cetera Posted August 16, 2007 Share Posted August 16, 2007 (edited) I've noticed a lot of posts with phrases such as "My wife told me I have to sell it", "She said I can't have this one till I sell that one", "I'm not allowed to buy it" etc etc Now, I don't mean to start a problem thread..... or to attack anyone..... and I don't mean to cause offence.....but I'm genuinely interested in how this can be? Does everyone just 'do as they're told'? Do you let your partner control your finances or is it 'anything for a quiet life'....?!? Speaking personally, I am married..... but I don't answer to anyone but myself. Never have/never will. After making sure all bills etc are paid my earnings (plus gig money) are mine and mine alone to spend how I want to.... and the same applies to my lady wife. Again, I mean NO offence with this post! What are others thoughts? Edited August 16, 2007 by cetera Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Horse Murphy Posted August 16, 2007 Share Posted August 16, 2007 (edited) [quote name='cetera' post='46270' date='Aug 16 2007, 10:57 AM']I've noticed a lot of posts with phrases such as "My wife told me I have to sell it", "She said I can't have this one till I sell that one", "I'm not allowed to buy it" etc etc Now, I don't mean to start a problem thread..... or to attack anyone..... and I don't mean to cause offence.....but I'm genuinely interested in how this can be? Does everyone just 'do as they're told'? Do you let your partner control your finances or is it 'anything for a quiet life'....?!? Speaking personally, I am married..... but I don't answer to anyone but myself. Never have/never will. After making sure all bills etc are paid my earnings (plus gig money) are mine and mine alone to spend how I want to.... and the same applies to my lady wife. Again, I mean NO offence with this post! What are others thoughts?[/quote] Speaking as a married man (one I would consider not TOO under the thumb), I guess it's all about compromise. I have taken over one whole room with my basses, amps and pedals. Personally, I can live with this, but my wife seems to feel that if we have people over, they'll have nowhere to stay (despite the fact we have a sofa bed and 2 other bedrooms). Reading between the lines, I think she means there is less space for HER things.... I currently have 4 basses, 1 guitar and a Tenor Sax (not a huge amount by any means) but am constantly asked the question "why do you need more than 1 bass? You can only play 1 at a time..." My response is "well, you can't wear more than 1 pair of shoes at a time...". Unfortunately, I'm reminded that whereas shoes would cost (say) £50, my basses cost on average £600+ each. She doesn't begrudge me anything, but I think it's a natural female reaction to "Boys and their Toys". I'm glad she's in my life (my Guardian Angel) and without her, I'd probably be living in a skip albeit with the most wonderful collection of basses..... Edited August 16, 2007 by Old Horse Murphy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lowhand_mike Posted August 16, 2007 Share Posted August 16, 2007 (edited) not sure if i am of the majority or minority, but, i would consider myself to be massively under the thumb. i never have been a confrontational person and when i first met my wife it was the usual doiung things to get certain favors etc and then moved in etc and i think i carried it on too long to the point where after the wife, kids, father inlaw, cat, hamster, rabbits, shoes, i finally make it into the priority list. i think it is proabaly my fault and as such i don't buy anything much (i even sold my stingray to get some money for us years back), i have recently bought my ibby and finally 10months later got an amp but since then i've bought nowt. i have tried 'putting my foot down' but it doesn't work. i guess its what i am used to now. and i've given up trying btw i don't recommend anyone else doing it this way, waas ok in the early days now i'm just a doormat. Edited August 16, 2007 by lowhand_mike Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neepheid Posted August 16, 2007 Share Posted August 16, 2007 My gf's only stipulation is that I play them all from time to time - "instruments are meant to be played", I quote. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinman Posted August 16, 2007 Share Posted August 16, 2007 Not to sound smug or anything but my good lady actively encourages me to satisfy my GAS, to the point where she tells me I've got GAS without me even knowing it (stealth GAS). Hence the reason I recently bought a Jazz when I wasn't aware I needed one. (Winner) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Funk Posted August 16, 2007 Share Posted August 16, 2007 (edited) As a married man you get one room in the house for your stuff [always the smallest room, and one that you have to do some DIY on to make usable]. The wife will always complain about you getting this room [after she assigned it to you and you brought it up to spec] BUT the truth is that they have all of the rest of the house to do whatever they want with! [edited] Edited August 16, 2007 by The Funk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Horse Murphy Posted August 16, 2007 Share Posted August 16, 2007 [quote name='The Funk' post='46317' date='Aug 16 2007, 11:51 AM']As a married man you get one room in the house for your stuff. The wife will always complain about this BUT the truth is that they have all of the rest of the house![/quote] For ever and ever Amen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lowhand_mike Posted August 16, 2007 Share Posted August 16, 2007 [quote name='The Funk' post='46317' date='Aug 16 2007, 11:51 AM']As a married man you get one room in the house for your stuff (always the smallest room, and one that you have to do some DIY on to make usable). The wife will always complain about you getting this room (after she assigned it to you and you brought it up to spec) BUT the truth is that they have all of the rest of the house to do whatever they want with![/quote] so thats why all my stuff is in the loft Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lowhand_mike Posted August 16, 2007 Share Posted August 16, 2007 [quote name='The Funk' post='46317' date='Aug 16 2007, 11:51 AM']BUT the truth is that they have all of the rest of the house to do whatever they want with! [edited][/quote] actually that should read BUT the truth is that they have all of the rest of the house FOR YOU to do whatever they want with! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Funk Posted August 16, 2007 Share Posted August 16, 2007 Basil Fawlty: Just... doing it... DEAR! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
odub Posted August 16, 2007 Share Posted August 16, 2007 We have that one small room, but its reserved just for music and has my girlfriends keyboard and various wind instruments as well as guitars and bases, drum machines etc. We're not married just yet and at the moment and I have no restrictions. I think when kids come along, things would be different. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Funk Posted August 16, 2007 Share Posted August 16, 2007 Once you have a mother-in-law you'll never be the same again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john_the_bass Posted August 16, 2007 Share Posted August 16, 2007 (edited) i agreee that it has to be about compromise and if i ever thought i'd have to sell one of my instruments for us to get by, then it would be for the greater good. I think it gets to her about the space they take up sometimes, but i can sqeeze 6 (in cases) between the wall and the chimney brest and there are another 4 in the house at the moment (3 in cases and one on a stand in the front room). the amp lives on top of a chest of drawers in the back room, the guitar rig lives in the studio and i have my pedalboard under a table in the front room. I don't think she begrudges me anything, although I am probably certain she would rather i bought her an engagement ring than a les paul, but i don't feel under pressure to sell anything, although she said, "if you hardly ever play that, why don't you stop umming and ahhing about selling it and sell it and buy something you'll use" she's good like that! [i]edit[/i] oh - and the ten are a mixture of electrics, acoustics and basses. i play in two gigging bands so i think i am forgiven as long as i turn up with some money sometimes (that i don't then spend on guitars!). Edited August 16, 2007 by john_the_bass Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shaggy Posted August 16, 2007 Share Posted August 16, 2007 I wanted to post on this thread, but the wife vetoed it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Burpster Posted August 16, 2007 Share Posted August 16, 2007 By no means think of me as typical, as I have a history of GAS for the female of our species. Hence I find myself 45yrs old and having been divorced 3 times... ( long story and not for here, but its not as bad as it sounds) I admit to being selfish, as I have not planned to have children at any point in my life, and as soon as I was allowed, (NHS are funny about that !) I had the op to make sure I couldn't! Now, selecting partners based on those criteria is like any other form of contract or negotiation. 1. let emotions get the better of you, 2. Put them in check and decide if its what you really want and can you afford it, 3. Negotiate open and clearly about what your life priorities are, & 4. if they are not filled completely, be prepared to walk away however much the short term pain might be. You may think I'm cold and callous, and to some degree you'd be right, however, I am also very genrous with my time, skills and material possesions...... Where does this fit in above? I dont always agree with my partner, but we TALK issues through. I dont always want what she does but we NEGOTIATE common ground. We may not agree with how the other deals with financial decsions but unless it effects both of us we are free to do as we please with our OWN money and possesions. Any realationship should be based on openess and honesty...... We both have GAS but for different things....... I guess that isnt typical then....? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3V17C Posted August 16, 2007 Share Posted August 16, 2007 must admit, I've noticed alot of these kinda posts lately 'wife says it has to go' etc etc and it did cross my mind too how 'under the thumb' people might be! i'm currently single with a house to myself so I can have what i damn well please (cash permitting of course!), but even before the ex moved out, the basses and related bits n bobs were mine and mine alone. (ok, so occasionally i might have told her something cost less than it actually did - anything for a quiet life). basically I was playing bass/hoarding equipment long before I met her so she had to get used to the fact that it was all part of the package...... of course we have now seperated after 17 yrs so perhaps my philosophy on it all isn't the best for a long term relationship!.. d'oh! peace c Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cetera Posted August 16, 2007 Author Share Posted August 16, 2007 [quote name='The Burpster' post='46365' date='Aug 16 2007, 12:32 PM']We may not agree with how the other deals with financial decsions but unless it effects both of us we are free to do as we please with our OWN money and possesions. Any realationship should be based on openess and honesty...... We both have GAS but for different things....... I guess that isnt typical then....?[/quote] That sounds very familiar to me..... I'm completely with you.... Some great posts so far on this thread..... keep them coming! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Funk Posted August 16, 2007 Share Posted August 16, 2007 The sub-heading of this thread is "What's the score?!". I think the answer is around 10-nil. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cetera Posted August 16, 2007 Author Share Posted August 16, 2007 [quote name='3V17C' post='46368' date='Aug 16 2007, 12:36 PM']the basses and related bits n bobs were mine and mine alone. (ok, so occasionally i might have told her something cost less than it actually did - anything for a quiet life).[/quote] I hear you!! [quote name='3V17C' post='46368' date='Aug 16 2007, 12:36 PM']basically I was playing bass/hoarding equipment long before I met her so she had to get used to the fact that it was all part of the package......[/quote] Exactly. Full disclosure..... My wife entered the relationship knowing the situation and she knows better than to try and 'change' me.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lowhand_mike Posted August 16, 2007 Share Posted August 16, 2007 (edited) to who? after reading al your replies i kinda feel like a lump of silly putty sorry gotta go and lick floor clean wit tongue Edited August 16, 2007 by lowhand_mike Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john_the_bass Posted August 16, 2007 Share Posted August 16, 2007 she told me to do the washing up last night. i put me foot down and told her i'd do after i'd done the ironing Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Funk Posted August 16, 2007 Share Posted August 16, 2007 [quote name='cetera' post='46373' date='Aug 16 2007, 12:42 PM']Exactly. Full disclosure..... My wife entered the relationship knowing the situation and she knows better than to try and 'change' me....[/quote] "But you know I was a shallow letch - that's why we got together!" I wonder how well something like that would go down. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cetera Posted August 16, 2007 Author Share Posted August 16, 2007 (edited) [quote name='The Funk' post='46378' date='Aug 16 2007, 12:44 PM']"But you know I was a shallow letch - that's why we got together!" I wonder how well something like that would go down.[/quote] Who says I'm shallow? Edited August 16, 2007 by cetera Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Count Bassy Posted August 16, 2007 Share Posted August 16, 2007 Its not a case of being under the thumb or doing what your told. It's a case of whats best for the common good of the family. After all family comes first, and if that isn't your veiw then would you get married in the first place? As several people have said, its all about compromise and negotiation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lowhand_mike Posted August 16, 2007 Share Posted August 16, 2007 [quote name='Clive Thorne' post='46386' date='Aug 16 2007, 12:51 PM']As several people have said, its all about compromise and negotiation.[/quote] whats that then? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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