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Auditions in Hell


Happy Jack

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The last time I saw a performance like that of the poor old gentleman to Jack's left was when we played a bank's office Christmas party. The CEO's secretary who booked us was there to explain that her boss fancied joining us on stage. For the whole set. And he'd already set up his stack. And his pedalboard. And he had some song suggestions.

We'd just finished setting up on the periphery of the CEO's square footage when this perfectly pleasant, slightly porky chap wandered over with a PRS round his neck and asked us if we were ready to go? We were and we did. 

After a couple of numbers I looked round and this chap was pulling all these guitar faces and widdling away like a nutjob - in total silence, his amp being turned to zero. Our guitard looked at me, I looked at him, we both looked at the drummer and we smiled. 

After we finished he shook our hands, fulsomely complimented us on our playing and asked if we'd like to do it again some time. I said yes, certainly then wandered off to talk to his secretary away from the main party and ended up boffing her across his desk. 

Funny old world, eh?

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9 hours ago, josie said:

My ex-band BL didn't hold auditions but just took on first offers from JoinMyBand, a huge mistake -  I might have passed, but the drummer certainly shouldn't have! Have you ever tried to play bass between a drummer and a rhythm guitarist who were totally out of time with each other? :-(  (They did find another bass player after I left, but disappeared from sight soon after.)

My current band started as a workshop project, and loved it so much and got on so well that we decided to carry on as a band.

Atm, if I had to audition, however well prepared I was, I'd probably lose it just on nervousness. Hopefully this band will roll on and i won't have to face that :-)

Sounds like my old band! 

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7 hours ago, skankdelvar said:

The last time I saw a performance like that of the poor old gentleman to Jack's left was when we played a bank's office Christmas party. The CEO's secretary who booked us was there to explain that her boss fancied joining us on stage. For the whole set. And he'd already set up his stack. And his pedalboard. And he had some song suggestions.

We'd just finished setting up on the periphery of the CEO's square footage when this perfectly pleasant, slightly porky chap wandered over with a PRS round his neck and asked us if we were ready to go? We were and we did. 

After a couple of numbers I looked round and this chap was pulling all these guitar faces and widdling away like a nutjob - in total silence, his amp being turned to zero. Our guitard looked at me, I looked at him, we both looked at the drummer and we smiled. 

After we finished he shook our hands, fulsomely complimented us on our playing and asked if we'd like to do it again some time. I said yes, certainly then wandered off to talk to his secretary away from the main party and ended up boffing her across his desk. 

Funny old world, eh?

Ha, that last paragraph clearly exposes you as an imposter on a bass forum!! :-)

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On 29/05/2018 at 12:42, Happy Jack said:

So, how did my audition go? Judge for yourselves - here's the edited highlights with all the cockups skilfully and surgically removed:

 

 

That look from you at 0:40 says it all! 

Edited by Rich
Pruning of quoted post
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I think my first audition made the band giggle.

They're a covers band that will cover anything from gossip to audioslave to GnR. I had never been in a band before, and was terrified turning up to the audition. I'd played the bass for years, at home.... 

When I get there the bassist before me was just tearing down his 2 4x10 rig with Trace head and I immediately thought "shi what am I doing?"

I place my 25 watt peavey practice combo next to it and tell the other bassist I was ready to bring the thunder - we have a laugh.

I take my guitar out of its bag. Did I forget to mention I didn't actually own my own bass? It's my sister's that I stole years ago and it still has pink ribbons on the case. 

 

Anyway... I play my heart out and barely get heard over the thunderous drums. I place my tiny amp in a corner at head height to allow us to just about hear me and somehow I get the gig!

We've just booked our 8th gig in July in front of 200 festival goers.

Edited by AScheck9
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17 minutes ago, JapanAxe said:

@Happy Jack I think you deserve the Basschat Grace Under Pressure Award!

Ah..! An opportunity to share this; we had it in our repertoire for a while. Much brilliance; listen to those pattering drums. B|

 

Edited by Dad3353
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12 hours ago, Meddle said:

Current band. I had a couple of weeks to learn 12 songs from an album they had already cut. No problemo! I spent an afternoon transcribing the chords and structure of each song into my little notebook. I was doing 'Couch to 5K' at the time, so I listened to the tunes repeatedly while jogging. I find that, sometimes, I burn a song into my head if I associate it with something specific like this.


I get to my first rehearsal with the guys and I pull out the book. I then have the slightly awkward situation of saying "no, you go to A there", and slightly re-teaching these guys their own songs.

They still talk about it, so it did me well. 

