Worst Auditionee

[tauzero]

1 hour ago, Rich said:

Witness the full horror for yourself.

 

 

I'll never unsee those legs.

[paul_5]

On 05/03/2024 at 20:54, thebrig said:

We auditioned a so called experienced guitarist last week who has played for 50+ years.

He turned up and spent a good twenty minutes trying to tune his guitar and he didn't mute it whilst doing so, I always record rehearsals and auditions, and the tone you hear in this clip of him tuning is the tone he used for every song we played regardless of the type of song.

 

He didn't get the gig.

Interesting (and very fluid) use of microtones there - do you play much Indian classical music?

[EliasMooseblaster]

On 06/03/2024 at 18:11, Rich said:

Against my own better judgment, I present 'Wishadelic Demotune', a mix of two of the great audible art installations of the past decade - namely, Psychedelic Tuning and the infamous Wishbass Demo from youtube.

I apologise in advance if this causes distress or genuine harm. It may be an idea to remove small children or animals from the room first. 

 

 

I never thought I'd find myself wishing that the Psychedelic Tuning track could be brought up a bit louder in the mix. But there are moments where it isn't quite covering up that...erm...microtonal fretless line!

Edited March 11 by Rich

[Muzz]

On 05/03/2024 at 17:14, SimonK said:

About ten years ago we were looking for a new drummer. First chap we tried spent over an hour setting up the biggest kit we had ever seen, and then proceeded to drown the rest of us out. Mutual agreement he wasn't the best for the band. Out of desperation we then tried a 14 year old kid who volunteered through a friend. Sort of did it as a favour as he had never been in a band before - turns out Sam was God's gift to drumming. He won the Yamaha U18 drummer of the year competition a year later, we recorded a bunch of Toto songs for his A-levels, and then he left us in his dust when he disappeared off to become a session musician! It was quite humbling to have a tiny part in his development.

Funnily enough, that's very very close to what happened to us after the Mahooosive Kit Drummer Hoohah I mentioned earlier - a few days after the main auditions, we were running through some songs (without a drummer) on a Satdy afternoon, and three kids banged on the shutter doors of the rehearsal room, and one of them said 'My mate's a drummer, can he have a go?' Said kid was about 14 or 15, but by that point we'd try anything, and within 8 bars we knew he was fantastic. He joined and played with us for a while, but then left and had a career touring and recording around the world with the likes of Blaze Bailey, Kill II This, China Beach and all sorts. Sadly, his Wiki page doesn't mention the backstreet lockup... 

[LeftyJ]

5 hours ago, asingardenof said:

Also is he secret Wilfred Brimley?

 

Sonic diabeetus. 

[Dan Dare]

This is the greatest thread ever started on here. Some fabulous and hilarious (and very well written) tales. Great stuff. Thanks chaps.

 

 

[nilorius]

My last band was looking for a keyboard player last year. So we got response - had played for over 40 years, sent some great pics with his home studio (4 different synth, 2 big mixers, 2 huge monitors, 2 big compuer monitors and a lot of different studio stuff). We thought - yeah, this is our guy, he should be good. We sent some covers to him and invited to rehearsal. He came with a good synth. So we set up and said - ok let's play Queen - I want to break free (easy and good to hear keys). He said - can't play live, the only way i can play is to record parts and then push play/stop button at the right time. We said - but did You listened to that song at home, tried to learn something simple ? He answerd - i tried, but i need much more time. So we played through all our cover songs, but he was just sitting and smiling and commenting - what could be done better for each song. We didn't call him anymore. 

[snorkie635]

2 hours ago, nilorius said:

My last band was looking for a keyboard player last year. So we got response - had played for over 40 years, sent some great pics with his home studio (4 different synth, 2 big mixers, 2 huge monitors, 2 big compuer monitors and a lot of different studio stuff). We thought - yeah, this is our guy, he should be good. We sent some covers to him and invited to rehearsal. He came with a good synth. So we set up and said - ok let's play Queen - I want to break free (easy and good to hear keys). He said - can't play live, the only way i can play is to record parts and then push play/stop button at the right time. We said - but did You listened to that song at home, tried to learn something simple ? He answerd - i tried, but i need much more time. So we played through all our cover songs, but he was just sitting and smiling and commenting - what could be done better for each song. We didn't call him anymore. 

Never mind Nilo. At least I turned up. 👍

[Wolverinebass]

On 05/03/2024 at 20:54, thebrig said:

We auditioned a so called experienced guitarist last week who has played for 50+ years.

He turned up and spent a good twenty minutes trying to tune his guitar and he didn't mute it whilst doing so, I always record rehearsals and auditions, and the tone you hear in this clip of him tuning is the tone he used for every song we played regardless of the type of song.

 

He didn't get the gig.

Psychedelic Tuning.mov

That could be one of the funniest things I've heard in years. Just when you think it can't get any more insane, it does.

