Woodinblack Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 17 hours ago, Bluewine said: Thing is , quitting is not an option for me. There are no opportunities in Milwaukee with bands that are gigging and making money. At least none advertised publically. I can't quit if there's nowhere else to go. If it was, would you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yorks5stringer Posted February 17, 2019 Share Posted February 17, 2019 (edited) Turning it on its head, I found out the band I was in were letting me go when a Facebook notification came in on Monday morning showing the rest of the band on stage at a gig, without me the Bassist...😪 Edited February 17, 2019 by yorks5stringer 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluewine Posted February 17, 2019 Author Share Posted February 17, 2019 (edited) 13 hours ago, Les said: Sorry to hear that Blue, I know you both love it and rely on it. Yeah, I'm just not sure we can survive losing a founding member that plays guitar,sings leads and plays harp. And he did most of the bookings Blue Edited February 17, 2019 by Bluewine 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluewine Posted February 17, 2019 Author Share Posted February 17, 2019 I think there are few scenarios where leaving in a huff with no notice is appropriate. When stuff like that starts circulating in your music community it can hurt you in terms of new opportunities Blue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SH73 Posted February 17, 2019 Share Posted February 17, 2019 Don't know what the issue is. I would tell them straight I quit. It's my life and if I'm not happy what I do, why forcing it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Jack Posted February 17, 2019 Share Posted February 17, 2019 29 minutes ago, SH73 said: Don't know what the issue is. I would tell them straight I quit. It's my life and if I'm not happy what I do, why forcing it. Yup. The last band I quit, I just emailed them to say, "I do this for fun, and this band isn't fun." They got the message, I still play with the guitarist in another band, the drummer fell off the radar, and the BL hates me. I'll take that as a result. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcnach Posted February 17, 2019 Share Posted February 17, 2019 Usually in good terms. The most recent band I left (where a member here was guitarist too), I liked them a lot but I joined them at a time when my main band was not that busy and things looked a bit down... then things got better and much busier. At the same time this band got a bit busier too and I was feeling like I was going to be spread too thin and it wasn't fair. So I announced I was going to have to leave, but I said I'd play whatever gigs they needed me to until they found a replacement. I actually suggested a friend as a replacement, he auditioned and he is still with them. A few years earlier I left another band whose music I liked but there was a BL and he was too much of a control freak. It was taking the joy out of playing, and after one particularly awful gig where he kept talking on his mic over the first 3 songs to ask various changes in the monitors (he refused to go in early to do a soundcheck!) I just quit. I'd have played any gigs to avoid them cancelling but they got a new guy in time for the next gig. Shame, as it was good material and played a few really cool gigs with them... but the joy was no longer there. Then there was that band, we didn't get to gig... I was a bit fed up with volume wars and a very insecure guitarist. This guitarist was their former bass player, and the minute the band started praising my bass style he got a bit grumpy. I thought it was coincidence. Then a couple of weeks later I was playing guitar and I don't know if he felt threatened or what but he became a real silly billy from then on. We had booked a gig just over a month from the date when I decided it was not for me, but I decided I'd like to play that gig. However, I cancelled two practices leading to that gig (I couldn't be arsed to subject my eardrums to that infernal racket... and we already knew the songs well...), and drummer emailed me to say they were talking and thought things weren't working out. So I got fired before I could quit. Then they did not play that gig, or any others in fact, as I was following them for a while. It annoyed me a little bit I didn't get to say "I quit" Another band I was the founder and main person, it was a RHCP tribute... things were fizzling out and I was clashing a bit with our very good but a bit arrogant guitarist. He started out a different project in another town and was finding it hard to meet for practices too, it was obvious his heart wasn't into it anymore. Then we had a very meh gig, and I announced that I didn't think I wanted to continue doing this. So we played one more gig a month later, supporting my main band actually, and we called it a day. Drummer had been recruited to my main band soon before that, and I stayed in touch with singer, and we've played together a couple of times after that. Guitarist... I hear he's doing well and has adopted a kind of rock star look in his late 40s. I wish him all the best but have no interest in meeting him again. However I'll forever be grateful for the first couple of years in that band, I had some of the best gigs and much more fun than I imagined. He actually was very helpful and a cool guy to be around with for some time. Shame we couldn't just part in good terms. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woodinblack Posted February 17, 2019 Share Posted February 17, 2019 14 hours ago, Bluewine said: I think there are few scenarios where leaving in a huff with no notice is appropriate. So how did he leave? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thepurpleblob Posted February 17, 2019 Share Posted February 17, 2019 (edited) I've only ever quit once. The band was getting far too busy and it was starting to interfere with the day job and my sanity. There were no hard feelings at all. I said I would play until they found a replacement which turned out to be one and half gigs!! Edited February 17, 2019 by thepurpleblob Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yorks5stringer Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 On 17/02/2019 at 13:50, mcnach said: Usually in good terms. The most recent band I left (where a member here was guitarist too), I liked them a lot but I joined them at a time when my main band was not that busy and things looked a bit down... then things got better and much busier. At the same time this band got a bit busier too and I was feeling like I was going to be spread too thin and it wasn't fair. So I announced I was going to have to leave, but I said I'd play whatever gigs they needed me to until they found a replacement. I actually suggested a friend as a replacement, he auditioned and he is still with them. A few years earlier I left another band whose music I liked but there was a BL and he was too much of a control freak. It was taking the joy out of playing, and after one particularly awful gig where he kept talking on his mic over the first 3 songs to ask various changes in the monitors (he refused to go in early to do a soundcheck!) I just quit. I'd have played any gigs to avoid them cancelling but they got a new guy in time for the next gig. Shame, as it was good material and played a few really cool gigs with them... but the joy was no longer there. Then there was that band, we didn't get to gig... I was a bit fed up with volume wars and a very insecure guitarist. This guitarist was their former bass player, and the minute the band started praising my bass style he got a bit grumpy. I thought it was coincidence. Then a couple of weeks later I was playing guitar and I don't know if he felt threatened or what but he became a real silly billy from then on. We had booked a gig just over a month from the date when I decided it was not for me, but I decided I'd like to play that gig. However, I cancelled two practices leading to that gig (I couldn't be arsed to subject my eardrums to that infernal racket... and we already knew the songs well...), and drummer emailed me to say they were talking and thought things weren't working out. So I got fired before I could quit. Then they did not play that gig, or any others in fact, as I was following them for a while. It annoyed me a little bit I didn't get to say "I quit" Another band I was the founder and main person, it was a RHCP tribute... things were fizzling out and I was clashing a bit with our very good but a bit arrogant guitarist. He started out a different project in another town and was finding it hard to meet for practices too, it was obvious his heart wasn't into it anymore. Then we had a very meh gig, and I announced that I didn't think I wanted to continue doing this. So we played one more gig a month later, supporting my main band actually, and we called it a day. Drummer had been recruited to my main band soon before that, and I stayed in touch with singer, and we've played together a couple of times after that. Guitarist... I hear he's doing well and has adopted a kind of rock star look in his late 40s. I wish him all the best but have no interest in meeting him again. However I'll forever be grateful for the first couple of years in that band, I had some of the best gigs and much more fun than I imagined. He actually was very helpful and a cool guy to be around with for some time. Shame we couldn't just part in good terms. That RHCP Band you were in , you need to let it go, it 's just water under the bridge... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woodinblack Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 1 hour ago, yorks5stringer said: That RHCP Band you were in , you need to let it go, it 's just water under the bridge... You can't expect him to just give it away now? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluewine Posted February 20, 2019 Author Share Posted February 20, 2019 On 17/02/2019 at 10:48, Woodinblack said: So how did he leave? Just an overall opinion. Blue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stylon Pilson Posted February 20, 2019 Share Posted February 20, 2019 I've only left a band twice (and it's hard to phrase that without sounding like I left the same band on two different occasions). The first time was 9 years ago. I'd been growing steadily more and more disillusioned with them, and during one particular gig I found myself suffused with a certainty that this gig would be my last. The next gig in the calendar was about 6 months away (apart from maybe an acousticy thing at which my presence was token anyway). The following day I called the band leader and told him that I wanted to move on. Amicable split, as I remember I finished up some studio stuff for them after that. The second time was last year. The band just wasn't active enough - our gig frequency was abysmal because of diary clashes amongst 7 people, some of whom were generally good with availability, but some of whom seemed to be barely around. No-one else seemed to have a problem with this except me, so I got myself into another band and then announced my departure from the first one while were packing away at the end of a rehearsal. Everyone was knocked for six for a few seconds, but no arguments ensued. In that case I offered to cover gigs for the next 2 months (we had a gig in a week, one in 2 months, and then another in about 5 months) which they took me up on. S.P. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkey Steve Posted February 20, 2019 Share Posted February 20, 2019 quit twice: First band, everybody except the lead guitarist/BL wanted to move in one direction, the BL wouldn't budge, so after months of discussing it with him, and then complaining about him behind his back, I'd had enough and politely gave my notice in - I'd do the last gig we had booked and then I'd move on. But knowing that the rest of the band would follow suit...the guitarist said he had no hard feelings when I quit, but I didn't see him for ages after the rest of the band went, so i think he may bare something of a grudge. Actually, whenever I have seen him since we've got on OK (and this was 20+ years ago) but the shame is that he's never played in another band. But it was genuinely musical differences, not a personal falling out Second band, a not completely dissimilar situation, where me and the drummer (who had formed the band, although we saw it more as a democracy than as "our band") were sick to the back teeth of the lead guitarist and we were in other bands that were much more fun and happy to let this one go. He'd gone from being a good bloke when we formed the band to being a controlling prima donna, and it all came to a head when he sent me an e-mail full of abuse for not appreciating his genius (for full story, see "my worst bandmate" thread). Rather than giving him a list of exactly why he was an irritating bellend who was getting sacked, I just replied to his e-mail a couple of days later and told him to look for another bass player as he wouldn't be seeing me again and once again knowing that the drummer would follow me out of the band. Turns out the drummer had already sacked him over the weekend for being an irritating bellend, but that was the end of the band So basically, whenever I quit a band, they cannot carry on without me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woodinblack Posted February 20, 2019 Share Posted February 20, 2019 4 hours ago, Stylon Pilson said: I've only left a band twice (and it's hard to phrase that without sounding like I left the same band on two different occasions). You have only left two bands? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattbass6 Posted February 20, 2019 Share Posted February 20, 2019 Write an e-mail detailing the reasons and try and keep it fair, no matter how you feel. What ever happens, 99.5% of the time, there will be fallout. A bit of distance and time will hopefully heal any wounds or fallout, because of the decision. Bands are very strange beasts. There's nothing like them out there in the real world when it comes to falling out over someone's decision to leave or, getting fired. Good luck and happy new travels. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stylon Pilson Posted February 20, 2019 Share Posted February 20, 2019 18 minutes ago, Woodinblack said: You have only left two bands? Ah but you see now that makes it sound like I might have left them on multiple occasions each. See, just can't win! S.P. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ubit Posted February 20, 2019 Share Posted February 20, 2019 (edited) I had only ever been in bands with my mate , who is the guitarist. Now he is my mate but he also drives me up the wall. After our full band had all gone their seperate ways, we decided to go it alone as a duo. This worked for years until he developed carpal tunnel syndrome and couldn’t play. He is so tight that he wouldn’t pay for private, so waited on the nhs appointment. This, he was told would take a year. What are you going to do? Everyone asked. Oh, no one will want to play with you he said. I was mad. I was the bass player and the singer. People knew me. I decided I was going to find another band. By chance a guitar player got in touch and we secretly rehearsed with his drummer mate, who turned out to be superb. When we did our first gig, my mate was raging that I hadn’t told him but I just remembered all the laughing and ridicule that he gave me. That band turned out to be great fun. My mate is passive aggressive and a bit of a control freak. This new band felt free and we had a great laugh and produced some good sounds. My mate used to tune up after every song. This new boy would tune up at the start of each set and it was bang into the next song. I loved it, but then the guitarist started being late for gigs and coming drunk. I got cheesed off with this eventually and realised that order is more my bag. My mate finally got his operation and we carried on. Eventually we recruited the drummer and a new band started. After a few years, I’ve realised that my mate will never change and is always going to be a control freak. Now I’m at a stage where I can’t play because of my job, but I’m determined, if and when I get back, I’m not going back with my mate. He just infuriates me. Edited February 20, 2019 by ubit Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Low End Bee Posted February 20, 2019 Share Posted February 20, 2019 Stiv Bators leaving Lords of the New Church. He found out the rest of the band had secretly placed an ad in the Melody Maker for his replacement. He had the advert printed large on a t shirt and wore it under another shirt during a gig (the Astoria from memory). He took the outer shirt off and did the reveal during the encore and thanked his band mates for being good pals and bid them a fond farewell, etc. 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluewine Posted February 20, 2019 Author Share Posted February 20, 2019 Now it seems like we must go back to the importance of understanding what we're looking for in a band experience and picking up on red flags as early on as your audition. Guys, it's not hard to pick up on guys with ego issues that you can't and won't tolerate. What do you guys think, well those of you that are looking for the most professional experience as possible. You get to a rehearsal and you see alcohol and guys smoking weed. That's a match for some guys, not me. Blue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Les Posted February 20, 2019 Share Posted February 20, 2019 23 minutes ago, Bluewine said: You get to a rehearsal and you see alcohol and guys smoking weed. That's a match for some guys, not me. Not bothered about a few cans at a rehearsal but the weed would put me off 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woodinblack Posted February 20, 2019 Share Posted February 20, 2019 20 minutes ago, Les said: Not bothered about a few cans at a rehearsal but the weed would put me off haha - I would be the other way round. TBH, I don't mind at rehearsal that much, but I do object at gigs. Either way, all things in moderation, quite often my group doesn't moderate very well, and we are shitty because of it. 46 minutes ago, Bluewine said: Guys, it's not hard to pick up on guys with ego issues that you can't and won't tolerate. Sometimes it really is. Sometimes you join a group and everything is fine for a while, and those issues come out later. Having a look through the 'worst bandmate' thread, there are quite a few where there is some bandmate who originally was perfectly reasonable and then something happened. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stub Mandrel Posted February 20, 2019 Share Posted February 20, 2019 The two times I left bands at my choice, it was because I had a new job. It was pretty tough dumping them in the mire. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skankdelvar Posted February 20, 2019 Share Posted February 20, 2019 1 hour ago, Bluewine said: You get to a rehearsal and you see alcohol and guys smoking weed. That's a match for some guys, not me. When I was 18, totally not a problem. Deal me in. But I'm not 18 anymore. Mind you, I wouldn't draw the line at someone having a bottle of beer at half-time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmedunc Posted February 21, 2019 Share Posted February 21, 2019 In the early 90's I left a band that I really cared about. We were very good and a lot of work was put in. Unfortunately, I felt that I could no longer work with one of the members. I told them I'd finish the tour and then that was the end of it. That's exactly what happened. All the band knew why I left but they thought I'd go back, ironically including the offender. Basically the rest of the band were scared of this particular member and I'd had enough of the situation. I feel I fulfilled all my obligations to them. Another irony is that just recently we tried to reform and within 3 rehearsals we were back to the same situation. Well, apart from the rest of the lads weren't kids anymore and stood up for themselves. In a way it was a great thing to see. That was the end of that! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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