Left a band

[stewblack]

Was killing me but instead of relief I feel awful. Anxious, stressed, hate this so much. Something had to give I've taken on too much and this band was eating my time and feeding my stress. 

Why does this never get easier?

Sorry. Needed doing and I did it. Not a discussion opener just a bit of a whine this really 

[mr4stringz]

It never gets easier because we still love it. Have recently done similarly and for at least some of the same reasons, so I get it.

Edited May 8, 2019 by mr4stringz

[Teebs]

It sounds like you've done the right thing, even if it is causing you stress.

Short-term pain for long-term gain.

Hope it gets easier 👍

[AndyTravis]

I did this in January last year, I needed head space and more time. Thought I was actually going to stop playing and sold a lot of gear.

Just before Christmas the singer from the previous band got in touch and wanted to work on some of my ideas.

Just about to do some recording, got a great new band with the singer from the old band and I’m having a great time.

Like any relationship breakdown, there are plenty more fish. Give yourself some time and then find something you enjoy, not something which is taxing.

 

[cetera]

I was the opposite - I'd been in a well known tribute for 26 years and I knew when I looked across the stage and saw the rest of the band going through the motions and backstabbing each other it was time to go.
Best thing I ever did - felt like a giant weight lifted and relieved I'll never have to deal with at least 2 of the 3 other members ever again! Some people just suck your energy and enthusiasm for anything and are more trouble than they're worth. Funny thing is that, despite replacing me, 2 more of them have now seen the light and left as well....

I've now put together a new project that is 10 times better musically & vocally and MUCH more satisfying and professional.

Things WILL get better, just take a break and then go for it with a clearer idea of what you want!

[caselounsbery]

It looks like you’ve done the right thing. If you feel something’s eating you alive and causing you stress, it’s a good decision to leave and save yourself from more issues. You might be unsure about your decision and think you’re a silent quitter, but it’s better to take care of your mental health while it’s not too late.
If you feel like this stress of overwhelming, then it’s better to seek help from professionals like https://fherehab.com/anxiety/treatment/. They know what you need to fight this anxiety and find a way out. All you need is patience towards yourself because you need time to heal. After you recover, you might look for new ways of being creative.

Edited October 17, 2022 by caselounsbery

[msb]

Bands are temporary things at best. 
I wish you luck on the rebound.

[Mickeyboro]

Zombie thread resurrection!

[msb]

I hope the rebound was successful …

[neepheid]

At least it's proof that some people use the search function

[stewblack]

Do you know what? I'm not even sure which band it was.

Time it seems does heal. I'm in much better bands now.

[nilorius]

A long time ago i left an alternative rock band. where i spen about half year, but had no stress, because i didn't really liked the music and vocal was singing only in russian. In my country it's quite bad for me.

[NancyJohnson]

About three years ago, I left a band I started about ten years before that.  Had I not left I think it would have started affecting me mentally.  

 

A bit of advice?  Lick your wounds, move along.  It hurts now, but you'll forget that.  I've probably been more productive since leaving.  I don't miss the rehearsing, the time lost, the expenditure, the angst, the disagreements with the singer, the almost constant schlepping over southern England playing to five people 'because it's good for our CV', etc etc.

[lownote]

Curious how the mental stuff creeps up on you. Not liking most of the music, the venues, the punters then your band mates. The internal arguments: 'but it's good for me and I'm learning stuff', and 'this is what I've spent years working towards'.  I just walked from the band I've been in for two years and realised I should have listened to the little voice telling me to do it months ago. They've had solid stuff from me, and to be fair they've taken me from bedroom warrior to semi pro gigging bassist. So, now time to move on. 

Edited October 13, 2022 by lownote

[Horizontalste]

I know this was originally an old thread but I have a take on this too.

 

I think it's really important to decide for yourself what level of commitment you're prepared to give, what you expect from the other members & also what exactly you want to get out of it all before you take the plunge.

 

In the past I've liked the idea of a band but not the reality & that's meant that I've had to disappoint people (& myself) all because I've acted on ill considered feelings.

 

Last night was my first rehearsal with a new established band & this time I made sure that I considered the details before I committed.

