Leaving a band

[josie]

I've just told the band I've been playing in (I've never been able to think of it as "my band") that I'm leaving.

Two reasons: complete lack of communication, while playing or between practice sessions, and difference in taste in music.

It's an indie-pop originals band, not my favourite style, but I was grateful for the offer to play with them, I liked the freedom to develop interesting original basslines, and I've put a lot of effort into it. But it just hasn't gelled. I've played open jams where I felt more musical connection with people I'd never met before than with this band after many hours over many months of playing together.

Earlier tonight I talked to the guy who put this together to play his originals, and told him I was deeply sorry but I had to leave, that I respected what he was trying to do but couldn't remain part of it. He accepted "musical differences", but became very defensive when I tried to say - as I've said many times before - that I can't play in a band where nobody makes eye contact while playing. That he didn't thank me for the time I've put in on the arrangements I've developed for his songs confirms my decision.

One good thing is that I handled it through a couple of phone calls followed by a carefully under-stated email rather than turning up for a practice and throwing a hissy-fit halfway through.

So now I have to find a Manchester-based blues band... :-)

[Bluewine]

 

I like the email approach, and guys if your a hired guns IMO you only need to give notice and discussion with the band leader. Also collect all your gear before giving notice.

You really have to be careful about who you decide to give your time and talent to, especially if your in this for creativity and art.

I'm in this for money do it's pretty cut and dry why I chose to play with or leave.

Blue

[stewblack]

The spark between musicians is where the magic lives. Playing without it is like being in a loveless marriage.

[bazzbass]

no eye contact at gigs? man that IS weird

you did well to leave.

send them an email saying that your basslines are yours and their new bassist HAS to write his own

[stewblack]

Ultimately everything we experience is learning. Good and bad, painful and joyful all we can do is take the knowledge we gain forward into new adventures and use that which we learn to benefit others.

Edit: try to benefit others.

Edited March 20, 2018 by stewblack
Missed important word!

[spongebob]

I'm with the OP. Did the same thing myself a few weeks back, feel better for it as I too wasn't happy.

Good luck in your band search. I've not jumped back in yet....I had a fruitful conversation with a possible, but I'm still 50/50, as my heart doesn't seem to be in it.

 

[Bluewine]

Not meaning to derail the OPs thread, but the thought of looking for a band is frightening to me.

If and when my band folds I'm done. There are  no opportunities with bands that are in this for profit. Not that I would be considered for.

Very few bar bands are out there doing 3 gig weekends anymore. Not in my neck of the woods.

Blue

[AndyTravis]

I’m in the wilderness at the minute. Not too bothered.

will sort something once the new baby is settled. 

It wont be covers and I will gig once in a blue moon. I’ve done my late nights and beer soaked pedal boards. Just don’t care for it much.

[Bluewine]

10 minutes ago, AndyTravis said:

I’m in the wilderness at the minute. Not too bothered.

will sort something once the new baby is settled. 

It wont be covers and I will gig once in a blue moon. I’ve done my late nights and beer soaked pedal boards. Just don’t care for it much.

Sometime I think I'm the only fool 65 year old with the same spirit for gigging I had when I was 12. I'd be in heaven if I had gigs 4 nights a week.

I love late nights, love the club bar scene, love the money and most of all the attention.

I must have signed 5 CDs and several gig posters this past Saturday night. I love that kind of stuff.

Blue

Edited March 20, 2018 by Bluewine

[AndyTravis]

It’s not the gigging, the drunken punters, the late nights.

Its the daughters who want to play “Frozen” with daddy at 7.45am the next morning.

And the gigging money is in the wrong game for me, playing stuff I hate with people in the audience who’d dance just the same to a dj.

Nothing wrong with that - just not for me.

[Bluewine]

3 hours ago, AndyTravis said:

It’s not the gigging, the drunken punters, the late nights.

Its the daughters who want to play “Frozen” with daddy at 7.45am the next morning.

And the gigging money is in the wrong game for me, playing stuff I hate with people in the audience who’d dance just the same to a dj.

Nothing wrong with that - just not for me.

Perfectly understandable. We're all different. I understand how gigging a lot can work for some and not others.

I answer to no one and can sleep as late as I want. I'm single by design, as a matter of fact, I broke up with the last woman I dated because I knew she didn't get rock & roll or gigging.

Our guitarists wife comes to every single gig with him, she's never missed a show in the 7 years I've been with the band. I asked her why;

"Because I love watching my husband do something he loves"

That's the kind of lady I need to meet. No woman is ever going to give me any type of grief about gigging.

The money I earn from gigging means so much more to me than the salary I drew when I was a part of the traditional workforce. And I had a great paying career. I still feel that getting paid to have fun and do something you love is, well you can't beat it.

Sure there's little inconveniences and every gig won't be great, but I still wouldn't trade away gigging for anything.

