Anyone else just ready to give up?

[Cosmo Valdemar]

You move fast Andy, I'll give you that!

[Bluewine]

My rant;

 

Just another thought for perspective. 

 

I'm 70 and I brag a lot about the fact that I'm still gigging 65 shows annually. However, it's because I'm in a good, smart band. Are we the best local band, no, but we're one of the smartest. We do things that are right for us.

 

For those who follow my posts, you know I'm an advocate for good people over good musicians. I'm also into " good decisions ". For example,  we've been around since 2007. We've been through the 3 gig weekends and the 4 hour bar gigs that are still prevalent in the States.

 

When I say we're smart, I mean we're smart enough to know we've outgrown late night bar gigs. We've also avoided band drama and turmoil.  Many of those band dynamics,  drama, band turmoil and bad bookings contribute to guys giving up. It's not because they don't like gigging or being in a band but more not liking their particular negative band circumstances including age, medical and physical issues.

 

I'll stop when walking on stage is no longer physically possible or no fun anymore.  I can't really imagine it not being fun.

 

Blue

 

 

Edited October 23, 2023 by Bluewine

[Geek99]

@Bluewine

im a good person but not a good musician. Your formula sounds perfect 

 

[Bluewine]

3 hours ago, Geek99 said:

@Bluewine

im a good person but not a good musician. Your formula sounds perfect 

 

 

I'm not a great bass player, however I know how to pick the right band for me to play with and I'm pretty sure I know how to be in a band.

 

My rule of thumb,  always be positive and keep your mouth shut .

 

Daryl

[Bluewine]

On 14/10/2023 at 01:39, NJE said:

 

 

 

 

Not because it’s a bad band, but just the general stress and pressure and I have plenty of other things going on, two kids and work and a business project with a friend.

 

.

 

Good point, I'm always looking at things through my situation.  Single, retired and I live alone.

 

Daryl

[Franticsmurf]

17 hours ago, AndyTravis said:

Just need to find an OC-2 🥴😂

Or make that your sound in the band. So in years to come, the posts on here will go along the lines of "...first one fretless, lots of nods to Andy Travis..." 😃

[Ander87]

That'll be me - I've been in a band a couple++ years, done some 50 gigs, recorded in studio in three occasions, done 3-4 videoclips and got signed by a small record label. 

 

Very, very conscious that the above is nothing to many of the talented folk here, but for me it was enough - I wanted to be in a punk rock trio where I'd learn to sing backing vocals and other bits, experience studio recording and be confident when going to stage and I did just that, so, in a way my heart is full.

 

I was commuting down to London from Northants for rehearsals and 50% of gigs and it just got boring and annoying in the industry. Fantastic bandmates, good fun and great mates but tired of those 'sorry we can't pay you' gigs or feeling like we're begging for petrol, or having to promote gigs over and over and over. Great for those that think 'well that's what you should do/that's the industry', but clearly not for me.

 

I may well have been a bit too hasty in moving most of my gear, but since summer I've only learnt 3-4 new songs and haven't grabbed the bass in about a month... Also note since July I was probably playing bass only for gigs or the odd rehearsal.

 

Soooo... Keeping one bass, the Capo preamp and I do have a PA/Monitor I can plug both to if something comes up. Funny enough my wife is starting a new project - I started playing bass since she needed a bassist some 5 years ago, and I told her I was happy if she wanted me in this project or if she wanted to experiment with other bassists to broaden her experience working with other musos since she's already done stuff with me... I'm secretly happy that she chose the latter.

 

God knows if I'll have appetite for stage or bands more local, but the planets need to align for the right project and all that - oh, and I need to be looking to find that, which I'm not  I've got a little Harley Benton guitar on the way and a Nord keyboard at home that do have more chances of getting SOME playtime, but let's be honest, probs it'll be just some noodling whilst watching TV or a weekend where I want to do James Blake and James Dean chords on the Nord 😆

 

... And, I'm at peace with all that.

[Rich]

On 22/10/2023 at 20:41, Bluewine said:

you know I'm an advocate for good people over good musicians. 

 

I'm with you 100% there. I would far rather play with average musos who were lovely people, than with virtuosos who were utter gits. Luckily I get the best of both worlds... both bands are git-free zones, my 20 bandmates are all wonderful friends and I love em to bits, and they're all super musicians and performers too. I'm very lucky, but if I was to lose these two bands I'm not sure if I'd carry on. 

