Anyone else just ready to give up?

[dmccombe7]

22 minutes ago, MikanHannille said:

I stopped playing this year. Apart from the odd dep session, I've tried to start up a band 3 times and each time it folded after a couple of months for various reasons. I don't have the patience and time anymore. It's so much hassle lugging around gear and late nights. Not for me anymore. 

Still have 3  basses for noodling at home. Every now and again I get the urge to message people to jam but I find myself quickly talking myself out of it. 

When i started back up again with bands at age 50 i went thru same sort of things. I've been in so many bands in the past 10-12 yrs i've lost track of them but i enjoyed most of them musically but the people is what failed for me until my 2 current bands. Glam band is now 5 yrs old and the punk band i joined 2 yrs ago now. Same drummer and female singer in both bands so that makes life a lot easier. The Glam band was good to start with but our new guitarist joined over a year ago and its transformed the full band experience. He's just a better fit and a happier person that has fitted right in

Never give up if you really want to play gigs. At some point you'll meet the right people for you and WOW what a difference it makes.

Dave

[dmccombe7]

3 minutes ago, Burns-bass said:

This is the same for me. I’ve justified one mega purchase this year with my gig income. With all the gigs already booked it’ll pay itself off. That’s incredibly satisfying to know a £3,000 piece of gear will be earned through music. 

Superb.

[SteveXFR]

After a busy year with the band, writing, recording and our first few gigs including a support slot with a thrash metal legend, I've come to realise gigging isn't for me.

I enjoy the actual gig but get stressed out for a couple weeks before and I've decided it's not worth the stress. We've got two more gigs in January and then I'm out of the band and selling my gear. I'm not much of a home noodler and don't really enjoy playing along to songs so I guess that's it.

[Boodang]

20 minutes ago, SteveXFR said:

After a busy year with the band, writing, recording and our first few gigs including a support slot with a thrash metal legend, I've come to realise gigging isn't for me.

I enjoy the actual gig but get stressed out for a couple weeks before and I've decided it's not worth the stress. We've got two more gigs in January and then I'm out of the band and selling my gear. I'm not much of a home noodler and don't really enjoy playing along to songs so I guess that's it.

Of course the closing of one door could lead to the opening of another…. a completely new hobby maybe. Or, how about a new instrument.. drums perhaps? I also see the bass as a drum kit with notes, so not a huge leap between the two. 

[tegs07]

41 minutes ago, SteveXFR said:

After a busy year with the band, writing, recording and our first few gigs including a support slot with a thrash metal legend, I've come to realise gigging isn't for me.

I enjoy the actual gig but get stressed out for a couple weeks before and I've decided it's not worth the stress. We've got two more gigs in January and then I'm out of the band and selling my gear. I'm not much of a home noodler and don't really enjoy playing along to songs so I guess that's it.

Sad to read this. You did really well getting to this stage. Maybe some virtual recording. Guy I used to work with collaborates writing songs with one guy in the states and another in new zealand. they “met” on some song d sharing platform or other as he writes tons of songs (but never finishes them)! obvious issues with gigging but they put it out on the internet and have fun.

Edited December 31, 2023 by tegs07

[Supernaut]

39 minutes ago, SteveXFR said:

After a busy year with the band, writing, recording and our first few gigs including a support slot with a thrash metal legend, I've come to realise gigging isn't for me.

I enjoy the actual gig but get stressed out for a couple weeks before and I've decided it's not worth the stress. We've got two more gigs in January and then I'm out of the band and selling my gear. I'm not much of a home noodler and don't really enjoy playing along to songs so I guess that's it.

I don't understand 'stressed out'? You mean nerves? 

[SteveXFR]

15 minutes ago, Supernaut said:

I don't understand 'stressed out'? You mean nerves? 

 

I get really bad anxiety. Dunno why, makes no sense, don't know what I'm anxious and stressed about. 

I used to spend my weekends doing activities which regularly caused serious injuries and id be excited all week. Now that I'm just standing on stage plucking see strings in a slightly aggressive manner I dread it. The worst that could happen is Tony Iommi could hear us and decide to sue for a riff or two we may have borrowed. 

[dmccombe7]

7 hours ago, SteveXFR said:

After a busy year with the band, writing, recording and our first few gigs including a support slot with a thrash metal legend, I've come to realise gigging isn't for me.