I'm working hard now to catch up with the set but they know that I won't over-rehearse once it's up to scratch (I do like the social aspect of rehearsals don't get me wrong) & they're aware of my crazy shift patterns & family commitments. Everyone is happy & we're already having fun which to me is what is all about.

[Franticsmurf]

I've walked from a couple of bands, both because I was getting stale playing the same stuff over and over. 2nd time the BL was, by his own proud admission, 'winging it' (which in his eyes made him more professional that those in the band who wanted to rehearse and stick to agreed arrangements, because he was able to turn up and play anything). It was hard to take the actual decision because the band was busy and despite everything, I enjoyed playing but with hindsight I should have gone earlier. It turned out that the rest of the band were on the brink of going, too, and went within hours of me leaving. We're currently working slowly on a new band project. I went from busy to nothing at first, and it was hard to motivate myself to play, record or work on the new band. But gigs have picked up with the other band I was in, I've had some depping work and the new band has gigged (albeit only the once) and is making some progress.

 

On 08/05/2019 at 21:38, stewblack said:

Was killing me but instead of relief I feel awful.

Like anything new, it takes time to adjust, particularly if you have invested your time and effort into it. But ultimately you'll look back and realise it was the best decision and move forward with a new project. Imagine what you can do if you find like-minded band mates who are prepared to invest as much into a new project as you are?  

 

 

[uk_lefty]

Well it looks like Stew made the right decision in the end! 

 

My last leaving a band take was roughly a year ago. The five of us had become good friends and two of the lads had the band logo tattooed on themselves so it was a tough decision to go. However, five and a half years of playing roughly the same set and to the same people became too much for me. I was having a lot of stuff stack up causing me stress including the band which should have been more fun than stress. Taking a step back I realised a few things about how certain people were using the band as their way of being centre of attention amongst their group of friends, rather than being in a band to make music and play in new places. There were many small gripes but it all came to a head when I was criticised for taking three days away to go to a Wedding, "pretty long f'ing wedding!", and a gig was booked for a weekend I was away and played without rehearsal. Needless to say it was a disaster. Walking felt tough but I knew I had to do it and I'd already been looking at setting up my own side project anyway. 

 

I'm now in a much busier and much more professional band but it's nowhere near as stressful because the other people in the band are so level headed and we're all pulling in the same direction. It's taken a while to find it but I'm doing more gigs, more varied music, better venues and taking home more money, all of which = more enjoyment.

[Lozz196]

I left my last band due to the intensive workload, which only showed signs of increasing (and looking at their current schedule, even past COVID it has). I loved being in that band, the guys were great, and I achieved more in that band than in any other band throughout my playing history. It was difficult but I had to take the right decision for me, I was permanently exhausted, the only time I felt physically & mentally ok was when on stage, it was affecting my work - mainly through moods of being shattered - so I had to leave. Hurtling up & down the length & breadth of the country every weekend, and hopping onto planes/ferries, staying away from home in hotels sounds great - and it is - but as I got older I just couldn`t do it any longer. Sadly that band happened 10 years too late for me, if I were nearing 47 rather than 57 I`d still be in it. I`ve still not gone to see them at a gig either, it would be like watching your ex, who was the love of your life, be with someone else, am not ready for that yet.

 

 

[gjones]

I've left two bands over the last 2 years. One, which I felt was a hobby band for the other members (I do like to gig rather than continuously rehearse) and the other was a rock band that was taking too much time and intensive work to get things right (although it did get me playing with a pick, which I still do if the song needs it).

 

I still play with two other bands that I feel are more rewarding, both musically and financially. I think two gigging bands are the maximum I can deal with and give 100%. 

Edited October 14, 2022 by gjones

[JapanAxe]

Some reasons I have left bands (in no particular order):

• Really didn’t enjoy the gigs;
• Only joined as a dep while they looked for someone permanent, had to remind them of this;
• Joined another band;
• Got fed up carting most of the PA around.

Times I have regretted moving on: 0

[neepheid]

I've only ever left a couple of bands.

 

One time it was very boring, I just felt like I had too much going on and I quit the one I had been with the least time and hadn't written any songs for.

 

The other time, it was personal.

[Munurmunuh]

On 12/10/2022 at 20:19, stewblack said:

Do you know what? I'm not even sure which band it was.

Didn't see this post coming!