Edited October 25, 2023 by Rich

[Woodinblack]

1 hour ago, Rich said:

I'm with you 100% there. I would far rather play with average musos who were lovely people, than with virtuosos who were utter gits. Luckily I get the best of both worlds..

 

Average musicians that are gits?

[chris_b]

On 22/10/2023 at 20:41, Bluewine said:

. . . .  I'm an advocate for good people over good musicians. . . . .

 

It's always nice when you play with good people, but you can't beat good players. In the past I have done many great gigs in bands run by total a-holes who were good musicians, but they were great gigs. As long as they're not cheating on the money, I'm not going to complain. 

 

These days I seem to be meeting and playing with good bands, musicians and people. There are not enough gigs, but even so I'm living in good times.

[Bluewine]

3 hours ago, Rich said:

I'm very lucky, but if I was to lose these two bands I'm not sure if I'd carry on. 

 

I know the feeling,  If my band folded I'd never be able to find a new band and have it as good as I have it. Never.

 

Daryl

[Al Krow]

Interesting side-track about good (as in easy to get on with) people vs good musicians.

 

Both are obviously ideal.

 

Anyone who is either really unpleasant to work with / be around or isn't sufficiently good / willing to improve and is holding the band back, is not going to last, and either the individual or his/her bandmates are likely to end up parting company.

 

What is "sufficiently good" is going to differ depending on what people want from the project.  E.g. a hobby band playing pubs once a month can take a more relaxed "fun" approach vs semi-pro musicians looking to make a decent part time living from being working musicians playing function gigs where a greater degree of professionalism and musicianship is going to be required as the entry ticket.

 

Edited October 25, 2023 by Al Krow

[12stringbassist]

15 hours ago, Bluewine said:

 

I know the feeling,  If my band folded I'd never be able to find a new band and have it as good as I have it. Never.

 

Daryl

When my old band folded in December 2010, I felt I'd never ever get anything as good ever again. And maybe I didn't, but I got something else good in 2016 after a couple of years dealing with idiots and playing the odd thing with a couple of friends to keep my hand in.

Now we do 120 - 125 a year.

[BreadBin]

I came close to giving up some years ago. Instead I started collecting unusual bass guitars, although I've now reduced the collection somewhat.

I kept my hand in, played with a folk outfit for a bit but quit that when other members demonstrated their lack of regard for the time I was committing to the project. Then I got contacted by a lifelong friend and former bandmate asking if I'd be interested in getting involved in a musical project with him and a very talented songwriter. I seized the opportunity, and now at the age of 51 am playing the best I ever have - creating music I am immensely proud of (including singing! ) with two great mates. We have a good laugh, we perform professionally and I am so glad I didn't jack it in.

[martin8708]

If I’m not in a band , I will rarely play bass at home , I much prefer to pick up a Classical guitar and play that until I manage to wheedle my way into a band as a bassist .

As previously said , there is always the natural ebb and flow of playing music , I don’t think you can sustain 110% effort all the time without some burnout or disinterest.

My current band suits me very well , we mainly gig in Summer, our rehearsals are very low stress social events , lots of chat and cups of tea , lots of varied and unusual material to try , we all know we are never going to play Wembley , 

For me , the key is to enjoy music / playing bass. 

[ead]

Motivation for those who are flagging...

 

 

[AndyTravis]

Right…10am rehearsal, off I go 🫣

[AndyTravis]

I did a rehearse

[JazzyJ]

12 months ago I became really ill. We started the band from scratch and we're pretty good over the 6 years /4-6 gigs a month. The last year has been a nightmare for me being in an out of hospital and the band folding, the guitarist got fed up along with one of the vocalists. I'm in a much better place now and would love to get back on stage again, after playing gigs for over 45 years l can't get my head around messing around at home. I'm also single, retired and live alone so miss the interaction very much. Need to get back on the bike in more ways than one.

My issues were sciatica and alcohol abuse, sciatica cleared up and not a drop consumed since.  Feel great and raring to go. I'll probably drop by the depression thread at some point and explain a little more 🙃 

[Newfoundfreedom]

3 minutes ago, JazzyJ said:

I'll probably drop by the depression thread at some point and explain a little more 🙃 

 

Please do. It's genuinely been a life saver for some of us. It always helps to know that you're not alone and other people are in the same boat. 

 

I've found through this forum that the support of strangers can be a really powerful thing. 

[snorkie635]

13 minutes ago, JazzyJ said:

12 months ago I became really ill. We started the band from scratch and we're pretty good over the 6 years /4-6 gigs a month. The last year has been a nightmare for me being in an out of hospital and the band folding, the guitarist got fed up along with one of the vocalists. I'm in a much better place now and would love to get back on stage again, after playing gigs for over 45 years l can't get my head around messing around at home. I'm also single, retired and live alone so miss the interaction very much. Need to get back on the bike in more ways than one.

