Those 'train wreck' moments

[Quatschmacher]

Had a few of these moments, in no particular orders small selection:

 

forgetting to unmute my amp after tuning so when it was time for my big bass entry in the song, nothing happened;

 

the drummer misunderstanding the direction from the band leader to play quieter during my flute solo - he thought he was being instructed to slow down so all the energy went from the music as everyone else then lost their place in the form;

 

battery dying in an active bass partway through a song;

 

setting up at the gig only to realise we had left the piano stand on the pavement outside the drummer’s house;

 

meeting at a major festival where we had the headline slot the next night and finding out the drummer had totally forgotten to bring the piano, which meant I had to ask the headline band of that night whether their piano player might be able to loan us his piano, thankfully he did;

 

During the sound check for the above gig, finding that the saxophonist’s instrument needed a quite significant repair in order to function and emergency surgery was performed by the drummer;

 

during a workshop before a gig the same night, seeing the relief on my fretless getting lower and lower until it became unplayable due to the heat;

 

having the flute player’s frustrated exhortation of “no fùcking drums!” get broadcast at full volume over the PA when the drummer forgot the arrangement again;

 

drunken party guest falling into the stage monitors mid-song, shearing the cable and knocking over a glass of wine and seeing the liquid flowing towards the exposed live pins of the cable in front of me.

 

 

 

 

[ubit]

3 hours ago, Newfoundfreedom said:

I have the upmost respect for anyone who does dep gigs. I couldn't do it if my life depended on it. I can barely remember our own original songs. 

 

 

I'm the same. Jamming is fine in a living room but in front of punters? No way. I have to be rehearsed to the hilt before I will perform live. I have been stung by this before. My passive aggressive guitarist mate used to say let's do our new song and I would say nah, I am not sure of it yet. I am also the singer so have to learn both parts and then learn how to do them together, C'mon you'll be fine and then he would go on and on and I would agree and invariably I would muck up somewhere.

[ubit]

We played at a wedding once and made the basic mistake of leaving the pa switched on during our break. We were at the back of the hall having some buffet when the groom's sister, a well known heed the ba' suddenly started ranting and swearing down the mics about some girl who had assaulted her. She was really going for it and I had to dash up and switch off the desk. She was promptly escorted from the premises and the night carried on. In retrospect she probably deserved to get thumped as she was a right pain in the hoop.

[Marvin]

I think I've mentioned this before.

 

A band I was in about 10 years ago. I was a bit green, not having gigged really before. The guitarist was a real gadget freak and a bit OCD. We played our first gig in a  pub that could hold maybe 80 people, maybe it was more I don't know. Gig started at 8pm, the guitarist who owned the PA gets there at 1pm, to set up. He had a BIIIIG mixing desk, a snake box to take the 'stage' sound to the mixing desk (which was on the 'stage' with us), the speaker stack was taller than me, he'd mic'd the drumkit with 5 mics...and on and on and on.

 

A few things happened that night. First off, he'd borrowed some sub cabs from the singer, but forgot to use a crossover in the signal chain. Hence all the sound was trying to go through the subs and you could barely hear a thing out front, bar a horrid mush. We ended up turning the floor monitors around to face the audience so they could at least hear something other than a bassy mush.

Next, the guitarist, rather than have another guitar ready that was detuned, decided to use a pedal that did this for him. This was fine for the song it was intended for however, he forgot to reset the pedal for the next song...he proceeded to play the next song a half step down, which sounded really bloody awful. It's worth pointing out that he had another two guitars, on stands, next to him that he didn't use all night (and a keyboard). Which brings us to the next little nugget. The guitarist had so much equipment and such a large pedal board that after he set it up he'd basically trapped himself where he stood.

 

What baffled me was that I was by far the least experienced in the band and thought the set up was way over the top...the others thought it was all fine to play a moderately sized pub with a PA that could be used a a decent sized theatre 🤪

Edited January 31, 2022 by Marvin

[TimR]

14 minutes ago, Marvin said:

What baffled me

 

These are the people who like the idea of being in a band, more than being in a band. 

 

The playing and the music is secondary to how they think the audience perceives them. Which isn't usually quite how the audience actually perceive them. 

 

Big giveaways are the amount of gear they own, the songs on the setlist, and how long they spend discussing stagewear. 

