Life's priorities, at 20 vs whatever age your are now

[4000]

8 minutes ago, AndyTravis said:

 Was worryingly successful. Still waiting for a 15 year old kid to knock on the door “hello dad”

No chance of that here! I was too shy. Besides, they'd be 34 now....;-)

[AndyTravis]

1 hour ago, 4000 said:

No chance of that here! I was too shy. Besides, they'd be 34 now....;-)

I was a loose cannon with the gift of the gab...I was a lot slimmer and better looking in those days 😂

[Les]

At 20 it was beer, women bands and motorbikes. Later on in my twenties when I bought my first house we couldn't have managed without us both working and me doing 3 gigs at the weekend.

Bit more relaxed now I'm in my 50's thankfully.

 

 

[Adrenochrome]

I think at 20 I'd just started to grow up. At 18-19 I was only interested in having a good time, and pretty much nothing else.

[Dad3353]

A common expression 'back then' was 'Sex'n'Drugs'n'Rock'n'Roll'. Since then, I've played a fair bit of Rock, including Rock'n'Roll, I've been aware (sometimes all too aware...) of Drugs being around, but when, exactly, does the Sex bit start kicking in..? 

[Bluewine]

I was in college at age 20, my priority was graduating with my degree.

 

At 65 my priority is enjoying retired life and keeping a busy gigging schedule.

Men in my family typically don't life pass the age of 70. 

Blue

[Frank Blank]

In my twenties I was a complete c*** but I managed, somehow, to doss around having a gas. As I’d been kicked out of ‘home’ at the age of sixteen I’d had to very quickly become adept at living without an income, I became very good at it indeed. I was a drummer at this point but was always sneaking a go on the bass during rehearsal fag breaks. By the end of my twenties I was a drum and/or bass tech for touring bands. I didn’t get a full-time ‘straight’ job until I was thirty eight.

I realise I was a complete c*** in my youth but I was too ignorant and selfish to care. Now, in my mid-fifties, I am still a c***, albeit a much wiser one but, having scrutinised and analysed myself quite critically, I find that I really just don’t care about anything, none of it. I play bass badly, pick my nose, take a lot of photographs that invariably don’t include people and write bleak abstract lyrics that would depress a Norwegian death metal crowd. I never had any illusions of ‘making it’ as a musician, I never made mainstream music and I quickly learned what a trompe l'oeil successful rock and roll was during my years as a tech.

The two constant threads throughout my life have been ontological nausea and train spotting.

in summary...

20s - deluded participant.

50s - informed, ambivalent misanthropic observer.

[stewblack]

I was an ambitious drunken insecure lecherous 20 year old convinced that one day I'd be, if not famous, then at least in a famous band.

I loved my Lambretta, my drinking and music buddies and had just converted from guitar to bass.

Now, 35 years on I am enjoying a renaissance. I have a greater love for music than ever before, play in multiple bands, am actually taking lessons, and learning to read music.

Never became famous, did become a hopeless alcoholic. Since losing everything last year from my mental health to my income, home, and marriage, I was given the gift of desperation. I found AA and a new path to happiness, serenity and acceptance. 

For the first time ever in the years since I was 20 I wake up and look forward to my day which starts and usually ends with me picking up a bass guitar.

Edited September 14, 2018 by stewblack

[Happy Jack]

At 20 = priorities.

At 61 = life.

[4000]

On 13/09/2018 at 19:56, AndyTravis said:

I was a lot slimmer and better looking in those days 😂

So was I, and built like Marvin Hagler, but sadly it didn’t help. Never had the gift of the gab. Went to an all-boys grammar school so froze in the presence of the opposite sex. Strange because below the age of 12 I was a right one for the ladies. 😂

[AndyTravis]

4 minutes ago, 4000 said:

So was I, and built like Marvin Hagler, but sadly it didn’t help. Never had the gift of the gab. Went to an all-boys grammar school so froze in the presence of the opposite sex. Strange because below the age of 12 I was a right one for the ladies. 😂

I was horrified to find out (The now) Mrs Travis knew of all my escapades before we lived together (I was barred from a pub/restaurant she worked at because two barmaids were having a scrap in the kitchen over me - the folklore stayed alive after my barring when she ended up working there)

im surprised I never had any STI’s etc. Very lucky, stupid, but lucky.

