"The wife told me...."

[Hamster]

For me, marriage is a partnership. Everything I have is hers, and everything she has is mine. We are more than married, we are soulmates. The kids keep telling us off for embarrassing them because we're always snogging. Even though I bring seven times her income into the house we each have the same monthly "pocket money" for each to spend how we wish. If either of us wants to spend more than that, then we talk about it and usually reach a compromise. Honesty and openness about finances (and everything else) keeps a marriage healthy and free from suspicion.

As for space taken up......... We now need to buy a larger house with a dedicated music room! As well as all my bass stuff, I still play a lot of guitar so have my guitar rig etc. Wife plays keyboards, big lad has started to play guitar and little lad has a full drum kit. It's quite a laugh to practise together but we're all in separate rooms!

Hamster

[ShergoldSnickers]

This has made me realise (again) how lucky I am. I have a fantastic mother in law - how lucky is that for starters.
The missus and I have a great working relationship. If we accumulate a chunk of our own money, we ask the other if there was anything they were thinking of getting first. We'll mull it over and then decide the priorities. Basic stuff like house repairs, car maintenance and beer always come first. Er... - did I just put beer in there? The less important stuff almost sorts itself out because we talk about it. If I was gigging and earning then tools of the trade would become one of the priorities.

I've been on a bit of a roll recently because I've been looking after the missus over the last very difficult year - she's well on the mend now though - and have earned a de-luxe shedful of shiny brownie points. It would work the other way if the positions were reversed. And in your very best old codger voice please - "We've been married for nearly twenty years and have yet to have a stand-up argument." 'Tis true.

Alright, alright, which one of you lot whispered "smug git"?

[skywalker]

As a man on a third marriage - albeit for 21 years this time, I speak from experience - to all those who are not married remember:-

Once you're married IT'S YOUR FAULT.

Is she drops a plate when washing up - it's because you didn't buy a dishwasher
If she decides we go on holiday to the Dominican Republic and we all get food poisoning - it is because you didn't talk her out of it.
If your luggage gets lost as well, it's because you picked a crap airline. (even though she picked the holiday).
If son's room looks like a landfill - it's your fault
If son get's a cob on because mother is on his case - it's your fault
If it rains when the washing is out (like now) - it's your fault (even more if she gets wet bringing it in)
If she has an accident in the car - it's because you washed the car and the sunshine reflecting off the bonnet dazzled her.
They are a million more - but the principal is the same.

Having said all that we almost never argue, but then I'm used to everything being my fault, so now I get selective deafness when she starts.

[lowhand_mike]

[quote name='skywalker' post='46436' date='Aug 16 2007, 02:19 PM']As a man on a third marriage - albeit for 21 years this time, I speak from experience - to all those who are not married remember:-

Once you're married IT'S YOUR FAULT.

Is she drops a plate when washing up - it's because you didn't buy a dishwasher
If she decides we go on holiday to the Dominican Republic and we all get food poisoning - it is because you didn't talk her out of it.
If your luggage gets lost as well, it's because you picked a crap airline. (even though she picked the holiday).
If son's room looks like a landfill - it's your fault
If son get's a cob on because mother is on his case - it's your fault
If it rains when the washing is out (like now) - it's your fault (even more if she gets wet bringing it in)
If she has an accident in the car - it's because you washed the car and the sunshine reflecting off the bonnet dazzled her.
They are a million more - but the principal is the same.

Having said all that we almost never argue, but then I'm used to everything being my fault, so now I get selective deafness when she starts.[/quote]

couldn't have put it better.

also if she can't find her bank card/ make up/ contact lenses, it's your fault, even if you are not even in the house
the make one could be blamed on cetera

[Machines]

I think it's sometimes possibly disassociating with the problem and blaming someone else as a way to feel better.

For example, you know you have some bills coming up that you can't afford, and that bass/amp hasn't been collecting dust for months but you like the look of it. You don't really want to sell it, so she made you do it !

Personally, my GAS wouldn't know any ends, there's always something else I'd want. I do quite well, the missus will always buy me anything easy to get hold of or cheap (pickguard, strings etc) without asking.

When it comes to basses - I generally try to upgrade via trading rather than buying out right. I swapped a Yamaha BB614 for a Fender Jazz, and an Ibanez Musician for my Stingray, so i'm quite happy with that.

[john_the_bass]

[quote name='Machines' post='46486' date='Aug 16 2007, 03:48 PM']IWhen it comes to basses - I generally try to upgrade via trading rather than buying out right. I swapped a Yamaha BB614 for a Fender Jazz, and an Ibanez Musician for my Stingray, so i'm quite happy with that.[/quote]

Same here - although because I play in two bands (bass in one, guitar in another), i have to have plenty of stuff to trade with in the first place
But that's pretty much the way it goes now and it's encouraged in our house.

[niceguyhomer]

Judging by your avatar cetera - you must have an easy going missus, I mean how many women share their make up with their husbands?

[cetera]

[quote name='niceguyhomer' post='46490' date='Aug 16 2007, 03:53 PM']Judging by your avatar cetera - you must have an easy going missus, I mean how many women share their make up with their husbands? [/quote]

Lol! I give her tips all the time....

