Life's priorities, at 20 vs whatever age your are now

[Barking Spiders]

I guess like many of us born during the 50-late 70s/maybe mid 80s music in general and playing a guitar/bass or wanting to play in a famous band were near the top of my list of the 'important' things in life, with fit looking girls being #1 😊. Without mentioning the missus/mr and sprogs.  is music in general and playing the bass in particular still way up there or have they been overtaken by growing tulips / steam engines / riding out on your Harley / other boat floaters. As a teen /  early 20 something music was a big deal for me, mahoosive even, so much so I'd spend hours a day listening and playing. Now I can go for weeks on end without wanting to listen to anything and now more likely to have a teach yourself Czech/Greek/Hungarian CD on in the car than music (true!).  Still, I probably spend more time noodling about on the bass and guitars etc than actual music listening. From the posts I read I think I might be in a minority here!.

[Newfoundfreedom]

My main priority at 20 was surviving and keeping a roof over my head. No time for playing music because I was working 80 plus hours a week to try and keep the wolves from the door. 

I've spent most of my life in the same situation until about 3 years ago when at 40 I finally escaped the rat race. Which explains my username and the re kindled romance with the bass. 

[Lozz196]

Most important thing in my life at 20 was getting drunk. Playing bass/guitar, playing in bands and listening to music, were pretty important but without the getting drunk bit they didn`t hold any appeal. Now at 52 my very mature outlook on life dictates that the most important things to me are my health, being able to play my bills, and then playing in my band.

[jazzmanb]

Always pretty much lived each day.Basic job in my 20s,had a great time with good people every weekend.Didn't have a plan or real ambition

I'm the boss now in my 50s with a few quid but feel the same way.Don't get hammered every weekend but do what i like to do and don't think too far ahead

[Stylon Pilson]

Playing bass is probably in a similar position, priorities-wise, to where it was when I was 20. But lots of other stuff has moved around it. I think I probably listen to less music in general than I used to - these days I tend to only listen to music in the car. But that's because I've now got so much other stuff to pack into my evenings and weekends.

I think that for someone in their teens or early twenties, the music you associate with is a big part of your identity, so you spend a lot of time trying to seek out that identity and the communities around it.

S.P.

[Roger2611]

At 20 years of age it was girls, drink, playing pool and playing in / watching bands, some 32 years later, I have got the girl, done the drinking, still play pool every week with my lad and spend far too much time and money still watching all the bands I loved 30 odd years ago and still find time to play in two bands as well!

Music still plays an absolutely massive part of mine and Mrs2611's life and I cannot see anytime soon that it won't continue to be so

I guess I have been very lucky to have married a wonderful woman who willingly shares my love of all thing musical all except Laurie Anderson's "O Superman" she hates that song!

[mikel]

During 20s?  Playing music in bands, drinking/smoking and women. Now in my 60s? Playing music, family, riding my bike, keeping and staying fit.

[Woodinblack]

When I started 20, I had no priorities, I had stopped working and was enjoying hanging round with my unemployed mates. Having a great time, getting stoned a lot, riding bikes around, having fun.

Then part way through that year, my girfriend said she was pregnant, then shortly after that I had a bike accident and broke my leg quite badly, so my priorities changed quite a bit in that year.

Now, who knows, got to pay everything off, have no mates anymore, actually enjoy working, and enjoy music. Generally fairly happy so I guess having fun still plays in there, it has just changed how I do it

[bassbiscuits]

Yup - at 20 I was still at university, with two-foot wild curly long hair, gold earrings and bead necklaces and thinking I was quite a guy. So my priorities were drinking, drawing, playing music and trying to charm female students into bed, armed with sod all money, a bad hairstyle and a knack for drawing occasionally very cool artwork. 

I wasn't playing in any bands at that point - I'd been gigging in my teens but wasn't paying much attention to much at 20.

Im 44 now, and all rather more realistic. I'm still pretty dedicated to playing both bass and acoustic guitar and can't go more than a few days without getting itchy fingers. 

I gig as much as I can around commitments of work, family and children, but I've got a bit more selective over the years and better at saying 'no' to stuff I don't want to do. 

I still manage the occasional artwork (life drawing sessions at local art college etc) and have found a new lease of life drawing cool things with my kids (robots, monsters and spaceships mainly). 

The hair has long returned to a normal shape and size. Still got the earrings, but the Tibetan shirts, incense and selection of global trance music has long gone... 

Edited September 10, 2018 by bassbiscuits

[FinnDave]

When I was a long haired 20 year old, my main, in fact pretty much only, interests were playing the bass and trying to get young women into bed.

Forty years later, as a long haired 60 year old, my main, in fact pretty much only, interests are playing the bass and trying to get the bed to myself so I can get a decent night's sleep.

