Auditions in Hell

[Dad3353]

53 minutes ago, jezzaboy said:

Hey Muzz. Sorry to burst your 5 count jazz theory but Whole lotta Rosie starts with a 5 count...

[Pedantry] I'd have to disagree; it's counted in (typically on the hihat...) as '1-2-3-4-1' for the riff to commence on the following 'and' off-beat. [/Pedantry]

[peteb]

4 hours ago, Dad3353 said:

[Pedantry] I'd have to disagree; it's counted in (typically on the hihat...) as '1-2-3-4-1' for the riff to commence on the following 'and' off-beat. [/Pedantry]

That is quite right - there is a difference (although I would be strangely interested in hearing someone trying to play Whole Lotta Rosie in fives)...! 

[oldbass]

Iv'e had years of this and that sillyness re auditions as most have attested to above.....nowadays I insist we meet up in the BL house and go through it using practise amps only.

Did this the other night for a 60 song dep I've got in June. Four of us sat in the guitarists lounge, keys, muffled snare and hi-hat and a 12" rototom fitted into a little frame for kick..sounded amazing.

It was all beautifully controlled, cordial and we got through a lot of work..can't wait till Thursday when we'll go thru the next batch.

And just to add.

Remember auditioning for a "Bad Company" style rock outfit. Great I thought until I saw the sight of two Les Pauls feeding two Marshall stacks. It was so loud and bass heavy I might as well not have been there. Never again.

[musicbassman]

5 minutes ago, oldbass said:

.nowadays I insist we meet up in the BL house and go through it using practise amps only.

Did this the other night for a 60 song dep I've got in June. Four of us sat in the guitarists lounge, keys, muffled snare and hi-hat and a 12" rototom fitted into a little frame for kick..sounded amazing.

This is so obvious, surprised it isn't the norm. Quiet enough to talk over, advising of arrangements, middle 8's etc. I worked through a 2 hour set of '60's covers with a band I was going to dep with a few months ago in exactly in this way. Had it done and dusted in about 3 hours. No noodlings or time wasted, everybody happy.

[oldslapper]

12 hours ago, musicbassman said:

This is so obvious, surprised it isn't the norm. Quiet enough to talk over, advising of arrangements, middle 8's etc. I worked through a 2 hour set of '60's covers with a band I was going to dep with a few months ago in exactly in this way. Had it done and dusted in about 3 hours. No noodlings or time wasted, everybody happy.

Yup. Last cover band I was in, I used to meet up with the 3 singers and me on an acoustic guitar so they could work out arrangements & harmonies on new songs. Sadly couldn't get the guitarists to do the same, as they needed their "tone" whenever they played. Thinking about that band, neither guitarist had an acoustic anyway. 

[CHW]

I can’t compete here, I’ve never attended an audition before the last 6 months (all other bands have just fallen into place) and anyone I’ve auditioned turned out great.

Having had a couple of unsuccessful auditions myself, and loads of time sending pointless emails only for people to completely disappear, I’m starting to worry I might be the nightmare auditionee. That overweight bloke who turned up with his amp smelling of cat wee, who claimed to have played in bands for 20 years but can’t play  for toffee. 

[project_c]

On 19/04/2018 at 17:57, Leonard Smalls said:

Back in the early 90s I was in a punk-funk band.

We thought we were going places, had headlined the Marquee, supported Carter USM and Gaye Bykers on a number of occasions, when our drummer left.

So we advertised for one; we had a number of assorted chancers who couldn't play, or didn't have their own gear and expected us to buy it for them, then a Dutch guy turned up...

He had long hair, denim, was obviously from the 70s (!) and didn't really fit in with us (mohicans etc) but wasn't a bad drummer. His only problem was a tendency to put the "EastEnders"/Phil Collins drum bit into everything, but we felt we could perhaps funk him up a bit. He turned up for the 1st rehearsal with his girlfriend. Who was called Janine (you know where this is going!).

We started teaching him our songs, and she kept stopping us to say things like "I fink the guitarist should do a little peggio there", or "what this song needs Is a flutey sound on the keyboard".

We politely declined all her suggestions, then she said she'd do a better job than Mikey, our manager (and m8 of many years), and she could get us a great gig in her local pub...