 

 

Edited January 31, 2022 by TimR

[TimR]

3 hours ago, Newfoundfreedom said:

I have the upmost respect for anyone who does dep gigs. I couldn't do it if my life depended on it. I can barely remember our own original songs. 

 

It's not for everyone, but the more you do it the more you get used to it.

 

It's like anything where you push yourself out of your comfort zone. And very rewarding.

 

The key is to remember that no one is expecting you to be note perfect, it's live music and unless you're absolutely useless, most people won't remember any duff moments. 

[Rich]

2 hours ago, ubit said:

a right pain in the hoop.
 

Genuine LOL. Love it. I will definitely be using this in future.  

[NikNik]

20 hours ago, ubit said:

We played at a wedding once and made the basic mistake of leaving the pa switched on during our break. We were at the back of the hall having some buffet when the groom's sister, a well known heed the ba' suddenly started ranting and swearing down the mics about some girl who had assaulted her. She was really going for it and I had to dash up and switch off the desk. She was promptly escorted from the premises and the night carried on. In retrospect she probably deserved to get thumped as she was a right pain in the hoop.

'Heed the ba' - not heard that in years! A favourite of my parents!!

[Doctor J]

Time for a 'drunken mates' one. Our first gig of 1994 was in Dublin's legendary Baggot Inn on lineup with 3 somewhat stylistically similar bands. Things were looking very promising when a group of nice young ladies who, I think, were friends with one of the other bands, invited us to a party after the gig. Our good friend Big Al was helping out with carrying gear and general bonhomie, which was nice, too. We went into the set in high spirits, but it was not to last.

 

Our singer was a lovely guy but could be quite divisive, on first encounter. The Baggot Inn had a very low stage, no more than a few inches high, so you were just around eye-level with the audience. Some nights you click and some nights you don't and this was one of the latter. We had a song called "What's Your Name?" where our singer would ask members of the audience their name and introduce people to each other, over our smooth jazz backing. Sometimes, there was a follow-up question - "Where are you from?" - to which the audience member would say where they were from and our singer would usually say "That's... my kinda town" and it often went down well. This night was not one of those nights.

 

He encountered someone who wasn't really playing ball and, of course, after really having to work to prise this information from the guy, it meant the guy's town was not our singer's kinda town. The guy was not so happy about this and walked right up to the stage, almost eye to eye with our singer, and made the deekhead sign at him, right in his face, then sat back down. I noticed he was sitting with the party girls who, I also noticed, were uninviting us from that party through the mean expressions on their faces.

Back then, we would sometimes finish the set with a cover of Paranoid and it seemed quite apt on this occasion. When the guitarist would play the intro riff, our singer would rip off his jumper to reveal a ruffled pink silk shirt, to which he had crudely added home-made white tassels and do the oul Vol.4 pose. It usually went down a storm. Not this night, as you may have guessed, with one exception.

Big Al was, by this point, in a state which is often known as "heroically" drunk and loved his Sabbath, as do we all. I noticed him crawling slowly across the stage behind me as we played through the first verse, reaching our singer as the second verse started to play and slowly, in the Rocky vs Apollo Creed in Round 15 style, used the mic stand to try to drag himself upright onto his uncooperative feet. He then proceeded to sing what was left of the song in the jazz style, you could say, several seconds behind our singer and with no respect for pitch or melody. It cane across as some kind of demented delay effect. Alas, not even this could win back the crowd and, after we finished, Al crawled slowly back off the stage as we packed up and left. No parties were attended that night.

[BigRedX]

A gig that features both a train wreck and drunken "mates".

 

In the 80s there was a very attractive set of gigs at Nottingham University Halls and bars which were on the main campus a long way from the city centre and therefore had a decent sized captive audience. Not only did originals bands get handsomely paid, but you also got the opportunity to support well-known indie bands and up and coming chart acts. My friend's band who were well-established on the circuit did loads of these and got to support The Belle Stars the week they hit chart success for the first time and consequently played to a massive audience.