Edited September 10, 2018 by FinnDave

[Marvin]

At 20 I didn't have a job, but I was lucky that I lived at my parents. Lots of my friends were also out of work at the time so it made no difference really, everyone was always skint. When you could scrape enough money together we'd go and get totally wasted and maybe go to a cheap gig. I'd already stopped playing bass by then, I'd only bought my bass when I was 17 but got bored and fed up with just jamming in cold garages. I didn't really have any priorities. 

Now, I have all the responsibilities of house, kids etc. I'm playing again, better than I ever have. My priorities are my wife and kids. The band maintains my sanity, but to be honest as long as the family are ok, everything else can go rot 😀

[BigRedX]

At 20 I was just starting my second attempt at university doing Town & Country Planning (which was going to be just as unsuccessful as my previous attempt at Marine Biology) and about to have 15 seconds of fame when my band's record was going to be played on John Peel's radio show. Music and graphic design were the two main things in my life but I hadn't really figured out how to do either of them with any effectiveness. The record and subsequent radio exposure were all down to being in the right place at the right time, and my graphics skills were all entirely self taught so I didn't know how to turn them into skills I could use in real world situations - not that I knew much about the real world at 20.

Now that I am a couple of years away from my 60th birthday, music and graphic design are still my main obsessions but in the last 35 years I've learnt how to use both of them more effectively. I make my living working with graphics and I'm doing far more with music these days then I was when I was 20. I've paid off my mortgage and having avoided the money pit that is having children I am able to live comfortably and have fun without having to work too hard. I probably don't listen to as much music these days as I did when I was 20, but I have noticed that more music I produce myself the less of other people's I have time for, which is something that has happened on several other times in my life and not unique to my current age.

Edited September 10, 2018 by BigRedX

[leschirons]

I married at 21 (45 years ago) so priorities changed instantly. I'd been in bands already for 6 years at that point wanting, and expecting, to be a rock god but, we needed somewhere to live and needed to eat however, still found time to see loads of bands and occasionally play. Kids arrived 7 years later so was still into earning money as even more responsibility. Now 66, two bands, loads of gigs, no mortgage, loads of guitars and basses, live in the french countryside and, with the same wife.

Wouldn't change a thing. 

[bassbiscuits]

5 minutes ago, leschirons said:

I married at 21 (45 years ago) so priorities changed instantly. I'd been in bands already for 6 years at that point wanting, and expecting, to be a rock god but, we needed somewhere to live and needed to eat however, still found time to see loads of bands and occasionally play. Kids arrived 7 years later so was still into earning money as even more responsibility. Now 66, two bands, loads of gigs, no mortgage, loads of guitars and basses, live in the french countryside and, with the same wife.

Wouldn't change a thing. 

'Back of the net' I believe is the correct term. Well done that man!

[skankdelvar]

1978: Lounging around, playing music for as long as I want, lounging around some more
1998: Demented wage slave scratching a few minutes on bass every couple of weeks
2018: Lounging around, playing music for as long as I want, lounging around some more

[Cat Burrito]

At 20 playing bass in a band was everything.

At 45 playing bass in a band is right up there still. 

Only now I am more focused on being good rather than just trying to look cool.

[thepurpleblob]

I was painfully shy and painfully dull when I was 20. 

I think, all in all, I am a bit more fun and interesting now at 54. Although I am still fairly dull. I do play bass though (which I didn't at 20). So it isn't all bad!

I wish the middle-aged me could have a quiet word with the younger me. 

Edited September 10, 2018 by thepurpleblob

[AndyTravis]

At 20 I was waving my little willy about, trying to put it everywhere.

My priority was smoke, drink, shag, play bass...probably in that order.

I was a clueless muppet, I’d probably smack 20 year old me about if I met him now.

I was a hurtful little chocolate starfish, really selfish and I lost a lot more than I gained with this behaviour.

I got to 25 and became a dad. I was unhealthy, fat, skint and miserable - save for Ella, my absolute joy, love the kid with every fibre of my being.

I was a single dad by 26, left in mountains of debt and working 60+ hours a week to cover my derrière and feed my kid. I inadvertently lost 4 stone (a byproduct of not eating, working, having to walk 5 miles to work and 5 miles back to save money).

Bumped into an old friend at 27, married her at 28, gained a stepson. I started to like who I was around this time - I realised I was an ok kind of guy, and my wife loved me, I had value again, I was important to people I liked.

Lost both Grandfathers within 18 months of each other...decided to get busy living.

I’m 34 now. And there are 4 kids, not just me to think about.