Edited September 14, 2018 by AndyTravis

[4000]

12 hours ago, stewblack said:

 

For the first time ever in the years since I was 20 I wake up and look forward to my day which starts and usually ends with me picking up a bass guitar.

It makes me very happy to read this. Well done and best of luck for the future. I fell off the cliff psychologically a few years back and am currently undergoing EMDR and on medication. Probable PTSD in my case.

[4000]

4 minutes ago, AndyTravis said:

I was horrified to find out (The now) Mrs Travis knew of all my escapades before we lived together (I was barred from a pub/restaurant she worked at because two barmaids were having a scrap in the kitchen over me - the folklore stayed alive after my barring when she ended up working there)

😂

[dlloyd]

They were much the same, but I have more naps now. And less shagging.

[NancyJohnson]

Music aside, at 20 I just wanted to distance myself from my parents.  Right now (and recently orphaned), I wish they were still about.

My only regret from that period is that I didn't at least try and live in the United States or Canada for a while.  I was obsessed with the idea.

[Newfoundfreedom]

Ok let's have another crack at this in a less flippant manner.

I was engaged at the age of 18, and had a mortgage at 19. By the age of 20, while most of my friends were out partying, going on holiday, buying flash cars etc, I was working upwards of 80 hours a week just to try and survive. My family had moved away from our home town so I had no support network. I was exhausted, severely depressed and just trying to survive. I didn't have time for playing, or even listening to music, and had long since sold all my equipment to pay bills and keep my car on the road just to get to work. Three years later this really came to a head when I split with my fiance, lost my house, and came very close to suicide, all at the ripe old age of 23. 

Now I'm 43. Extremely happily married for the last 10 years (actually been together for 17) and we've worked extremely hard to get where we are now against all the odds. Including a back injury which put me out of action for 2 years just when I was getting back on my feet, the loss of my second home as a knock on effect from that, more financial problems than I could list, and hardly surprisingly, given the situation, my own ongoing battle with depression. 

I finally got out of the rat race 3 years ago and moved to Bulgaria. We've just moved into our very own home after spending the past 3 years working our fingers to the bone renovating it. It's hard to explain how much this means as most people take a home for granted. But I've spent most of my life working 60+ hours a week just to pay someone else rent, and for a few years had to live in caravans and motor homes because I couldn't even afford to do that. Now we have a beautiful home that's all ours, no mortgage, no rent, and more importantly no one can take it away. 

I've just started playing bass again because it's the first time I've had the time to do it since I was 17. I'm not a great (or probably even good) player. I still don't have the money for flashy equipment, but to have the time and freedom to play again is just amazing. I've just started playing in a band for the first time since I left school. 

So while some people yearn after their youth. You can keep it, because for me everything after about 18 was a living hell. 

I'm happy to be in my 40's. In fact, I've literally never been happier. 

Edited September 15, 2018 by Newfoundfreedom

[stewblack]

1 hour ago, Newfoundfreedom said:

Ok let's have another crack at this in a less flippant manner.

I was engaged at the age of 18, and had a mortgage at 19. By the age of 20, while most of my friends were out partying, going on holiday, buying flash cars etc, I was working upwards of 80 hours a week just to try and survive. My family had moved away from our home town so I had no support network. I was exhausted, severely depressed and just trying to survive. I didn't have time for playing, or even listening to music, and had long since sold all my equipment to pay bills and keep my car on the road just to get to work. Three years later this really came to a head when I split with my fiance, lost my house, and came very close to suicide, all at the ripe old age of 23. 

Now I'm 43. Extremely happily married for the last 10 years (actually been together for 17) and we've worked extremely hard to get where we are now against all the odds. Including a back injury which put me out of action for 2 years just when I was getting back on my feet, the loss of my second home as a knock on effect from that, more financial problems than I could list, and hardly surprisingly, given the situation, my own ongoing battle with depression. 

I finally got out of the rat race 3 years ago and moved to Bulgaria. We've just moved into our very own home after spending the past 3 years working our fingers to the bone renovating it. It's hard to explain how much this means as most people take a home for granted. But I've spent most of my life working 60+ hours a week just to pay someone else rent, and for a few years had to live in caravans and motor homes because I couldn't even afford to do that. Now we have a beautiful home that's all ours, no mortgage, no rent, and more importantly no one can take it away. 

