Auditions in Hell

[Happy Jack]

He's small and Scottish ... they're the worst. 

[ricksterphil]

[Mickeyboro]

Ooh! Jack on a bad day?!

[Monkey Steve]

On 4/20/2018 at 18:21, Bluewine said:

Depends on what a band is doing.Were a gigging bar band and we found that in most cases without experience having to be out there  2- 3 nights a week was too much of a commitment and too much work.

So experience was important and a requirement for us. Being the best drummer was not. We always go with the best person for the job not the best musician.

Blue

and for us it was the exact opposite.  Experience was of no concern whatsoever

Edited May 2, 2018 by Monkey Steve

[Bluewine]

5 hours ago, Monkey Steve said:

and for us it was the exact opposite.  Experience was of no concern whatsoever

I guess it depends on the band and the level you play in. 

For us it's like a traditional job, if you have no experience you don't get the job. We're not providing on the job training.

Now, if we didn't  gig or if we were a gig once a month band, experience would not be a big deal.

Blue

Edited May 2, 2018 by Bluewine

[radiophonic]

The best advice I've heard on auditions was from Juan Alderete and it's something that seemed obvious to me, but apparently not obvious to a lot of people who've tried out for bands I've been in:  If there is a recording of the song - album, demo, live tape, youtube, whatever - learn the part as it was recorded by the old guy, irrespective of what the band say about your artistic freedom. You can change it later if you get the job and you're more likely to get the job if everyone is hearing what they recognise as being right. 

[Happy Jack]

Agreed ... in principle.

But there are certain tracks where there is no single 'original' version which everyone subscribes to.

I'm old enough to remember when Honky Tonk Women was in the charts, and that - to me - is the original.

Pretty much every band I've ever played in thinks that the live version from Get Yer Yay-Yas Out is the original.

Mind you, I'm always tempted to play the bass line from Country Honk anyway. 

[Steve Browning]

28 minutes ago, radiophonic said:

The best advice I've heard on auditions was from Juan Alderete and it's something that seemed obvious to me, but apparently not obvious to a lot of people who've tried out for bands I've been in:  If there is a recording of the song - album, demo, live tape, youtube, whatever - learn the part as it was recorded by the old guy, irrespective of what the band say about your artistic freedom. You can change it later if you get the job and you're more likely to get the job if everyone is hearing what they recognise as being right. 

Have to say I'm not sure that is the best way. Maybe the band didn't like that line (it could be why the bass player left) and you might find they tell you to play that line all the time and you're then trapped.

Must be better to be yourself and get the job (or not) as yourself.

 

[musicbassman]

1 hour ago, Steve Browning said:

Learn the part as it was recorded by the old guy, irrespective of what the band say about your artistic freedom.

This is all fine and dandy, but often - particularly if you're auditioning for a job in an already long established covers band - the song has gradually morphed over the years into something rather different than the original  - this especially applies to the rhythmic feel of the number.

You can start playing the original bass line and it immediately clashes with the bands current rhythmic interpretation of the number - although they'll claim they play it 'just like the original'

This can also be a problem if you're doing a one-off dep gig with no rehearsal time - they'll start playing the number at a function and you can't understand what you're hearing - sometimes the number is almost unrecognisable until the singer comes in - takes you a moment or two to simply get the feel, meanwhile the band are giving you dirty looks.............

[Happy Jack]

40 minutes ago, musicbassman said:

... although they'll claim they play it 'just like the original'

 

At which point you whip out your smartphone, plug it into the PA in the rehearsal room, play them the original to prove that you're right and they're wrong ... and end up wondering why you didn't get the gig. 

[Gottastopbuyinggear]

Cardiff 2015

I'd been in contact for a while with a drummer who was looking to put together a band to play 60s and 70s stuff.  He was also in touch with a guitarist who was keen, but various things were happening in people's lives at the time and so for a while we couldn't all get together.

A few weeks pass and we finally manage to arrange a meet up at a local rehearsal room.  We agreed half a dozen or so songs to learn.

The agreed day arrives and the drummer and I are there first and get set up.  Guitarist has apparently asked whether he can bring a musical acquaintance with him.  He duly turns up with his acquaintance, and explains that he's seen this guy play a few times in another band which has recently folded, bumped into him recently and mentioned us, and the guy had seemed interested so asked to tag along.  Crucially for this story, while the guitarist has seen his acquaintance play the same isn't true the other way around.

