Things you WON'T hear at a gig

[Rich]

"Good evening! hope you brought your dancing shoes... this is from Lou Reed's 'Metal Machine Music' album..."

[ezbass]

Good evening everybody, I hope that you’re ready to laugh and be buoyed up by our big act’s uplifting exuberance, please welcome to the stage… Roger Waters.

[ezbass]

Hello, Download. Please give a big, Donnington roar for our headliners - ABBA!

[Rich]

"This next song is an excellent one that we all love, our bass player wrote it..."

[Lozz196]

Please welcome this humble band that is always appreciative of its audience, Royal Blood.

[Rich]

"HELLO GLYNDEBOURNE, LEMME HEAR YOU MAKE SOME F***ING NOISE!"

[mowf]

"Hello Radio 1 fans, we're Royal Blood and really happy to be here!"

[Rich]

"Level 42 regret to announce that Mark King has the flu and will not be appearing tonight. Depping for him, please welcome on bass Keith Bastárd, the UK's leading Sid Vicious tribute act."

[Osiris]

::wanders across stage to the guitarist(s)::

 

"You need to turn your wall of Marshalls up, nobody can hear you." 

[doomed]

Turn the bass up a bit.

[musicbassman]

Oooh, I hope there's going to be a bass solo !  😁👍

[ezbass]

Sound man to bass player, “I’ve set aside 15 minutes to dial in your sound.”

[Franticsmurf]

"Hello Glastonbury are your ready to rock? A few announcements before the main act. The bingo starts at 9.30 and this week's prize is a fantastic £132.85p. The Committee meets on Thursday to discuss the new roof, please attend as it's your club. There have been some complaints about the state of the toilet; please clean up after you. The ladies committee cake sale will take place on the 13th. If you have any plates or paper serviettes you can spare, please give them to Gladys. And now, the main act. Playing hits from the 50's to the 90s, here's Arthur Gimble and his Rockin' Rebels....."  

[Mykesbass]

24 minutes ago, Franticsmurf said:

"Hello Glastonbury are your ready to rock? A few announcements before the main act. The bingo starts at 9.30 and this week's prize is a fantastic £132.85p. The Committee meets on Thursday to discuss the new roof, please attend as it's your club. There have been some complaints about the state of the toilet; please clean up after you. The ladies committee cake sale will take place on the 13th. If you have any plates or paper serviettes you can spare, please give them to Gladys. And now, the main act. Playing hits from the 50's to the 90s, here's Arthur Gimble and his Rockin' Rebels....."  

Being Glastonbury wouldn't there also be a tofu raffle?

[asingardenof]

1 hour ago, ezbass said:

Hello, Download. Please give a big, Donnington roar for our headliners - ABBA!

Don't forget that Daphne & Celeste once appeared at Reading and Leeds...

[asingardenof]

"We're sorry, our bass player has forgotten all our songs. Is there another bass player out there who does and can step in?"

[chris_b]

Promoter: That was great. Here's another £200.

[mowf]

"Right before we start tonight, we have an extra bonus for you. Our bass player is going to talk through all the gear he'll be using for tonight's show. This shouldn't take more than 20 minutes, 30 tops."

[Trueno]

Tonight, we are bringing back that popular feature from the 1970s… the 20 minute drum solo!

[TheGreek]

"Thanks Mick (Mason) We  really appreciate the payment in advance"..

[bass_dinger]

"Thank you".

[jimmyb625]

You want to speak to the singer? Sorry, they're just packing up the van at the moment.

[cetera]

And now.... playing a *cough* Warwick....

 

'Cetera'! 

[Rich]

"Ladies and gentlemen, Rock Against Racism are proud to introduce our special guest... Eric Clapton!"

[Lfalex v1.1]

5 hours ago, doomed said:

Turn the bass up a bit.

I've heard that at a gig.

Do relatives count, though?