 

At the beginning of 1984 we had finally convinced the committee responsible for booking the bands to consider our synth-pop group and we got a "try-out" gig at one of the smaller halls. It wasn't the gig we had hope for as there was no "proper" band headlining so it was going to be just us and the disco. Then we discovered that none of the university PA systems were available as there were several other gigs going on that weekend on campus. So we were asked to organise our own and we would be reimbursed as part of our fee. We duly contacted one of the local PA hire companies we had used before and booked a rig. Soundcheck was late afternoon, and we turned up to find the PA setting up but only a small rig rather than the full one we were expecting, and which we really needed as we had no drum kit or backline and the PA was responsible for the whole band sound. The PA engineer assured us that it would be fine and this was a new more compact design he was trying out. We were rather dismayed to find we were being treated a guinea pigs for what was for us an important gig, but there was nothing we could do about it now.

 

The soundcheck went pretty well all things considered, although it was difficult to gauge the volume in an empty room. Having several hours to kill before we were due to play it was decided to go and get some food. However just as we were about to leave a couple of friends of one of the band showed up and he decided to stay with them rather than going with the rest of us. When we returned about an hour before we were supposed to play we discovered that they had got completely pïssed on cheap student beer. Our efforts to sober our band member up were completely futile, and so we went on as we were. To say it was a disaster would have been an understatement. Our drunk member could barely stand straight and spent the whole gig playing random notes on his synth and then wildely celebrating each time he thought he had one right. Halfway through our set he needed to go for a pïss which he announced to the audience (what little was left) and was most upset on his return to find that we had started the next song without him. There exists a single photo of the gig where the rest of us are all heads down concentrating on what we are doing (a probably hoping the earth would open up and swallow us) while he's leaping wildly into the air arms and legs akimbo.

 

To make matters worse his friends spent the whole gig shouting for us to play our cover of "Summer Wine" (the Nancy Sinatra/Lee Hazelwood song) which we had only intended to play as an encore. They were getting quite aggressive about it and were at least as responsible as our poor performance for driving the audience away. In the end we relented and included it in the set in the hope that they would be happy and shut up. However they just wanted us to play it again! Finally when we thought it was all over and we could pack up and go home and forget about it, one of them fell over into the PA damaging one of the speakers. 

 

We got paid, but the promised money for the PA hire never materialised and the PA company wanted compensation for the damaged speaker, so I think we actually lost money on the gig. Also we found ourselves barred from playing at the University again.

[TimR]

Back in the 80s. We played a hall with a 4ft high stage. Loads of people in the audience. 

 

Guy climbs up onto the stage and dives backwards headlong into the audience. 

 

Which parts like the red sea and he hits the deck flat on his back.

 

We continued playing, trying to peer into the gloom to find out what was going on, while he remained completely immobile for about a minute before slowly getting to his feet and wandering off to the back of the hall.

 

Fairly worrying as the guitarist and myself had hired the hall and were probably responsible for the health and safety of everyone there.

Edited February 1, 2022 by TimR

[paul_5]

5 minutes ago, TimR said:

Back in the 80s. We played a hall with a 4ft high stage. Loads of people in the audience. 

 

Guy climbs up onto the stage and dives backwards headlong into the audience. 

 

Which parts like the red sea and he hits the deck flat on his back.

 

We continued playing, trying to peer into the gloom to find out what was going on, while he remained completely immobile for about a minute before slowly getting to his feet and wandering off to the back of the hall.

 

Fairly worrying as the guitarist and myself had hired the hall and were probably responsible for the health and safety of everyone there.

 

Less of a train-wreck, more like natural selection to me.

[EBS_freak]

Im sure there's a few people on there who have been caught out like I was...

 

You can agree the set.

You can agree the keys.

What you can guarantee is that the keys player is playing everything in a different key and using the transpose function on the keyboard to try and get in the same key as the rest of the band... which of course, they totally failed to do.

 

Even worse... it's the first dance. Fortunately MD's ear had detected it was a half step out and gave the signal... but of course, not everybody in the band could transpose on the fly. The horn players were fumin'.

 

Sorry Sarah and James. 😕

Edited February 1, 2022 by EBS_freak

[Thump]

Absolutely loving this thread! so many laugh out loud moments 😂

[Boodang]

32 minutes ago, BigRedX said:

A gig that features both a train wreck and drunken "mates".

 

In the 80s there was a very attractive set of gigs at Nottingham University Halls and bars which were on the main campus a long way from the city centre and therefore had a decent sized captive audience. Not only did originals bands get handsomely paid, but you also got the opportunity to support well-known indie bands and up and coming chart acts. My friend's band who were well-established on the circuit did loads of these and got to support The Belle Stars the week they hit chart success for the first time and consequently played to a massive audience.