[Cantdosleepy]

This thread saddens me.

[Geejay]

We compramise on things. My wife suggested I bought my Status as she knew I wanted a good quality bass. Money is not the issue. The difficulty is space and clutter. The suggestion from my wife was rather than having one good bass, one OK bass and one no-name fender copy why not sell all three and buy one high quality bass. I liked the idea but have not been able to sell the others at a reasonable price so I will upgrade one de-fret another and decide what to do with the no-name. My wife listens to what i say as well. I know quite a few divorced guys who take great pride in staying 'their own man'.



Geejay

[skywalker]

We are all guilty of making things worse by tiptoeing round her afraid to speak once she gets a cob on, for fear of the dragon breathing fire in our direction. In order to counteract this you have to completely ignore her mood and be dead cheerful. They only get a cob on to make you feel guilty, bcoz remember - IT'S YOUR FAULT.

So, be happy, whistle a few tunes, sing if you must, but don't give her the satisfaction of thinking that you might be guilty. She will quickly get p***** of with your cheerfulness.

A little aside ditty to this, a few weeks ago she was sweeping the kitchen floor, and she has trouble getting the brush into the difficult corners, and getting frustrated with it and I could feel the cob from yards away, so I take the brush and have a go myself. So dead impatient she says "No trun the brush round" so I turn the brush endways, and it still didn't work, so she says "No, the other way" so I trun it longways the other way and I still wrong, so she says "No the other way", so at this point I point the head of the brush upwards and start to sweep with the end of the handle. Just as she was turning purple I turned the brush back the right way - and the head fell off. At which she couldn't have a cob on for laughing.

Keep smiling

[Gwilym]

i'm sure people aren't as hen pecked as they make out. probably just an irreverant remark most of the time, and maybe a bit of sales patter if it's in a for sale thread. after all, a seller is rarely going to say "I'm selling this cos I don't like it".

[WalMan]

[quote name='Old Horse Murphy' post='46283' date='Aug 16 2007, 11:08 AM']My response is "well, you can't wear more than 1 pair of shoes at a time...". Unfortunately, I'm reminded that whereas shoes would cost (say) £50, my basses cost on average £600+ each.[/quote]

Surely you missed out "after I had straightened up, got my breath back & my voice back to normal pitch...."

[Treeb]

[quote name='Clive Thorne' post='46386' date='Aug 16 2007, 12:51 PM']Its not a case of being under the thumb or doing what your told. It's a case of whats best for the common good of the family.

After all family comes first, and if that isn't your veiw then would you get married in the first place?

As several people have said, its all about compromise and negotiation.[/quote]
+1 ... and it all changes (for the better) when kids come along!!

[MacDaddy]

I'm not seeing how this compromise and negotiation works

You have your gear you want to keep it, but the partner doesn't. So you compromise and negotiate, and...?
If it results in gear going, then where's the compromise and negotiation?

Reminds me of a bloke I knew, scruffy long haired type, played in a band. He met a girl, they started seeing each other, and then moved in together. First thing to go was the long hair, in favour of a short back and no chance, coz girlfriend didn't like long hair. Next was he started to smarten up a bit, not necessarily a bad thing, but done because girlfriend didn't like the clothes he used to wear. Finally he quit the band, and sold his gear, because girlfriend didn't want him in a band. A few months later she dumped him because... "[i]you're not the same person I fell for[/i]" !!!!! :wacko:

and no, it wasn't me

[EOS650]

[quote name='MacDaddy' post='46625' date='Aug 16 2007, 04:27 PM']I'm not seeing how this compromise and negotiation works

You have your gear you want to keep it, but the partner doesn't. So you compromise and negotiate, and...?
If it results in gear going, then where's the compromise and negotiation?

Reminds me of a bloke I knew, scruffy long haired type, played in a band. He met a girl, they started seeing each other, and then moved in together. First thing to go was the long hair, in favour of a short back and no chance, coz girlfriend didn't like long hair. Next was he started to smarten up a bit, not necessarily a bad thing, but done because girlfriend didn't like the clothes he used to wear. Finally he quit the band, and sold his gear, because girlfriend didn't want him in a band. A few months later she dumped him because... "[i]you're not the same person I fell for[/i]" !!!!! :wacko:

and no, it wasn't me [/quote]

Yeah, but not all women are that stupid. Nor do all women require men to do that. I certinally don't. Lots of gear in a house wouldn't bother me (partically because I do music myself), but it seems like on this forum people assume all women are wound tight when it comes to "things" and it just isn't so...

[Buzz]

[quote name='EOS650' post='46636' date='Aug 16 2007, 10:05 PM']Yeah, but not all women are that stupid. Nor do all women require men to do that. I certinally don't. Lots of gear in a house wouldn't bother me (partically because I do music myself), but it seems like on this forum people assume all women are wound tight when it comes to "things" and it just isn't so...[/quote]


I think it's just coming across as women more because this forum is mainly male dominated.