We launch into the agreed songs.  Amazingly we've all learned them well enough, and even more amazingly the guitarist is excellent - plays really well, doesn't want to play endless solos, plays really tastefully when he does solo, etc.  He even asks if he's too loud after the first couple of songs.  He isn't - it's all good.  Acquaintance seems okay too, nice gear (a lovely sunburst and bound tele, which happened to be high on my GAS list at the time), but just seemed to want to strum along and kept his volume pretty low.

The evening's declared a great success.  We all agree that we've got the foundations for a great band - just need to look for a singer and a keys player, but we agree to start regular practices in the meantime.

A few days later the drummer emails me.  Apparently we've been stitched up by the acquaintance - he's been putting his band back together and just needed a lead guitarist.  Guess who's been offered the job!  Guitarist has apologised to the drummer, explaining that the other band is really very good, and genuinely has gigs lined up already, so he's going with that.

Pretty annoying to realise that someone we'd never heard of before has used our audition to audition "our" guitarist for his band…

[Monkey Steve]

4 hours ago, radiophonic said:

The best advice I've heard on auditions was from Juan Alderete and it's something that seemed obvious to me, but apparently not obvious to a lot of people who've tried out for bands I've been in:  If there is a recording of the song - album, demo, live tape, youtube, whatever - learn the part as it was recorded by the old guy, irrespective of what the band say about your artistic freedom. You can change it later if you get the job and you're more likely to get the job if everyone is hearing what they recognise as being right. 

In general I agree and it's definitely true for singers. 

The exception would depend on what the band have told you about what they're looking for, and how bad the previous incumbent was...if they're saying that the last bloke was rubbish, or that they want someone who can do something different then it's probably not the best idea

[radiophonic]

28 minutes ago, Monkey Steve said:

In general I agree and it's definitely true for singers. 

The exception would depend on what the band have told you about what they're looking for, and how bad the previous incumbent was...if they're saying that the last bloke was rubbish, or that they want someone who can do something different then it's probably not the best idea

I was thinking mostly of bands playing original material, which have got as far as making a recording. Although I have encountered the situation where everyone thinks they've leaned the right parts to 'The Letter', only to discover the guitarist meant The Boxtops, the singer thought Eva Cassidy and the rhythm section and horns meant Joe Cocker (which isn't even in the same key). Ker-smash. 

[EliasMooseblaster]

43 minutes ago, Monkey Steve said:

The exception would depend on what the band have told you about what they're looking for, and how bad the previous incumbent was...if they're saying that the last bloke was rubbish, or that they want someone who can do something different then it's probably not the best idea

I shouldn't beach...but that doesn't mean I won't! One of our previous singers was technically excellent: great ear, plenty of power huge range, but...she used to insist on singing everything like she was Shirley Bassey belting out the theme from Goldfinger. With subsequent singers, obviously we'd use the studio recordings as a reference, but always with the subtle hint of, "that was her style, of course, but feel free to put your own spin on this one..."

The improvement was remarkable...

[uk_lefty]

16 minutes ago, radiophonic said:

I was thinking mostly of bands playing original material, which have got as far as making a recording. Although I have encountered the situation where everyone thinks they've leaned the right parts to 'The Letter', only to discover the guitarist meant The Boxtops, the singer thought Eva Cassidy and the rhythm section and horns meant Joe Cocker (which isn't even in the same key). Ker-smash. 

I did a few months of gigs playing the Sam and Dave version of Soul Man while the guitarists played the Blues Brothers version.... I always just assumed the rhythm guitar was lost, it did happen a lot. Took us months to eventually talk about it and get it "right"

[ricksterphil]

1 hour ago, Gottastopbuyinggear said:

Cardiff 2015

I'd been in contact for a while with a drummer who was looking to put together a band to play 60s and 70s stuff.  He was also in touch with a guitarist who was keen, but various things were happening in people's lives at the time and so for a while we couldn't all get together.

A few weeks pass and we finally manage to arrange a meet up at a local rehearsal room.  We agreed half a dozen or so songs to learn.

The agreed day arrives and the drummer and I are there first and get set up.  Guitarist has apparently asked whether he can bring a musical acquaintance with him.  He duly turns up with his acquaintance, and explains that he's seen this guy play a few times in another band which has recently folded, bumped into him recently and mentioned us, and the guy had seemed interested so asked to tag along.  Crucially for this story, while the guitarist has seen his acquaintance play the same isn't true the other way around.

