Do I tell the rest of the band...or keep it to myself?

[paul_5]

Cards on the table for everyone. Just because you’re not gigging don’t assume that the project has no merit; the benefits to mental health of leaving the house once a week to do something that you love shouldn’t be underestimated. It may be that you all decide to wait for the drummer, and enjoy a weekly meet up and bit of a social, or you get a different drummer in.

No good can come from keeping secrets from only some of the band, and I think it’s unfortunate that the drummist has put you in this position. 

[ezbass]

2 minutes ago, paul_5 said:

Cards on the table for everyone. Just because you’re not gigging don’t assume that the project has no merit; the benefits to mental health of leaving the house once a week to do something that you love shouldn’t be underestimated. It may be that you all decide to wait for the drummer, and enjoy a weekly meet up and bit of a social, or you get a different drummer in.

No good can come from keeping secrets from only some of the band, and I think it’s unfortunate that the drummist has put you in this position. 

Very much this. If everyone has the same expectations then just getting out and playing together may be just what folk need to keep them  interested, their chops up and feed their souls.

[SteveXFR]

51 minutes ago, fretmeister said:

If they are antivax conspiracy idiots I’d be quitting the band on principle.

 

There's one of them trying to get me to join his band. He's seriously full on anti vax and thinks just about everything is a conspiracy.  

I told him I've just started a job at Astrazenica so don't have time for a band with all the illuminati meetings after work. He didn't reply to that message, I'm not sure if he realised I'm taking the fosters.

[gjones]

1 hour ago, fretmeister said:

If they are antivax conspiracy idiots I’d be quitting the band on principle.

 

One of the guitarists is a fan of David Icke. Luckily he isn't on facebook so I don't have to put up with his nonsense day to day.

 

Whenever he starts about conspiracy garbage, eyes are rolled and the subject is changed instantly.

 

Hopefully things will remain that way.

[gjones]

51 minutes ago, peteb said:

I would just leave well alone and see where you are at the beginning of next year. 

 

Personally, I would be more worried about the attitude of the guitarists and if I was a drummer there was no way that I would play with them in the current situation. TBH the band sounds like a goner. 

 

Hopefully not. We'll see what happens on Monday.

[chris_b]

So far I have 4 gigs next week!! IMO there are plenty of gigging days left in 2021. . . . get it fixed and start making some noise.

[peteb]

8 minutes ago, chris_b said:

So far I have 4 gigs next week!! IMO there are plenty of gigging days left in 2021. . . . get it fixed and start making some noise.

 

But you have those gigs in the diary. This lot are still rehearsing up a set, have no gigs booked and are nowhere near ready to gig. Not to mention that they may find themselves without a drummer... 

[chris_b]

15 minutes ago, peteb said:

 

But you have those gigs in the diary. This lot are still rehearsing up a set, have no gigs booked and are nowhere near ready to gig. Not to mention that they may find themselves without a drummer... 

 

Granted he has a few things to sort out!

[Woodinblack]

2 hours ago, ezbass said:

Very much this. If everyone has the same expectations then just getting out and playing together may be just what folk need to keep them  interested, their chops up and feed their souls.

 

Indeed - if everyone has the same expectations that would be fine. Up until now I wouldn't personally want to be practicing for nothing. We have just had a change of guitarists and now it is going to take a while, but the intention is gigging ASAP.  

[gjones]

Well the band meeting was civilised. Tea and biscuits at the house of one of the guitarists. The guitarists were very sympathetic to the drummer's concerns and thought we should put everything on hold for the foreseeable future. I was a bit disappointed, as I would have preferred that we got another drummer, worked on the set and started gigging ASAP.

 

Not at all what I was expecting?

 

Fast forward 7 days. I've just received a text from the guitarists to ask if I want to join their NEW band. The new band will have another drummer of course and more or less the same band members.

 

It's the oldest trick in the book. Don't kick the offending band member out, just form an new band, with the other band members

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Woodinblack]

1 minute ago, gjones said:

It's the oldest trick in the book. Don't kick the offending band member out, just form an new band, with the other band members

 

So pretend to be sympathetic and supportive of the drummer to his face and then form another band behind his back. I believe it is quite common. Not something I would do.

[Dan Dare]

2 minutes ago, Woodinblack said:

 

So pretend to be sympathetic and supportive of the drummer to his face and then form another band behind his back. I believe it is quite common. Not something I would do.

It could also be argued that it's the more civilised way to behave. In a similar situation, I would be sympathetic to the drummer, even if I disagreed with him.

 

They are respecting his decision and not attempting to persuade or force him to do something he doesn't want to do. It would not be reasonable for someone who is not happy to go out and play to expect everyone else to do likewise, whatever his reasons (understandable or not) are.

 

No point in starting arguments in circumstances like that. Just move on. Life's too short.

[Woodinblack]

9 minutes ago, Dan Dare said:

It could also be argued that it's the more civilised way to behave.

 

I am sure anything could be argued, but i wouldn't understand anyone thinking it was civilised.

 

I guess it comes down to whether you would be happy if you had a problem, you told it to your band mates and they all said it wasn't a problem, don't worry, and then some mate contacts you and says "Oh I saw your band gigging, so you left then?". Personally I would think they were a bunch of organs that can't be mentioned on basschat.

 

9 minutes ago, Dan Dare said:

In a similar situation, I would be sympathetic to the drummer, even if I disagreed with him.

 

I would be sympathetic but if the agreement was we would continue without him, I would like to think I would have the globes to tell him to his face.

