Most painful performance

[SamIAm]

I'm watching the Blues Brothers (yet again) and cannot help but cringe at the  poor Donald Duck Dunn having to play with Murph & then Magic Tones!!!

 

What cringeworthy performances have you suffered!?

 

S'manth x

[Doctor J]

I played a gig which started with the guitarist coming up to me, let's say somewhat "medicated", and told me he couldn't feel his hands. With his feet quite numb, too, he had to play slouched over on a stool. Halfway through the gig the singer left the stage, the venue and the band. We finished the set, though. That was painful. I've also played to the barman and then, when he left, to an empty pub. That was fairly excruciating, too, but I think when the drummer decided, mid-set, he needed to pee and, with the jacks being a couple of floors up, took about 5 minutes to do the round trip, that was a notch up from excruciating. It wasn't finally until my amp, an old Peavey MkII, make the sound of a sick whale and then went permanently silent, that I thought "This is really crap."

Edited March 24, 2023 by Doctor J

[Roger2611]

Many years ago I played a farewell gig with a covers band I used to do sound for in London, the bass player refused to do the gig so the band asked me to play, I agreed as I had some time available to rehearse the set, the vocalist sent me through a list of 20 rock classics we were going to play....now for my first mistake, I checked with the vocalist that everything was being played in the original key...yes was the response! I turned up to the gig confident that I knew the songs well enough to do them justice but I had scored out a basic tab for any of the more complex songs...as they say "job's a good un!" It very quickly turned out that pretty much none of the songs were played in the original key with everything being somewhere between a tone up or down! I managed to muddle through most of it without making a complete fool of myself...the crowd seemed to be enjoying it so the band decided they would play some of the other songs from their set...songs I had never learned...I remember playing Queen's One Vision and I am looking at the guitarist waiting for a specific light to go out so I could see what chord he was playing....I enjoyed the gig and learnt a lot about being prepared and not relying on the vocalist to tell me whether it is in the original key or not!

[Bolo]

30 minutes ago, Smanth said:

I'm watching the Blues Brothers (yet again) and cannot help but cringe at the  poor Donald Duck Dunn having to play with Murph & then Magic Tones!!!

 

What cringeworthy performances have you suffered!?

 

S'manth x

What was so bad about Murph & the MT that was so bad for Dunn? Or was it just Jake and Elwood leaving only a few minutes in?

[Gasman]

A covers band I was in way back was booked to play at the nearby Conservative club (yes, I know, but a gig’s a gig!) but only when we’d set up did the chairman tell us that the committee had unfortunately forgotten to advertise the gig to the members, so no-one would be coming; however, the committee wanted us to play the 3 hour gig anyway, to just the four of them. 

 

At at the break I begged them to let us pack up and go, just give us some petrol money, but they refused, making us play until 11pm or no money at all. I’ve never played another Con club...

 

Then for political balance there was the gig at the local Labour club where they’d hired in not only our band, but one of those electric rodeo bull things that drunken wazzocks try to ride but fall off. The first we knew of this was when the bull boss started inflating a massive bouncy castle sort of safety wall thing right in front of the band on the dance floor, then set up the bull inside it. As the inflation proceeded the walls got higher and higher (nice number, that) until our singer had to stand on a chair to see and warble to the utterly indifferent punters at the bar and the bull. The rest of the band was invisible. I’ve never played another Labour club...

[SamIAm]

23 minutes ago, Bolo said:

What was so bad about Murph & the MT that was so bad for Dunn? Or was it just Jake and Elwood leaving only a few minutes in?

Perhaps EVERYTHING!? The songs, their outfits, the amps shrouded in red shag ... I'm a middling bassist but would not have played with then!

S'manth x

Edited March 24, 2023 by Smanth

[Waddo Soqable]

I think about the first ever 'proper' gig I did in front of a reasonably substantial paying audience, had a very youthful me speeding and absolutely off my face, I just about remember being on the stage, and a lot of very loud noise, I have no memory of what I actually played, or indeed how I would've remembered what I was supposed to be playing..