I'm not important enough to hate any genre of music as long as it's professional and played well and I get paid to do it.

I truly love this business and I love playing.

BTW, sorry about the rant.

Blue

Edited March 20, 2018 by Bluewine

[yorks5stringer]

I've heard  the point of a 'shoe-gazing' band that they don't make eye contact but just look at their shoes, or have I got that wrong?

[rushscored4]

On 20 March 2018 at 00:35, josie said:

I've just told the band I've been playing in (I've never been able to think of it as "my band") that I'm leaving.

Two reasons: complete lack of communication, while playing or between practice sessions, and difference in taste in music.

It's an indie-pop originals band, not my favourite style, but I was grateful for the offer to play with them, I liked the freedom to develop interesting original basslines, and I've put a lot of effort into it. But it just hasn't gelled. I've played open jams where I felt more musical connection with people I'd never met before than with this band after many hours over many months of playing together.

Earlier tonight I talked to the guy who put this together to play his originals, and told him I was deeply sorry but I had to leave, that I respected what he was trying to do but couldn't remain part of it. He accepted "musical differences", but became very defensive when I tried to say - as I've said many times before - that I can't play in a band where nobody makes eye contact while playing. That he didn't thank me for the time I've put in on the arrangements I've developed for his songs confirms my decision.

One good thing is that I handled it through a couple of phone calls followed by a carefully under-stated email rather than turning up for a practice and throwing a hissy-fit halfway through.

So now I have to find a Manchester-based blues band... :-)

Our singer Tony has an entertainment agency with lots of different acts from Laptop Johnny DJs and solo tribute acts to 8 piece function bands. He lives in Wythenshawe so most of his acts and music venues are based around Stockport and South Manchester. His agency has a few blues bands and he is often looking for dep musicians or permanent replacements. I'll ask him if he knows of anybody needing a bass player if you like?

[SpondonBassed]

Sorry to hear that Josie.

From your description that sounded like a bunch of individuals rather than a band.

JMB time I suppose?

[dmccombe7]

I've been in bands that found it difficult to look at each other while playing. I've always put it down to a lack of confidence in what they are doing. Most times its usually just at the beginning of the band ie first few rehearsals until strangers become band mates.

One of the rock bands i'm in at the moment the two guitarists don't seem to make eye contact with myself drummer or even the singer however the band is relatively new together and i'm hoping that settles down.

The other Glam band i had a 1st rehearsal with them last weekend and it was there. The eye contact, the openness to discuss mistakes without ego flare ups and we could almost read each other and managed to get about 5 out of 8 endings on the first take without having to discuss amongst ourselves. Most of all the fun and hilarity between songs was there. Self -criticism was there too. Not everyone wants to admit they made a mistake especially in a new band. So that band for me sounds very promising.

I've also found that for me if i'm not into the music itself then i don't put the effort in and therefore i don't enjoy so much and the band ultimately suffers for that.

You need to put your heart and soul into playing and if its not there i don't see the point.

I've tried the club / function style band thing and couldn't get used to young kids playing around the dancefloor with their parents. I just found that too strange and wouldn't want to go back to that. 

Dave 

 

[Lozz196]

13 hours ago, Bluewine said:

Sometime I think I'm the only fool 65 year old with the same spirit for gigging I had when I was 12. I'd be in heaven if I had gigs 4 nights a week.

I love late nights, love the club bar scene, love the money and most of all the attention.

I must have signed 5 CDs and several gig posters this past Saturday night. I love that kind of stuff.

Blue

Well aside from being 52, the above is pretty much it for me. The fool bit is particularly relevant to me

[josie]

9 hours ago, rushscored4 said:

Our singer Tony has an entertainment agency with lots of different acts from Laptop Johnny DJs and solo tribute acts to 8 piece function bands. He lives in Wythenshawe so most of his acts and music venues are based around Stockport and South Manchester. His agency has a few blues bands and he is often looking for dep musicians or permanent replacements. I'll ask him if he knows of anybody needing a bass player if you like?

PMd thanks!

[josie]

4 hours ago, dmccombe7 said:

I've been in bands that found it difficult to look at each other while playing. I've always put it down to a lack of confidence in what they are doing. Most times its usually just at the beginning of the band ie first few rehearsals until strangers become band mates.

When someone is learning to play new material, especially if they're a relatively new musician, a certain amount of staring at their hands is understandable, and I can be as guilty as anyone. For an experienced musician leading a band playing his own material to stare at his feet is not, imho.

I could never see the point of shoegaze - why would you want to be in a band if you didn't want to be connecting with other musicians?

[Graham]

I really don't get the eye contact thing, the drummer we played with on Saturday said she really liked playing with us as we as a band, and I specifically, really communicate with her well on stage. 

