dmccombe7 Posted August 30, 2019 Share Posted August 30, 2019 Had to share this guidance to ensure we are all singing from same sheet. HOW TO REQUEST A SONG FROM THE BAND When requesting a song from the band, just say “Play my song.” We have chips implanted in our heads with an unlimited database of the favorite tunes of every patron who ever walked into a bar and all songs ever recorded so feel free to be vague, we love the challenge. If we say we really don’t remember that tune you want, we’re only kidding. Bands do know every song ever recorded, so keep humming. Hum harder if need be… it helps jog the memory, or just repeat your request over and over again. If a band tells you they do not know a song you want to hear, they either forgot they know the tune or they are just putting you on. Try singing a few words for the band, any words will do. It also helps to scream your request from across the room several times per set followed by the phrases, “AW, COME ON!” and “YOU SUCK!” Exaggerated hand gestures expressing disapproval from the dance floor are a big help as well, such as the thumbs down or your middle finger up. Put-downs are the best way to jog a band’s memory. This instantly promotes you to the status of “Personal Friend of the Band.” You can bet your request will be the next song we play. Entertainers are notorious fakers and jokesters and never really prepared for their shows. We simply walk on stage with no prior thought to what we will do once we arrive. We don’t actually make set lists or rehearse songs, we mostly just wait for you to yell something out, then fake it. An entertainer’s job is easy, even a monkey could do it, so don’t let them off the hook easily. Your request is all that matters. Once you’ve figured out what genre of music the band plays, please make your requests from a totally different genre, the more exaggerated the better. If it’s a blues band playing, yell for some Metallica, Black Sabbath or Motley Crue. If it’s a death-speed metal band be sure to request Brown Eyed Girl or some Grateful Dead. We musicians constantly need to broaden our horizons and it’s your job to see that it happens… immediately. TALKING WITH THE BAND The best time to discuss anything with the band in any meaningful way is at the middle of a song when all band members are singing at the same time. Our hearing is so advanced that we can pick out your tiny voice from the megawatt wall of sound blasting all around us. And we can converse with you in sign language while singing the song, so don’t worry that we’re in the middle of the chorus. Musicians are expert lip-readers too. If a musician does not reply to your question or comment during a tune, it’s because they didn’t get a good look at your mouth in order to read your lips. Simply continue to scream out your request and be sure to over emphasize the words with your lips. This helps immensely. Don’t be fooled. Singers have the innate ability to answer questions and sing at the same time. If the singer doesn’t answer your questions immediately, regardless of how stupid the question may seem, it’s because they are purposely ignoring you. If this happens, immediately cop an attitude. We love this. IMPORTANT TIP When an entertainer leans over to hear you better, grab his or her head in both hands and yell directly into their ear, while holding their head securely so they can’t pull away. This will be taken as an invitation to a friendly game of tug of war between their head and your hands. Don’t give up, hang on until the singer or guitar player submits. Drummers are often unavailable for this fun game since they usually sit at the back, protected by their drum kits. Keyboard players are protected by their instrument and only play the game when tricked into coming out from behind their instruments. Though difficult to get them to play, it’s not impossible, so keep trying. They’re especially vulnerable during the break between songs. HELPING THE BAND If you inform the band that you are a singer, the band will appreciate your help with the next few tunes, or however long you can remain standing on stage. If you’re too drunk to stand unassisted, simply lean on one of the band members or the most expensive piece of equipment you see. Just pretend you’re in a karaoke bar. Simply feel free to walk up on stage and join in the fun. By the way, the drunker you are, the better you sound, and the louder you should sing. If by chance you fall off the stage, be sure to crawl back up and attempt to sing harmony. Keep in mind that nothing assists the band more than outrageous dancing, fifth and sixth part harmonies or a tambourine played on one and three and out of tempo. Try the cowbell, they love the challenge. The band always needs the help and will take this as a compliment. Finally, the microphone and PA system are merely props, they don’t really amplify your voice, so when you grab the mic out of the singer’s hand, be sure to scream into it at the top of your lungs, otherwise nobody will hear what a great singer you are. Hearing is over-rated anyhow. The crowd and the sound tech will love you for it. BONUS TIP As a last resort, wait until the band takes a break and then get on stage and start playing their instruments. They love this. Even if you are ejected from the club, you can rest assured in the knowledge you have successfully completed your audition. The band will call you the following day to offer you a position. 4 1 29 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoRhino Posted August 30, 2019 Share Posted August 30, 2019 Was that me last week? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheGreek Posted August 30, 2019 Share Posted August 30, 2019 How many people are having Deja Vu reading this??? 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bassace Posted August 30, 2019 Share Posted August 30, 2019 We only play requests if we’re asked. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FinnDave Posted August 30, 2019 Share Posted August 30, 2019 "We will only consider requests submitted in writing on a twenty pound note" 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machinehead Posted August 30, 2019 Share Posted August 30, 2019 That is all so true - and brilliantly written. So many things I've experienced so many times over the last 30+ years of gigging. "Play the Gambler" Frank. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrunoBass Posted August 30, 2019 Share Posted August 30, 2019 Brilliant. The ‘Talking to the band’ bit is spot on. I get asked (usually mid song) to say ‘happy birthday’ to someone at nearly every gig. It’s always me, never our singer.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skinnyman Posted August 30, 2019 Share Posted August 30, 2019 38 minutes ago, BrunoBass said: It’s always me, never our singer.... Why is that? Why do they always come and talk to the bass player? Is it that they figure we don’t have much to do? Or because we look bored (well, we should if we’re doing it properly 😀)? Nice piece, Dave - made me chuckle because it’s so accurate. And then weep for the same reason...... 