How to ease a band member out?

[tauzero]

4 hours ago, KingBollock said:

Find some musician friends that have nothing to do with your current band.
Get them to form a folk band.

Get them to ask her to join as lead singer, on the condition that she leaves the current band.

Get your current band a new backing singer.

Dissolve folk band (unless it actually works out…).

 

 

 

2 hours ago, NHM said:

change from playing rock covers to become a folk band - job done, no need to upset her.

 

I was going to suggest something not dissimilar to these two - see if anybody from the current band wants to start a parallel folk band and split her off into that. Alternatively, find some songs that fit both her voice and your band.

[TheGreek]

42 minutes ago, Happy Jack said:

You could suggest that she try getting some lessons in how to do rock vocals ... makes it clear that she's not (currently) up to scratch whilst still being positive about it.

 

This. There seem to be lots of positives with her but she lacks in her primary role.

Getting her some singing lessons sends the message that the band believe in her and value her input.

This should also increase her confidence when she needs to step up for lead vocals. 

[SuperSeagull]

2 hours ago, NHM said:

change from playing rock covers to become a folk band - job done, no need to upset her.

Gonna need a new bass player!

 

[SuperSeagull]

Thanks all. Really helpful comments of which the one that stuck me as most important is "be kind" and, whatever the outcome, we will be. It's a covers band, nobody's well being is worth being compromised by that! 

[Beedster]

1 minute ago, SuperSeagull said:

Thanks all. Really helpful comments of which the one that stuck me as most important is "be kind" and, whatever the outcome, we will be. It's a covers band, nobody's well being is worth being compromised by that! 

 

Well said 👍

[diskwave]

Certainly be kind and civil but my experience with female singers is you cant tell them anything. They are about the most fragile musicians on the planet.

Band I was in, she and the very good guitarist were a couple....She looked really good had the moves, attitude etc...but it wasnt until I viewed the playback from a significant outdoor festival the that awful truth was revealed....she would go way out on the high notes but it was no use remonstrating  as... 'HE' would get ridiculously protective. I left.

[Baloney Balderdash]

17 minutes ago, diskwave said:

Certainly be kind and civil but my experience with female singers is you cant tell them anything. They are about the most fragile musicians on the planet.

Band I was in, she and the very good guitarist were a couple....She looked really good had the moves, attitude etc...but it wasnt until I viewed the playback from a significant outdoor festival the that awful truth was revealed....she would go way out on the high notes but it was no use remonstrating  as... 'HE' would get ridiculously protective. I left.

So she became a 'HE'?

 

And because of this single experience with one single female singer you can now conclude that this is how all of them will react, and that this is because they happen to be females?

 

Just what the... 

 

Edited December 30, 2023 by Baloney Balderdash

[Woodinblack]

Me and my wife were in a band, I was actually the longest serving member in a fast turnover band that wasn't going anywhere. My wife came in as the singer, she is pretty good, but her voice isn't the girly type, more rock and stuff. 

There was another guy singer, who thought he was very good, even though he had a range of about 1 octave and never bothered remembering anything. During lockdown we kept practicing. When we got back together it was clear he hadn't but also that something had changed with the singer and drummer as a team. After a few practices that weren't as good as they could have been and a 'recording' session where they somehow forgot to record my wifes vocals (but ok it was through my mixer and I did), I got a phone call saying the band had decided that she wasn't the right singer for the way they wanted to go but did I want to still play bass. Needless, the only reason I was with the band was because it gave us something to do together so I didn't and made it clear what I thought of them.

 

That is the wrong way to do it - ie, she still looks them up to follow how little they are doing - my wife joined as the previous singer walked out, because of the other singer (found out later), and since watching them in their last 2 years, they are now on their 4th female singer, one of whom was absolutely fantastic for the direction they apparently wanted, and the guitarist (who was also excelent) and replacement bass player have gone.

[martin8708]

Very similar situation in my current band , female vocalist from folky background, who’s partner is ( a very good ) rock guitarist.

There are so many genres of Rock Music , but we avoid the Thrash /death metal type stuff , and carefully select songs we all like but are within the vocalist’s capabilities. 
Luckily we are all quite honest about if the song works or is beyond our capabilities, we do drop quite a few if we see it won’t work out .

When it does work , it works very well .

Fortunately ,it’s the guitarist who is the first to say “no -it’s not working ,let’s move on”

Perhaps you can tailor the set list a bit so it’s more in her favour ?

[diskwave]

Confusion? "HE" = her other half.🙄

[Doctor J]

3 hours ago, diskwave said:

Certainly be kind and civil but my experience with female singers is you cant tell them anything. They are about the most fragile musicians on the planet.

Band I was in, she and the very good guitarist were a couple....She looked really good had the moves, attitude etc...but it wasnt until I viewed the playback from a significant outdoor festival the that awful truth was revealed....she would go way out on the high notes but it was no use remonstrating  as... 'HE' would get ridiculously protective. I left.

In this troubling anecdote, it is the dude who has the overreaction, no?

[SuperSeagull]

1 hour ago, martin8708 said:

Very similar situation in my current band , female vocalist from folky background, who’s partner is ( a very good ) rock guitarist.

There are so many genres of Rock Music , but we avoid the Thrash /death metal type stuff , and carefully select songs we all like but are within the vocalist’s capabilities. 
Luckily we are all quite honest about if the song works or is beyond our capabilities, we do drop quite a few if we see it won’t work out .

When it does work , it works very well .

Fortunately ,it’s the guitarist who is the first to say “no -it’s not working ,let’s move on”

Perhaps you can tailor the set list a bit so it’s more in her favour ?

