Dom in Dorset Posted May 18, 2022 Share Posted May 18, 2022 (edited) A long story that I'll try to keep short... Firstly if anyone reading this is the "other guy", I fully understand that you are entirely innocent in this and I hold no grievance against you. There is a band I have known for donkey's years, I've depped for them more times than I can remember and know their set inside out. Two of the band members were also in another band with me for ten years and I was also involved in a band with the singer for a while. I regarded them as friends. When the original bass player quit I was slightly narked to hear that they had replaced him with "X". I was only slightly narked because I had relocated a bit further away from their centre of operations and he's was already know to most of the band. "X" tragically died before he'd even had a chance to learn the set and I was contacted to stand in for an upcoming gig. At the rehearsal for the gig I asked if they had a permanent replacement in mind and when they said no I said I would like to do it. Myself and several band members (it's a seven piece) had a conversation about me joining, apparently the only reason they hadn't asked me before was that I'd moved further away and they didn't think I'd want to come all that way to rehearse . I said that as I am still in the area three days a week that wouldn't be a problem. We discussed potential rehearsal regimes and new songs we might learn. I was in the band. A couple of weeks later we played the gig to a great response and went our separate ways. I didn't hear from anyone regarding getting together again but a COVID restrictions were still going on and no more gigs were booked I wasn't concerned. Imagine my surprise when I found out (by accident) that they had auditioned and hired "another guy". (A total stranger who lives an hour away) My partner had even been trying to get them some gigs , she even succeeded! Thankfully gig only came through after I discovered that I wasn't in fact in the band (we told the organisers that they were no longer available but my other band could do it!) I've tried to find out what happened and most of the members involved in the conversation claim not to remember it. One who does sent me an apology but rest all come out with the same excuse "we didn't know that you wanted to join the band , we thought you just wanted to dep" As far as I'm concerned they are either lying ,suffering from dementia or there's something I'm not being told. I didn't even want the job now after that slap in the face ,they are well and truly off my Christmas card list Rant over Edited May 18, 2022 by Dom in Dorset I edit therefore I am. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkey Steve Posted May 18, 2022 Share Posted May 18, 2022 yeah, that's not nice Have there been any issues with you and any of the band members over the years? I was talking to a mate about this sort of thing recently, about the stream of band members who have joined and left for various reasons, and whether they could solve a current issue by asking one of them back who I know to be a good musician and who would be open to returning. And the reply was that while he personally liked the person concerned and would be happy to see him back, the band leader had a very scorched earth policy - if you crossed him then you were out and there would be no return. And the reason for not inviting him back (there had been an opportunity to do so) was nothing to do with his playing, it was around an incident or two that seemed very minor to me, and I'm sure the individual has absolutely no idea would have upset the band leader So, feck 'em. You're better off without them 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dom in Dorset Posted May 18, 2022 Author Share Posted May 18, 2022 (edited) 26 minutes ago, Monkey Steve said: Have there been any issues with you and any of the band members over the years? Possibly some perceived rivalry/professional jealousy from the singer. I front a similar (but much better) band and he possibly didn't see want me to asserting undue influence on his baby. It's nothing we couldn't have talked about and in all of my many previous appearances with them I'd made a point of standing at the back and keeping it solid ,with four guys at the front of the stage there's already plenty going on. Whatever the reason it could have been handled very differently. Edited May 18, 2022 by Dom in Dorset I demand perfection. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkey Steve Posted May 18, 2022 Share Posted May 18, 2022 Yeah, a bit of honesty usually works much better than trying to fudge things and pretending that they didn't mean any harm. I expect there's something behind it, but I doubt you'll ever get to the bottom of it, and there's probably nothing to be gained if you do Onwards and upwards 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dom in Dorset Posted May 18, 2022 Author Share Posted May 18, 2022 3 minutes ago, Monkey Steve said: Yeah, a bit of honesty usually works much better than trying to fudge things and pretending that they didn't mean any harm. I expect there's something behind it, but I doubt you'll ever get to the bottom of it, and there's probably nothing to be gained if you do Onwards and upwards Yes, that's about where I am, I just needed to rant it out to move on . 