 

At the beginning of 1984 we had finally convinced the committee responsible for booking the bands to consider our synth-pop group and we got a "try-out" gig at one of the smaller halls. It wasn't the gig we had hope for as there was no "proper" band headlining so it was going to be just us and the disco. Then we discovered that none of the university PA systems were available as there were several other gigs going on that weekend on campus. So we were asked to organise our own and we would be reimbursed as part of our fee. We duly contacted one of the local PA hire companies we had used before and booked a rig. Soundcheck was late afternoon, and we turned up to find the PA setting up but only a small rig rather than the full one we were expecting, and which we really needed as we had no drum kit or backline and the PA was responsible for the whole band sound. The PA engineer assured us that it would be fine and this was a new more compact design he was trying out. We were rather dismayed to find we were being treated a guinea pigs for what was for us an important gig, but there was nothing we could do about it now.

 

The soundcheck went pretty well all things considered, although it was difficult to gauge the volume in an empty room. Having several hours to kill before we were due to play it was decided to go and get some food. However just as we were about to leave a couple of friends of one of the band showed up and he decided to stay with them rather than going with the rest of us. When we returned about an hour before we were supposed to play we discovered that they had got completely pïssed on cheap student beer. Our efforts to sober our band member up were completely futile, and so we went on as we were. To say it was a disaster would have been an understatement. Our drunk member could barely stand straight and spent the whole gig playing random notes on his synth and then wildely celebrating each time he thought he had one right. Halfway through our set he needed to go for a pïss which he announced to the audience (what little was left) and was most upset on his return to find that we had started the next song without him. There exists a single photo of the gig where the rest of us are all heads down concentrating on what we are doing (a probably hoping the earth would open up and swallow us) while he's leaping wildly into the air arms and legs akimbo.

 

To make matters worse his friends spent the whole gig shouting for us to play our cover of "Summer Wine" (the Nancy Sinatra/Lee Hazelwood song) which we had only intended to play as an encore. They were getting quite aggressive about it and were at least as responsible as our poor performance for driving the audience away. In the end we relented and included it in the set in the hope that they would be happy and shut up. However they just wanted us to play it again! Finally when we thought it was all over and we could pack up and go home and forget about it, one of them fell over into the PA damaging one of the speakers. 

 

We got paid, but the promised money for the PA hire never materialised and the PA company wanted compensation for the damaged speaker, so I think we actually lost money on the gig. Also we found ourselves barred from playing at the University again.

Did you ever forgive said drunk band member?!

[MacDaddy]

 

There was the one where @Happy Jack was told in no uncertain terms, that if he did not let the family of "Irish travellers" get on stage with us and use his mic, then "the boots are coming off!".

[BigRedX]

15 minutes ago, Boodang said:

Did you ever forgive said drunk band member?!

 

It was essentially his band, and he owned not only the drum machine but also the synth that was most key to our sound (neither of which we could afford to replace should he leave).

[Quatschmacher]

On 26/01/2022 at 10:01, EBS_freak said:

OK, so now I'm back at a keyboard...

 

I was depping for a pub band - nice bunch of folk that alway seemed to go down well and get some great gigs. Anyway, I get the call and I ask for the details. 30th birthday party. I duly get the name of the pub - The Red Lion - (Main Rd Brereton), Rugeley way. No problem. Get the set list, business as usual, I'll meet them there.

 

As it happens, I got there pretty early and parked up. I remember parking up next to a battered Astra and as I went to scope out the venue, I remember a rather large black police lady leaving the venue and getting into said battered Astra and then driving off at speed. Nothing too untoward - but I did think the car was either some cover or the budget in Staffordshire constabulary needed a cash injection to improve their cars.

 

Anyway, I went into the venue, which seemed quite busy. A guy came up to me, quite flustered and asked who I was. I introduced myself and said I'm with the band. It was a this point I realised that something didn't feel quite right. Everybody was dressed in suits and me, being in a jeans and polo shirt, suddenly felt very undressed. Turns out that it was a wake. << Oh. Awkward. >> I apologised as I had clearly got the wrong venue and made a quick sharp exit.