 

Thanks, good feedback. I think we have done a fair bit of tailoring the set inc dropping songs that just aren’t working but….you do need to be able to a) hold a note in tune b) consistently sing in the right key and c) be reliable about when to come in.

[Baloney Balderdash]

46 minutes ago, SuperSeagull said:

 

Thanks, good feedback. I think we have done a fair bit of tailoring the set inc dropping songs that just aren’t working but….you do need to be able to a) hold a note in tune b) consistently sing in the right key and c) be reliable about when to come in.

And folk singers do not need to be able to do this?

 

Based on what?

 

Bob Dylan?

[SuperSeagull]

12 minutes ago, Baloney Balderdash said:

And folk singers do not need to be able to do this?

 

Based on what?

 

Bob Dylan?

I’m sure they do and I assume she can do so when singing folk music, but it’s more challenging for her in front of a five piece rock band. I reckon I’m a very competent rock bass player but think I’d be crap if asked to play in an avant grade jazz ensemble 😀

[martin8708]

1 hour ago, SuperSeagull said:

 

Thanks, good feedback. I think we have done a fair bit of tailoring the set inc dropping songs that just aren’t working but….you do need to be able to a) hold a note in tune b) consistently sing in the right key and c) be reliable about when to come in.

The above mentioned problems apply to music in general , wether you play Rock or any other style .

If she has been with you for some time ( months /years ? ) and there is no perceivable improvement in her vocal skills from all the rehearsals and gigs you’ve done , then it’s time for that uncomfortable chat .

Is she aware she is singing out of key / coming in too late /early ? 

[SteveXFR]

Tell her you've decided as a band that it's time to become a Cannibal Corpse tribute band. Ask her whether she knows the lyrics to "I c*m blood" and "Relentless Beating". If that doesn't work, tell her you've reconsidered and decided a Kid Rock tribute is the future and ask how her racism skills are.

Edited December 30, 2023 by SteveXFR

[3below]

1 hour ago, martin8708 said:

The above mentioned problems apply to music in general , wether you play Rock or any other style .

If she has been with you for some time ( months /years ? ) and there is no perceivable improvement in her vocal skills from all the rehearsals and gigs you’ve done , then it’s time for that uncomfortable chat .

Is she aware she is singing out of key / coming in too late /early ? 

Have you played back recordings and evaluated what is going on? I have found this very revealing with my playing (even poor recordings are helpful) and it has improved my approach on several pieces.   In both of my current bands we have reached the point of hand up and saying "I'll take that one" for blunders or "What do you think sounds best here?".  Depending on where your band culture is, and the personalities, a more gentle lead in to getting self criticism / evaluation may be the order of the day.

[jimmyb625]

How about doing the old tried and tested method of just not telling them about future gigs? Worked for Pink Floyd...

[AndyTravis]

13 hours ago, chris_b said:

You could use the Status Quo method. Break up the band and shortly after reform with one member replaced.

 

Replacing someone doesn't have to be nasty. As others have said, be kind, positive and firm.

I was going to say.

 

fabricate a band row with everyone you want to stay.

 

all quit explosively.

 

Then reform on the QT.

 

nothing to be ashamed of. 
 

🥴

[Baloney Balderdash]

On 31/12/2023 at 01:03, jimmyb625 said:

How about doing the old tried and tested method of just not telling them about future gigs? Worked for Pink Floyd...

 

Yes, and I am sure it did wonders for Syd's declining mental health.

 

And not surprisingly as far as I gathered it was Roger Waters's brilliant idea.

 

And then be sure if they are to record a solo album to get to produce it so you have the chance be sure to show them from their least flattering side, even if the songs actually have great potential, and do an effort to continue to further spread rumors about just how flaky they are.  

 

Then just to be sure no one suspect anything write a "tribute" song to them where you make sure painting a picture of them as a completely lost case fruitcake as well.

 

 

 

 

Edited January 2 by Baloney Balderdash

[bass_dinger]

On 30/12/2023 at 10:59, Beedster said:

 

What would Stephen Stills say......   

Teach your children well....?

 

Or, Love the One you're with?

[Dan Dare]

20 hours ago, 3below said:

Depending on where your band culture is, and the personalities, a more gentle lead in to getting self criticism / evaluation may be the order of the day.

 

To an extent, this is a useful suggestion. However, I don't think anyone deliberately does a poor job. They try their best. All the self-criticism/evaluation in the world won't help if someone is simply not capable of doing any better. Everybody's abilities are finite. It may well be that they are not suited to the style of music (which appears to be the case here), but that doesn't alter the fact that they cannot cut it. If someone's best is not up to snuff, you have two choices. Accept that things will never get any better or replace them. By all means do the deed tactfully and not unkindly, but there's no mileage in shying away from it if they are holding everyone else back.

[fleabag]

Removing a plaster from a wound is 10 x more painful than just ripping it off in one go, rapido.

 

Ask  female lady vox to meet in a cafe.

 

Seagull :  " Hi "

Female lady vox :  " What's up ? "

Seagull :  " Foxtrot Oscar "

Female lady vox : " ?? "

Seagull :  " Bye "

 

Plaster successfully ripped off. 

 

 

[gjones]

 

I've been in bands before where the female singer was not that great. But eventually it was resolved by making sure the songs were played in the right key for her range and that she could hear herself through the monitors. 

 

If the problem is that she just can't sing in tune, or sing the songs in your set because they're not suited to to her voice, then first of all get the drummer on side and break the news that the rest of the band just don't feel she is suitable for the stuff you do.

 

It's never easy.

 

 

[SuperSeagull]

We have a plan. There are some other enforced changes happening in the line up later this year so we think we can wrap everything up as a bit of a whole band reset rather than a problem with one particular individual.