Monkey Steve Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 Had similar issues, both with band members showing up when it suits them and cancelling (or just not showing up) when it didn't, and more frequently with nobody in the band wanting to bite the bullet and sort out a situation (or the BL not wanting to be the bad guy) For the former, we had to impose a similar rule to the one suggested above, that if you cancel within the 48 hour period then you have to pay the full costs. That sorted that one out to a degree, despite much "but the rest of you can still practice if I'm not there" whining from the guilty party. For the latter issue, in my experience a problem like this had never, ever got better on it's own , and trying to ignore it, or complaining about it to the rest of the band but saying nothing to the band member who is the problem, just makes everything feel much worse. Better to take the pain and get on with the sacking now - you will all sleep much better afterwards and can actually move forward. A couple of questions. Is there a specific issue that the drummer is dealing with that's behind this? If he can't make rehearsals because his wife's just died and he's got to look after the kids (and an array of things that may stop well short of that level of seriousness) then IMHO it's time for sympathy, understanding and as much of working round him as you can manage until he can sort things out or decides for himself that he can't do it any more. Maybe finding a second drummer who understands the position and is ready to play whenever drummer #1 can't, given that it's almost full time as things stand. Even if there is a good reason for things, that doesn't mean it'll get any better. Once had a guitarist who's lateness was legendary. He had plenty of valid excuses, but at the end of the day, the band would be sitting around for two thirds of rehearsals because he was running late again, and it doesn't matter how good the excuse was, the band was suffering and he was the problem that needed to be resolved. By sacking him. I'm not seeing why you would want to offer him a hiatus, unless the specific reason for his flakiness is time limited and will improve in due course. I did once have a band member who asked for one, for perfectly good reasons, that the rest of his life was going to be far too hectic for the next year or so and he didn't have time for the band. In fairness, he presented it as a resignation, but giving us the option to ask him back if we needed him after that year had elapsed. We could then recruit a replacement on the assumption that it would be permanent, who I then sacked a year later as he was nowhere near as good as the original guy who definitely wanted to come back (but presented it as "the original line up is getting back together" and he understood). 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skybone Posted March 18, 2019 Author Share Posted March 18, 2019 Seems as though it's finally dawned on everyone that we'll have to cancel the gigs. If they'd have done something last month's when I mentioned it, we might have been able to salvage one of them at least. Foxtrot Foxtrot Sierra. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paul_c2 Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 8 minutes ago, Skybone said: Seems as though it's finally dawned on everyone that we'll have to cancel the gigs. If they'd have done something last month's when I mentioned it, we might have been able to salvage one of them at least. Foxtrot Foxtrot Sierra. Lots of "us" and "them" there - sounds like whoever is actually making the decisions, isn't you, and isn't doing the necessary. Do you want to be the guy that makes all the decisions? If so, put yourself up for the job of "band leader" and see what the others think - in my experience they'll probably be happy for you to do so, since it relieves them of the responsibility. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skybone Posted March 18, 2019 Author Share Posted March 18, 2019 It certainly feels as though I've become the band leader by default, as it seems that it's me that organises rehearsals and tries to get everyone in the same room at the same time, and me that's been banging on about the missing drummer for months. At the end of the day, IMO, it's a team effort, but it's only a team if people agree. This episode is certainly putting a sour taste in my mouth, especially after years of hard work trying to get us where we are. Unfortunately, original bands are thin on the ground here, and especially after having invested a lot of time & effort into this project, it's seriously infuriating as well as exasperatingly regular. I've been trying to get a 'unified' response to the issue out of everyone, rather than acting unilaterally, but it would appear that you can lead a horse to water, and even though it's thirsty, you still can't get it to drink. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stylon Pilson Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 (edited) 8 minutes ago, Skybone said: It certainly feels as though I've become the band leader by default, as it seems that it's me that organises rehearsals and tries to get everyone in the same room at the same time, and me that's been banging on about the missing drummer for months. 