I do remember coming off stage afterwards and people saying "that was brilliant mate" and all that kind of guff.. No idea how I got away with that, I can only assume I did it on brain "auto-pilot" or something.. 

Tbh I've probably been "winging it" ever since 😁

 

Another one, and most embarrassing, was loading out at a gig up north somewhere, it was very cold and had been snowing earlier, ( this was the punk era BTW, and note I was wearing a very tatty pair of trousers) anyway outside dragging some gear about I happen to look down and to my horror see that the zip on the above trousers had failed and the "Old Chap" was hanging out for all to see!.. now being very cold it was not nearly as impressive as I'd like to generally advertise it.. No one actually said anything and "it" was swiftly and discreetly returned to it's rightful place.

i have a nasty suspicion it may well have been the topic of much hilarity I was not party to... 

[Dad3353]

Edited March 24, 2023 by Dad3353

[SamIAm]

1 minute ago, Dad3353 said:

Danger WIll Robinson!

[Waddo Soqable]

4 minutes ago, Dad3353 said:

Autocorrect again officer

[Dad3353]

30 minutes ago, Waddo Soqable said:

Autocorrect again officer

 

Hmm. May I suggest re-reading posts before committing them..? Are they so urgent as to not be worth the time to be sure that they are correct in all respects..? Hmm...  

[White Cloud]

Hmm, for me 1987.

 

Gig at a large privately owned manor house in the Scottish Highlands. Afternoon setup and soundcheck went well then we returned later to discover a complimentary bucket of punch laid on for us in the kitchen. This was not good.

 

Let's just say the performance started badly in front of a large crowd of landed gentry in full Highland attire and culminated halfway through our third number when our drummer fell from his stool unconscious into a drunken stupor ... 

 

Happy days. It's all part of growing up.

[msb]

Playing at the local blues dive downtown , after eating a boiled dinner , I was a bit gassy.

Cleared the dance floor.

[Steve Browning]

1 hour ago, Dad3353 said:

 

Hmm. May I suggest re-reading posts before committing them..? Are they so urgent as to not be worth the time to be sure that they are correct in all respects..? Hmm...  

Bit of a short memory on show there. 

[Franticsmurf]

I have mentioned this elsewhere but it fits here too - we did a last minute agent-booked gig in a pub of very well dressed but subdued punters. Ended the first set with our standard 'Knocking on Heaven's Door' to absolute silence.

 

It was a wake.

 

 

[MichaelDean]

My car broke down en-route to a gig and I had to wait for rescue. My stuff got taken to the venue, but I didn't make it until they'd already started playing. I get to the door, the guy says "That'll be X pounds", I say "I'm meant to be on stage" and he hurried me through!

 

I get on stage and find out my band mates hadn't got my in ears out of my gigbag, which was in a room at the other end of the main room, and I felt like I needed to start playing! As we were all in ears, there wasn't any monitor mix, so couldn't hear anything properly, and I was out of time with the guitarist's looping until everyone else kicked in. Terrible gig!

 

I also played a village pub with a mate, me on guitar and him on drums, when we were in 6th form. It was a bit drony and largely improvised. The performance was called "brave" by a friend. Still got paid though!

[neepheid]

1 hour ago, Dad3353 said:

 

Hmm. May I suggest re-reading posts before committing them..? Are they so urgent as to not be worth the time to be sure that they are correct in all respects..? Hmm...  

 

Whatever, Dad.  You're not my dad!!

 

Half your post count is probably that bloody car.  Could you at least change the chastisement method once in a while?

[Jackroadkill]

Oh man, so many....

 

One was when our singer (who is still one of my very best friends) stumbled up to me just as we were due onstage and slurred "Is there a better mic stand?  This one isn't going to hold me up"; things went downhill from there.

 

When I forgot the verse riff to the latest song we'd written, leaving the rest of the band to try and cover for me whilst I pretended it was just drones of feedback.

 

The time we played a festival in the widdling rain, which flooded the stage and blew up the monitors.

 

When I got carried away and jumped on a table, kicking drinks all over the unhappy drinkers who were sat at it, finding out later that they were the parents of the young lady whose 18th birthday we were playing.