 

I'd be really tempted to use that as a sample in a song. 

[Cosmo Valdemar]

On 07/03/2024 at 11:17, Rich said:

Witness the full horror for yourself.

 

This is what the internet was invented for. There were a few years when it disappeared mysteriously from Youtube, dark days indeed.

[Bluewine]

On 29/02/2024 at 16:10, TimR said:

We were looking for a singer for our function band.

 

The guy turned up on time, looked great, sang even better. Knew the songs.

 

The plan was to give him half an hour and then discuss after he'd left.

 

While he was packing down to leave he started telling us all about the numerous fights he'd been in at gigs. 

 

Rule of thumb. Only audition if you completely own the audition material. If you don't cancel your audition .

 

Be polite to everyone nail the material, keep your mouth shut, pack up and go home.

 

Daryl

[martthebass]

6 hours ago, Bluewine said:

 

Rule of thumb. Only audition if you completely own the audition material. If you don't cancel your audition .

 

Be polite to everyone nail the material, keep your mouth shut, pack up and go home.

 

Daryl

I'm usually ok with 3 out of 4 of those Blue....

[asingardenof]

6 hours ago, Bluewine said:

 

Rule of thumb. Only audition if you completely own the audition material. If you don't cancel your audition .

 

Be polite to everyone nail the material, keep your mouth shut, pack up and go home.

 

Daryl

Or if you don't nail all the audition material then at least demonstrate that you're nearly there and are prepared to put in the effort. When I auditioned for my current band they just sent me a set list of 21 songs but didn't ask me to prepare any of them in particular, so I worked my arse off and made sure I was there or thereabouts with virtually all of them. Apparently it worked because I'm nearly 2 years in now.

[martthebass]

3 minutes ago, asingardenof said:

Or if you don't nail all the audition material then at least demonstrate that you're nearly there and are prepared to put in the effort. When I auditioned for my current band they just sent me a set list of 21 songs but didn't ask me to prepare any of them in particular, so I worked my arse off and made sure I was there or thereabouts with virtually all of them. Apparently it worked because I'm nearly 2 years in now.

I think that's the key mate - show willing.  I had sort of audition for a dep job last year, rock and roll so not really my genre.  I got a list of 35 songs, most in non-original keys.  I worked my ass off to nail them which wasn't easy as many of the lines swam into one in my brain.  Was only foxed by one song which was an odd timing/shuffle/feel type thing but it worked out ok on a second run through.  Got the job but sadly the run of 4 gigs got cancelled.  Still, it's all practice init.

[markbunney]

I have an audition tonight. They sent me the setlist, and said to learn three specific ones off it for the audition. I have learnt those, and am pretty comfortable with them, but Ive had a good go at learning another 17 of them just in case! 

[Rich]

12 minutes ago, markbunney said:

I have an audition tonight. 

 

Good luck!  let us know how you get on

[asingardenof]

15 minutes ago, markbunney said:

I have an audition tonight. They sent me the setlist, and said to learn three specific ones off it for the audition. I have learnt those, and am pretty comfortable with them, but Ive had a good go at learning another 17 of them just in case! 

Break a leg!

[TimR]

The key is to have a good conversation first about what they're expecting. 

 

No point (other than personal interest) in learning 17 songs that you'll never play again if the audition turns out to be a bunch of dreamers. Especially if you have multiple auditions lined up. 

[Cosmo Valdemar]

7 hours ago, Bluewine said:

 

 

Be polite to everyone nail the material, keep your mouth shut, pack up and go home.

 

Daryl

That's a handy approach if you want to come across as completely asocial.

[nilorius]

34 minutes ago, markbunney said:

I have an audition tonight. They sent me the setlist, and said to learn three specific ones off it for the audition. I have learnt those, and am pretty comfortable with them, but Ive had a good go at learning another 17 of them just in case! 

Best regards!

[markbunney]

Thanks for all the good wishes, I shall report back afterwards.

 

Re: learning 17 extra songs, some I had already played before, some were quite straight forward and some I just fancied having a go at so it’s not been too bad.

 

I’ve had auditions before that have not gone well before because I didn’t know anything past the handful of songs I’d been asked to learn.

 

I’m taking inspiration from Jason Newstead learning all of Metallicas back catalogue before his audition! 🤘

[Franticsmurf]

1 hour ago, markbunney said:

I have an audition tonight. They sent me the setlist, and said to learn three specific ones off it for the audition. I have learnt those, and am pretty comfortable with them, but Ive had a good go at learning another 17 of them just in case! 

I did that for an audition a couple of years ago - I think I had five specific and the full setlist as an indicator of what the band did. Like you, I knew quite a few and I made sure I could busk through all of them (having nailed the specific 5 of course). Flew through the 5, then the second bassist due to audition didn't turn up and they had an hour left on the studio booking, so we played the rest of the set. I got the gig but even if I hadn't, being familiar with the other songs made it a fun evening rather than a quick in-and-out for all.