 

I went back to my car and got on the phone to the rest of the band who were still on their way. I explained that we needed to figure out what had gone wrong as I didn't want any rest of the band to go in and make the same mistake as I. Anyway, the band leader did some phoning around and got to speak to the client. Apparently, the band leader had just taken the "Red Lion" in Rugeley and said he knew where it was. Anyway, turns out that there is another "Red Lion"... that being one at Longdon Green, Rugeley. Still being the closest, I said I would meet them there.

 

So off I drive to the Red Lion 2 and duly park up in the carpark... next to a familiar Astra.

 

I get out car... and so does the policewoman.

 

She comes over to me and asks me - did I just see you at the other Red Lion? I confirmed that yes, I had been there. She then asks me if she knows if this is the venue for a birthday party? I confirmed that it was - to the best of my knowledge. At this point, the penny begins to drop. She then goes, "Oh my God, you would not believe... I just stormed into the other pub, asking for the birthday boy before I pulled out my t1ts..."

 

"Oh... so you're a.... right...."

 

We both started feeling a bit uncomfortable before laughing. "Ah well, I'm sure the old boy would have appreciated your stripping if he was there to see it".

 

Anyway, the band arrived, got inside, setup and started to play the first set. I had spoken to said police lady that a good opportunity would be to let us play for twenty minutes before coming in to investigate a noise complaint.

 

Needless to say, it was a memorable night. Now, I'm no prude - but I learned quite a lot that night. This wasn't stripping per se... it went far, far, far beyond that. Lets just say the birthday boy got very lucky... in public.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just laughed out loud in the library at that one. You should work that into a sitcom script, it’s awesome. 

[NikNik]

This has probably been mentioned here (and elsewhere) in the past.

 

Playing in a bluesy-souly band with a female singer in the Janis Joplin style. Guitar, bass, drums, two saxes, female singer. Did a few gigs, nothing special. Guitarist was an A1 flake and could be unpredictable and full of cow poop. I had played with him in another band where he was quite close to a man of very similar character, also a guitarist. They had fallen out for ages but had just started being buddies again, so much so that at rehearsals our guitarist, Ned, began to suggest that we let the prodigal guitarist buddy (Bilbo) join the band. I was dead against this as the two of them would have hijacked the band and turned it into a Version 2 of the one I had been in with them, which of itself was an ongoing on-and-off-the-rails project. Eventually it was unanimously agreed: no Bilbo on guitar! Ever!

 

At rehearsals one night, Ned says we have the opportunity to play at a birthday party being held in a venue in the city. Apparently, at out last gig a girl had approached Ned with some of her pals. They had really liked the band and wanted us to play at her birthday bash. However, she said she had already shelled out a fair bit of cash on her event so couldn't afford to pay us much. Ned, ever under substances that made him euphoric or only see a positive outcome in any action he committed, said to the girl 'No problem! Pay us what you can. If you can't; we'll just pass a hat around at the end of the night! Just sort the band out with a few beers!'

 

I could not believe I was hearing this, and neither could the rest of the band. But by then it was a fait accompli and we couldn't really back out of it as the gig was in a week's time. 'What could go wrong?' I asked myself, knowing that with Ned and Bilbo involved, anything could. Around these two guys, I would regularly hear Commander Shore from Stingray telling me 'Anything can happen in the next half hour!' And on the night of the gig, it did!

 

We had our own PA system - nothing massive -and we did a mix from the stage back then. We had engaged a guy with a LWB Transit to haul our gear up to the gig and we duly loaded in, rigged the gear, did a quick soundcheck and went away until the evening. I drive up in my estate car, planning to drop it nearby and enjoy a few drinks after the gig. When I get in, the drummer approaches me with a frown on his face: 'Check the stage!' As I looked over I saw nothing out of the ordinary......until I spotted, on stage right, right next to Ned's amp, was a small Sessionette combo that I recognised as Bilbo's. The drummer knew Bilbo as he, too, had played briefly with Ned and I in a similar venture and he wasn't keen on his reappearance. I sagged inside: the die was cast; let the fates work their will. And they did. Oh, yes they did!

