lighter mood and I’m sure you’ll view them in a different way. Remember, when you wrote them you had the highs associated with the creation, of piecing them all together, of the overall achievement. Now you have the familiarity of them which understandably doesn’t have the same spark. Not everyone can write songs, the fact that you can and have done is something to hold onto. And if one or two can do with some further work, well nothing says a song in its first format needs to stay that way.

You know, I constantly do this, even to an eccess. I have reviewed one song (the first) for 2 years. I mean constantly.

Now I was listening back to EVERYTHING and I feel like I want to write everything again because it's not good enough. I'm having a breakdown for job issues and this adds up to a latent depression and other pathetic teen-like problems I haven't truly overcome yet and the fact I can't even find joy and proud and relief in the band is really disheartening. I am inconclusive and constantly dissatisfied, we will never "finish" anything this way.

The band was the only thing that was "right" in my life and I really want It to work but now everything seems like $h!t.

EDIT: @StevieE I quit drinking several months ago, as soon as I severed any contact with someone that was deranging me... I have been drinking so heavily, I could not cope with that feeling. I can't, still. Maybe not really "quit" actually, just waiting to feel ok and drink not to "numb" myself, but with enjoyment. Which probably will take a lot of time, maybe months, maybe years.

 

Edited May 18, 2019 by oZZma

[dmccombe7]

11 hours ago, oZZma said:

I'm almost 42. This is pathetic, isn't it?

Its not pathetic at all. There's nothing pathetic about depression and perhaps as mentioned earlier you should talk with your GP. 

I have no experience with depression at all so it would be unwise or unacceptable for me to offer any advice.  

I was trying to relate your age to where i was at that time. I wasn't involved in bands from age 35 to 50 but that was mainly down to work taking over my life.

I can only hope things sort themselves out and you regain your enthusiasm and commitment to playing in bands again.

All the very best

Dave

 

Edited May 18, 2019 by dmccombe7

[dmccombe7]

2 hours ago, oZZma said:

 

EDIT: @StevieE I quit drinking several months ago, as soon as I severed any contact with someone that was deranging me... I have been drinking so heavily, I could not cope with that feeling. I can't, still. Maybe not really "quit" actually, just waiting to feel ok and drink not to "numb" myself, but with enjoyment. Which probably will take a lot of time, maybe months, maybe years.

 

Good decision. Drink never solves anything. You don't need it. Once things settle down have a small drink just to relax a little and chill out but only when you know you are in control of it and not the other way round.

How sad is this but i look forward to my weekly visit to Costa coffee and sit at window and just watch the world go by for an hour.. Now that really is sad 

Take care.

Dave

Edited May 18, 2019 by dmccombe7

[bassmachine2112]

Hiho,Know how you feel.I know it took me a long time to realise that how can anybody know how I feel but there is a lot of us who do.15 years of the roller coaster ride free falling into the darkness is hard work dragging yourself up all the time is very tiring,dislocating and destructive.Keep on keepin on,turn your face to the sun and let your shadows fall behind you.