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dmccombe7 Posted August 31, 2019 Author Share Posted August 31, 2019 8 hours ago, Skinnyman said: Why is that? Why do they always come and talk to the bass player? Is it that they figure we don’t have much to do? Or because we look bored (well, we should if we’re doing it properly 😀)? Nice piece, Dave - made me chuckle because it’s so accurate. And then weep for the same reason...... I'm not that good at writing. Just copied from my FB page but def funny. Oddly enough i never get asked. Maybe i'm just scary looking. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gjones Posted August 31, 2019 Share Posted August 31, 2019 I had some plonker walk up on stage while my band was in the middle of a song. he was mouthing something to me with great urgency (I assume a song request) but of course I couldn't hear a thing. Eventually I gestured for him to come closer and screamed F**CK OFF!! in his ear. It's not really in my character to be so aggressive but he was being a total knobhead. Anyway he got the message and effed off. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Dare Posted August 31, 2019 Share Posted August 31, 2019 gjones, I feel your pain. I think the problem is that many don't realise we actually play. They think that, if we stop to talk to them, the music will keep playing (when they shout at each other whilst their music system at home is playing, the music carries on dunnit?). Either that or their weekly diet of Britain's got No Talent means they think it's all karaoke. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skinnyman Posted August 31, 2019 Share Posted August 31, 2019 51 minutes ago, dmccombe7 said: Maybe i'm just scary looking. Going off that picture, yes.... 😀 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FinnDave Posted August 31, 2019 Share Posted August 31, 2019 My old band were playing a Saturday night in central Swindon when and obviously well-oiled punter climbed on the to stage and worked his around the band trying to ask us something while we were playing. He eventually tripped and fell off the stage, hitting his head on the PA and knocking himself out. We played on..and on…as first the pub's security tried to get him up, then they hailed in a couple of passing coppers (there were several pairs of them walking around the town centre - but that's Swindon for you) who finally managed to get him sitting up. They asked us to take a break while they got him into an ambulance. Turned out he was known by the drummer and guitarist (they are all from the same south Atlantic island) and he was trying to ask us what we wanted to drink so he could buy us a round! 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MacDaddy Posted August 31, 2019 Share Posted August 31, 2019 We accept requests, and if it's on the set list, we'll play it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MacDaddy Posted August 31, 2019 Share Posted August 31, 2019 Just now, MacDaddy said: We accept requests, and if it's on the set list, we'll play it! We've had a couple of requests. I can't do the first one because the guitar is too wide... 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paul_c2 Posted September 1, 2019 Share Posted September 1, 2019 (edited) We accept requests if they are detailed about 3 months in advance, and an arrangement (in sheet music) is available, and they pay whatever the cost of obtaining it extra. Plus a bit more. HTH Edited September 1, 2019 by paul_c2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machinehead Posted September 1, 2019 Share Posted September 1, 2019 We had a great gig tonight but were subjected to repeated requests from drunk males and females alike. I don't know why tonight was worse than usual. I just say "yes, we'll do it later" knowing that they'll forget they even asked. Frank. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve-bbb Posted September 1, 2019 Share Posted September 1, 2019 what on earth were you doing in a venue where punters would request wonderwall in the first place?!!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean-Luc Pickguard Posted September 1, 2019 Share Posted September 1, 2019 “we don’t play that song, but the next one has some of the same notes” 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stewblack Posted September 1, 2019 Share Posted September 1, 2019 Wonderful OP. Well done. Some bands I'm in will happily take on any request whether we have a clue or not, we are also quite content to let people sing with us, play drums, or guitar if they fancy it. Others prefer the "we're not a farkin jukebox" approach to public relations. My go to response is "ask the singer, I just play what I'm told" Of course none of this matters if the punter is sufficiently refreshed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lemmywinks Posted September 1, 2019 Share Posted September 1, 2019 59 minutes ago, Jean-Luc Pickguard said: “we don’t play that song, but the next one has some of the same notes” Am 100% stealing that! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirky Posted September 1, 2019 Share Posted September 1, 2019 We often get requests, but we keep playing anyway. One time a girl shouted in my ear mid song asking if we knew any One Direction songs. We're a blues band. I told her to ask the singer. She shouted "which one is the singer?". I told the band about it in our break and the singer said she'd shouted in his ear mid-song "are you the singer"! They're special in Knaresborough. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colleya Posted September 1, 2019 Share Posted September 1, 2019 9 hours ago, paul_c2 said: We accept requests if they are detailed about 3 months in advance. We had a punter at one venue who messaged us with a request two weeks before the gig. Even better was that the song was in the set anyway so it got played! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lozz196 Posted September 1, 2019 Share Posted September 1, 2019 We generally won’t do requests but a couple we know asked us to play one of our songs for them as although it wasn’t about them it literally told the story of how they met. The gig was in their home town and on the anniversary of said meeting so we of course put the song in the set. See, us punkers are kind thoughtful chaps. 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nicko Posted September 1, 2019 Share Posted September 1, 2019 15 hours ago, MacDaddy said: We've had a couple of requests. I can't do the first one because the guitar is too wide... Try it the other way round. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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