 

Ned and Bilbo turned up later, together, and a small, heated discussion took place about going against the unanimous decision not to let Bilbo play. Anyway. we get the gig on. We play and ok set but the vibe has an edginess to it because of Bilbo's presence. We play for just under an hour to a distracted group of people and we play out the final chords of the last tune and our female singer thanks everyone before leaving the stage. The band continues end-of-song noodling for a few more seconds and it's over. The sax players exit stage left and I follow. Suddenly, I hear the 'chugga-chugga-chugga' of an old Ned and Bilbo song beings started up. I turn around in disbelief to see the drummer caught halfway out of his stool with a look of both consternation and fear spreading across it. I stand there like a dummy as Ned and Bilbo exhort me with David St. Hubbins head-nods to return to the stage but I am rooted to the spot as the drummer sits down and begins to play along. I consider joining him to save the gig (or what's left of it) but the drummer suddenly throws his sticks down and walks offstage. 'That's it! I'm fkn DONE with this!! he shouts. I turn to find the two sax players saying the same thing. I scour the room looking for the singer but she is nowhere to be seen. Ned and Bilbo play on for another few of their numbers before stopping for the DJ.

 

At the bar, I have to suffer the drummer and the sax players griping. I sip my pint and survey the room, trying not to make eye contact with the patrons. We then hear that the guy with the LWB van is not coming to pick our gear up. Ever! It is never explained why but I suspect, knowing Ned, that not enough money was paid to him, if any. I then notice female friends of Ned working the room; one has the aforementioned hat. Eventually, I ask Ned to go speak to the party girl, get what money she wanted to pay, and get his girlfriends to bring the hat back so we could at least get our petrol money out of this. Half an hour later, he comes back. It seems there is little money in the hat. 'Don't worry', says Ned. 'The girls are back working the room, offering blow-jobs to guys who will put in a few Quid!' I really could not believe what was happening. The sax players just got up and flipped off, with one telling me not to ask him to join bands with flakes again. The drummer was losing it as he had a fairly new and expensive Yamaha 9000 kit and no van to take it back to the rehearsal room. He and I dismantled my Trace rig, took it to the car and loaded it. We then took down his drums and traps and piled them into a taxi. I drove the short distance home, probably just over the limit. That was that band over, finito. And I never spoke to anyone in the band again for years. The singer, I've never seen since.

 

PS: Birthday Girl heard about the BJs first-hand from disgruntled girlfriends of the men being coerced! She never paid us anything.

Edited February 1, 2022 by NikNik

[Quatschmacher]

On 26/01/2022 at 16:45, EBS_freak said:

OK. Gap Year. Stick with it. It's good.

 

This was a memorable gig for all the most cringe of reasons.

 

So... this was down in Cornwall on a massive private estate in the middle of nowhere. It turned out to be for the wedding of the son of a Lord (I won't divulge names as he's quite trackable). Working through some of the events of the day -

 

1. We were asked to get changed in the servants quarters in the house. We were told that "Tarquin" would let us in and show us to the room where we can get changed. As the good lord told us - "Tarquin. Philippino bloke... but awfully nice. He'll show you the way."

 

I don't think Tarquin was Tarquin's real name - and I don't know why a he would be anything but awfully nice... but there you go.

 

2. We went off to get changed and whilst in the toilets, a tin box was noticed on top of the back of the toilet cistern. It was inscribed with William and Cathrine. After some keen googling, I found out that it was a cake tin from the Royal Wedding. That was the first indication that these folks were connected as up until this name, we only had the name of the events organiser. For anybody interested, the tin looked like this:

 

 

3. We went through the hallway (on the way to our holding room with the hired help) and the place was full of the family with their more famous family members... including one who probably wasn't sweating in the photograph and a picture of the lord with Charlie boy. As the evening progressed, we realised that we were in the company of some quite notable people... and our "warm up" act (who was providing the music during pre dinner drinks) would appear to be somebody of pop royalty (I'm shocked that they didn't just get her band to play). Anyway, that's probably a story for another day... Carrying on...

 

4. The marquee was built onto a hillside - a platform had been built on stilts to have the marquee on the level - but give the infinity views out the side of the marquee. Pretty impressive stuff. This marquee was absolutely massive - with large lounging areas, separate bars, the main eating area, indoor fountains... just think of something completely over the top and multiply it by ten.