 

You are right, life is too short, but you can choose to try and make it as good as it can be for people

[gjones]

1 minute ago, Woodinblack said:

 

I am sure anything could be argued, but i wouldn't understand anyone thinking it was civilised.

 

I guess it comes down to whether you would be happy if you had a problem, you told it to your band mates and they all said it wasn't a problem, don't worry, and then some mate contacts you and says "Oh I saw your band gigging, so you left then?". Personally I would think they were a bunch of organs that can't be mentioned on basschat.

 

 

I would be sympathetic but if the agreement was we would continue without him, I would like to think I would have the globes to tell him to his face.

 

You are right, life is too short, but you can choose to try and make it as good as it can be for people

 

Well it's not quite the same band. It will be a heavier band and the singer in the original band won't really be up for that. So it's the guitarists, me, plus a new singer and a new drummer.

 

If it was up to me, I would have said to the drummer he'd have to step aside, which he was happy to do. Then carry on the old band with a new drummer.

[Woodinblack]

23 minutes ago, gjones said:

Well it's not quite the same band. It will be a heavier band and the singer in the original band won't really be up for that. So it's the guitarists, me, plus a new singer and a new drummer.

 

ok, fair enough if it is another band.

 

23 minutes ago, gjones said:

If it was up to me, I would have said to the drummer he'd have to step aside, which he was happy to do. Then carry on the old band with a new drummer.

 

Same here - Like I said before, as long as everyone knows where they stand and come to a common agreement then all's fair. 

[TimR]

17 hours ago, gjones said:

It's the oldest trick in the book. Don't kick the offending band member out, just form an new band, with the other band members

 

I'd suggest that you tell the drummer the rest of you are going to work on another seperate project in the mean time and ask him to contact you when he's ready to gig. 

 

Then no one is leaving, kicking anyone out or holding anyone back. 

 

 

[mcnach]

48 minutes ago, TimR said:

 

I'd suggest that you tell the drummer the rest of you are going to work on another seperate project in the mean time and ask him to contact you when he's ready to gig. 

 

Then no one is leaving, kicking anyone out or holding anyone back. 

 

 

 

very much this

 

transparency to avoid posible drama or at least awkwardness.

[gjones]

1 hour ago, TimR said:

 

I'd suggest that you tell the drummer the rest of you are going to work on another seperate project in the mean time and ask him to contact you when he's ready to gig. 

 

Then no one is leaving, kicking anyone out or holding anyone back. 

 

 

The guitarists are all for that, we will tell him we're starting another band, we won't keep him in the dark. I've already asked a friend of mine, who's keen to gig, to drum for the new band. 

 

The person I feel sorry for is the singer. She's a great singer but her voice is really not suitable for a heavy rock band (and she's not into that kind of stuff).

 

She'll be left in limbo.

[chris_b]

3 minutes ago, gjones said:

The person I feel sorry for is the singer. She's a great singer but her voice is really not suitable for a heavy rock band (and she's not into that kind of stuff).

She'll be left in limbo.

 

Easy, start up 2 new bands.

[SteveXFR]

Have you tried ditching him at a truck stop? It worked for Hawkwind and worked out best for everyone in the end.

[TimR]

12 minutes ago, gjones said:

The guitarists are all for that, we will tell him we're starting another band, we won't keep him in the dark. I've already asked a friend of mine, who's keen to gig, to drum for the new band. 

 

The person I feel sorry for is the singer. She's a great singer but her voice is really not suitable for a heavy rock band (and she's not into that kind of stuff).

 

She'll be left in limbo.

 

Which is why it's important that everyone knows the score. She can then make up her own mind whether to hang around waiting for the drummer and risk you guys having moved on, or find another project. 

 

Ultimately, are you actually considering going back or not? 

 

If you're not, then don't mess people around. They'll have long memories and people talk.

Edited November 2, 2021 by TimR

[TimR]

I've always found it a bit odd that people only have one band and don't play in side projects for fear of upsetting the rest of the band, or are upset when a member of the band plays with another band. 

 

I'm always up front with bands I join. I will be paying with other people and doing dep work, if we are not practicing or have a gig booked. 

[peteb]

21 minutes ago, TimR said:

If you're not, then don't mess people around. They'll have long memories and people talk.

 

Indeed they do! 

 

A really good singer that I play in a couple of bands with asked me about a guitarist he was thinking about for a cover band project, who I had played with 25 years before. I told him that the guy was a decent player with great BVs, but was a nightmare to work with and he had screwed me over somewhat. The singer went and got somebody else to play guitar for him... 

[gjones]

46 minutes ago, TimR said:

Ultimately, are you actually considering going back or not?

Not back to the old band if there's no prospect of that band actually gigging, anytime in the next century.

 

The others may want to rehearse, to keep their chops up but my opinion is, what's the point?

 

The new band has to be up and running and gig worthy before the end of the year. That will take a lot of rehearsing.

 

We have a rehearsal on the 11th, for the old band, so we'll break it to them then.

1 hour ago, chris_b said:

 

Easy, start up 2 new bands.

I am in another band with her, unfortunately the covid phobic drummer is in that band as well.

[gjones]

Well the saga continues......

 

Tonight, myself and the guitarists, told the drummer that we had started a new rockier band with another drummer, and he's had a hissy fit and appears to have flounced out of the band.

 

His logic appears to be, that we knew he really liked heavy stuff (it's a heavy rock band) and why didn't we ask him?

 

I told him it was because he's afraid of catching covid (which is understandable considering his health issues) and doesn't want to gig. 

 

I smell something fishy, I suspect he's lost interest and wanted a way out of the band and feigning indignation is a way of doing it.