We managed to struggle through 1 gig with him before he left to (as she said) "join a proper rock band". 

What was the name of your band? Probably saw you play at some point. I saw Carter / Gay Bikers etc quite a lot back then, that late 80s / early 90s London gig scene was the best. Remember the 'Camden Lurch'?

[Leonard Smalls]

32 minutes ago, project_c said:

What was the name of your band?

Audio, btw was recorded live in our living room direct onto DAT tape...

We supported Carter USM at venues like the Marquee, Edwards no.8 in Birmingham, Gloucester Town Hall and a number of others dulled in my memory!

Gaye Bykers spent a lot of time at our house drinking Jack Daniels, and we supported them in venues as varied as the Old Trout in Windsor, Corn Exchange in Exeter and somewhere-or-other in Oxford.

Saw Silverfish a few times, but shoegaze wasn't really my thing. 

 

[Happy Jack]

Fleet (Hampshire)

A bit of a departure, this one.

Week #1

DDD is the singer who wants to put together an Elvis Presley / Buddy Holly band. Now I've been here before, and I know (from bitter experience) that you can't put together the band and then look for Elvis ... a bit cart-before-the-horse that way. So here I am with the Elvis I need, he already has a drummer, I play bass, all we need is a guitarist, how difficult can this be? DDD says "let's catch up after Easter". I ask him for some YouTube of his own performance.

Week #2

DDD sends me YouTube links of him fronting a serious holiday-camp-style 60s tribute act, full matching silver suits, the whole thang. There's not much of it, but he can certainly sing. He can't find a guitarist, do I know anyone? The email ping-pong continues, I suggest we meet face-to-face and have a chat over a beer, maybe even jam through some of the proposed material.

Week #3

DDD wants to hook up but can't do so for a week or two. He starts copying the drummer on the emails. Have I found a guitarist yet? I'm currently chasing FIVE of the buggers.

Week #4

DDD circulates a short list of a dozen songs, six each by Elvis and Buddy. I've found just one guitarist who seems to be up for this. We all agree to meet the following Friday.

Week #5

My guitarist is up for it, but needs another week to prepare. 

Week #6

My guitarist is no longer my guitarist. He's decided to stick to bedroom widdling. At least he has a more realistic view of his abilities than most guitarists I've met.

Week #7

DDD says he will try again to find a guitarist. I make supportive noises whilst quietly thinking "Game Over, move to radio silence".

Week #10 (yes, 10)

Things get surreal. DDD emails out of the blue - would I be interested in playing a charity gig on Sunday during the BH weekend?

My reply was, and I quote:

Bwahahahahaha!!!

 

I do admire your ambition Deano ... we've never rehearsed together, never even met, but you want to gig on Sunday?

 

OK, I can handle jamming and busking (within reason), what's your thinking? Assuming, of course, that you can rope in at least one guitarist.

Deano can apparently bring in both a guitarist and a keyboard player. It's a MacMillans Cancer support gig at a big pub in Fleet. That's all I know. There's nothing on the Web about it and the pub is closed for refurbishment.

Several days of email ping-pong follow between the three of us regarding whether or not there will be a PA, will there even be microphones, is back line provided, etc. What could possibly go wrong?

Halfway through, Deano adds a fourth person to the email trail - who he? Is he a guitarist? Is he a keyboards player?

Week #11

Silvie and I drive down to Fleet. We're taking no chances ... we've left the van fully loaded from Friday night's gig, with complete PA, bass rig, etc. in case we turn up to find a child's karaoke set being used as the PA. And yes, I've seen it done. 

At the venue we are greeted by the sound of very loud, very live music. There's a large beer garden alongside the car park, a very serious PA is in use complete with proper sound engineer, and the band before us are a professional functions band.

Hmmmmmm. Whatever next.

I meet the others for the first time. Deano and Roy (the drummer) are relaxed, the 'guitarist' is laid back to the point of limbo-dancing under toilet doors. I say "You're the guitarist, right?" and he replies "Actually I'm a bass player who dabbles in guitar". Oh dear.

