Anyone else just ready to give up?

[miles'tone]

Regarding the original post - It's not that I was ready to give up, I just noticed that I had one day. Busy family life and a back injury meant that bass had drifted out of the picture. Sold some gear to spend money on the house.

No band, and pretty much zero social life meant that I just wasn't drawn to play my basses, as bass playing was always a social sport for me. 

I defo noticed my mental health suffered as a result too.

Now I have an Irish tenor banjo that I can't wait to get home and play everyday. It's made me as excited to play again in the way bass made me feel as a kid!

As long as we keep the basic enthusiasm for playing music, we will always be alright. It doesn't have to be bass. It will be all about the bass again sometime, of that I have no doubt.

But right now I'm so happy to have a change.

[Marc S]

Having thought some more about this thread, and having read some more comments, I just thought I'd add another one of those "take a break from playing bass" suggestions.

A note of caution though - don't take too long a break, or you may lose a bit more "mojo". To anyone feeling like they've hit a dead end, or had enough of a particular band... just take a short while off. Maybe play a different instrument? Perhaps a Ukulele, or that guitar you have gathering dust? Or perhaps seek out some other musicians you haven't played with before?

When you pick up a bass again - maybe learn that bassline you always liked, but never had chance to nail? There are loads of these for me, as I'm always busy learning songs for one of the bands I'm in. Another thing I quite like doing, is look at some of the excellent lessons on YouTube - perhaps even try playing a song you hadn't considered before.....

 

Most of all though, stick in there. I think music is a great therapy, and a great release from the other things in life - the things we have to do. As @miles'tone notes in the post above, time away from playing music can have a detrimental effect on mental health.

Edited December 19, 2023 by Marc S

[M@23]

In response to the first post, I get it. I’ve just come out the other side. A new job away from gigging, a whole host of personal stuff: divorce, house sale, navigating “co-parenting”, then a new relationship, and a new baby had really, REALLY, sucked the fun out of the thing I enjoyed most over the past 5 or so years. It become as royal PITA and learning songs and gigging was a huge burden.

I sold all my gear, unfollowed every bass related Instagram and YouTube channel and lived happily without it all. I’d seen friends bands, even been to a jam night, but the spark wasn’t there. It took a year away and going to see Level 42 to give me the interest again and now I’m happily gigging in a couple of bands again. I still don’t burn with passion for it like I used to, but it’s not my job anymore. It’s just a thing I can do for a break from life and to be creative. 

[BassAdder60]

Like so many of us I have quit, sold all my gear and decided I was done with band life. Without a band I saw little point in playing the bass !

Then after a few years break you get the urge to play again 

Around the age of mid fifties I said I would be done with bands by the time I reach 60 ( just seemed beyond that I would be too old )

Im now 63 and play in the best band for fun I’ve ever experienced and it’s the people I’m fortunate to be with make it what it is.

While I have good health I will carry on and review it when I’m 66 !! 

[Dov65]

👆same here 3 old school mates no hassles, attitudes, egos just pure fun 

[Franticsmurf]

10 hours ago, M@23 said:

It’s just a thing I can do for a break from life and to be creative.

I totally agree. Once it becomes work, the enjoyment often suffers and it's no longer something to look forward to. My other hobby is photography and although I have done some paid work in the past, I deliberately avoided making it 'work' so that I could use it as an escape from my day job.

[Lozz196]

1 hour ago, Franticsmurf said:

I totally agree. Once it becomes work, the enjoyment often suffers and it's no longer something to look forward to. My other hobby is photography and although I have done some paid work in the past, I deliberately avoided making it 'work' so that I could use it as an escape from my day job.

Same here, in my youth I tried to make it, did a UK tour and swiftly realised it was my hobby and what I did for enjoyment, didn`t want to make it my day job so quit that band and took a few years off playing. No idea if I would have ever made it (tho given percentages probably not) but I`m convinced I made the right decision as music has similarly been my escape and since quitting the booze my main source of enjoyment.

[StickyDBRmf]

Well, here's a guy that doesn't play a "bass", but plays an instrument that has a bass register, strings, fretboard, pickups...just no "body". And it has those "skinny strings", too. AND. It has two courses, one in 4ths, one in 5ths. I play the Stick every day (almost). The basses are in storage, for now, because I have no room for them, but they were hanging on the wall just a year ago. I play my own music, and I still want to record - myself, and with other like-minded dudes. Just having back issues now that drain the energy (and ambition) outa me, but...