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Burns-bass Posted May 18, 2022 Share Posted May 18, 2022 People are cowards and they don’t want to deliver bad news in person. It’s easier to make up an excuse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dom in Dorset Posted May 19, 2022 Author Share Posted May 19, 2022 I did get an apology and their side of the story this morning which I have accepted. I had got frustrated by their lack of communication after what felt like a collosal slap in the face which made a bad situation feel even worse. We are friends again. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yorks5stringer Posted May 19, 2022 Share Posted May 19, 2022 Must admit I thought you were nailed on for 'that band' when I heard about X... some people can be 'son' of a beaches...! Anyway good it is all sorted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Munurmunuh Posted May 19, 2022 Share Posted May 19, 2022 20 hours ago, Dom in Dorset said: Possibly some perceived rivalry/professional jealousy from the singer. I front a similar (but much better) band and he possibly didn't see want me to asserting undue influence on his baby. It's nothing we couldn't have talked about and in all of my many previous appearances with them I'd made a point of standing at the back and keeping it solid ,with four guys at the front of the stage there's already plenty going on. I think it would be helpful to thinking of this not to do with jealousy, but inhibition. Having someone from a better outfit on stage occasionally is different from having them there all the time, no matter how nicely behaved they are. No amount of quality bass playing or personal loyalty is worth permanently inhibiting a band's singer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dom in Dorset Posted May 19, 2022 Author Share Posted May 19, 2022 10 minutes ago, yorks5stringer said: Must admit I thought you were nailed on for 'that band' when I heard about X... some people can be 'son' of a beaches...! Anyway good it is all sorted. Me too! This has taken months to resolve , at first they were unaware that there was a problem and then they were too embarrassed to do anything about it. I sent the guitarist I strongly worded text yesterday as I had got so frustrated by their lack of communication and that seems to have done the trick. It's not all bad as my other band had been treading water for some time and this has been a real wake up call for us, we are back rehearsing regularly and new material is taking shape....and if course we had a great festival gig to aim for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dom in Dorset Posted May 19, 2022 Author Share Posted May 19, 2022 5 minutes ago, Ricky Rioli said: I think it would be helpful to thinking of this not to do with jealousy, but inhibition. Having someone from a better outfit on stage occasionally is different from having them there all the time, no matter how nicely behaved they are. No amount of quality bass playing or personal loyalty is worth permanently inhibiting a band's singer. Better only in my somewhat biased opinion 😉 . The two bands are both do Americana but have different styles,sounds and approaches. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crusoe Posted May 19, 2022 Share Posted May 19, 2022 2 hours ago, Dom in Dorset said: I did get an apology and their side of the story this morning which I have accepted. I had got frustrated by their lack of communication after what felt like a collosal slap in the face which made a bad situation feel even worse. We are friends again. It was your choice of aftershave wasn't it? They just didn't like Drakkar Noir. 😄😉 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimR Posted May 19, 2022 Share Posted May 19, 2022 Some people can't deal with you being in two bands. If the band is busy and you're not going to drop gigs that have been booked with the other band, then their regular dep (you) is no longer the dep and they need to find someone else to cover. Probably easier in their minds to have a dedicated bass player and keep you as the dep. Singers can be pretty precious as well. Very frail Egos mostly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dom in Dorset Posted May 19, 2022 Author Share Posted May 19, 2022 15 minutes ago, TimR said: Some people can't deal with you being in two bands. If the band is busy and you're not going to drop gigs that have been booked with the other band, then their regular dep (you) is no longer the dep and they need to find someone else to cover. Probably easier in their minds to have a dedicated bass player and keep you as the dep. Singers can be pretty precious as well. Very frail Egos mostly. The drummer is in three bands , guitarist one is in three, guitarist two in at least two! Essentially it was just a misunderstanding amplified by communication breakdown. All sorted now. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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