I ask him if he's worked through the set list. He says he looked at it briefly last night. "But what about the key changes and so on?", I ask him. "What key changes?", he says. Oh dear, oh dear. 

"Are you going to be OK?", I ask him. "I'll be fine" he says, "I can play anything, and I play harmonica too, and of course I'll sing a few of these. If I'm in doubt, I'll just copy what the other guitarist does". Oh dearie dearie me. 

We set up on stage and - inevitably - the layout requires me to stand between the two guitarists. In the event it probably doesn't matter, since the sound guy turns down the guitarist as soon as he hears him play.

So, how did my audition go? Judge for yourselves - here's the edited highlights with all the cockups skilfully and surgically removed:

 

 

 

[Frank Blank]

10 minutes ago, Happy Jack said:

You can't put together the band and then look for Elvis ...

...current working title of my autobiography, there.

[Staggering on]

Your face says it all...what a show!Are we having a good time?

Where's the next gig...

Edited May 29, 2018 by Staggering on

[musicbassman]

59 minutes ago, Happy Jack said:

The other guitarist said  "Actually I'm a bass player who dabbles in guitar". Oh dear.

The other 'guitarist' is not just 'laid back', he seems to be completely away with the fairies !  Never mind key changes, I think even chord changes might be beyond him

And what happened to the supposed keyboard player ?

[FuNkShUi]

Hahaha guitarist takes "less is more" to the next level!!
 

[Dad3353]

1 hour ago, Happy Jack said:

... here's the edited highlights...

Keep the drummer, and the singer's not too shabby, either. 

[Silvia Bluejay]

1 hour ago, Staggering on said:

Your face says it all...what a show!Are we having a good time?

Where's the next gig...

I was stood next to the camera, and Jack and I were exchanging meaningful looks (and smirks) throughout the gig!

Incidentally, my other camera took footage of several punters happily dancing to most of the songs. To most people who are out to have a good time and aren't musicians trying to peer-review, the gig would have been fun. It was a pity the very good pro band were on stage before Jack's guys, as opposed to after them.

[Happy Jack]

49 minutes ago, Dad3353 said:

Keep the drummer, and the singer's not too shabby, either. 

During the gig I was so distracted by what was happening to my left that I wasn't really focused on the drumming. It was only when I watched Silvie's footage that I appreciated quite how good Roy is.

[Dad3353]

1 minute ago, Happy Jack said:

During the gig I was so distracted by what was happening to my left that I wasn't really focused on the drumming. It was only when I watched Silvie's footage that I appreciated quite how good Roy is.

There was nothing happening to your left. 

[KevB]

Well you are essentially playing as a trio, the other guy is irrelevant. It's OK, if you found a keys player it could be a tight combo. The only thing I would struggle with is if it was all Evis and/or Buddy Holly.

[uk_lefty]

Uncle Albert from only fools and horses makes a cameo to your left. 

[Dad3353]

Just now, Meddle said:

That guitarist is still waiting for Gong or Hawkwind to call him back. 

S'not going to happen. 

[Mickeyboro]

Comedy gold, Jack! Kudos to you fir keeping a straight face!

[LegateNaarifin]

3 hours ago, Happy Jack said:

So, how did my audition go? Judge for yourselves - here's the edited highlights with all the cockups skilfully and surgically removed:

Sorry @Happy Jack, you missed one. There's a big cockup stood to your left, wielding a Strat, a harmonica, and the ability to play almost nothing, and yet still be playing too much 

[megallica]

Great bass playing and I like the singers voice 

[pete.young]

Great bit of bass playing, the drummer is just about there but the other two are nowhere near. Nice looking bass too, what is it?

[josie]

My ex-band BL didn't hold auditions but just took on first offers from JoinMyBand, a huge mistake -  I might have passed, but the drummer certainly shouldn't have! Have you ever tried to play bass between a drummer and a rhythm guitarist who were totally out of time with each other? :-(  (They did find another bass player after I left, but disappeared from sight soon after.)

My current band started as a workshop project, and loved it so much and got on so well that we decided to carry on as a band.

Atm, if I had to audition, however well prepared I was, I'd probably lose it just on nervousness. Hopefully this band will roll on and i won't have to face that :-)