Band breakups

[Boodang]

Inspired by a thread elsewhere on BC, I've been listening to Nik Bärtsch. As it happens he has just published a book; Listening: music, movement, mind - a useless guide to everything! 

Only just started reading it (I might start a separate thread on this as it's quite interesting) but there's a section on 'band balance' which got me thinking about band breakups. 

As Nik B says, band life is an extremely complex social organism.... an extremely fragile one; it is also one of the most inspiring and creative forms of being together as human beings.

Given the intensity of emotions in a band, it can often be a fraught experience, especially when it all boils over and ends up with band members falling out and the breakup of a band. 

Which led me to thinking there must be some interesting (if that's the right phrase!) band breakup / being fired from a band, stories... especially when the passage of time has dulled the intensity of the experience!

I've been relatively lucky in that there's been the inevitable breakups but few that's been acrimonious. The only, vaguely, amusing one was when I was chucked out of the band by the cowardly method of disbanding the group only to then instantly reform but with someone else in my place. A few weeks later I got a phone call asking nicely if I could teach the new bass player how to play some of the songs as he couldn't figure it out.... you can imagine my response!! Shame really because if chucking me out the band was done in a less cowardly way we'd probably still be friends.

[TrypF]

I was the singer and guitarist (yes, I know...) in a band where the other members were really not pulling their weight, saying all the right things and sounding supportive - but ask them to write their own part, suggest covers etc and they'd look at their shoes. I took a week's holiday - the first I'd had in years - and asked them to book the next rehearsal in my absence: I would make myself for any evening they could agree on. I kind of knew what would happen in my absence, but enjoyed my week off.

 

Next time we met, I asked if they had the date in the book.

'No, sorry, didn't get round to it, could you...'

'Band's finished', I said, and went out and bought a new bass, ready to join a proper band. It's still my number one instrument and I've had a lot more fun and, generally, much less stress since.

[Bassfinger]

My last band just fizzled out. No bookings, vocallist took a sabbatical to train for a new career, then along came covid...it didn't even really fizzle, no one has said 'its over', it just ceased to be. Carlos Fandango and the Super Wide Wheels are simply no longer a thing.

 

[Boodang]

29 minutes ago, TrypF said:

I was the singer and guitarist (yes, I know...) in a band where the other members were really not pulling their weight, saying all the right things and sounding supportive - but ask them to write their own part, suggest covers etc and they'd look at their shoes. I took a week's holiday - the first I'd had in years - and asked them to book the next rehearsal in my absence: I would make myself for any evening they could agree on. I kind of knew what would happen in my absence, but enjoyed my week off.

 

Next time we met, I asked if they had the date in the book.

'No, sorry, didn't get round to it, could you...'

'Band's finished', I said, and went out and bought a new bass, ready to join a proper band. It's still my number one instrument and I've had a lot more fun and, generally, much less stress since.

If the whole band are not on the same page with a collective responsibility it can be a frustrating experience, especially when some are not pulling their weight.

[Boodang]

3 minutes ago, Bassfinger said:

My last band just fizzled out. No bookings, vocallist took a sabbatical to train for a new career, then along came covid...it didn't even really fizzle, no one has said 'its over', it just ceased to be. Carlos Fandango and the Super Wide Wheels are simply no longer a thing.

 

I think the fizzle out is more frustrating than a full on band hissy fit breakup.... you don't even get a good story out of it!

[Bassfinger]

Oh aye, its a magnificent anti climax.

[toneknob]

In the mid-90s I was in a four-piece where at no point did the members of the band ever manage to be in the same room at the same time.

As far as I know we haven't split up yet.

 

[uk_lefty]

My first proper band... We rehearsed and were tight as anything. I was 17-18, drummer 26, guitarist-singer 21, so socially we weren't mixing and we were at different points in life. On our last gig the guitarist who wasn't a good singer introduces me to his mate and says he wants him to be our new singer. "Err, I'm leaving to go to uni next month" I said. We just didn't really know each other except when we were playing instruments.

 

Most recent band. Four years in and covid hits. Tried very hard to get everyone motivated through lockdown, chance to rip up the set list and start again, do some remote recording... Nothing. Some positive noises but no action. We got together a few times when lockdown had lifted but it was very scrappy and had no focus. Drummer handled the band email and when it was clear lockdown was lifting and we got asked to name our dates for a pub chain his reply was basically "we haven't rehearsed for a year so we will get back to you when we're ready" which annoyed me no end. We want to get some kind of gig in the diary but can't align our availability, but because it seems positive I fold an 80s band I'd started and feel keen to go. I then get criticised by drummer for being away for three days for a wedding (all in the band calendar months in advance) as if it's anyone elses' business that I might visit my family for a bit while I'm back home. Then drummer announces a gig on Facebook for a date he knows i can't do. I wish the lads well for this gig I didn't know about. The others get itchy, the drummer thinks he can just announce a gig and it all falls into place. Guitarists don't know what time they're playing two days before the event. Singer has no clue either. Drummer gets annoyed because he thinks he's done his bit and now it's up to everyone else. Gig is a car crash. Singer takes a job with night shifts and can't rehearse except at times I can't do. I bow out gracefully and start speaking to other bands. Band hasn't done a thing since I left.

 

 

Edited December 9, 2021 by uk_lefty

[AndyTravis]

First band; head butted the singer over a girl.

 

Second band - I was playing guitar and singing, joined another band as a bass player and it fizzled.

 

Third band - couldn’t put up with substance use with other members. And had recently become a single dad so couldn’t keep on going. Left.

