Best Heckle

[knirirr]

This seemed amusing at the time, though there's nothing particularly witty here.

Anyway, the singer I mentioned in my post in the worst gig thread joined a proper metal band afterwards - no-one in the previous band was keen to appear again under that name anyway. A couple of us went to see his new band, at a different venue, unfortunately arriving as the last song was underway. They seemed to perform it well enough but as it finished there was the merest scattering of applause and shouts from the singer of "What was that? What did you say?"

On listening carefully we were able to hear the apparently traditional cries from the crowd of "f*****g p**f!" which he got at the last gig.

The next band up were met with complete silence after their first number, other than a cry of "f*****g s***e", to which their singer responded with a hearty "f**k you" through the PA before moving on to the next one.

[SpondonBassed]

Me from the cheap seats at Derby Assembly Rooms:  "PLAY HARD TIMES OF OLD ENGLAND!"

Steeleye Span's drummer immediately came back with:  "LIVING IT MATE!"

[cetera]

Which reminds me..... many years ago I was at a tribute gig (band name withheld to protect their identity... lol!) and a bloke shouted out between songs "Play something you know!"

To which the singer replied without hesitation "We already did.... YOU.... when you paid a tenner to get in!"

[Newfoundfreedom]

The best one I ever saw was at an Iron Maiden gig. They were being supported by a then (and probably still) little known band called Funeral for a Friend (catchy huh). They were a bunch of fresh faced young lads about 18 or 19 playing to an arena full of Maiden fans who just wanted to see the main act, and they were being heckled mercilessly and having things thrown at them by a couple of hundred hard core Maiden fans right at the front of the stage. Three or four songs in and they were going down like a turd sandwich at a buffet. At which point the singer who was about as old as my favourite socks, walked to the front of the stage, stared straight at the offending crowd, lifted the mic, and in a level voice said "F#ck you! I'm 19 years old and I'm up here supporting Iron Maiden, and any one of you f#ckers would give your right arm to be where I am now", at which point an almighty cheer erupted across the whole arena, the band started playing the next song and all the offending Maiden fans started moshing along. The rest of their set was absolutely brilliant! I've never before or since seen anyone turn a crowd like that. Absolutely legendary! 

[Beedster]

My fave, although perhaps a 'you had to be there' moment, was a pub gig at which our singer/guitarist was having all sorts of tuning issues, mostly because he's not only crap at tuning but also because he'd decided to mess about with the intonation on his guitar, and after he's spent about 2 minutes between each song trying to sort it - and with immaculate timing in a rare moment of silence - a bloke shouted "want me to tune it for you mate?". Like I said, probably had to be there but always brings a smile to my face

[Beedster]

5 minutes ago, Newfoundfreedom said:

The best one I ever saw was at an Iron Maiden gig. They were being supported by a then (and probably still) little known band called Funeral for a Friend (catchy huh). They were a bunch of fresh faced young lads about 18 or 19 playing to an arena full of Maiden fans who just wanted to see the main act, and they were being heckled mercilessly and having things thrown at them by a couple of hundred hard core Maiden fans right at the front of the stage. Three or four songs in and they were going down like a turd sandwich at a buffet. At which point the singer who was about as old as my favourite socks, walked to the front of the stage, stared straight at the offending crowd, lifted the mic, and in a level voice said "F#ck you! I'm 19 years old and I'm up here supporting Iron Maiden, and any one of you f#ckers would give your right arm to be where I am now", at which point an almighty cheer erupted across the whole arena, the band started playing the next song and all the offending Maiden fans started moshing along. The rest of their set was absolutely brilliant! I've never before or since seen anyone turn a crowd like that. Absolutely legendary! 

Made my day

[Adee]

I went to a G3 (Vai / Satriani / Robert Fripp) gig a few years ago and Fripp was sat doing his very over indulgent solo piece, it all went very quiet and someone shouted ... "TAXI FOR MR FRIPP !!"

Absoloute classic 😂

[chris_b]

Apparently Buddy Guy spent ages playing in the style of other guitarists on his gigs. He did Hendrix, BB KIng etc, I guess he was showing off. Then he asked the audience to suggest another guitarist he could do. My mate in the second row shouted back, "Play like Buddy Guy FFS!"

[Geek99]

“Like a quiet one” would have worked too

[Dad3353]

A 'Zappa Plays Zappa' gig at a prestigious Parisian venue. Dweezil Zappa launched into a slightly over-long monologue; interesting enough for the first few minutes, but had run out of 'steam'. A voice very, very close to where I was sitting (OK, it was me ...) chose a moment between phrases to call out loudly 'Shut up and play yer guitar..!'. He did (and very well, too...).

[leschirons]

I was depping on drums for a friends band a few years ago and the bass player used to throw a bit of slap into a solo in "Play thay funky music" It was his party piece but he wasnt exactly Mark King to say the least.

Anyway, we get to "that song" and he asks "are there any bass players in tonight?" A very quick "apparently not" was the response😂

[bazzbass]

Not music related

Aussie footballer, Michael Voss, to his brother Brett Voss, playing for the opposing team,as he was lining up a shot for goal

"My dad f@#$%d your mum"

Brett missed the shot.

 

Javed Miandad to Ian Healy's remark of "why are you so fat?", "your mum gives me a biscuit every time I f@#$ her"

 

[bazzbass]

but the BEST was Sir Vivian Richards.

Dennis Lillee beat him outside off stump

Dennis "Hey Viv, it's the red thing"

Lillee beats him outside off stump again.