I enjoy the actual gig but get stressed out for a couple weeks before and I've decided it's not worth the stress. We've got two more gigs in January and then I'm out of the band and selling my gear. I'm not much of a home noodler and don't really enjoy playing along to songs so I guess that's it.

I used to be like that but the more gigs i do the less stressed i feel. Perhaps give it some more time and see how it goes. 

I get stressed for some gigs like the one tonight at a country club with Glam band. Wasn't sure it would go down well but we were proved wrong.

I've been worrying all week about it.

Dave

[KingBollock]

9 hours ago, SteveXFR said:

After a busy year with the band, writing, recording and our first few gigs including a support slot with a thrash metal legend, I've come to realise gigging isn't for me.

I enjoy the actual gig but get stressed out for a couple weeks before and I've decided it's not worth the stress. We've got two more gigs in January and then I'm out of the band and selling my gear. I'm not much of a home noodler and don't really enjoy playing along to songs so I guess that's it.

This seems such a shame, but I understand some of the cruel treacheries of the human mind. Is the lead up to the event the only thing making you want to quit?

 

If you have made your mind up, then I apologise for this next bit, because I can’t know your precise problem and so throwing different, possible solutions at you may not be welcome.

 

Have you considered counselling/therapy/hypnosis? I don’t imagine you’d be able to get it on the nhs, and I don’t know your financial situation. I have no idea how much such an option would likely cost.

 

I think someone has already suggested virtual recording. Do you play any other instruments? Could writing music be an option? Do you have to be in a gigging band to play? I, personally, would be perfectly happy just to write music and rehearse it once a week with a band, with never having gigging as a goal. Just to play with other people would be enough. Recording would be cool, too.

 

One of my biggest regrets is having to walk away from a whole circle of musicians and never being able to find my way into local music scenes since. I miss playing with other people so much, and I have only ever played a handful of gigs.

 

But, the most important question is: Will, you be sticking around BassChat? I hope so.

[Boodang]

10 hours ago, SteveXFR said:

 

I get really bad anxiety. Dunno why, makes no sense, don't know what I'm anxious and stressed about. 

I used to spend my weekends doing activities which regularly caused serious injuries and id be excited all week. Now that I'm just standing on stage plucking see strings in a slightly aggressive manner I dread it. The worst that could happen is Tony Iommi could hear us and decide to sue for a riff or two we may have borrowed. 

Interestingly I do get some anxiety when I do a gig on bass (and I’ve been playing for 40 years) but when it’s drums, there’s zero anxiety. Don’t know why one has that affect and the other doesn’t. 
On the other point that was made, we had a violin player leave to go to another country but we’re continuing to put together an album of ‘Boston punk’ numbers which is actually the most fun thing I’ve done in ages. 

[Franticsmurf]

15 hours ago, SteveXFR said:

After a busy year with the band, writing, recording and our first few gigs including a support slot with a thrash metal legend, I've come to realise gigging isn't for me.

I enjoy the actual gig but get stressed out for a couple weeks before and I've decided it's not worth the stress. We've got two more gigs in January and then I'm out of the band and selling my gear. I'm not much of a home noodler and don't really enjoy playing along to songs so I guess that's it.

I'm not a psychologist: I don't mean to make light of the situation and having never been in that place I can't claim to understand what you're going through. But if there's a 'thing' that causes anxiety then there must be a way of overcoming that 'thing' (I mean with professional help as has been suggested above). And the first step is to identify the thing in question. Personally, I love playing live but I hate the bits around it - I feel stressed thinking about the parking and the logistics. Not enough to stop me playing but enough that I am thinking about it in the run up to the gig and I will look to share a car/van if at all possible.  

 

Don't sell everything. Keep enough to practice and gig. You never know what will happen in the next 12 months and from experience (I 'gave up' bands for a couple of years) you'll only have to buy new stuff when the urge returns. And, of course, stay on BC so we can hear about any updates.

Edited January 1 by Franticsmurf

[12stringbassist]

20 hours ago, SteveXFR said:

 

I enjoy the actual gig but get stressed out for a couple weeks before and I've decided it's not worth the stress. We've got two more gigs in January and then I'm out of the band and selling my gear. I'm not much of a home noodler and don't really enjoy playing along to songs so I guess that's it.

I have had periods (early on) where I was approaching 'stage fright' and I stressed out terribly for a few days before gigs.

 

What saved me from stopping playing altogether was someone turning around and pointing out the reality that we always did well at gigs, that audiences often don't care, often don't listen too closely, that I was only a fraction of the band and that after a couple of hours it would be over and I'd come away with money. After a few words with myself, I got on with it. It got easier and easier.