 

Fourth band - couldn’t stand working with incompetent people, left.

 

Fifth band - couldn’t stand one of the two singers.

 

Sixth band - still here, but on its 3rd iteration.

[TheGreek]

Last group of people I played with included a really good drummer, amazing keyboard player, myself, a horn player and a saxophonist (control freak) who also wanted to play keys, sing and to tell everybody what to play.

 

He showed me videos of an impromptu bass line from somebody who clearly wasn't comfortable with the tunes to copy - even though what I was playing was fatter and grooved better. He was also telling the drummer what to play ( "you know...a boom boom, pitcha pitcha"...) Drummer's eyes said it all. 

 

Thankfully COVID came along a few weeks after the last rehearsal. Saxophonist has looked at my status on Bandmix recently - no idea why - I couldn't play with him again.

[Lozz196]

I’ve found that whenever there’s been problem band members it’s been either the lead singer, the lead guitarist, or the lead singer/guitarist.

 

In a band where I was the lead singer/guitarist there were no problems.

 

Or at least none that the rest of the band, which split up, ever told me about……

 

As it could have been me, as I’d defected to the idiot side.

 

 

Edited December 9, 2021 by Lozz196

[Boodang]

Was in a band once where the lead vocalist would turn up for the gig / rehearsal after everything was setup and would disappear immediately the last lyric was sung! 

Have always operated on the 'no *rsehole' rule though... no matter how good you are, its not worth it if you fall into that category. So in the vocalist case he didn't last long!

Edited December 9, 2021 by Boodang

[Doctor J]

I joined a band shortly before a gig they had lined up. A mate was the lead guitarist and admitted he had been reluctant to ask me, warning me about the singer. I learned their songs, had one rehearsal and the guy seemed ok, decent singer. On the day of the gig, we met before the soundcheck, all good. When we finally started to soundcheck, there was no sign of the guy, though. We waited a little while, then had the soundcheck without him. A few minutes before the set was supposed to start, the singer finally reappeared, quite pished. However, the set didn't start off too badly, but gradually deteriorated as he kept downing pints. I had decided I was out before the end of the set, which fizzled out like the tail of a wet fart. My mate had decided to leave around the same time I did. As we left the venue, the singer was brawling with a punter. Classy.

[neepheid]

I've never been fired by a band and I don't have any juicy stories, sorry.

 

My first band was disbanded by the guitarist - it was his and the singer's band to be fair but it was a rather jarring experience.  Band get together in the pub - oh good, this is nice.  Guitarist gets there last, not sure if he even sat down (memory blur) and just told us he didn't want to do it any more (I can't even remember how he said it - I want to say "band had run its course" or something), cashed us out of the band kitty (or did he do that later?) then left, leaving a table of a bass player, drummer and singer just kinda looking at each other thinking "what now?".  We tried to form something out of the ashes but it didn't go anywhere.

 

See how hazy it gets when the dust settles and you've done a bit more living?

 

I left another band in solidarity with my drummer who got sacked.  I didn't like how the sacking was done (when I was on holiday in Spain, no band meeting, no discussion), I wasn't that keen on where the music was going either and there were no upcoming gigs in the calendar so it was a clean getaway.  They're still going.

[Wylie]

Reading these stories, I was reminded of Bruce Springsteen's telling an interviewer that "democratic" bands--in which general agreement, not unequivocal leadership, is the rule--are the ones most likely to blow up. Everything goes along great for a while, then the inevitable ego-quake occurs, or factions form, or disagreements are worked out on the spur of the moment (possibly on stage), or not at all. According to Springsteen's story, he was the leader of the E Street Band, the band members worked for him. Sounds cold, but look what they accomplished over the years. My own limited experience with leaderless bands confirms the idea that a strong, dedicated (and hopefully sober) leader is key to a band's success.

 

W.

[neepheid]

48 minutes ago, Wylie said:

Reading these stories, I was reminded of Bruce Springsteen's telling an interviewer that "democratic" bands--in which general agreement, not unequivocal leadership, is the rule--are the ones most likely to blow up. Everything goes along great for a while, then the inevitable ego-quake occurs, or factions form, or disagreements are worked out on the spur of the moment (possibly on stage), or not at all. According to Springsteen's story, he was the leader of the E Street Band, the band members worked for him. Sounds cold, but look what they accomplished over the years. My own limited experience with leaderless bands confirms the idea that a strong, dedicated (and hopefully sober) leader is key to a band's success.

 

W.

 

I don't have that experience, I've been in the same easy going, democratic band for the past 7 or so years.  What I will say is that it's a serious impediment to getting stuff done, everyone being so nicey nice and everything being approved by everyone ends up with things like taking 6 years to follow up a debut EP...

[Boodang]

In my experience a democratic band dynamic is definitely the more difficult. Everyone has to be pulling in exactly the same direction musically and socially for there to be no tensions and that's very rare.

Was in a band once where musically it slotted together perfectly and sounded really good, trouble was the social aspect wasn't there and we all hated each other! We had management interest once, we met up in a pub to discuss options, by half way through the evening the band had descended to it's usual squabbles and throwing things at each other before storming off. Management assumed the band had split but were told no, that's how every band meeting ends. Management lasted 6 months before it was too much for them (surprised they lasted that long!).

The music must have been worth it as the band lasted 10 years before imploding! A real love/hate experience. 

[Lozz196]

In my last band we really were a democratic band, but it stemmed from most of the ideas coming from the lead singer/guitarist with the drummer and me fully agreeing (and probably wishing we’d thought of it first).