We launch into the agreed songs.  Amazingly we've all learned them well enough, and even more amazingly the guitarist is excellent - plays really well, doesn't want to play endless solos, plays really tastefully when he does solo, etc.  He even asks if he's too loud after the first couple of songs.  He isn't - it's all good.  Acquaintance seems okay too, nice gear (a lovely sunburst and bound tele, which happened to be high on my GAS list at the time), but just seemed to want to strum along and kept his volume pretty low.

The evening's declared a great success.  We all agree that we've got the foundations for a great band - just need to look for a singer and a keys player, but we agree to start regular practices in the meantime.

A few days later the drummer emails me.  Apparently we've been stitched up by the acquaintance - he's been putting his band back together and just needed a lead guitarist.  Guess who's been offered the job!  Guitarist has apologised to the drummer, explaining that the other band is really very good, and genuinely has gigs lined up already, so he's going with that.

Pretty annoying to realise that someone we'd never heard of before has used our audition to audition "our" guitarist for his band…

That's sharp and a bit devious....maybe he was an estate agent during the day.  Effective though, if ruthless!

[Muzz]

Manchester...erm, mid-80s...

Our drummer (in an originals-with-the-odd-cover 80s Rock Band) was about to become a Dad, and had reluctantly decided he'd have to shelve the rehearsals and gigging for a good while, so he'd stepped down, and we were on the urgent look-out for a replacement. As a thoroughly nice chap, and knowing we had gigs booked we needed to fulfil, he had even left his kit at the rehearsal rooms for new drummers to use, in part or whole, for the auditions. We organised a Sunday afternoon, with an hour slot for each drummer we'd contacted, and it started unremarkably, but then, second to last, was the standout. And not in a good way. 

He turned up in a six-wheel Transit, immediately earning about a thousand bonus points, but it became terribly clear that all this thing held was his kit...and there was little room for anything else. After refusing to use of any of the already-set-up kit, he began ferrying kit in. And more kit. And more kit. After ten minutes of watching boxes piling up, and with his end of the rehearsal room beginning to look like the dockside of the Queen Mary before a round the world jaunt, we volunteered to help, and then we all spent the next 45 minutes setting up a furry tigerskin-covered double-kick kit, with six raised toms, three floor toms, eight rototoms and so many cymbals we couldn't see him any more. As he tightened up the third china cymbal, I said "No gong, then?", and he froze, looking concerned. "I didn't bring it...should I have done?" I assured him it wouldn't count against him, and eventually, with about five minutes left of his allotted hour, he was ready. 

The singist had been forced to nip outside to intercept the last auditionee, apologise and ask him to bear with and go for a pint in the local for twenty minutes, and then our hero launched into the first intro, to a then-bog-standard Bon Jovi tune we'd decided would make a good starter audition song.

Now, in 35 years of bands, I've never played in a freeform jazz ensemble, and I certainly hadn't back then, so I was unfamiliar with the five-count intro, and the thirteen-bar drum fill*, but this chap was clearly a master. We couldn't possibly fault him for brio, enthusiasm, and certainly energy...it was his counting which left quite a lot to be desired**. In addition, having taken so long to set up his mahoooosive kit, he was determined to hit every single drum and cymbal as often as he could, with scant regard for the song, or indeed the befuddlement he was creating amongst his prospective fellow band-members. 

I shall leave to your imagination the meal he made of the drawn-out ending, suffice to say Richard Wagner, had he been hanging around the rehearsal rooms (unlikely) and not dead for about a century (for once, fortunate), would probably have shaken his head and said something unflattering about bombast. In German. He finished by standing, his arms aloft and his eyes shining. Had that thing Usain Bolt does (not the running, the archery-arms thing) been around, he would have been doing that. We shuffled our feet, unable to maintain eye contact with him or each other, for fear of collapsing into hysterics. Eventually the singer thanked him for his time, and we all heaved-to loading his van again, while the singer went to buy the other auditionee another pint.

He didn't get the job.

 

* I'm probably doing an enormous disservice to freeform jazz ensembles around the globe here, so apologies if so, but I'm at a loss as to where else to place it musically. Perhaps amongst those gangs of glassy-eyed, saffron-robed enthusiasts one encounters on the city streets, each banging a drum in a random manner with a blissful expression and no regard for hard-pressed shoppers... 
** I note that 'dyscalcula' is the numerical equivalent of dyselxia, and apparently A Real Medical Thing. It may have been that he was a secret sufferer; that would explain an awful lot.

 

Edit: I've just spotted that I've spelt 'dyslexia' wrong in the footnote above. Oh, the irony...