 

Those are just some that spring to mind.  There are others, unfortunately!

[Dad3353]

1 minute ago, neepheid said:

Whatever, Dad.  You're not my dad!!

 

Half your post count is probably that bloody car.  Could you at least change the chastisement method once in a while?

 

Alas and alack; I rue the day (well, it was night, actually..) that this burden was laid upon me by The Seeker, cursed to roam the pages of forums (fora..?) to mete out retribution to those defaulting on the use of apostro...

 

Ooo look..! A bee..!

[neepheid]

Playing to an empty room is probably the worst thing I've had to do.  Well, it wasn't empty, there were two bar staff.  No promotion done, but being a football supporters club it's rather worrying that they had no-one just go there out of habit.  At least we still got paid.

 

I've been a wee bit embarrassed by some band members being a bit too drunk.  An example: having to tell them which key the next song is in, followed by them playing the wrong note back at us, about six times before the fingers finally caught up with what we were screaming at him.

Edited March 24, 2023 by neepheid
Dad's on patrol

[Franticsmurf]

We were booked to play a caravan park. Turned up a bit early to an empty backstage area and what sounded like a school full of kids beyond the curtains out front. We set up behind the curtains and waited for someone to tell us when we were due on. The compare eventually turned up with about 30 minutes to go, a young chap completely hung over following an all night party the night before. He was struggling to get into his bear outfit to entertain the kids while trying to talk to them using a radio mic from back stage. He went out and wound them up to fever pitch before announcing us. We played the first fifteen minutes to about 50 3-5 year olds. 

 

Another holiday park gig and this time a full house of adults. The singer decided just before we went on that he would start the set with a solo rendition of Knocking on Heaven's Door (see my previous post - we checked to make sure it wasn't a wake this time) and the drummer and I were to come on for 2nd verse. We tried to dissuade him but he knew best. He went on, started the song and we very soon realised he was singing the verse much too quickly. We could tell the chorus was going to be even faster and we decided to let him have the whole car crash song to himself. We watched, giggling, as he realised his error, then joined him for the second song.

[Frank Blank]

1981? An unspecified pub in London, I was much refreshed when I got in the van, so I have no idea where I got out, Peckham came to mind so I'll go with that. Arrived to find we were the third band to play on a bill of three so I had time for more snakebite. I remember lots of people arriving who had come to see us from my home town, by gig time the place was rammed. I sat down behind my drums (yes, I was drumming in this band), counted the first song in with drumstick clicks and, on the third click, I vomited profusely over my entire kit. When I say vomited, I mean gushing geyser-type, dam busting style, a proper outpouring tinged pink from the blackcurrant in the snakebite. I managed, somehow, to complete the count in and begin the song which was  mostly a floor tom/snare pattern and, as both drum heads were just lakes of pink sick, this first song was very splashy indeed. The throwing up cleared my head a bit and I got through the song, some kind soul took pity on me and brought me over a pint of what I thought was water which I downed before song two, it was actually lemonade and, half way through song two, the fizzing lemonade decided it didn't like my insides so it flew out spectacularly all over the back of the singer. Still, managed to finish the gig somehow, can't remember getting home nor how my kit got back but it did. We were finding little dried lumps of pink puke everywhere for weeks. Luckily for me everyone, including the singer and the people from home, seemed to find the whole thing hilarious so I counted myself lucky and did another years worth of gigs with them. I still have the t-shirt I was wearing that night that which I obviously used to wipe down the drums with, it is streaked like it's been bleached. Excellent.

