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Is it time to quit the band, or not?


Storky

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On 28/02/2022 at 11:28, MacDaddy said:

 

Are these gigs paid gigs?

The first of the three was on Valentines night; it was £180 so not great and I wasn’t going to get a pass from Mrs Storky that night so I suggested they do it as a trio, which they did.

The second was a freebie. The guitarist has being saying she wants to push the band to “the next level” and I agreed, but I backed it up by saying that I wasn’t prepared to keep doing freebie’s (we’ve done a lot of open mikes and free charity slots). They did it anyway.

The Third was a paid gig at a pub I had identified as a possible venue (although fiddle player contacted them). The date the venue offered was short notice as they had a cancellation and unfortunately it was to be when I was on a holiday abroad which was booked months ago. They didn’t tell me they were doing it, but I found out when I heard recorded footage from the night. The fee was £300 I believe.

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On 28/02/2022 at 10:49, mikel said:

Its simple really, and no need to go in circles. Do you like the music the band plays, and, do you get on with the other members? If the answer to one of those is no, then leave. Life is too short.

The problem is I do like the music and I do get on well with the other members, although one or two of them wind me up, but I have a good relationship with them outside of the band as well.

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Just now, grenadillabama said:

John Entwistle might say "Get yerself a big amp !"

I’ve got a big enough amp, the reason two of them can’t hear me is not because I’m quiet; I’m probably the loudest there, but because they’re too cloth eared and are only focusing on what they play, or the lead instrument for cues as to when to come in. It’s pathetic really 😏

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They’re booking gigs not caring if you’re there or not, they can’t hear you when you do show up, and it sounds to me like they don’t have a great skill set to work with. 
 

You seem slightly miffed that they don’t care whether you’re on stage with them or not. If you can get over that, then just leave… and maybe take a band member or two with you for your next project. 

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On 26/02/2022 at 12:34, Storky said:

I play upright bass in an acoustic band. It was formed by the guitarist and I was 2nd one in. Guitarist is very limited so I recruited fiddle player to add some lead. We also have drums/percussion. Female vocals have recently changed; guitarist chose her without consultation with rest of band and in my opinion she is also limited. Fiddle player loves it and is getting loads of gigs, guitarist loves that fiddle has improved the sound and is getting gigs. They are now getting gigs when I’m not available (I’ve missed last three) and it seems they are quite happy to go ahead without me. Guitarist has admitted she can’t hear the bass anyway, so I don’t think I’m much valued. So question is should I stay, or should I go? Waste of time, or worth sticking with it?


First point is whose band is it? Do you work by committee, or follow a leader?
If it's the guitarist's band, then him pulling someone in and telling you afterwards is more understandable.

If they are gigging without a bassist and not getting a dep in, this tells me three things
1) They don't have the wit to realise the place of bass in their music.
2) They possibly can't hear you, or simply don't listen to you.
Some would fix that that by notching the volume up a touch and pointing the amp so the guitarist gets some of the throw. Or by tactfully suggesting that it would all hang together better if you could all hear each other onstage, then sorting the balance out at rehearsal.
3) You are not 100% required for them to perform.
They will eventually work out that a fee divided by 3 instead of 4 is more fun.
At the same time though, they haven't suggested that you leave, or replaced you.

Whether you stay or go, depends on whether you can fix the above things that niggle with you.

Edited by 12stringbassist
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For clarification, i only read the opeing post, and this is my response to it,

I dont know what the background is as to why you cant make the gigs, but it can be very frustrating for others when one member of a band isn’t availed  for gigs. 

Ive turned so many gigs down because my guitarist kept going away or just wasnt available , and it starts to feel like its not worth it.  

I know its generally accepted here on BC thats its the others guys fault, but id try and understand that if everyone puts the time and effort in to get goods, and get gigs, its not ideal when one person stops them from happening, and quite understandable that the band will go on regardless. 