Not everyone is the same of course, but maybe reflecting on the fact that your gigs always go well enough may ease the anxiety a little.

 

All these years later, I still worry very slightly about the occasional gig, but not in anything like the same way.

[Stub Mandrel]

I had about 22 years off.

 

Bloody glad I came back. It helped save my sanity.

 

I couldn't believe how much I had missed playing with others.

[snorkie635]

20 hours ago, SteveXFR said:

After a busy year with the band, writing, recording and our first few gigs including a support slot with a thrash metal legend, I've come to realise gigging isn't for me.

I enjoy the actual gig but get stressed out for a couple weeks before and I've decided it's not worth the stress. We've got two more gigs in January and then I'm out of the band and selling my gear. I'm not much of a home noodler and don't really enjoy playing along to songs so I guess that's it.

Sorry to read this one Steve. Stress can be a pig when it takes over. I can't/won't attempt to talk you out of your decision as I don't know what the root cause is, but I would urge you not to sell up too quickly. Give yourself time to see if things change. Whatever you decide, I wish you all the best. Remember, you don't have to be a 'player' to be on BC.

[Paul S]

My view - It's supposed to be fun, if it isn't fun, stop.  Only you know how you feel.  And, yeah, sell all your gear.  If you want to start again, get some more gear. 

[Paolo85]

20 hours ago, SteveXFR said:

After a busy year with the band, writing, recording and our first few gigs including a support slot with a thrash metal legend, I've come to realise gigging isn't for me.

I enjoy the actual gig but get stressed out for a couple weeks before and I've decided it's not worth the stress. We've got two more gigs in January and then I'm out of the band and selling my gear. I'm not much of a home noodler and don't really enjoy playing along to songs so I guess that's it.

Sorry to hear that. I can imagine recording originals, promoting them and sharing stage with bands you live and admire could be nerve wrecking. Could it make sense to change band, join one that is less busy, less good, playing music you care less about (maybe simple covers), all just for fun? That could be a temporary thing or a permanent thing, depending what you'll find makes you happiest

 

[SteveXFR]

46 minutes ago, Paolo85 said:

Sorry to hear that. I can imagine recording originals, promoting them and sharing stage with bands you live and admire could be nerve wrecking. Could it make sense to change band, join one that is less busy, less good, playing music you care less about (maybe simple covers), all just for fun? That could be a temporary thing or a permanent thing, depending what you'll find makes you happiest

 

 

I don't really enjoy covers to be honest. A band with more members may be less stressful, with just the one guitar and drums and not a lot of vocals, the bass is a huge part of the overall sound so mistakes really stand out. The issue with finding another band is Somerset is a bit of a heavy metal waste land, its all folk and blues bands. 

[tauzero]

20 hours ago, SteveXFR said:

 

I get really bad anxiety. Dunno why, makes no sense, don't know what I'm anxious and stressed about. 

I used to spend my weekends doing activities which regularly caused serious injuries and id be excited all week. Now that I'm just standing on stage plucking see strings in a slightly aggressive manner I dread it. The worst that could happen is Tony Iommi could hear us and decide to sue for a riff or two we may have borrowed. 

 

The singer/guitarist for my former band stopped after suffering crippling anxiety, so that band wound up in 2021. However, he has recovered somewhat and started doing open mic nights. I'd encourage you not to sell everything, at least not straight away.

[Woodinblack]

1 hour ago, SteveXFR said:

The issue with finding another band is Somerset is a bit of a heavy metal waste land, its all folk and blues bands. 

 

This is true - but there were a few metal bands around here for a bit before lockdown.

[SamIAm]

I first started playing bass (About 2016) as a member of a ukulele band.  Loved it!

Playing a ubass evolved into playing bass guitar (Sub short scale) and I was off.

Sadly in early 2023 'artistic differences' led to me leaving the band (They booted me out ... still not sure why)

 

I'm trying to start a new band but it is not going well, just two of us at the moment.

 

Once a month I do get the chance to join in a local jam group where 15-30 folks uke to the max and it is fun, but I really miss the buzz of gigging.

 

I am finding it so hard to practice without having an aim, a gig.

 

Sam x

[12stringbassist]

We've got 98 bookings in for this year (including our jam night.
That's what I intend to do this year, not looking to fill the diary up to the 120 or so we usually do.
I have no plans to work next year, but I reserve the right to change my mind.

