Band interaction has left me thinking whats the point....

[MacDaddy]

5 hours ago, BigAlonBass said:

" if we have to we will get a replacement bass player." It must be a wonderful feeling, knowing you're such a valued Member of the Band...

Run, don't walk, away. Now. 

 

The sentiment could have been better expressed, but it's useful for regularly gigging bands to have deps for all positions.

[jonnybass]

2 hours ago, MacDaddy said:

 

The sentiment could have been better expressed, but it's useful for regularly gigging bands to have deps for all positions.

True, and as mentioned if I was unavailable for the gig, or asked privately I would have felt differently.  But maybe it’s me being too sensitive 

[snorkie635]

9 hours ago, acidbass said:

Sounds like a toxic environment.  I would run for the hills.

The Pentlands, Arthur's Seat, Blackford, Braids, Corstorphine, Calton: any hill(s) you like, but head away from this lot.

[Boodang]

8 hours ago, jonnybass said:

Sorry I've possibly put this across incorrectly.  Guitarist was trying to organise rehearsals while telling us all there wasnt enough time to do enough.  I asked why we were doing the gig.  "exposure" was the answer, guitarist announces he's leaving the band after the gig so it will be his last.  So I ask again why are we doing it we have no replacement, again Im told "exposure" I ask whats the value in exposure for a band with no guitarist, thats when the whole band are told we can move forward with a replacement bass player.

It gets worse! I've always worked on the equation that the result has to be worth the birth pains. Hopefully you get to play with musicians you like and the result is great but at least one of those has to be worth it. You probably need to decide if any of it stacks up anymore. 

[LowB_FTW]

If the guitarist is leaving why not ask them if they want to join with you and start another band?

 

Mark

[tauzero]

Plenty of knee-jerk responses, nobody asking further questions.

 

Have you been with the band long? How have relationships in the band been up to now? How many gigs have you done together? Do you enjoy playing with them? Had the "replacement bass player" remark not been made, would you have liked to carry on with the remainder and try to recruit another guitarist? Was it poorly expressed (ie. they meant dep rather than permanent replacement), in which case, are you being overly sensitive?

[Rich]

On 02/05/2023 at 19:25, jonnybass said:

True, and as mentioned if I was unavailable for the gig, or asked privately I would have felt differently.  But maybe it’s me being too sensitive 

Who made the suggestion of a 'replacement' bassist? Was it the guitarist who is leaving? Breathtaking cheek/arrogance if so.

[mcnach]

On 02/05/2023 at 09:05, jonnybass said:

So when discussing the fact we have a relatively short period of time to practice for a gig, and looking at available times for practices.  I questioned why we were going ahead with the gig, tbh there isnt much in it for the band.  The message I got was lets just get on with it theres not allot of time etc...eventually the message goes out, if we have to we will get a replacement bass player.  So Im now left feeling utterly disposable.   There's a shed load of reasons why this comment came out later, too much drama to go into, but do i just accept it as a one of those ill thought out comments or am i right to think "Whats the point of playing in this band?"

 

I really don't know which way to go with it..so I thought I'd ask the hive mind

 

Jonny

 

Hard to say without knowing the whole thing, but from what you've said I think that would become my ex-band pretty quick:

 

"good idea, get a replacement now, as I'm out"

 

 

[maxr]

I used to play in Scottish dance bands (the tartan jacket and bow tie variety), in 'handshake' bands - get there on time, shake hands, sight read the music, get the dosh,  shake hands, go home and don't see the others till next time. Everybody but the bandleader was replaceable and on the same fixed fee, 'cos he (mostly) had the van, the PA and the address book. All this was fair enough, after all the rest of us just had to turn up and sight read. On the other hand, I've played in original bands where there's no money and everyone's putting a lot of themself in - different situation, like any 'work'. I'd suggest you have to decide why you're doing it, and that usually comes down to some combination of fun and money, in varying degrees. Next thing is, what am I getting out of this and how does it compare with why I joined? Overall though, if you're not happy with it over a period, this is often a sign of 'musical differences' - which means, who gives a toss why this is happening and whose fault it is, I'm not happy and I'm walking!

[TimR]

Sounds like a stressful situation. 

 

Short notice gigs when you're not prepared bring out the worst in musicians. 

 

I'd take a deep breath, do the gig and sit back and wait for them to find a suitable guitarist. 

 

In the meantime join another band. You could be in for a long wait.

[nilorius]

On one side, yes - You could leave now with a simple msg. On the other side - think, do You really like to play with them, had they listened to Your opinion for some times. Finally - we can not give You a complete answer for 100%. You must decide Yourself !

[NancyJohnson]

I started a band over ten years ago, we limped along (the various line ups read like a version of one of Pete Frame's Rock Family Trees), but there was chemistry and fun.

 

We bought in a singer that needed us more than his old band; don't get me wrong, he was a great lyricist (let's leave it at that), but he kind of took over.  Toxic personality.  Guitarist left.  Drummer sacked (because he didn't like him).  

 

His entire outlook was that despite the band being mine (in the purest sense) and although I was writing 95% of the material, I was made to feel dispensable and easily replaceable at his whim.

 

When I'd had enough, I left.  That SoaB broke me and it hurt deeply.  They went through five bassists after I left (which must say something) and the band folded for good earlier this year.

 

If you're doing something and you're made to feel worthless, just walk.  It took a long time for me to accept that.  Plenty more bands out there.  I've done some of my best playing since I left.

 

 

[jonnybass]

Chatted it through with the Guitarist, he had already signed us up for the gig, putting himself under a big bit of pressure.  I didn't know the gig was definite, so I apologised, he thinks he told me, I cant recall that. Told him how it was handled made me feel disposable and I'll do the gig as I won't leave him or the band hanging, but Im not sure about going forward.  I'll be keeping an eye during the practices and after. I'm either an employee of the band leader and will happily do as Im told and get paid for my work or I'm an equal member and get a say, or they can find someone else...all depending on how the vibe is with a new guitarist that is..

 

Cheers for the input guys....bands eh, who needs them???  Never fall out with backing tracks