My issues were sciatica and alcohol abuse, sciatica cleared up and not a drop consumed since.  Feel great and raring to go. I'll probably drop by the depression thread at some point and explain a little more 🙃 

Good for you - that's one serious achievement and one to be very proud of. Hang in there bud. 👍

[fretmeister]

On 12/10/2023 at 11:40, fretmeister said:

Over the last year I have been extremely close to quitting my big band. It's run by an educational trust and they decide who is running the ensembles. The last person was not cut out to do it at all. I stuck with it mainly because of a sense of duty (my kids spent many happy years getting involved) and because bassists are thin on the ground there at the moment. 

 

I had a little injury just before the end of term summer concert so I wasn't able to do it, and for the first time ever I didn't give a crap. I think bass duties were split between a tuba and a classical DB player. 

 

Over the summer holiday I didn't miss it either. Then the emails started about the planning for this term and included news that a new person had been appointed. I didn't know him but others did and were excited about it. With much pushing from my wife I decided to give it another shot. It couldn't possibly be worse than the last year.

 

The new chap is a massive improvement - he's passionate and really excited to be there. The repertoire has improved already. He's a proper jazz nerd and although he plays a load of instruments his main is trumpet.

 

I'm still undecided long term but at the moment I am not feeling hatred when I'm loading the car as I was over the last year and for reference, I only take a short scale, a BF 1x10 and a little amp. It's not like I'm lugging an 810!

 

It's difficult - I'm self employed and I work from home. Without this gig I would probably not leave the house unless I needed to go to the shops for something. I don't have to do anything other than turn up and play. No planning, no admin, none of that. And the rehearsals are on Saturday mornings which is also really convenient. I'm not going to get that in a pub band!

 

 

So, it's the big band or nothing, and at the moment I'm 45/55% in favour of the band. I hope that improves further, but I have been volunteering at the trust for over 10 years now and I'm also wondering if I've done my bit and it's just time to move on.

 

 

I've been pondering this a lot. The "is it time to leave" question is in my head on most days and I think that says it all.

While the new guy I mentioned is really excellent, I've been there for 10 years and I am just not feeling it anymore.

Even if I had total control over the set list it wouldn't make any difference.

 

I just need a good break.

 

Playing bass is my escape from work / people etc and I will not let it become a millstone that I end up hating as much as the crap stuff.

 

So, I'll do the next 2 rehearsals and then the Christmas concert and then call it a day.

 

Maybe I'll look for another, different band next year or the year after.

 

Edited November 23, 2023 by fretmeister

[Linus27]

1 hour ago, fretmeister said:

 

 

I've been pondering this a lot. The "is it time to leave" question is in my head on most days and I think that says it all.

While the new guy I mentioned is really excellent, I've been there for 10 years and I am just not feeling it anymore.

Even if I had total control over the set list it wouldn't make any difference.

 

I just need a good break.

 

Playing bass is my escape from work / people etc and I will not let it become a millstone that I end up hating as much as the crap stuff.

 

So, I'll do the next 2 rehearsals and then the Christmas concert and then call it a day.

 

Maybe I'll look for another, different band next year or the year after.

 

 

This makes perfect sense and its worth remembering that, stopping now and having a break does not mean its the end. I certainly go through cycles and always come back after a break and love what I come back to. Its always worth remembering that playing music is a creative process so you do give a lot of energy, emotion, expression, time etc. which can be draining so its natural to step away, have a break and recharge. Even when I was in a band that was signed, with a singles and an album that was selling well, songs being played on the radio and in the press, when we stopped it was a huge relief and weight off our shoulders and day after, I thought, thank f**k for that. So a break to find yourself and recharge is never a bad thing, you will either come back with more energy than before or you will know it was the time to stop and have no regrets.

[fretmeister]

Definitely. I've had breaks in the past ranging from 6 months to 2 years. Sometimes I've played a bit at home, sometimes not at all.

I play sax and guitar as well so it might be that I'll end up playing them at home for a change.

[fretmeister]

Ugh.

 

I've just realised that as I've volunteered there for over 10 years that means they'll want to do a gift and thank you routine at the last gig.

I hate that crap.

 

I might need to tell them straight after the gig instead of now.

 

It won't affect them looking for a replacement at all - they wouldn't do that until the following term anyway when they knew who had turned up.