 

Good luck with your audition.

[Lozz196]

1 hour ago, markbunney said:

I have an audition tonight. They sent me the setlist, and said to learn three specific ones off it for the audition. I have learnt those, and am pretty comfortable with them, but Ive had a good go at learning another 17 of them just in case! 

Good luck Mark, given I`ve done similar for auditions I think that`s the way to go.

[Dan Dare]

10 hours ago, Bluewine said:

 

Rule of thumb. Only audition if you completely own the audition material. If you don't cancel your audition .

 

Be polite to everyone nail the material, keep your mouth shut, pack up and go home.

 

Daryl

 

Blue, stop being sensible. If everyone followed your lead, there wouldn't be any great stories like the above to amuse us.

[Dan Dare]

I have a couple of stories. They're not as good as those above, but here goes.

 

Back in the 80s, some pals and I started a western swing/honkytonk band in London. Two of the band members were an established guitar and fiddle duo who knew the material, so we were off to a good start. We put together a couple of sets, sent out demos and got some gigs. All was going swimmingly until said duo got offered several months of lucrative work in Europe and announced their departure.

 

We debated what to do. I played fiddle (it was originally my main instrument), but was playing bass in the band. Should I swap to the fiddle and look for a bass player? In the end, we decided that it was better that we had a rhythm section that knew the stuff and that we should add solo instruments (we had a competent rhythm guitar player, who also sang). We had gigs in the book and figured that a solo instrumentalist who doesn't know a number could sit out and not leave a hole, whereas a member of the rhythm section dropping clangers would not be good.

 

We put out some wanted ad's and booked a rehearsal room for auditions. We looked for guitar players first. We did have a few interesting characters show up, saying things like "country music and swing? Yeah, no problem. Only three chords, innit?". One bloke was amusing. He produced a beautiful vintage Gretsch when he set up (to approving nods from the band. He must know his stuff if he has the right instrument, eh?). We kicked off a number and he thrashed the unfortunate guitar, pogoing around and gurning. We nodded at him to take a solo, whereupon he turned the volume up and thrashed away at the same chords, jumping about on one leg and smiling broadly at us as if to say "Great, aren't I?". We politely asked him to leave his number in the waste paper basket on the way out.

 

All was not lost, though, because two guys showed up together next. They were long-time pals and playing partners, both had Telecasters (one with a B bender) and knew what they were doing, so problem number one solved.

 

Rather than hire a room to audition fiddle players, I suggested that I should invite people to my house to check them out (I would play guitar to accompany them) to weed out the no-hopers/weirdos. We agreed and I placed the ad'. One guy rang the doorbell, I answered it and he fixed me with a gimlet stare and asked me, in a heavy Germanic/Scandinavian accent, whether Zis was the place for ze audition. I replied in the affirmative, led him to the lounge and offered him a cuppa, which he declined. Attempting to make small talk and break the ice, I asked if he had come far. "Vot do you mean?", came the reply. "Er, I wondered if you lived far away", I replied. "No. I do not".  His manner was rather intense.

 

Right. Okay. Let's get down to it. "Vot does the band play?", he asked. Thinking "didn't you read the ad'?" to myself, I replied "Western swing and honkytonk. That sort of thing". Another gimlet stare. "Vot is honkytonk?" I rattled off the names of some of the better known players and singers and he looked blank.

 

I picked up my guitar and asked what he would like to start with. "I shall play you a piece that I wrote", he intoned with a fierce glare. "Do not play ze guitar, please". Um, OK. Go for it. He launched into a frenzied rendition of, er, something, sawing away furiously. It sounded vaguely like an American old time fiddle tune, The Devil's Dream, but was in some sort of free time. He finally stopped with a flourish and I said "Ah, the Devil's Dream". His eyes bored into me. "No. I wrote this tune". Have it your own way, sunshine.

 

At this point, I was ready to throw him out, but felt I should give him one more chance. I suggested I should sing one of the songs from the band's set and he could play along. He agreed and I launched into a straightforward Hank Williams number (can't remember which. It was almost 40 years ago). Before I had got to the end of the first line, he was carving away, out of tune, out of time. He played random inappropriate nonsense over the entire thing, to the extent that it was a struggle for me to get through it.

 

I put down the guitar, thanked him for coming and said I'd be in touch. "So I am in ze band?", he enquired.

 

OK, you want honesty. "I'm afraid not", I told him.

 

"Why not?".

 

"You just aren't familiar with the idiom", I replied.

 

He glared at me and said "I am not satisfied with your explanation".

 

I'd had enough. I took out my fiddle and gave him a few bars of western swing legend Johnny Gimble's party trick, which was to play swing fiddle and scat sing a harmony line (a great device. I'd worked for hours to be able to do it). "Because you can't do that", I said. With a face like thunder, he put his fiddle away and left without a word. Just as well. Saved me from having to clean his blood from my carpet.