Things you WON'T hear at a gig

[oldslapper]

“Hope you enjoyed the show folks?! We’re passing a hat round now, please show your generosity by putting in whatever exposure you can give.”

Edited June 8, 2023 by oldslapper

[BreadBin]

5 hours ago, asingardenof said:

Don't forget that Daphne & Celeste once appeared at Reading and Leeds...

...and gave Royal Blood a lesson in how to behave on stage.

[uk_lefty]

"No it's fine, I love it when screaming drunk women grab the microphone"

[LeftyJ]

"Wow, that guy's bass looks and sounds awesome, but I don't recognise the headstock!" 

"Me neither. I think the logo is... drawn on with sharpie? And the tuners are mounted in this supercool fan pattern! I want one."

[paul_5]

1 hour ago, LeftyJ said:

"Wow, that guy's bass looks and sounds awesome, but I don't recognise the headstock!" 

"Me neither. I think the logo is... drawn on with sharpie? And the tuners are mounted in this supercool fan pattern! I want one."

...ideally one where the bridge is hanging off the ârsę end of it!

[snorkie635]

"Thanks for the last 90 minutes guys. No. You take as long as you like breaking your kit down. The next act say they're more than happy to wait."

[nilorius]

Depends of the guy who does the sound check and controls the full sound.

Edited June 8, 2023 by nilorius

[dclaassen]

“Could you use something other than a P Bass?”

[tauzero]

"Here, would anyone like to play the tambourine?"

[Richard R]

Thanks for booking us at Billy's 10th birthday party! We're going to finish up with a couple of covers by our favourite artists. First it's "Tie me kangaroo down, sport", then "Do you want to be in my gang?" Get Dancing!

[Norris]

"You've ignored us all night, but now you're drunk. Of course we'll keep playing. Oasis you say? Certainly!"

[Richard R]

"Mustang Sally! Let it happen bass player!"

[fleabag]

Pal No 1  :  " Hey who's that on bass ? "

Pal No.2  :  " Thats fleabag "

Pal No.1  :   " Wow, he's friggin ' awesome. Why isnt he rich and famous ? "

 

[funkgod]

that didn't go down too well did it ? okkkky,,, seems no one likes Jonathan King. right lets try this one, this is by Rolf Harris.

[snorkie635]

"Ladies and gentlemen. We have come to the night's big prize-draw, a sponsored five-string Musicman Stingray. The lucky winner will pick this up in the dressing room at the end of the dark corridor in the basement, where our sponsor has his office. And the winner is ... ...

 

 

[Rusty Spanner]

Hello, we're Rush,  don't forget to vote Corbyn!

Edited June 9, 2023 by Rusty Spanner

[Rich]

"gareth, what did you think of the band?"

"Oh don't ask me, I don't have an opinion."

 

[Richard R]

Ladies and gentlemen,  the venue and promotors apologise for the sightly late start. This was due to the band ensuring their support act had a proper sound check.

[Gasman]

“I just can’t hear their lead guitarist at all, I really wish he’d turn his amp up and drown out that bass player...”

[TheGreek]

The locals have asked that we turn up the volume...

[mowf]

Hi I'm Chesney Hawkes, I hope you're ready for some new songs tonight!

[Lfalex v1.1]

40 minutes ago, mowf said:

Hi I'm Chesney Hawkes, I hope you're ready for some new songs tonight!

 

Nik Kershaw would like a word...

[Rich]

"Good evening, I'm Van Morrison and it really is such a pleasure to be here, thank you all so much for coming and please give a big hand to my wonderful band..."

[TeresaFR]

*From within a cloud of dry ice* "I'm Andrew Eldritch, we're the Sisters of Mercy and we want to thank all the Goths who have stuck with us through all the f***ing years! Much love to each and everyone one of you. And don't forget to pick up signed copies of the new album from our merch stall on your way out!"

Edited June 14, 2023 by TeresaFR

[tauzero]

"Hi, I'm Bruce Springsteen and it's great to be here playing for Donald Trump's campaign rally".