I think my priorities are sleep, eat, laugh, love, protect and support. Not necessarily in that order. An occasional drink, no smoking and pinching the wife’s bottom once a day whenever the schedule allows. Oh and play bass when I’m not asleep or doing something for one of my kids (rare at the minute)

It’s a great life now.

[BassTractor]

17 hours ago, Newfoundfreedom said:

My main priority at 20 was surviving and keeping a roof over my head. No time for playing music because I was working 80 plus hours a week to try and keep the wolves from the door. 

That reverberated with me. 😢 My main priority at 62 is surviving and keeping a roof over my head. No time for any real music making, as my life is about keeping the wolves from the door. BC is one of my reliefs. 

At 20, whilst music normally was my life, that exact year didn't spawn much of it. I prioritised walking around with infectious mononucleosis and trying to become a police senior officer whilst working for the government. The years surrounding it were all about music though, and I tended to study and perform music for 12 hours a day both just before it and some years later again. 🤘

 

 

Edited September 11, 2018 by BassTractor

[Monkey Steve]

in my 20's it was all about being in my first serious band, affording strings, beer and better gear (musical, not, ahem, other substances) and we were definitely going to make it.  Had a girlfriend that I was with for most of that decade, who knew me through the band first so that she never looked down on it or demanded that I dump the band to give her my full attention.  Spare time was spent playing in the band, going to see other bands, drinking with band mates, and behaving as badly as possible.  As many gigs (seeing and playing) and as much drinking as possible, then get up for work the next morning, repeat to fade.

That said, none of us had the first clue what we were doing, so despite being in the band for a good long time, we never really got anywhere.  Mates that got further on than me were much more just making ends meet, kipping in squats and on sofas, ready to go on tour at a moment's notice.  I was always working in a good career, paying the rent, etc.

Nowadays, not a huge amount has changed in how I behave, except that I'm further up the career ladder, so can far easily afford strings, better beer and better gear.  Playing is still fun, but what has changed is that there is no expectation that whatever band I happen to be in is going to "make it" beyond getting a some decent gigs and maybe earning enough to pay for the beer.  Spare time is still spent drinking and seeing bands, and sometimes practicing or gigging, but I now appreciate the weekends where i have nothing to do except doze on the sofa...and having to do stuff midweek is a bit of a faff and a late night will usually be followed by a day off, or at the very least working from home the next day.

Edited September 13, 2018 by Monkey Steve

[musicbassman]

I expect this might sound familiar –

Early 1970’s - aged 20 – my band were big fish in a small regional town – and I’d convinced myself I was really rather brilliant at playing bass.

Armed with enormous ill-found egos and equally enormous amounts of naivety the band moved to London to – err “make it”

Of course, the band folded within a few months -  and I had grudgingly started to realise that there were many players who were way better than me around,  even on the bottom rung of the pub rock circuit.

Many, many years later, I now at last think I’m a pretty decent bass player – but it’s all a bit late now – I saw a video someone had taken of a band I was depping with recently and realise that the really old guy playing the bass was actually……me.

If only I could gift the knowledge I have now back to myself in my 20’s……

[dave_bass5]

My main priority has always been to hold a job down and play music. I have never even considered playing full time, nor wanting to 'make it' (due to keeping a job). Playing has always been enjoyable but not 'real life' for me.

[Baxlin]

At 20 I had been in the RAF for a year, being posted to the Middle East within a couple of years, fortunately in peace time.  Enjoying single life, but never much of a drinker, I ran both motorbike and a car.

Now at 71, retired, and a grandfather of 6, I still don’t drink much, I lost my nerve on motorbikes many years ago, but replaced it with my Morganesque 3 wheeler, as well as my daily drive Volvo convertible.

And still playing, although it was behind the kit in my teens, very much a 4-stringer plucker now. 

[4000]

On 10/09/2018 at 22:14, AndyTravis said:

At 20 I was waving my little willy about, trying to put it everywhere.

I was utterly failing to have any luck whatever with this. 😂

In those days, it was all about writing songs, playing bass, seeing bands, reading books, lifting the heaviest possible weights and getting drunk. And utterly failing to shag anything.

Now, it's about writing songs, playing bass, occasionally seeing bands, reading books, lifting small weights to try and keep in shape whilst also trying to avoid crippling myself, enjoying my food, hoping to get through the day with as little pain as possible (in fact just hoping to get through the day, most of the time) hoping for as much as 1 good night's sleep in a year, and desperately hoping that there are toilets within easy reach wherever I go. 😉

 

 

 

 

 

[AndyTravis]

29 minutes ago, 4000 said:

I was utterly failing to have any luck whatever with this. 😂

 

 Was worryingly successful. Still waiting for a 15 year old kid to knock on the door “hello dad”