Edited March 25, 2023 by Frank Blank

[neepheid]

18 minutes ago, Frank Blank said:

1981? An unspecified pub in London, I was much refreshed when I got in the van, so I have no idea where I got out, Peckham came to mind so I'll go with that. Arrived to find we were the third band to play on a bill of three so I had time for more snakebite. I remember lots of people arriving who had come to see us from my home town, by gig time the place was rammed. I sat down behind my drums (yes, I was drumming in this band), counted the first song in with drumstick clicks and, on the third click, I vomited profusely over my entire kit. When I say vomited, I mean gushing geyser-type, dam busting style, a proper outpouring whinged pink from the blackcurrant in the snakebite. I managed, somehow, to complete the count in and begin the song which was  mostly a floor tom/snare pattern and, as both drums heads were just lakes of pink sick, this first song was very splashy indeed. The throwing up cleared my head a bit and I got through the song, some kind soul took pity on me and brought me over a pint of what I thought was water which I downed before song two, it was actually lemonade and, half way through song two, the fizzing lemonade decided it didn't like my insides so it flew out all down the back of the singer. Still, managed to finish the gig somehow, can't remember getting home or how my kit got back but it did. We were finding little dried lumps of pink puke everywhere for weeks. Luckily for me everyone, including the singer and the people from home, seemed to find the whole thing hilarious so I counted myself lucky and did another years worth of gigs with them. I still have the t-shirt I was wearing that night that which I obviously used to wipe down the drums with, it is streaked like it's been bleached. Excellent.

 

Thread winner.  End of thread.

[Jackroadkill]

22 minutes ago, Frank Blank said:

1981? An unspecified pub in London, I was much refreshed when I got in the van, so I have no idea where I got out, Peckham came to mind so I'll go with that. Arrived to find we were the third band to play on a bill of three so I had time for more snakebite. I remember lots of people arriving who had come to see us from my home town, by gig time the place was rammed. I sat down behind my drums (yes, I was drumming in this band), counted the first song in with drumstick clicks and, on the third click, I vomited profusely over my entire kit. When I say vomited, I mean gushing geyser-type, dam busting style, a proper outpouring whinged pink from the blackcurrant in the snakebite. I managed, somehow, to complete the count in and begin the song which was  mostly a floor tom/snare pattern and, as both drums heads were just lakes of pink sick, this first song was very splashy indeed. The throwing up cleared my head a bit and I got through the song, some kind soul took pity on me and brought me over a pint of what I thought was water which I downed before song two, it was actually lemonade and, half way through song two, the fizzing lemonade decided it didn't like my insides so it flew out all down the back of the singer. Still, managed to finish the gig somehow, can't remember getting home or how my kit got back but it did. We were finding little dried lumps of pink puke everywhere for weeks. Luckily for me everyone, including the singer and the people from home, seemed to find the whole thing hilarious so I counted myself lucky and did another years worth of gigs with them. I still have the t-shirt I was wearing that night that which I obviously used to wipe down the drums with, it is streaked like it's been bleached. Excellent.

 

 

I agree with @neepheid; that's top flight sheethoosery right there.

[woodyratm]

25 minutes ago, Frank Blank said:

1981? An unspecified pub in London, I was much refreshed when I got in the van, so I have no idea where I got out, Peckham came to mind so I'll go with that. Arrived to find we were the third band to play on a bill of three so I had time for more snakebite. I remember lots of people arriving who had come to see us from my home town, by gig time the place was rammed. I sat down behind my drums (yes, I was drumming in this band), counted the first song in with drumstick clicks and, on the third click, I vomited profusely over my entire kit. When I say vomited, I mean gushing geyser-type, dam busting style, a proper outpouring whinged pink from the blackcurrant in the snakebite. I managed, somehow, to complete the count in and begin the song which was  mostly a floor tom/snare pattern and, as both drums heads were just lakes of pink sick, this first song was very splashy indeed. The throwing up cleared my head a bit and I got through the song, some kind soul took pity on me and brought me over a pint of what I thought was water which I downed before song two, it was actually lemonade and, half way through song two, the fizzing lemonade decided it didn't like my insides so it flew out all down the back of the singer. Still, managed to finish the gig somehow, can't remember getting home or how my kit got back but it did. We were finding little dried lumps of pink puke everywhere for weeks. Luckily for me everyone, including the singer and the people from home, seemed to find the whole thing hilarious so I counted myself lucky and did another years worth of gigs with them. I still have the t-shirt I was wearing that night that which I obviously used to wipe down the drums with, it is streaked like it's been bleached. Excellent.

Fantastic!