If I didn't play music I would be in a padded cell or dead. 

[Bluewine]

I can't afford to throw in the towel. That's the sad part for those of us dependent on the money. I couldn't stop if I wanted to. I've got a long list of creditors.  Lol

 

Daryl

Edited December 21, 2023 by Bluewine

[Rosie C]

I was ready to give up playing in bands, in fact I probably posted earlier in this topic. But just this week I met a potential band member - a mulit-instrumentalist with similar music tastes to me... meeting up for a jam after Christmas. 😎

[jonunders]

Lost my mojo when my wife died and bands lead singer commited suicide. I haven't  found the desire to start again.

I have not sold any gear yet as I am hoping to get it back

[Bluewine]

On 24/12/2023 at 17:34, jonunders said:

Lost my mojo when my wife died and bands lead singer commited suicide. I haven't  found the desire to start again.

I have not sold any gear yet as I am hoping to get it back

 

My condolences Jon.

 

Daryl

[dmccombe7]

Over the many years i've been playing i've given up at different levels ie playing in bands, playing at all, even at home, but always having my Warwick Thumb NT89 as i love that bass and would never sell it. I got back into bands when i turned 50 after 15yrs off and never really looked back. I'm busier now than i ever was but its still just a hobby for me. I really enjoy playing in bands now that i've retired at 56 yrs old the pressure is off and i have the time to put the effort in that a band requires. I've always maintained that if it starts to feel more like a job i'll walk away but for now its all just good fun in both bands. Maybe its just good luck that both bands have great people in them and that makes life a whole lot easier.

For those thinking of giving it all up i'd say take a full break from it and see how you feel in 6mths to a year. If after that time you decide to walk away i would recommend keeping  the minimum amount of gear to gig and practice at home with just in case you change your mind again.

Dave

 

[Bluewine]

52 minutes ago, dmccombe7 said:

I really enjoy playing in bands now  that i've retired at 56 yrs old the pressure is off and i have the time to put the effort in that a band requires. 

 

Dave

 

 

Playing in a working band even as a hobby after your retired is great. For me it's the perfect part time job.

 

Daryl

[dmccombe7]

6 minutes ago, Bluewine said:

 

Playing in a working band even as a hobby after your retired is great. For me it's the perfect part time job.

 

Daryl

Its funny plus a turnaround for me. When i restarted playing in bands it was solely just for fun and never for the money but now that i'm gigging a fair bit i'm finding the extra cash very very handy. So far this year we've re-furnished our main living room 

I'ts also allowed me to buy a fair amount of new gear to satisfy my GAS. 

Its even funnier that with the Glam band i find myself not wanting to play for less than our usual fee even charity gigs i expect the full fee. I'm becoming greedy   i jest of course.  

Dave

 

 

Edited December 29, 2023 by dmccombe7

[Bluewine]

2 hours ago, dmccombe7 said:

Its funny plus a turnaround for me. When i restarted playing in bands it was solely just for fun and never for the money but now that i'm gigging a fair bit i'm finding the extra cash very very handy. So far this year we've re-furnished our main living room 

I'ts also allowed me to buy a fair amount of new gear to satisfy my GAS. 

Its even funnier that with the Glam band i find myself not wanting to play for less than our usual fee even charity gigs i expect the full fee. I'm becoming greedy   i jest of course.  

Dave

 

 

Hi Dave,

 

You probably know my story. 

 

With me it started out as purely fun and happy to be in a band with good gigs. When I started paying bills with gig money things started to change and ultimately became dependent on the extra income. 

 

Datyl

[dmccombe7]

10 hours ago, Bluewine said:

Hi Dave,

 

You probably know my story. 

 

With me it started out as purely fun and happy to be in a band with good gigs. When I started paying bills with gig money things started to change and ultimately became dependent on the extra income. 

 

Datyl

Yep i remember us discussing this very issue about being dependant V's playing for fun.

We talked about bands under-selling themselves or playing for nothing and how it affects the market and other musicians who rely on income from gigs.

