Things you WON'T hear at a gig

[Richard R]

I'd like to thank everyone who helped get this tour finally on the road after so long, especially the lawyers and accountants. Give them a big hand!

[Bolo]

A pin drop?

[lozkerr]

"Hi! I'm Eric Clapton and I'd like to welcome you all to our testimonial Rock Against Racism gig!"

[Rich]

Oh look, every single member of the support band stayed to watch our entire set.

[Kitsto]

"Lovely to be back at the Duck & Ferkin. As usual we're packed in between the toilet and the bar. Very cosy. You won't see our bass player but you will hear him. He's back there in the urinals but we've managed to squeeze his rig onstage." 

 

Have to say: this is an inspired thread - haven't laughed so much in years! Every single one brilliant!

Edited June 15, 2023 by Kitsto

[Rich]

54 minutes ago, Rich said:

Oh look, every single member of the support band stayed to watch our entire set.

Oh look, every single member of the main act stayed to watch our entire set and didn't just p!ss off to the pub the moment they'd finished soundcheck.

[neepheid]

10 hours ago, Bolo said:

A pin drop?

 

Unfortunately, I have played gigs where this has been entirely possible

[asingardenof]

"I'm Eric Clapton and Black Lives Matter!"

[bassace]

The DJ hasn’t arrived yet so the stage is clear for you to set up on.

[Heathy]

“You can sing along with this one. It’s called ‘Two Little Boys’”

[funkgod]

hello all, welcome to our double bouble tribute show,

we are  going to play a first set of simply red songs and a second set of wet wet wet songs

i hope you enjoy them, thank you,

we are called Simply wet.

[NancyJohnson]

Soundman:  'I say, you two, yes you, the bass player and the guitarist.  Yes you.  Would you be so kind as to turn your amps up a smidgen?  The stage sound is a bit quiet.'

[snorkie635]

4 hours ago, Kitsto said:

"Lovely to be back at the Duck & Ferkin. As usual we're packed in between the toilet and the bar. Very cosy. You won't see our bass player but you will hear him. He's back there in the urinals but we've managed to squeeze his rig onstage." 

 

Have to say: this is an inspired thread - haven't laughed so much in years! Every single one brilliant!

 

"For our next number, we offer a new composition of ten minutes duration. I have been asked by Boab Black, Entertainments Convener of The Committee, to warn you that this number WILL be interrupted by the bingo, when the the band's black boxes will be unceremoniously un-plugged from the wall, as the drummer is temporarily crucified to ensure sacrosanct silence in-case Wee Aggie misses a line. The band will, of course, be amply compensated for this public humiliation and artistic vandalism, and hope 'legs eleven' is good to you this night and evermore. Thank you. Ah, one, ah two, a one, two, three, four ..."

[Hellzero]

I'd like to thank the tables and chairs that have been supporting us during our gig.

[chrisbass13]

Things you wont hear at a gig?..a Pbass with flats 😉 

[SH73]

Anthrax gig: Can everybody please remain seated.

 

Maiden gig: The bass was inaudible

 

Metallica gig: Lars flipping nailed it 

Edited June 17, 2023 by SH73
Add on

[Lozz196]

5 hours ago, Hellzero said:

I'd like to thank the tables and chairs that have been supporting us during our gig.

Don’t, that’s one of my pet hates, bands thanking, get on & play please!

[Richard R]

54 minutes ago, Lozz196 said:

Don’t, that’s one of my pet hates, bands thanking, get on & play please!

 

@Lozz196 thanking anyone at all from the stage. 

 

 

 

But he's a lovely chap who profusely thanks the soundman, lighting crew, roadies and event security after his gigs and pays them straight away. 

 

 

[Richard R]

Him: the beer and food is good value here

Her: and the toilets are really clean.

[tauzero]

This one's dedicated to Boris Johnson!

 

At first, I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side...

[Rich]

I love all the widdling the guitarist does between songs, it sounds so professional.

[Muzz]

'One of the highlights of a pub gig for me is listening to guitarists tune up; it's so disappointing at bigger gigs when they're muted; I miss that 'will they, won't they?' tension as they search for the pitch...'

 

'I may have had a few, but I'm certainly going to resist shouting 'Three! Four!' while they soundcheck the mics...'

Edited June 16, 2023 by Muzz

[Rich]

I'm going to listen to this band, applaud between songs and then ask for an encore at the end, rather than ignore them completely and yell at/talk to my mates throughout the entire set only to drunkenly yell "ONE MORE SONG" after they finish despite the fact that I haven't paid attention to a single note they've played all night.

[Franticsmurf]

"Hey, man. We're in a band too but you're so much better than us, and you have gigs."

[Richard R]

2 hours ago, Franticsmurf said:

"Hey, man. We're in a band too but you're so much better than us, and you have gigs."

I shall make a point of shouting that as loudly as I can this evening 😊

 

Bruce and the band probably won't hear me as they'll be 60 yards away at the other end of Villa Park