Edited May 3, 2018 by Muzz

[uk_lefty]

I was in a band that never got going on full, sadly. Good singer, very good leader player, we worked well so we auditioned a drummer. A guy turned up and he could talk and talk and talk... Nice enough bloke in that his heart was in the right place, but just not very self aware. He had a billion suggestions for everything, even down to the way the lead player played. Alarm bells should have rung when he talked about how many bands he'd fallen out with, but his reasoning being that if you don't like suggestions you talk about it and agree or compromise, which sounded sensible. His playing was ok but not spectacular. A few errors but ok. He had spent an age faffing about asking for specific weird drum bits from the rehearsal rooms and making a fuss now I think of it. Anyhow, we've all worked out that he's ok, talks too much but we could get used to him... No. Last few songs and he's giving us all orders. Including that at our first gig the drum kit shall be at the front and singer and guitars at the back. We make our excuses and we are trying to get out the door. Oh and he's decided he should lead sing on a few tracks. Then as we are desperate to run away he slams the door shut, lights go off and he gets out his glow in the dark drum sticks. It seems the gig with him at the front of the stage, singing, with us as his backing band, shall also be played in full darkness apart from his sticks. We put it down to excitement and think we will bare with. Then he emails us a thirty song set list that includes Robbie Williams, the Osmond's and other caravan park karaoke classics. We were playing talking heads, etc at the time. Robbie Williams was the final straw for him. Drummers, eh?

[skankdelvar]

1 hour ago, Muzz said:

Manchester...erm, mid-80s...

If PG Wodehouse had ever auditioned drummers this ^ is how he'd have written it up.

Sterling work, Sir 

[Muzz]

High praise indeed, from the forum's premier wordsmith. I am pink to the ears.

It really was an excruciating afternoon though, and has left, as you'll have gathered, an indelible impression. I occasionally wonder where he is now, no doubt counting some hapless new recruits in with a 'one, two, seven, nine, er...four...'

[EliasMooseblaster]

14 hours ago, Muzz said:

Manchester...erm, mid-80s...

...

Edit: I've just spotted that I've spelt 'dyslexia' wrong in the footnote above. Oh, the irony...

Bravo, sir! I was already in tucks reading this, and then I got to the end to see your edit, which perfectly cracked me up. An excellent tale, told beautifully.

[jezzaboy]

15 hours ago, Muzz said:

Manchester...erm, mid-80s...

 

Hey Muzz. Sorry to burst your 5 count jazz theory but Whole lotta Rosie starts with a 5 count. Of course, we could be playing it wrong....

 

Got a similar one. Auditioned a guitarist a few years ago for your standard pub rock combo. Guy seemed nice enough, nice Strat, Vox amp but he had a army type kit bag with him. He opened the bag by turning it upside down and out fell about 20 pedals plus assorted cables and batteries. My Spidey sense was tingaling now. He proceeded to arrange them on the floor, moving them until they were in some exact position which took about 15 mins, then started to connect them and change batteries when he discovered some were gubbed. By now, the band are giving each other the WTF look.

After what seemed like an age, he seemed ready but the sounds he was getting were unsuitable for the songs we were playing and after 20 mins or so, we knocked it on the head with the standard "we will be in touch."

Edited May 4, 2018 by jezzaboy

[JapanAxe]

On 5/3/2018 at 08:04, radiophonic said:

The best advice I've heard on auditions was from Juan Alderete and it's something that seemed obvious to me, but apparently not obvious to a lot of people who've tried out for bands I've been in:  If there is a recording of the song - album, demo, live tape, youtube, whatever - learn the part as it was recorded by the old guy, irrespective of what the band say about your artistic freedom. You can change it later if you get the job and you're more likely to get the job if everyone is hearing what they recognise as being right. 

I now ask beforehand whether the band follows any particular version of any of the songs, and what keys they play them in. This can fall down though, as some people assume that the key of a song is the same as the first chord.

It's also worth asking the name of the artist for each cover - I once learned the guitar part to 'Best of My Love' by the Eagles for a first rehearsal, only to find the that it was the Emotions song they were doing. This is particularly important if the song title is 'Let's Dance'!

[musicbassman]

7 minutes ago, JapanAxe said:

some people assume that the key of a song is the same as the first chord.

.................if that was the case, I really wouldn't bother going to the audition!

[VAMPYRE 5]

49 minutes ago, jezzaboy said:

Hey Muzz. Sorry to burst your 5 count jazz theory but Whole lotta Rosie starts with a 5 count. Of course, we could be playing it wrong....

 

Auditioned a guitarist a few years ago... 

..,My Spidey sense was tingaling now.

 

😂😂😂