My views and opinions have changed since that discussion and now totally agree on the value of pricing our gigs accordingly to keep the market healthy for musicians and bands. We now have an agreed minimum fee with both my bands.

Dave

[Lfalex v1.1]

I've just recently got back into a band. 

And am on the verge of leaving. 

The set-up is the best I've ever been in;

 

Nice enough guys. 

Free rehearsals & gear storage. 

Not far from home.

 

However, I'm struggling with the dynamic.  The drummer and guitarist write together because their availability is better, and by the time I get to hear anything,  the drummer has jammed something into every beat of the song, leaving no space for me at all. He then lectures me on how I should be emphasising this accent or that.  He's using IEMs fed from my preamp DI. I'm running through amp/cab, and we're clearly not hearing the same thing. 

There seems to be no concept of harmony or counter- melody anywhere. 

 

The workload is intense (by my standards) I've learned 9 songs in 3 weeks, and they're piling more up.

 

Festival dates are also being booked,  and it's causing domestic and workplace difficulties,  too.

I can't come to terms with why they're SO committed and driven. We're all between 35 and 50, and aren't ever going to make anything of it, so why work excessively hard.  Sure,  be competent.  Better still  be really good,  but it's supposed to be fun. 

This and a run of really poor health with inadequate support from the NHS is making bass playing a real chore.

 

Playing (period) used to be my happy place, and it feels like that's being spoiled.

 

/rant

Thanks for listening. 

 

 

[dmccombe7]

26 minutes ago, Lfalex v1.1 said:

I've just recently got back into a band. 

And am on the verge of leaving. 

The set-up is the best I've ever been in;

 

Nice enough guys. 

Free rehearsals & gear storage. 

Not far from home.

 

However, I'm struggling with the dynamic.  The drummer and guitarist write together because their availability is better, and by the time I get to hear anything,  the drummer has jammed something into every beat of the song, leaving no space for me at all. He then lectures me on how I should be emphasising this accent or that.  He's using IEMs fed from my preamp DI. I'm running through amp/cab, and we're clearly not hearing the same thing. 

There seems to be no concept of harmony or counter- melody anywhere. 

 

The workload is intense (by my standards) I've learned 9 songs in 3 weeks, and they're piling more up.

 

Festival dates are also being booked,  and it's causing domestic and workplace difficulties,  too.

I can't come to terms with why they're SO committed and driven. We're all between 35 and 50, and aren't ever going to make anything of it, so why work excessively hard.  Sure,  be competent.  Better still  be really good,  but it's supposed to be fun. 

This and a run of really poor health with inadequate support from the NHS is making bass playing a real chore.

 

Playing (period) used to be my happy place, and it feels like that's being spoiled.

 

/rant

Thanks for listening. 

 

 

I'd put my cards on the table with the guys and just explain where you are and what your concerns are and just explain what you've explained here. Give them a chance to remedy the situation rather than just walking away from what appears to be a good viable band option for you.

Don't make it sound like a threat but more of an explanation and say how you feel and if as a band they can't adapt and make a few changes it might be better for you to leave and let them get someone in that's more suited to their way of working. You may find a couple of things happen.

1. they've just been used to other bassists not pulling their weight and they've had to continually push to get songs done and its now habit.

2. they've struggled to get a competent player and will back off a bit to accommodate your concerns

3. they might decide you aren't suited to what they want.

 

No point carrying on with issues that annoy you so much you need to have a wee "rant" on BC.    Just kidding its why we are all here and we all have our wee moments.

 

Hopefully it all works out in a good way and you all agree on the best way forward.

All the very best

Dave

[Lfalex v1.1]

Thanks Dave. That helped a lot.

They seem to want me on board.

When they asked me to put a bass run into a song, I just improvised something, and they were genuinely astounded.

Similarly, we had a very brief jam one night. Neither of the other two had any ideas, but I had some old quasi Sabbath/Zeppelin sounding riff kicking about. So I played that. 

 

Drums- This isn't 4/4! (it's 6/8)

Guitar- What scale is that? (Blues with a sharpened 7th added in)

 

We're just VERY different people and players. 

 

First week, I asked them who their influences were (on their instrument), so I could get a feel for what makes them tick. 