It's not down to just so much man/woman but more down to whether you understand each other.

Who else but guitarists/bassists get GAS at regular intervals, it looks to me as if you've got partners that understands GAS you'll reach compromises and be fine, but if you havn't, there'll be issues (eg, why do you need more than one bass, you only play one at a time etc).


Applies to anything really, happens with my family in regards to power of cars and the ownership of motorbikes. Can't understand why we want faster more powerful vehicles when we don't require them. Case and point being my Father having a large car out of necessity and my brothers just wanting to have more power on tap, he can't fathom why they want sporty cars when they don't need them at all.

[EOS650]

[quote name='Buzz' post='46644' date='Aug 16 2007, 05:34 PM']I think it's just coming across as women more because this forum is mainly male dominated.

It's not down to just so much man/woman but more down to whether you understand each other.

Who else but guitarists/bassists get GAS at regular intervals, it looks to me as if you've got partners that understands GAS you'll reach compromises and be fine, but if you havn't, there'll be issues (eg, why do you need more than one bass, you only play one at a time etc).
Applies to anything really, happens with my family in regards to power of cars and the ownership of motorbikes. Can't understand why we want faster more powerful vehicles when we don't require them. Case and point being my Father having a large car out of necessity and my brothers just wanting to have more power on tap, he can't fathom why they want sporty cars when they don't need them at all.[/quote]

Thats understandable. What is GAS? I've seen it used here quite often.

[Buzz]

[quote name='EOS650' post='46649' date='Aug 16 2007, 10:44 PM']Thats understandable. What is GAS? I've seen it used here quite often.[/quote]


GAS = GEAR ACQUISITION SYNDROME

Aka,

The Slayer of Wallets.

[Cantdosleepy]

Remember: Women are the enemy. They only date you so they can stop you from having fun. When you live together, they own the entire house. You'd do anything for a quiet life. She's intractable and doesn't understand why you need 3 basses, which is insane, because of course you need three basses - they sound imperceptibly different from one another and one doesn't have frets so it sounds even shittier in my sh*tty prog band! Women hate to see you smile or enjoy yourselves. If it looks like you're about to buy something new, they will get knocked up so that you have to spend money on the child.

Christ, some of you guys are pathetic. And I don't mean that in a "You're such doormats" sense. I mean it in a "If you view your relationship in terms of trying to placate one another or in terms of gaining permissions or sneaking around, then of course you're going to be miserable and have a sh*tty relationship". These are your partners, people, you're supposed to be on the same f------n team!

[guitarnbass]

All depends on the situation. If things are tight, and you're desperate for a new bass or bit of gear, but think it'll piss your wife off, can't you sit down and talk about it? Give her an insight into your hobby so that she's more understanding when it comes to spending money on it. If there's a good reason you need a piece of equipment, and you have the money, there's no reason why your wife shouldn't be down with it, but on the other hand, if you just want a nice shiny new bass for no other reason than that you want one, but still need to redo the bathroom/kitchen, then maybe you should sort that out first. When's the last time you bought your wife something nice, took her out, or went on holiday? We all have things outside of work and family life that we like to pursue, and it's important that we pursue them things, but at the same time, your wife, and kids if you have any, are far more important than your hobby(s), and should always come first.

[Krysbass]

[quote name='guitarnbass' post='46703' date='Aug 17 2007, 02:21 AM']All depends on the situation. If things are tight, and you're desperate for a new bass or bit of gear, but think it'll piss your wife off, can't you sit down and talk about it? Give her an insight into your hobby so that she's more understanding when it comes to spending money on it. If there's a good reason you need a piece of equipment, and you have the money, there's no reason why your wife shouldn't be down with it, but on the other hand, if you just want a nice shiny new bass for no other reason than that you want one, but still need to redo the bathroom/kitchen, then maybe you should sort that out first. When's the last time you bought your wife something nice, took her out, or went on holiday? We all have things outside of work and family life that we like to pursue, and it's important that we pursue them things, but at the same time, your wife, and kids if you have any, are far more important than your hobby(s), and should always come first.[/quote]

+1 to this. Was about to put in my own posting, then realised this says it just fine.

[Paul Cooke]

I have no "wife" problem now... I am supreme master of my household...

[skywalker]

Sometimes I envy the single guys, but then my kids are my life - even at 23 and 21. They make all the rest of it worthwile.

Son of 21 is still at home and interiminably untidy but has agood job and is financially ok.

Daughter of 23 lives and works in Jersey and permanently at the counter of the bank of mum and dad.

Absolutely great, both of them.

[Golchen]

I'm of the opinion that if you HAVE to have something, then get it. Therefore I have 13 stringed instruments, two keyboards, 3 amps and a couple of dismantled guitars. Having said that, I realise that the house is at saturation point now!

The wife isn't a fan of any of them, but she collects kids and I've given her 4 so far so it's a trade-off! Next GAS attack I think we will need an extra bedroom!

Having said that, I never spend 'general money' on stuff. If I work overtime, half goes to the house fund and half to my GAS fund, so I think I'm being pretty generous there.