If your time/commitment doesn't allow gigs as frequent as the band want, do the right thing and move on. 

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Well things move on and I’ve quit.

 

Quite sad as I’ve been in the band for 8 years. Final straw was when as no one had contacted me in 2 weeks (unusual) I messaged on group WhatsApp and guitarist then phoned and said how good the gig was (that I couldn’t do due to holiday), that the band has never sounded better and that the sound (which I usually take care of) was spot on. She went onto say fiddle player was booking more gigs but that he was finding it easier to book for 3 or 4 rather than the full band of 5.

 

later on WhatsApp she posted the gigs booked and I confirmed I was available for 6 of the 8 in the diary (the 2 I wasn’t available for had been agreed before they had been booked, so that’s fine). Fiddle player then chipped in that not all gigs were for full band and that all but 2 were for a 4 piece band. It was suggested that we meet to discuss whether me or percussionist should do the gig. The problem being that the percussionist had already been told of the gigs and had agreed the fee; I’d been told nothing and don’t believe in a band with 5 players one person should be required to stand down when willing and able to do the gig.

 

Anyway without going into more detail, I ended up walking as I felt I wasn’t wanted by the guitarist or the fiddle player.

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1 minute ago, Bunion said:

Sounds like they were trying to let you down gently 

I don’t know about gently, but the guitarist could easily have stopped it at any time, but didn’t. I did have the opposite and very complimentary comments from the drummer and from the vocalist. I think I was a thorn in the side of the guitarist though as I sometimes had opinions that didn’t always agree with hers

1 minute ago, Downunderwonder said:

Put together a killer three piece and take all their gigs.

That’s a good idea. One further complication is that the fiddle player had previously asked me to get involved in two separate start up projects and one is doing a showcase gig next week (half hour slot, no money). Do I do it, or not?

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Oh dear. I do dislike hearing about this sort of thing as I think it's very unnecessary. I don't have any band experience of this type, but I do have a lot of experience of much bigger orchestras etc. It only takes the wrong ego to be in the organisation space to screw it up for lots of other people. The problem with those sorts of people is they are either lacking in any awareness/empathy, or it's deliberate.

Whilst the details of issues in orchestras are different, the essence is the same. 

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  • 3 months later...

Its easy to say - Just Quit, but I get that getting a band together takes some work and there's always going to be some pain associated with the pleasure of playing live gigs. I guess the moment you dread rehearsal or playing gigs with these folks then its probably time to call it a day.   

Edited by Quilly
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These guys sound like a bunch of amateurs. I doubt they will become any more professional in their attitudes, so you are probably well out of it.

 

The biggest "up yours" you can do now is to find a better band.

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On 06/03/2022 at 22:29, Storky said:

One further complication is that the fiddle player had previously asked me to get involved in two separate start up projects and one is doing a showcase gig next week (half hour slot, no money). Do I do it, or not?

 

Rather late to say yes now, but yes. It's a bit of exposure for you, possibly you can do some networking.

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If you've lost the confidence of more than half of your band, and several have quit rather than have to play with you again, should you cling onto your role as front man on the basis of your conviction that you are the greatest performer since Elvis, or give up and leave the band gracefully? Asking for a "friend".

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4 minutes ago, Earbrass said:

If you've lost the confidence of more than half of your band, and several have quit rather than have to play with you again, should you cling onto your role as front man on the basis of your conviction that you are the greatest performer since Elvis, or give up and leave the band gracefully? Asking for a "friend".

 

Maybe a good question for Boris?

 

Ooh! Politics!

 

Run away! 

 

🤢

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2 hours ago, Earbrass said:

If you've lost the confidence of more than half of your band, and several have quit rather than have to play with you again, should you cling onto your role as front man on the basis of your conviction that you are the greatest performer since Elvis, or give up and leave the band gracefully? Asking for a "friend".

 

2 hours ago, Newfoundfreedom said:

 

Maybe a good question for Boris?

 

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