Ha!  I had that in one band.  I'd been roped into a punk covers band to play guitar when their old guitarist left and they had a gig booked in three weeks time, on the basis that I owned a guitar and it couldn't be that hard could it?  I turn up with pads full of notes and sheets of downloaded tabs that I'd worked my way through and corrected, to find that the band - a couple of enthusiastic amateurs who'd never been in a band before, plus the drummer, my mate who is brilliant, but not a fan of old punk rock (and had only joined because it was a load of people from work).  Spent the first practice (wasn't really an audition, I had a guitar and said I'd do the gig so I was definitely  in) telling them that the songs were in the wrong key, or had the wrong arrangement, or didn't go like that.  Fortunately I was replacing a very below par guitarist, so even my average guitar playing was an improvement and they just went with what I was saying.

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On 30/05/2018 at 11:25, Hobbayne said:

Is that bloke on the left playing the bassline on a Strat? O.o

I don't think he's playing anything! I'm no Suzi Quatro but I'd feel embarrassed to get up on stage if I was only half as bad as that! 

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Been lucky enough to never have anything truly terrible, but three that stick out:

Pub cover band going through a few lineup changes for a variety of reasons. During guitar auditions one guy arrived in triple denim with a guitar worth more than my car and a strap with so much brass on it looked like it was pinched from the wall of a country pub. Widdled badly away to himself regardless of the song, and decided to sit AC/DC out because (quote) "it wouldn't sound right with two guitars".

During drum auditions for the same band a chap turned up who was friendly enough but struggled for time and just didn't have the chops - seemed like he was super rusty rather than just bad but we wanted to gig so didn't want to wait a year for him to get up to scratch, but... He was planning our futures the second he walked in, most of which seemed to centre around renaming the band Oi Oi Saveloy..?.. profit. He was genuinely nice though, hope he sorted something.

Finally, a drummer audition in the current originals band. A week or so of talking between BL and drummer on joinmyband sorting out mp3s and organising a date. When the audition rolls round the drummer arrives, sets up his cymbals, then tells us he didn't have time to learn anything. Annoying, but the drumming is weird timing and technical so we give him the benefit of the doubt and ask what songs he knows so we can jam along if we know it and hear him play. "I don't really know any covers". In a last-ditch effort to salvage anything of the evening, we suggest putting on a simple enough song that he should be able to muddle through to some extent (it was something like buck rogers by feeder) - "yeah I don't really play anything I don't know." We then try to figure out why he even bothered answering the ad as we watch him awkwardly pack away his cymbals and leave, having not played a thing. 

Even more awkwardly, 2 days later he served me and my girlfriend in a shop in town and pretended he didn't know me after I said hello. People are odd.

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21 hours ago, Luckystrike said:

During drum auditions for the same band a chap turned up who was friendly enough but struggled for time and just didn't have the chops - seemed like he was super rusty rather than just bad but we wanted to gig so didn't want to wait a year for him to get up to scratch, but... He was planning our futures the second he walked in, most of which seemed to centre around renaming the band Oi Oi Saveloy..?.. profit. He was genuinely nice though, hope he sorted something.

Not around the Enfield way by any chance?

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12 hours ago, Luckystrike said:

@uk_lefty - not quite, but fairly close by - south Essex at the time. Does he sound familiar? :s

Frighteningly familiar. Nice enough bloke but very little self awareness, would grate after a while though not meaning any harm, just excited like a puppy. 

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Great thread and I rarely if ever read every post of any thread. 

This last audition whilst not hellish was I have to admit bloody nerve wracking . The practise room is a little annex off the BL open plan kitchen. Everything's setup, tiny muffled kit, keys, couple of amps all crammed into this very small space and I'm starting to think...blimey this is cosy.

We sit down and are literally rubbing shoulders with each other, not an inch of room between us. BL asks me what I want to do and I say well lets go from the top of No 1 set list. ( their a 60's tribute outfit, and they do three sets of twenty each!)

First tune is the Beatles "I'm A Looser" with that fab two part opening harmony.  I haven't played for quite a while and was almost knocked off my stool by the power and tightness of that opening vocal.....christ these guys are good I think. Then the BL wife who's on keys starts warbling and the whole thing goes stratospheric. Not bad for a bunch of 70 yr olds. I'm 58....

To be sat in the middle of a four part harmony reaching for the sky in a room you couldn't swing a mouse in left me feeling emotionally drained....quite an experience. I've subsequently learned they've been doing this for 40 yrs and the front guy had a No1 record in South Africa.....no reason to doubt it really.

Our first gig is this weekend ( a mini festival apparently)...can't wait if a little apprehensive. They give the bass loads of frequency space, its all very jangly and trebly as would be expected, so no room at all for any mistakes.....yikes!

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