It baffles me that you wouldn't want to, if the musicians aren't engaged with each other, is it not just like having a backing tape?

[ianrendall]

I recently jacked in doing any theatre depping. There are a few ‘go to’ players around here that, as well as being superior players to me, are also in the ‘clique’. So when I get the call to play, I know it’s because they have no other option.

It’s not nice knowing that you are 2nd, 3rd or even 4th choice on the list, knowing that the other musicians also know this and knowing that your playing will be compared to the regular bass players. 

In the end the pressure and unfriendliness was just too much and I simply didn’t enjoy it any more. 

Do what makes you happy. 

[mcnach]

5 hours ago, dmccombe7 said:

I've been in bands that found it difficult to look at each other while playing. I've always put it down to a lack of confidence in what they are doing. Most times its usually just at the beginning of the band ie first few rehearsals until strangers become band mates.

One of the rock bands i'm in at the moment the two guitarists don't seem to make eye contact with myself drummer or even the singer however the band is relatively new together and i'm hoping that settles down.

The other Glam band i had a 1st rehearsal with them last weekend and it was there. The eye contact, the openness to discuss mistakes without ego flare ups and we could almost read each other and managed to get about 5 out of 8 endings on the first take without having to discuss amongst ourselves. Most of all the fun and hilarity between songs was there. Self -criticism was there too. Not everyone wants to admit they made a mistake especially in a new band. So that band for me sounds very promising.

I've also found that for me if i'm not into the music itself then i don't put the effort in and therefore i don't enjoy so much and the band ultimately suffers for that.

You need to put your heart and soul into playing and if its not there i don't see the point.

I've tried the club / function style band thing and couldn't get used to young kids playing around the dancefloor with their parents. I just found that too strange and wouldn't want to go back to that. 

Dave 

 

 

I find that in newly starting bands THAT is when you need eye contact the most... 

[Ghost_Bass]

People look at the fingers when they start leaning how to play the instrument. When time comes to rehearse and gig you should already know where most of your notes are and pay attention to the rest of the band. This is more important for bass/drum as they need to be together and in sync along the gig. Doing short stops, endings, fills and dynamics must be with each other's knowlege so it sounds and feels as it should, in the song.

[12stringbassist]

Try asking on these sites:

http://www.nwmusicians.co.uk

http://www.facebook.com/groups/1743862339205247/

[dmccombe7]

5 hours ago, josie said:

When someone is learning to play new material, especially if they're a relatively new musician, a certain amount of staring at their hands is understandable, and I can be as guilty as anyone. For an experienced musician leading a band playing his own material to stare at his feet is not, imho.

I could never see the point of shoegaze - why would you want to be in a band if you didn't want to be connecting with other musicians?

 

4 hours ago, mcnach said:

 

I find that in newly starting bands THAT is when you need eye contact the most... 

Just to clarify here.  I wasn't defending shoe gaze. I only commented that i have witnessed it and in bands i've been in it usually passes as confidence is gained.

One of our guitarists is very lacking in self confidence as he states he has "never been in a band of this calibre or with this amount of experience" As we learn the songs i expect he will grow more confident as he has the talent and skills and it will become as much fun for him as it is for myself and the singer. The other guitarist doesn't really shoe gaze but seems to be in a constant mode of concentrating rather than relaxing and enjoying the band. He also plays in other bands doing standard pub covers. 

I still enjoy the band but its not easy when thinking others aren't enjoying it as much as you. They do comment later how much they enjoyed the rehearsal. Its only been about 3 rehearsals due to weather and sickness meant cancelling a few.

For me i regularly go off on one and have a moment of sheer indulgence while i bury myself in the enjoyment of playing a song i really enjoy like Smoke on the Water or Enter Sandman. 2 songs i never really gave much thought of in past but there you go.

Glam covers band is completely different. It has started from word go as a fun band to play in and that needs to come across to the audience that we are all having a great time whether we are or not. Apart from that we are generally looking at each other for que to next part of the song as it was only the first rehearsal 

 

[Bluewine]

7 hours ago, dmccombe7 said:

 

Just to clarify here.  I wasn't defending shoe gaze. I only commented that i have witnessed it and in bands i've been in it usually passes as confidence is gained.

One of our guitarists is very lacking in self confidence as he states he has "never been in a band of this calibre or with this amount of experience" As we learn the songs i expect he will grow more confident as he has the talent and skills and it will become as much fun for him as it is for myself and the singer. The other guitarist doesn't really shoe gaze but seems to be in a constant mode of concentrating rather than relaxing and enjoying the band. He also plays in other bands doing standard pub covers. 

 

 

 

You know what's nice, when you gigging so much you eventually know the whole show like the back of your hand. That's when you can branch off and connect and engage your band and the audience as oposed to being a slave to your fret board.

IMO, you only get there from gigging s lot, not once every 2 months.

Blue