 

The band area was a separate "surprise unveiling" - in that it looked like (from the inside of the marquee) it was just the side of the marquee... but it then opened up into a.. err.. nightclub in a marquee. So this brings us to our first notable incident. We were running on a generator - presumably the same one that was powering the whole of the marquee. There was a lot to power - and probably of note was the huge chandelier and hanging illuminated pinata (but more on that later).

 

As we soundcheck, there was what I could only describe what felt and sounded like a bomb going off. The whole ground shook and the sound was just louder than anything I'd ever heard. Everything inside power wise, was dead. We went out to the generator was located, and there we found that the top of the generator had been blown clean off. Cue the electricians (whole team of them) trying to get phone signal to source another generator. To be fair, they sorted it pretty quickly. They'd got a make shift generator running and then another lorry turned up with whatever was needed to restore power. I had thought that would be the end of events... but turned out, that was only the start of the fun.

 

5. We went to the catering tent - and jeez, you have seen nothing like it on this planet... Curiously enough, despite the immense catering facilities, outside the marquee, there were two complete stoners (like, obviously stoned) cooking up some dubious looking meat in a dubious, patently unsafe oven, out in the open for all to see... with their rust bucket of a van parked next to them. Clearly there was something not quite right... so being a member of the band (which gives you the right to speak to folk, right?), I struck up a conversation. Turns out these chancers were cooking the meat for one of the main courses - which I seem to recall was something rare and oxen like. I asked them how they got the gig... and apparently, the client had been ringing around catering people to see if anybody knew how to cook this thing. It would seem nobody else would go near it... but this pair told me that they had said "yes, do it all the time, no problem". I looked at him...  and he pre-empting me, he responded, "yes, we've never cooked it before, but I mean, how hard can it be?".

 

You could see and feel the tension between the catering crew and the stoners... who by the end of the night couldn't stand due to their alcohol consumption. Hilarious. From a bystanders point of view. And no, I didn't partake in the food. Come to think of it though, I can't actually recall eating anything. Probably had a bag of crisps in the van.

 

6. We'd all sound checked and was waiting in the house ready for "the call" after the speeches. It was delayed... and delayed... and delayed. The speeches hadn't even happened... so I went out to investigate. Turns out that the best man had told the groom not to marry the bride whilst waiting at the altar as she was only after his money. She clearly was... just after the money. He - socially awkward, dweeby, pretty ugly (trying not to be too unkind here) guy... her, super model looks but not the err... supporting pedigree shall we say. It was clear who her guests were and who the grooms were. Anyway, turns out, one of the brides friends had overheard this and told the bride. Naturally, the bride went off the hook at the groom shortly after the matrimonial vows had been exchanged. Unbeknown to us, the whole day was running late as the bride and groom had vanished and spent the day arguing in the grounds. The wedding breakfast had mostly gone ahead without the bride and groom being present.

 

7. Eventually, about 11 o'clock (that's PM), the speeches happened. There had been some cooling off by this point and the best man got up to do his speech. Lets just say, he started the speech with (and I paraphrase here), "it all started as an unlucky chance meeting on a gap year in Ghana where the "happy" couple met. He then proceeded to rip into the bride. The father of the bride then ripped the mic out of the best mans drunken hands and kicked him out of the marquee. Then started another half hour of chaos and guest awkwardness. The father of the groom came across to me and apologised and said he would still try and make the first dance go ahead.

 

8. The first dance. Probably the most memorable first dance I have ever had the (dis)pleasure of seeing. About quarter to midnight, the "nightclub" was revealed. Bride and groom were dragged onto the dance floor (literally) and told to dance as they were causing embarrassment. (I found this so funny - like the most embarrassing thing for the family at this point was the reluctance to have a first dance?! ). We played "You're Too Good To Be True". I remember this sequence of events like they were only yesterday -

 

a - band starts

b - bride and groom do nothing

c - singer prompts - "this is your time to shine x and y"

d - nothing

e - father of groom appears with a sword

f - groom puts his hands awkwardly on brides hips

g - bride removes grooms hands from her hips

h - bride is standing there, groom is dancing in front of her like an awkward Alan Partridge.

i - father of groom gives sword to groom

j - father of groom whispers in groom ear

k - groom jabs heart pinata with sword

l - confetti falls on the happy couple, causing the bride to roll her eyes and storm off stage

m - we finished song with groom just quivering in the middle of the dancefloor, the guests having remained absolutely quiet and motionless (even whilst the band was doing the baa daa baa daa!! bit...)