Dennis "Viv, it's the little red round thing.

And again

Next ball, Sir Vivian whacks the ball out of the stadium

 

Sir Viv "You know what it looks like, YOU go find it"

[Dood]

21 hours ago, Adee said:

I went to a G3 (Vai / Satriani / Robert Fripp) gig a few years ago and Fripp was sat doing his very over indulgent solo piece, it all went very quiet and someone shouted ... "TAXI FOR MR FRIPP !!"

Absoloute classic 😂

I went to the Royal Albert Hall concert!

Similarly in a brief moment of pin drop silence we heard someone shout out, "it's got SIX strings!!"

Thing is, Fripp seemed to just wander on stage under a single stage light and start. Everyone around me was asking if it was a sound check!

[pigface]

2 hours ago, bazzbass said:

Javed Miandad to Ian Healy's remark of "why are you so fat?", "your mum gives me a biscuit every time I f@#$ her"

 

This would be accurate if the people mentioned were Eddo Brandes, Glenn McGrath and Glenn's wife ...

[SpondonBassed]

2 hours ago, bazzbass said:

Not music related

Aussie footballer, Michael Voss, to his brother Brett Voss, playing for the opposing team,as he was lining up a shot for goal

"My dad f@#$%d your mum"

Brett missed the shot.

 

Javed Miandad to Ian Healy's remark of "why are you so fat?", "your mum gives me a biscuit every time I f@#$ her"

 

There is a fine line that isn't always seen by hecklers.  It's the one that separates banter from abuse.  I'm glad ^they^ weren't music related.

Edited September 20, 2018 by SpondonBassed

[colleya]

"You're better than this."

We weren't.

[visog]

"Dad-rock's dead and you're a fat forty plus year-old who dyes what's left of your hair and no-one likes the music you're trying to play so flip-off and let the DJ on."

Admittedly, it's not very snappy... 

[Cat Burrito]

My favourite one was back when I was in a rock band trying to play country, We landed a show at a country festival. As we came off the motorway we saw a massive festival and the boys in the band were elevating my status as booker to that of legend. However SatNav took us past that one by two miles to a run down rugby club. On the bill was a young lad singing along to Karaoke hits by all the greats. The girls loved him and he was decked out all in black with a black hair and a black cowboy hat. We quickly realised we were more Lynyrd Skynyrd than country but went through a set, being repeatedly asked to turn town by some rather grumpy old folk dressed as cowboys. When this singer went on he did some fairly bland takes of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson et al classics to his backing tapes. Afterwards he was lecturing our singer on how you don't need a band, just get a box with all the tunes and you can earn more. Our singer was politely taking it all, when Colin, our gentle giant of a rhythm guitarist lent in and said, "Excuse me Barnaby... can I just say what a massive fan I am of your music?" He cut for quite an intimidating figure and young Barnaby replied "er, oh, thank you, thank you very much" to which Colin than added "not so much you doing them, but those original versions are great!" 

[LeftyP]

On 19/09/2018 at 09:57, Beedster said:

My fave, although perhaps a 'you had to be there' moment, was a pub gig at which our singer/guitarist was having all sorts of tuning issues, mostly because he's not only crap at tuning but also because he'd decided to mess about with the intonation on his guitar, and after he's spent about 2 minutes between each song trying to sort it - and with immaculate timing in a rare moment of silence - a bloke shouted "want me to tune it for you mate?". Like I said, probably had to be there but always brings a smile to my face

On a similar theme - though not actually a heckle;  Many years ago I was at a concert in a folk club and the main act was the Scottish duo "The Corries" - they were big on the folk scene back in the late 60s/early 70s and were very good.  Between songs one of the pair was tuning up his guitar and after a short while the other one said, "Funny, it was in tune when he bought it!"  Oh, how we laughed.

I think I've mentioned this next one before but I was chatting to a singer from the Channel Islands who was touring the UK mainland for the first time.  He said he knew he had to leave his home venues when a punter walked up to him - mid-song - and asked if he had change for the jukebox!

[SICbass]

 I saw a disco/funk band in the 80s in Liverpool. The dance floor was empty so the singer shouts out, “Come on folks let’s see you all up on the dance floor!”. So, one guy gets up and starts dancing in the middle of the dance floor, at which point the singer goes back to the mic and says, “Not like that mate, you look a c**t!”

Harsh, I know, but flawless timing.

[Delberthot]

"put something good on" directed at a live band always makes me laugh

[fretmeister]

"Was that hard to play? Because it was hard to listen to!"

 

[pbasspecial]

Our long haired and bearded singer/guitarist always seems to take too long between songs? Not sure why but a regular thing. Anyway after a few times of this one of the punters shouts out "get on with it Jesus!" Both me and the drummer fosters ourselves laughing. 

[Muzz]

A self-heckle from our singist/guitard after a particularly inept go at the solo from Smells Like Teen Spirit: "Cheers. The more observant of you might have noticed I ran out of talent half way through the solo, there..." 🙂

And a slightly inadvertent inter-band one: We do a version of Volare, just for a laugh, and singist/guitard can't be arsed learning the lyrics for the first verse, which he plays on his own, so he just does the Fast Show 'Shminky pinky Boutros Boutros Ghali' thing where he makes up slightly-Italian-sounding gibberish. The first time he did it I leant across and said "Are you having a stroke?", which the mic picked up verrrry clearly... 😕😀