Annoying things people say to musicians

[Woodinblack]

4 hours ago, Dan Dare said:

"Can you play Xxx?" "Sorry, don't know it". "You must". "No really. We don't". "It goes ner ner na na, etc, etc".

"No, I have never heard it" - "Oh come on, its easy!"

1 hour ago, jezzaboy said:

Someone always says "you should hear my mate singing, she`s great!"

Usually a drunk woman.

Almost always, apart from once.

"Oh get her to sing with you, shes great"

"oh god another one, go on then"

<starts singing>

Wow.. can we keep her?!

[Woodinblack]

And of course "Play oasis!"

"No sorry, the bass player won't do it"

 

[Little Dragon]

Slappa da bass!

[juliusmonk]

Guy very close to the stage standing still with absolutely no expression, beer in hand. He doesn’t even drink, just holds the beer. Nothing is said, but still... 

 

after what seems a very long time, you casually turn around, and he’s gone. I think they are ghosts from Xmas past

Edited August 21, 2020 by juliusmonk

[fleabag]

Just remembered back a few years, gigging at The Seacourt Hotel   ( Oxonians will know the pub )  and some drunk amoeba wandered up to our rhyth git  mid song and said to him   " you're a  c**t "

There were repercussions for the amoeba later after we packed up

 

 

Edited August 21, 2020 by fleabag

[Ricky 4000]

"Play something you know!" 😄

[stewblack]

Whenever asked for something we don't play I now promise it's in the next set. 

[ahpook]

I think the most annoying thing you can say to a musician is "It's not all about you"

 

[Heathy]

A few from my collection:

Woman standing 2 feet away from the pa: " can you turn the bass down, it's affecting my pacemaker".

"can you turn all the lights off, it's triggering my epilepsy".

"You're playing it wrong"

"I'm a really good bass player. All of my fingerprints have completely disappeared"

"can I borrow your mike and tripod?"

"You're F***ing S**t" (and then punching me in the face).

[krispn]

"Here, can you play 'insert song here'?

...to which my go to response is...

"Do you have it on you phone?" with the punter enthusiastically saying Yes and reaching for their pocket... to which I reply...

"Well feck off outside and listen to it and let us get on with our set!" I normally manage to deliver it with enough humour that the person gets the message!

Another classic for us was a woman asking after every song for at least 5 songs in a row "Can you play Call Me Al?" to which our singer said sorry we don't do it in our set but me being me I'd play the bass line as he was telling her we didn't do it. I don't think to this day she ever clicked that every time she asked I played that bass part - da bumbump da dat bubbabump da dat 😂

 

Edited August 22, 2020 by krispn

[Woodinblack]

1 hour ago, stewblack said:

Whenever asked for something we don't play I now promise it's in the next set. 

Yeh, either it is in the next set or if they have just come in 'oh sorry, you missed it, we have already done that one'

[bassace]

3 minutes ago, Woodinblack said:

Yeh, either it is in the next set or if they have just come in 'oh sorry, you missed it, we have already done that one'

‘We played that last week’

[ClassicVibes]

See, playing originals, you rarely get this sort of thing and we stopped playing pubs a long time ago. I mean you still get drunk punters but that's about it. We never play a gig we won't be paid for and agree the fee beforehand.

You have to remember that these 'music experts' are blokes who have been going to the same pub, having the same drink, the same conversation for the last 30 years.

[Lozz196]

1 minute ago, ClassicVibes said:

See, playing originals, you rarely get this sort of thing and we stopped playing pubs a long time ago. I mean you still get drunk punters but that's about it. We never play a gig we won't be paid for and agree the fee beforehand.

You have to remember that these 'music experts' are blokes who have been going to the same pub, having the same drink, the same conversation for the last 30 years.

That was my experience on the originals circuit too, much more pleasant crowds and environment.

[yorks5stringer]

I used to get "I see you play a 5 string bass......(punter leaves  pause to see if their diligence in spotting an extra string is rewarded with a witty come-back from said Bassist). If non forthcoming then usually followed up with "So why do you have an extra string?"

[mikebass456]

Where's the rest of it?

The ends dropped off.......

paying for it in instalments are you?

How do you tune it up?

Couldn't you afford a whole one then?

All questions aimed at gigging with a status bass over the years.......

[krispn]

Or

It’s being medically extracted from the last doofus who requested Brown Eyed Girl

[mikebass456]

1 hour ago, krispn said:

Or

It’s being medically extracted from the last doofus who requested Brown Eyed Girl

Or Summer of 69............

[SuperSeagull]

2 hours ago, mikebass456 said:

Where's the rest of it?

The ends dropped off.......

paying for it in instalments are you?

How do you tune it up?

Couldn't you afford a whole one then?

All questions aimed at gigging with a status bass over the years.......

So glad it’s not just me. 

[mcnach]

On 21/08/2020 at 13:27, Black Coffee said:

 

”the bass is too loud”

 

do people not understand that its all about me   🤨

 

Bar manager: "the bass is too loud"

Me: "... It's not switched on yet, I'm still setting up"

BM: "yeah but it looks loud, that's a big speaker"

Me: "luckily, I've brought a volume control with me tonight" (grin)

BM: (stares blankly)

 

... and you realise you have another 4 hours before you can leave, FML.

[colleya]

"You're better than this!"

 

We weren't.

[mcnach]

On 21/08/2020 at 15:52, 40hz said:

Engineers in the studio - "Can't you just use a Fender?"

The response is usually along the lines of "No" with varying severity.

 

"I only use the Fender when I have a good recording engineer"

 

(no, I never said anything like that, but I'd love to see the reaction)

(and no, nobody ever asked me that, but I'm not a session bassist, in all of my recording sessions we were the client so they do what we want them to)

[mcnach]

On 21/08/2020 at 16:15, Greg Edwards69 said:

Actually had this from a punter (I paraphrase).

"Why have you got all those pedals, you're a bass player, you don't need any? Norman Wattroy doesn't need them."

"I'm not Norman Wattroy, and he doesn't play Muse songs in his set"

PS, All those pedals - about 6 stomp boxes on a pedal train jnr!

 

Just tell them they're all tuners, one for each string and backups, just in case.

[mcnach]

23 hours ago, Delberthot said:

Every gig ever "I used to play in a band, you know"

really? How does flip off sound?

 

Usually followed by "Yeah, I used to have a Fender" (pause... as that's supposed to be your cue to show admiration).

I had one guy telling me all about his Fender and how I should really try them, because my little bass seems to sound ok, but you know, you need a Fender in order to be taken seriously. My little bass was a Stingray (shrug).

[mcnach]

21 hours ago, juliusmonk said:

“What kind of piano is that?”  😁

should be followed, without waiting for an answer, by “I have a 2 million dollar hand-made Barbinsky from the 18th century with pure ebony pedals, but this sounds good for what it is” 

also the kind of girl that starts passionately dancing to your music telling you you’re great (“hey, we’re onto something here” one thinks), then you discover she’s totally drunk and does exactly the same routine with ANY kind of band/music... 

 

... and 10 minutes later she's telling the same thing to the jukebox, yup, I know the type...