I've just started playing bass again because it's the first time I've had the time to do it since I was 17. I'm not a great (or probably even good) player. I still don't have the money for flashy equipment, but to have the time and freedom to play again is just amazing. I've just started playing in a band for the first time since I left school. 

So while some people yearn after their youth. You can keep it, because for me everything after about 18 was a living hell. 

I'm happy to be in my 40's. In fact, I've literally never been happier. 

Knowing how utterly debilitating depression can be I have nothing but respect for your determination and dedication. To get yourself where you are is tough enough, to do it in the teeth of such a viscous illness is unimaginably difficult.

[Newfoundfreedom]

2 minutes ago, stewblack said:

Knowing how utterly debilitating depression can be I have nothing but respect for your determination and dedication. To get yourself where you are is tough enough, to do it in the teeth of such a viscous illness is unimaginably difficult.

Thanks. It's extremely difficult to explain to someone who hasn't experienced it, whereas those who have will instantly recognize at least some of the traits in themselves. Luckily, and perhaps amazingly, through it all I somehow managed to keep my sense of humour. I'm sure that has saved my life on several occasions. 

[Cicero]

Then: I was sure I'd be playing in a famous rock band 🤔

Now: I was sure I wouldn't be so broke and with such a big mortgage still to pay off 🤔

[BassTractor]

7 hours ago, Newfoundfreedom said:

Thanks. It's extremely difficult to explain to someone who hasn't experienced it, whereas those who have will instantly recognize at least some of the traits in themselves. Luckily, and perhaps amazingly, through it all I somehow managed to keep my sense of humour. I'm sure that has saved my life on several occasions. 

Many people on BC understand not only some of the traits, but really everything you've written, my friend. You're a hero, and I don't write that flippantly.

Yes, humour is a life saver indeed. We see that again and again. Depression and bad luck survivors tend to have humour in spades. 

I wish you all the best!

Bert

[Newfoundfreedom]

17 minutes ago, BassTractor said:

Many people on BC understand not only some of the traits, but really everything you've written, my friend. You're a hero, and I don't write that flippantly.

Yes, humour is a life saver indeed. We see that again and again. Depression and bad luck survivors tend to have humour in spades. 

I wish you all the best!

Bert

Aw shucks. I've never been called a hero before. Many, many other things, but never that 😄

Thanks for the kind words, but really I'm just lucky enough to be a survivor where so many aren't so lucky. 

Anyway, that's enough monopolizing the thread. 

 

Next!  😉

 

[BassTractor]

4 minutes ago, Newfoundfreedom said:

Thanks for the kind words, but really I'm just lucky enough to be a survivor where so many aren't so lucky. 

Anyway, that's enough monopolizing the thread. 

OK, but before we go just one word: I agree with the "lucky" concept, as in lucky to have the abilities that one has, and I had a think before still opting for the word "hero". It's just that I think it's a good idea to support people who fight, and also, despite all one's abilities, surviving is still very hard work for a very long time - it's the work of a hero. I may be able to find a better word at one point.

[andytoad]

20's was a pissup until late 20's when the fear of achievement started to creep in. Now (40), family, happy times, comfortable income and a peaceful place to live. Plus gigs of-course.

Edited September 15, 2018 by andytoad

[Oopsdabassist]

On 10/09/2018 at 15:29, Newfoundfreedom said:

My main priority at 20 was surviving and keeping a roof over my head. No time for playing music because I was working 80 plus hours a week to try and keep the wolves from the door.

I can relate to this, I've always loved music, hit so many gigs in my teens, but got married at 20 and responsibilities ain't cheap.  Got my 1st bass when I was 42 and on the right side of the bills, mortgage etc. now I'm 58 and semi retired and gigging as much as I can (purely for fun).  I guess one advantage of having kids young is by the time they all grow up we are both still young enough to enjoy ourselves!!

[bassmachine2112]

Hiho in my 20,s play in a band as much as possible

coming up to my sixties-just had a heart attack-play in a band as much as possible as long as I can