12 months ago I was in a very similar situation to you. What did I do next? I answered a "bass player wanted" ad, and got the gig. They're organised, active, everyone has the same expected commitment level, and we work well as a team. Good attitudes and competence all round. My old band had one gig still on the books when I left. They trained up a replacement bass player and did that gig, but since then it's been tumbleweeds on their social media. I did send one of the other band members (the only other one who put in as much effort as me) a message at Christmas but she didn't reply. I think they might have quietly folded. This does not come as a huge surprise. S.P. Edited March 18, 2019 by Stylon Pilson Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigsmokebass Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 😉👌🏻 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paul_c2 Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 Yeah there's that option too, you could "do a Bangles". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davo-London Posted March 19, 2019 Share Posted March 19, 2019 I play drums - where's the gig? Peace Davo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skybone Posted March 19, 2019 Author Share Posted March 19, 2019 A long way from London. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davo-London Posted March 19, 2019 Share Posted March 19, 2019 Nuts. You can't blame a fella for trying ... Davo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skybone Posted March 31, 2019 Author Share Posted March 31, 2019 Well, the deed is done, we are officially looking for a new drummer. The guitarist had a long phone conversation with the old drummer, in which he finally realised that the drummer couldn't commit any more time to the band due to work commitments, and the fact that he's newly married and wants to start a family. If he didn't have enough time for the band before any sproglings come along, he certainly won't afterwards. Thankfully, the rest of us have older kids and realise this, but thankfully now, the guitarist can see that the drummer just doesn't have the time to commit to the band (despite all of his assurances). Fingers crossed, we can find someone suitable soon! Bandcamp link: https://thousand-mile-stare.bandcamp.com/album/overrun 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkey Steve Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 On 31/03/2019 at 08:45, Skybone said: Well, the deed is done, we are officially looking for a new drummer. The guitarist had a long phone conversation with the old drummer, in which he finally realised that the drummer couldn't commit any more time to the band due to work commitments, and the fact that he's newly married and wants to start a family. If he didn't have enough time for the band before any sproglings come along, he certainly won't afterwards. Thankfully, the rest of us have older kids and realise this, but thankfully now, the guitarist can see that the drummer just doesn't have the time to commit to the band (despite all of his assurances). Fingers crossed, we can find someone suitable soon! Bandcamp link: https://thousand-mile-stare.bandcamp.com/album/overrun Glad it's sorted, and if nothing else, you at least know where you stand. Funnily enough, I had a very similar situation not that long ago. A band had split up but I remained on good terms with the drummer, and we'd vaguely said that if ever we need the other half of a rhythm section we'd let each other know. Fast forward two years and he's become a father for the first time, and mentions how he'd like to get out of the house a bit more so if I need a drummer in any of the things I'd been doing or talking about putting together, give him a shout. So I asked what that actually meant in practice: Weekly rehearsals? Yes, well, mostly, probably, unless something comes up, and assuming that his wife isn't up to anything else that weekend because if she is he'll have to stay in to look after the baby. Maybe every other weekend would be fine, let's say once a month for certain, and maybe one extra in the month if he can manage it Weekend gigs? Yes, well, again, probably. If it's a gig then he's pretty sure that the wife will let him have first dibs and will not arrange to do anything else so that she can look after the baby, so as long as she hasn't already got something else arranged...if we could arrange them for the weekends that he's already bagsied for rehearsals... Weekday gigs? Unlikely, not a definite no but definitely not at short notice, and getting in late and disturbing the baby and wife will be frowned upon 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mudpup Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 On 18/03/2019 at 10:23, Lozz196 said: I read these posts and thank whatever is above for our drummer Me too........ours is organised, carts all the gear about from the lock up via van and reads drum music thingy so is always prepared at rehearsals. And he's a monster player too - i am blessed to play with him 🙂 Sorry, that's not really helping you is it? Front your bloke up, tell him the issues - it'll sort it one way or the other and you'll be happier in the medium term. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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