It had never even been mentioned before...

[Lozz196]

1 hour ago, Lfalex v1.1 said:

I've just recently got back into a band. 

And am on the verge of leaving. 

The set-up is the best I've ever been in;

 

Nice enough guys. 

Free rehearsals & gear storage. 

Not far from home.

 

However, I'm struggling with the dynamic.  The drummer and guitarist write together because their availability is better, and by the time I get to hear anything,  the drummer has jammed something into every beat of the song, leaving no space for me at all. He then lectures me on how I should be emphasising this accent or that.  He's using IEMs fed from my preamp DI. I'm running through amp/cab, and we're clearly not hearing the same thing. 

There seems to be no concept of harmony or counter- melody anywhere. 

 

The workload is intense (by my standards) I've learned 9 songs in 3 weeks, and they're piling more up.

 

Festival dates are also being booked,  and it's causing domestic and workplace difficulties,  too.

I can't come to terms with why they're SO committed and driven. We're all between 35 and 50, and aren't ever going to make anything of it, so why work excessively hard.  Sure,  be competent.  Better still  be really good,  but it's supposed to be fun. 

This and a run of really poor health with inadequate support from the NHS is making bass playing a real chore.

 

Playing (period) used to be my happy place, and it feels like that's being spoiled.

 

/rant

Thanks for listening. 

 

 

I left my last band due to the workload, which was getting more intensive as we progressed. I would have loved to have stayed but I would have held them back from their full potential as well as right royally doing myself in health wise.
 

Whilst this band sounds great - drummer interference on bass matters aside - I get the feeling you’ve virtually made your mind up, shame it does sound like a band that’s doing great stuff.

[dmccombe7]

11 minutes ago, Lfalex v1.1 said:

Thanks Dave. That helped a lot.

They seem to want me on board.

When they asked me to put a bass run into a song, I just improvised something, and they were genuinely astounded.

Similarly, we had a very brief jam one night. Neither of the other two had any ideas, but I had some old quasi Sabbath/Zeppelin sounding riff kicking about. So I played that. 

 

Drums- This isn't 4/4! (it's 6/8)

Guitar- What scale is that? (Blues with a sharpened 7th added in)

 

We're just VERY different people and players. 

 

First week, I asked them who their influences were (on their instrument), so I could get a feel for what makes them tick. 

It had never even been mentioned before...

Sounds like a little lack of communication between you all. 

Once you've explained your situation i'm sure it will make things a lot easier. Might be worth a band meeting at someone's house or even a coffee shop to discuss. Somewhere away from the band / rehearsal situation that might cause a distraction from talking about things.

Dave

 

[neepheid]

2 minutes ago, dmccombe7 said:

Sounds like a little lack of communication between you all. 

Once you've explained your situation i'm sure it will make things a lot easier. Might be worth a band meeting at someone's house or even a coffee shop to discuss. Somewhere away from the band / rehearsal situation that might cause a distraction from talking about things.

Dave

 

 

Agreed, but keep it casual - nothing short of a gig gets the nerves jangling than the dreaded "band meeting"...

[MikanHannille]

I stopped playing this year. Apart from the odd dep session, I've tried to start up a band 3 times and each time it folded after a couple of months for various reasons. I don't have the patience and time anymore. It's so much hassle lugging around gear and late nights. Not for me anymore. 

Still have 3  basses for noodling at home. Every now and again I get the urge to message people to jam but I find myself quickly talking myself out of it. 

[Burns-bass]

On 29/12/2023 at 19:44, dmccombe7 said:

Its funny plus a turnaround for me. When i restarted playing in bands it was solely just for fun and never for the money but now that i'm gigging a fair bit i'm finding the extra cash very very handy. So far this year we've re-furnished our main living room 

I'ts also allowed me to buy a fair amount of new gear to satisfy my GAS. 

Its even funnier that with the Glam band i find myself not wanting to play for less than our usual fee even charity gigs i expect the full fee. I'm becoming greedy   i jest of course.  

Dave

 

 

This is the same for me. I’ve justified one mega purchase this year with my gig income. With all the gigs already booked it’ll pay itself off. That’s incredibly satisfying to know a £3,000 piece of gear will be earned through music.