[Bluewine]

On 31/12/2023 at 12:57, SteveXFR said:

I've come to realise gigging isn't for me.

I enjoy the actual gig but get stressed out for a couple weeks before and I've decided it's not worth the stress. 

 

We're all different. The only time I get stressed is when we don't have a lot of gigs booked. I like to see a summer schedule where we have something every week .

 

Daryl

[dmccombe7]

On 01/01/2024 at 18:07, SamIAm said:

I first started playing bass (About 2016) as a member of a ukulele band.  Loved it!

Playing a ubass evolved into playing bass guitar (Sub short scale) and I was off.

Sadly in early 2023 'artistic differences' led to me leaving the band (They booted me out ... still not sure why)

 

I'm trying to start a new band but it is not going well, just two of us at the moment.

 

Once a month I do get the chance to join in a local jam group where 15-30 folks uke to the max and it is fun, but I really miss the buzz of gigging.

 

I am finding it so hard to practice without having an aim, a gig.

 

Sam x

I'm guessing you've tried all the usual sites for musicians wanted. Facebook, Gumtree, Join My Band, Bandmix are all my usual haunts altho i've not used them in 5 yrs now since forming my current group with like minded musos.

Dave

[TRBboy]

@AndyTravis sorry to hear you've lost the love man (although I haven't read the entire thread, so maybe you found it again along the way! 😅). As with all things, you will end up where you need to be, I'm sure. If you don't have a desire to get out gigging currently, and just want to play a bit at home, that's fine. I guess I'm saying don't be too hard on yourself. Don't feel pressure to set expectations on yourself that you don't feel in your heart. Do whatever makes you happy at the present time, even if it's not what you think you should be doing.

 

I don't practice anywhere near as much as I should, and when I pick up the bass I tend to play the same old stuff. I feel like my creativity has disappeared. I know what I should be doing about it, but I guess I just don't want it enough otherwise I'd get on and do it.

 

I'm also guilty of spending more time tinkering with gear and browsing than actually playing at the moment.

 

Band wise, I'm fortunate to have been in a really good covers band with some really great friends for the past 13 years, and although we gig fairly regularly, we don't really find the time to rehearse any more and learn new material, what with family/work commitments etc. The band feels like it's stalling a little tbh. I'd quite like more gigs, but I feel so out of the loop I don't know where I'd start with finding something else to supplement it, a new project. 20 years ago there was a vibrant music scene around here and I knew loads of musos, but now those connections are mostly gone and there doesn't seem to be much of a scene, outside of pub cover bands like us.

 

I wish you all the best on the next leg of your journey, enjoy whatever you're doing, even if it doesn't center around bass at the moment. 🙏

[AndyTravis]

25 minutes ago, TRBboy said:

@AndyTravis sorry to hear you've lost the love man (although I haven't read the entire thread, so maybe you found it again along the way! 😅). As with all things, you will end up where you need to be, I'm sure. If you don't have a desire to get out gigging currently, and just want to play a bit at home, that's fine. I guess I'm saying don't be too hard on yourself. Don't feel pressure to set expectations on yourself that you don't feel in your heart. Do whatever makes you happy at the present time, even if it's not what you think you should be doing.

 

I don't practice anywhere near as much as I should, and when I pick up the bass I tend to play the same old stuff. I feel like my creativity has disappeared. I know what I should be doing about it, but I guess I just don't want it enough otherwise I'd get on and do it.

 

I'm also guilty of spending more time tinkering with gear and browsing than actually playing at the moment.

 

Band wise, I'm fortunate to have been in a really good covers band with some really great friends for the past 13 years, and although we gig fairly regularly, we don't really find the time to rehearse any more and learn new material, what with family/work commitments etc. The band feels like it's stalling a little tbh. I'd quite like more gigs, but I feel so out of the loop I don't know where I'd start with finding something else to supplement it, a new project. 20 years ago there was a vibrant music scene around here and I knew loads of musos, but now those connections are mostly gone and there doesn't seem to be much of a scene, outside of pub cover bands like us.

 

I wish you all the best on the next leg of your journey, enjoy whatever you're doing, even if it doesn't center around bass at the moment. 🙏

Hi mate - love is found. Literally as this thread took off - I got hooked up with something already rolling…

 

Very different to my last band (who were like a 1990’s Chilis type thing)…

 

This is like an indie project, pretty cool.

 

Anyhow, had a fair few rehearsals and we’re starting recording soon…