Bull & bollox. Lies you have been told...

[Cosmo Valdemar]

My first proper band were 'courted' by a gentleman who assured us he had 'contacts' and could easily get us a deal with East West records - which appealed to us as we were very much in the Pantera mould (or tried to be).

This chap came to see us play a couple of times and then vanished. We heard that he'd died.

Luckily for us it wasn't sinister in any way - he didn't ask for any money or get us to sign anything. I think deep down we all knew it was nonsense but it made us feel good about the band for a bit.

Of course, he may have been telling the truth all along but died before he was able to propel us to stardom...

Edited March 13, 2020 by Cosmo Valdemar

[DaveFry]

" I will be there in two minutes . " - when you already know their sense of time after having played with them .

 

" I am the Manager " - when you don't need a second glance to realise that they can't even manage their own body .

[Roger2611]

I had a lodger many years back who was a bit of a Walter Mitty character, apparently he was a military trained helicopter pilot,  ex SAS and still had time to be a founder member and bass player for the goth band Children on Stun, I decided to call his bluff one day and handed him my bass, he had clearly seen a bass before as he managed to hold it the right way up but I doubt he had ever actually played one before, but he made a half hearted attempt to bash the strings with one finger....his response on handing the bass back was "I'm a bit rusty!"

[Paul S]

I was in a heavy rock covers band for a while.  The guitarist was very good but because of his family and business commitments and an inability to ever say no he left us adrift at rehearsals multiple times.  Eventually we replaced him and all was good.

That then imploded after just a year or so for various reasons.  Drummer and I decided to pick up the pieces and start another - original guitarist got in touch and said his free time management was far better as his kids were older plus he had a deputy manager at work to whom he could delegate.  First rehearsal he didn't turn up.  Apparently he had to take his rabbit to the vet.  True.  

[Teebs]

16 minutes ago, Roger2611 said:

...managed to hold it the right way up ...made a half hearted attempt to bash the strings with one finger... "I'm a bit rusty!"

Sounds like me!

Edited March 13, 2020 by Teebs

[lemmywinks]

23 hours ago, scalpy said:

I did wonder when I posted if anybody else would have been affected...

The Thunderclap Newman and Kung Fu Fighting claims check out, not sure about Rocket Man as the backing vocals were supposedly* done by his band at the time.

 

*According to Wikipedia

[scalpy]

3 hours ago, lemmywinks said:

The Thunderclap Newman and Kung Fu Fighting claims check out, not sure about Rocket Man as the backing vocals were supposedly* done by his band at the time.

 

*According to Wikipedia

The aforementioned gentleman is particularly litigious, won't comment further. 

[uk_lefty]

"I'm a really good singer looking to start a band and I néed top quality players" 

I ask what bands she's been in before... 

"none, but my boyfriend says I'm good" 

I politely decline on the grounds of perusing my sporting career, trying to get U21 international status for the country of my grandparents birth. This bit is true... I tried at that and failed. But I tried. 

"WHAT??! You'd rather do that than be in a band with ME!? PFFFfffffft" slams down phone. The end. 

[BassTractor]

7 hours ago, DaveFry said:

" I will be there in two minutes . "

OK enough in my former prog band, but probably not adequate for most punk bands.

[Kevsy71]

"I promise I won't noodle over your bass solo"

"This one's in G"

[arthurhenry]

On 12/03/2020 at 13:47, scalpy said:

I did wonder when I posted if anybody else would have been affected...

Me too...

[leschirons]

The speeches will be over at 9pm sharp and then you're on.

We're expecting over 1,000 people.

Just start, I can sing it in any key.

Can my mate do a number? He's really really good.

[Dr.Dave]

Bloke that sold me an old jazz bass I moved on for a few quid ..... Said he was shutting the shop for a few days to go down to London for Reggie ( or Ronnie , can't remember ) krays funeral as they were old mates etc etc. When he reopened I said I watched the funeral on the telly but hadn't spotted him. He said to keep it to myself but he never went to the funeral because he had a thing going with Barbara Windsor and spent the two days shagging her !!! 

It's not that I care about his bull - it's that he must think I'm daft enough to believe him !

[BassTractor]

On 14/03/2020 at 11:11, Kevsy71 said:

"This one's in G"

It's now well over a day later, and I'm still laughing.
So true.

[BassTractor]

14 hours ago, Dr.Dave said:

Barbara Windsor

We called her "BJ Barbie"...
...after she swapped hair with Boris.
 

Sorry.
Carry on.

Edited March 15, 2020 by BassTractor

[billynoband]

When I started as a power guy my boss told me the head sparky and bands would be really polite. In all honesty the bass players always were.

[MacDaddy]

[dave_bass5]

‘Place will be rammed’ heard it quite a few times, obviously Always a bit of an over statement. Variation is ‘it was rammed last night, could explain in why it’s empty tonight’

A very small pub we used to play regularly in Debden was always ‘3 deep at the bar’ the night before we played.....no matter what night we played. Still a good gig though, but it’s hard to imagine it being that full at any time. 

Edited April 14, 2020 by dave_bass5

[stewblack]

"don't worry mush we'll be there in plenty of time and I promise we'll stay sober till after the gig" 

Last time I played with them, sadly. 

(private b'day party, we're being paid out of the girlfriend's pocket. I think I was there two hours before they fell, rolled  and staggered in. They'd used a sizeable chunk of our fee to hire a minibus and pay a mate to drive so they could drink all the way there. A three and a half hour drive) 

[chris_b]

On 10/03/2020 at 16:23, scalpy said:

‘I was in thunderclap newman’

’I sang backing vocals on Rocket Man’

’I played guitar Everyone’s Kung Fu Fighting’

All from one guitarist. 

Am I getting warm if I suggested that was Pete G.?

[scalpy]

7 hours ago, chris_b said:

Am I getting warm if I suggested that was Pete G.?

My psychiatrist, my lawyer and my priest have all encouraged me to repress as much of the experience as possible.....

[leschirons]

On 13/03/2020 at 14:05, Paul S said:

I was in a heavy rock covers band for a while.  The guitarist was very good but because of his family and business commitments and an inability to ever say no he left us adrift at rehearsals multiple times.  Eventually we replaced him and all was good.

That then imploded after just a year or so for various reasons.  Drummer and I decided to pick up the pieces and start another - original guitarist got in touch and said his free time management was far better as his kids were older plus he had a deputy manager at work to whom he could delegate.  First rehearsal he didn't turn up.  Apparently he had to take his rabbit to the vet.  True.  

Wasn't Steve was it? 😂

[Japhet]

I'm not like other harmonica players and I won't play all over everything for the entire gig.

[redbandit599]

"But I've seen you play Mr Brightside before!"

[chris_b]

2 hours ago, scalpy said:

My psychiatrist, my lawyer and my priest have all encouraged me to repress as much of the experience as possible.....

I'm not surprised. . . . . . . . . . .

Edited April 15, 2020 by chris_b