n - the singer turns around and asks what we should do next, we just shrug - the dancefloor is now empty and some of the guests are dispersing

o - father of groom comes over to band and mimics the hand to the neck movement (cut it there)

p - he speaks to me - "you're only contracted to midnight and I dont think anybody is in the mood for music anyway"

q - we start packing up at about 5 minutes to midnight in absolute silence. No music, no talking, nobody in the marquee was talking. I don't think the band spoke to each other until we were all back in the van.

r - father of groom gives me an envelope "for our troubles". (I should have mentioned we had already been paid up front anyway... so I think this was embarrassment money)

s- we drive out the venue, having packed up, past the bride and groom who were arguing at the gate which was at the perimeter of the field we were in. We wound down the window and thanked them before wishing them a very happy life together.

 

So yeah. that was a memorable one. I've never been paid so much for 4 minutes of playing. (If you are wondering, my rate that night for playing was £150/minute)

 

Amazing!

On 26/01/2022 at 19:32, Dan Dare said:

 

 

Great stories. You should write a book. I'd buy a copy.

 

Absolutely. 

On 26/01/2022 at 21:17, Nail Soup said:

I want the TV series 👍

Me too. 

[EBS_freak]

Maybe I should get on it.

 

Will have to get all my accounts out to go through all the gigs, look up the venues to see what causes my mind to be jogged. I have to admit, out of everything, the locking of somebody to the van I thought was very elegant!

 

As I say, I don't think I'm anything out of the ordinary - if you do enough gigs, this stuff will happen to you. I used to do a hell of a lot of wedding and party gigs, so I guess that's part of it.

[EBS_freak]

42 minutes ago, NikNik said:

'The girls are back working the room, offering blow-jobs to guys who will put in a few Quid!'

 

This made me chuckle. A pub band that I used to play with occasionally knew that if I was available, I would play just for the fun of it. If I could fund the petrol money to get to the gig there and back, then all was good. One of the other bass players however, his going rate was twenty quid and five viagra. The guitarist in the band had them prescribed, so it would work out to be a way to get a cheap bassist for the gig.

 

It became, obviously, a long standing joke - in that we'd talk about the gig fee in terms of number of viagra.

Edited February 1, 2022 by EBS_freak

[NikNik]

8 minutes ago, EBS_freak said:

 

This made me chuckle. A pub band that I used to play with occasionally knew that if I was available, I would play just for the fun of it. If I could fund the petrol money to get to the gig there and back, then all was good. One of the other bass players however, his going rate was twenty quick and five viagra. The guitarist in the band had them prescribed, so it would work out to be a way to get a cheap bassist for the gig.

 

It became, obviously, a long standing joke - in that we'd talk about the gig fee in terms of number of viagra.

That's brill!!! 😄

[Newfoundfreedom]

3 hours ago, NikNik said:

'Heed the ba' - not heard that in years! A favourite of my parents!!

 

I've never heard it in my life and have absolutely no idea what it means. 😆

[Rich]

On 31/01/2022 at 13:09, Quatschmacher said:

forgetting to unmute my amp after tuning so when it was time for my big bass entry in the song, nothing happened;

 

 

Similar thing happened with the drummer in my first really good band back in the 80s, at our very first gig... we were a rocky-synth-pop band, sort of A-Ha with guitars I suppose, and we had an intro tape... an ethereal synth piece with a bass drone, which gradually rose to a crescendo and then four clicks as our cue into the big opening of our first song. Unfortunately the bass on the intro tape used to cause a massive sympathetic rattle from the snares on the drummer's, errm, snare drum, so to avoid this he disengaged the snare strainer to drop them away from the head. Yes, you can see what's coming can't you... the intro rises to its crescendo, four clicks and BLAM the big dramatic intro, drummer hits his snare and instead of a gunshot "crack!" it goes "BOING!" like a timbale. Drummer realises what he's done, fumbles to re-engage the strainer and thankfully we are only treated to a couple of BOINGs before normal service is resumed. Alas the damage is done, and our big intro sounds more like "what if Duran Duran played samba?". Thankfully the rest of the gig was an absolute belter, but it took a while for the drummer to live that intro down.